Do you wish you were younger?

[hlmr]

Oh, Junebug, that is so hard. My husband and I had to take care of his Aunt who has dementia, but it was not live in, and it was for a few years only. I totally feel for you, and hope that you can get some help for her, and extra support for you.

Thank you for your kindness and for your understanding hlmr! Your words were very comforting. I'm working on the bolded!

I wish I could offer you more, but I am glad you are working towards making it a bit easier for you both. Like everything in life, it is difficult to understand how debilitating it can be to take care of someone who is suffering with this, until you are there actually doing it. (((((Hang in there!)))))

 

[Smith1942]

I feel I should add that my response is colored by the fact that I'm part-time caregiver to my semi-mobile 88 year old mother with moderate dementia who is aware enough to know that she's miserable, so I am faced with a reminder of what's down the road 4 days a week. It's not pretty. And it's depressing. I'm going to look into anti-depressants for her - and if they don't work for her, I'm going to take them! Maybe I should take them anyway...

So sorry to hear of your troubles, Junebug. Dementia is awful. You will certainly need lots of support if you are coping with that.

Your comment about it being down the road for you - awww, poor Junebug, don't worry it's not inevitable for you, far from it. My FIL died of Pick's Disease - rare form of dementia/Alzheimer's - at 69 many years ago and none of his relatives or descendants have/had it. Genetic factors are only a small percentage. My friend who is an Alzheimer's researcher says that they are now finding lifestyle factors to be a big part of it and that it's important to keep your brain active, like doing Sudoku or learning a new language. My grandma was writing letters to the Times and reading biographies of people like Gandhi till the end of her life - she had a determination to exercise her brain, and I think it paid off for her. It isn't inevitable for you, although to some extent I understand how you feel. My mother has terminal breast cancer as did her mother before her, and I have a stable of other risk factors too. But I remind myself that is isn't inevitable, that my lifestyle is not my mother's lifestyle, and that I'm half my dad, too.

 

[junebug17]

^thank you for your supportive and encouraging post Smith! I really appreciate it - and you are right, I won't necessarily be like my mother when I reach her age. And worrying about it certainly won't do me any good anyway! I only hope that if I live to be as old as my mother, I will at least be able to enjoy life a little more than she seems to be able to right now.

 

[iLander]

YES! Can you do? Can you make me younger, Kenny?

I would like to be 38 again.

I think those that voted no are younger people now. When they get to be my age, they'll totally be voting yes!

 

[momhappy]

Physically? Yes. Emotionally/mentally? No.
Not to toot my own horn, but I'm comfortable saying that I consider myself a fairly attractive person. Despite my age and the fact that I've had kids, my body is in great shape because I work to keep it that way. However, gravity, sun damage, environmental toxins, etc. still take their toll over the years and those are the things that are difficult to fight. It's tough to grow old and I don't like it. It's sad to say that I rely on my looks (at least to some extent) and I have no idea what I will do when my looks are gone....

 

[Enerchi]

I wish I knew then what I know now, that's for sure! Education, job opportunities, financial opportunities (I'd have bought stock in that fruit company, that's for sure... what is it ? orange? Banana...? no... APPLE!! )

I'd like my younger body back (early 20's or mid 30's would be the perfect body to return to, please and thank you... not this messy jiggly lump of flesh I'm being held captive in right now...); I'd want better skin and hair and nails, like when I was younger and I'd love to have the energy and enthusiasm I had then - nothing was too challenging to try or take on.

I would NOT want to miss out on the bad things in my life, oddly enough, because they were the things, especially 4 & 1/2 years ago, that helped turn my life around and make me a far FAR better person now than I was then. That experience, although HELLISH TO THE MAX, is something I would not want to have missed out on and I don't think I would have learned from it, if it had happened in my younger years.

I do wish I could go back in time for a day (but I know I'd want to relive it all completely from beginning to end, so a day wouldn't really be enough for me) and spend time sitting w my grand mother who I still miss soooo much (19 years after her death... ) and I would have my three sweet precious children around me and love them so much - their loving faces, their happy voices, their sweet hugs and kisses... oh my! I'm crying as I type this, I miss that part so much ....

