Do you think you've ever met a sociopath or a psychopath?

[Jambalaya]

Asking because I just watched this video that popped up on YouTube for me. I was once close to someone whom I'm convinced was one or the other.

A few years ago, I read a fascinating book entitled The Sociopath Next Door. https://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Ne...swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1660497322&sr=8-1

I'm not asking whether you've ever met or known someone who committed serious crimes, as most people with these disorders don't commit murder or other types of attacks.

Perhaps my question would be better worded as: "Do you suspect you've ever known a non-criminal sociopath?"

The person I knew was basically horrible. He had zero empathy for others, absolutely zero, never formed an attachment to anyone, had had multiple marriages, and cheated on absolutely everyone he'd ever been with. He was also a police detective who, looking back, told me exactly who he was on our first date. He said that a criminal and a good detective are two sides of the same coin.

The part in the video about the staring was interesting. I didn't notice the staring with the person I'm referring to, but I have certainly met one or two people who stared and