I still feel there are goals to be reached, adventures to have, people and places to meet and see and enjoy. I'm more than half way thru my life, if we are living to an average age of 84 for women, so that comes with mixed feelings. But overall, I am healthy and in a perfect place in my life. Ya - ups and downs and frustrations that are out of my control, but overall, I'd stay *ME* -----but I sure wish I looked as kick a$$ amazing as I did when I was younger!!

 

[kenny]

YES! Can you do? Can you make me younger, Kenny?
I would like to be 38 again.

Why, Yes!
Just mail a check for 38-million dollars to Kenny c/o Pricescope.
Money back guarantee if you can find me.

As seen on TV.

 

[JaneSmith]

...and I would have my three sweet precious children around me and love them so much - their loving faces, their happy voices, their sweet hugs and kisses... oh my! I'm crying as I type this, I miss that part so much ....

I have that part right now, and I every time I get declarations of love with big squeezy hugs and kisses I try my best to sear the memory in for when it all turns into eye rolls and whatevers.
Hugs to you mama.

 

[iLander]

YES! Can you do? Can you make me younger, Kenny?
I would like to be 38 again.

Why, Yes!
Just mail a check for 38-million dollars to Kenny c/o Pricescope.
Money back guarantee if you can find me.

As seen on TV.

Dear Kenny,
I have mailed the check! It is on it's way!
Since I already mailed it, can you please go ahead and do your magic, now?

 

[House Cat]

YES! Can you do? Can you make me younger, Kenny?

I would like to be 38 again.

I think those that voted no are younger people now. When they get to be my age, they'll totally be voting yes!

Is there something special about 38? This is my age and I find myself looking back on my youth, feeling old today. I also hear a teeny tiny voice telling me that I should appreciate this age because I am going to long for it someday.


I was once told that youth is wasted on the young.


I will be 39 in one week. I was always told (by the Oprah followers) that a woman "finds peace" at 40. I have been hoping for my 40's for the last 20 years. Now that they are fast approaching, I want my 20's back! Just give them to me without all of tumultuous, heart breaking drama! Ok, maybe I just want my 20 year old body back!

 

[jaysonsmom]

I answered no, because I love where I'm at right now. Not to gloat, but at the ripe age of 40 and 2 kids later, most think that I'm in my late 20's early 30's, and wonder how I got to this point in my career at my perceived young age. Last week a co-worker was shocked to find out that I was married, and I have a kid entering middle school!

The only reason I'd want to roll back time is that my parents would be younger as well, and I wouldn't have to worry about the inevitable health issues etc that come with age.

 

[GliderPoss]

I'm not yet 30 so no I dont wish I was any younger - I just wish I LOOKED younger. Apparently I must have one of those "old" faces Everyone seems to assume I'm mid 30's with kids... I'm skinny and 28. Go figure...

 

[Dancing Fire]

I answered no, because I love where I'm at right now. Not to gloat, but at the ripe age of 40 and 2 kids later, most think that I'm in my late 20's early 30's, and wonder how I got to this point in my career at my perceived young age. Last week a co-worker was shocked to find out that I was married, and I have a kid entering middle school!

The only reason I'd want to roll back time is that my parents would be younger as well, and I wouldn't have to worry about the inevitable health issues etc that come with age.

Please do!!...

 

[aljdewey]

I do not wish I was younger, but I do wish that the middle aged portion of life (where you are emotionally and financially settled, but active and healthy enough to enjoy it) could be extended by at least double.

 

[Kaleigh]

I do not wish I was younger, but I do wish that the middle aged portion of life (where you are emotionally and financially settled, but active and healthy enough to enjoy it) could be extended by at least double.

This so plus+

My situtation a bit different going through a separation and eventual divorce... BUT learned early on to live in the moment and my moment right now... Priceless..

 

[packrat]

YES! Can you do? Can you make me younger, Kenny?

I would like to be 38 again.

I think those that voted no are younger people now. When they get to be my age, they'll totally be voting yes!

Is there something special about 38? This is my age and I find myself looking back on my youth, feeling old today. I also hear a teeny tiny voice telling me that I should appreciate this age because I am going to long for it someday.


I was once told that youth is wasted on the young.


I will be 39 in one week. I was always told (by the Oprah followers) that a woman "finds peace" at 40. I have been hoping for my 40's for the last 20 years. Now that they are fast approaching, I want my 20's back! Just give them to me without all of tumultuous, heart breaking drama! Ok, maybe I just want my 20 year old body back!

I'm going to be 39 the end of October and can't quite grasp it. I remember when my MOM was this age. (and she was sooo not happy a couple years ago when we had a surprise bday party for her when she turned 60 and I found it so hilarious that I'm the age she was when gramma turned 60. "Think how *I* feel-I've got a *daughter* the age I was when your gramma turned my age now")

 

[Dreamer_D]

I would like my younger body back so I could appreciate it more and care for it more. I did not appreciate it enough when I was 18 - 22.

Otherwise I am ok with my age. I don't feel 35. Whatever that means. I guess I feel younger than my chronological age in all ways except appearance.

But we are almost through the hardest part of our lives with very young kids and financially tighter times. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of lifestyle -- student debts gone, higher incomes, more enjoyment in parenting as kids are more independent but still very loving, more travel and dates -- and so I would not want to be younger if it meant going through the last four years all over again! Although babies are mightly cute...

My job does take the sting out of my age a little. I am a university professor, and when most people picture the type of person in that job they imagine a 55 year old man. So people are always mistaking me for a student on campus, and they always looked shocked and do a double take when I tell them my profession. That feels prettty good It will be a sad time when that stops!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Thanks Smith, I feel a lot better now!

I know the statistics but boy, is there societal pressure or what!! At one point, my mother and I stopped speaking to each other over this (we are good now that she has backed off). It's been worse since my SIL popped a baby out 9 months after marriage to an almost complete stranger. It wasn't planned either, so as far as I'm concerned they didn't so much succeed in conceiving as failed in birth control.

My grandmother had babies at 45. My aunt gave birth to her first baby at 40. I don't understand why people are on my case so much! I turned 33 two months ago, I'm hardly a barren old hag!

Anyway, it goes in one ear and out the other. I just had a Mirena coil fitted. So there.

tyty, you're my hero

Rosetta, here is an article written by a highly respected social psychologist about the myths and misinformation about women, age, and fertility. I plan to include this article in my close relationships classes in future, as I know many young women base career decisions on the incorrect idea that they will be infertile if they wait until 35+ to have kids: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/

The actual statistics are even more positive than the quote that Smith included, above. The author of the article I linked, Jean Twenge, cites sources for her reported statistics if you are interested in finding them. I was quite shocked and amazed, for example, that most cited "facts" about declining fertility are based on a) data collected in the 1800s and b) data from women undergoing in vitro. As a scientist, I am sure you can see the problem with generalizing based on those two populations.

 

[missy]

I do not wish I was younger, but I do wish that the middle aged portion of life (where you are emotionally and financially settled, but active and healthy enough to enjoy it) could be extended by at least double.

This so plus+

My situtation a bit different going through a separation and eventual divorce... BUT learned early on to live in the moment and my moment right now... Priceless..

Love this...I wish this too. Middle age can be the best time of your life as Alj posted.
Kaleigh, (((hugs))) to you and wise advice to live in the moment because this moment is all you have and no one can predict the future. Life is so random.

 

[rosetta]

Thanks Smith, I feel a lot better now!

I know the statistics but boy, is there societal pressure or what!! At one point, my mother and I stopped speaking to each other over this (we are good now that she has backed off). It's been worse since my SIL popped a baby out 9 months after marriage to an almost complete stranger. It wasn't planned either, so as far as I'm concerned they didn't so much succeed in conceiving as failed in birth control.

My grandmother had babies at 45. My aunt gave birth to her first baby at 40. I don't understand why people are on my case so much! I turned 33 two months ago, I'm hardly a barren old hag!

Anyway, it goes in one ear and out the other. I just had a Mirena coil fitted. So there.

tyty, you're my hero

Hi Rosetta,

I had my first at 38 and I am in my early to mid 40s and thinking about one more. My view was always if it happens it happens if not then I am O.K with that as well. My husband is over 50. We are "old age" parents. Seen as selfish because we travelled the world a number of times and did many many things before kids. No regrets about that part of it. None at all. These days we have more time and patience to give to our kids.

Ignore the media, the family the friends who criticise - it's none of their business. Do what feels right for you!!!

Thanks arkieb, you're so right that being older gives you the time and wisdom for your kids. As a 20 year old, I just wouldn't have been able to handle it I think. Very pleased to hear that it's worked out for you!

 

[rosetta]

Thanks Smith, I feel a lot better now!

I know the statistics but boy, is there societal pressure or what!! At one point, my mother and I stopped speaking to each other over this (we are good now that she has backed off). It's been worse since my SIL popped a baby out 9 months after marriage to an almost complete stranger. It wasn't planned either, so as far as I'm concerned they didn't so much succeed in conceiving as failed in birth control.

My grandmother had babies at 45. My aunt gave birth to her first baby at 40. I don't understand why people are on my case so much! I turned 33 two months ago, I'm hardly a barren old hag!

Anyway, it goes in one ear and out the other. I just had a Mirena coil fitted. So there.

tyty, you're my hero

Rosetta, here is an article written by a highly respected social psychologist about the myths and misinformation about women, age, and fertility. I plan to include this article in my close relationships classes in future, as I know many young women base career decisions on the incorrect idea that they will be infertile if they wait until 35+ to have kids: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/

The actual statistics are even more positive than the quote that Smith included, above. The author of the article I linked, Jean Twenge, cites sources for her reported statistics if you are interested in finding them. I was quite shocked and amazed, for example, that most cited "facts" about declining fertility are based on a) data collected in the 1800s and b) data from women undergoing in vitro. As a scientist, I am sure you can see the problem with generalizing based on those two populations.

Dreamer, thank you so much for this article. Reproductive medicine is not my field, so I haven't really looked into any of the studies. My stance has always been that if I can't bear children, then I will happily go without or adopt so I haven't bothered to look into the statistical probabilities for my age. My husband (who is 36) is way more desperate to have his own biological kids and so gets very worried about infertility (though bizarrely he doesn't want to go down the IVF route I we need to!), and this article is being emailed to him ASAP. Man's just gonna have to wait!

 

[Amber St. Clare]

No. Not with the upbringing I had...........

But I wish I had realized, at the time, that I was pretty. I had no self-confidence.


Arthritis is kicking my a$$ right now, but other than that I'm surprisingly happy.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I answered no, because I love where I'm at right now. Not to gloat, but at the ripe age of 40 and 2 kids later, most think that I'm in my late 20's early 30's, and wonder how I got to this point in my career at my perceived young age. Last week a co-worker was shocked to find out that I was married, and I have a kid entering middle school!

The only reason I'd want to roll back time is that my parents would be younger as well, and I wouldn't have to worry about the inevitable health issues etc that come with age.

Please do!!...

New Avatar just for you DF

 

[Dancing Fire]

I answered no, because I love where I'm at right now. Not to gloat, but at the ripe age of 40 and 2 kids later, most think that I'm in my late 20's early 30's, and wonder how I got to this point in my career at my perceived young age. Last week a co-worker was shocked to find out that I was married, and I have a kid entering middle school!

The only reason I'd want to roll back time is that my parents would be younger as well, and I wouldn't have to worry about the inevitable health issues etc that come with age.

Please do!!...

New Avatar just for you DF

Will you marry me??...

 

[jaysonsmom]

I answered no, because I love where I'm at right now. Not to gloat, but at the ripe age of 40 and 2 kids later, most think that I'm in my late 20's early 30's, and wonder how I got to this point in my career at my perceived young age. Last week a co-worker was shocked to find out that I was married, and I have a kid entering middle school!

The only reason I'd want to roll back time is that my parents would be younger as well, and I wouldn't have to worry about the inevitable health issues etc that come with age.

Please do!!...

New Avatar just for you DF

Will you marry me??...

I may look too young for you, more like your daughter hahahaha...j/k
Plus, your other PS wives will get jealous.

 

[isaku5]

I do not wish I was younger, but I do wish that the middle aged portion of life (where you are emotionally and financially settled, but active and healthy enough to enjoy it) could be extended by at least double.

This so plus+

My situtation a bit different going through a separation and eventual divorce... BUT learned early on to live in the moment and my moment right now... Priceless..

My situation is looking a lot like yours, Kaleigh After 50 years of marriage, my husband's personality has changed so much- bipolar likely. More tests inevitable.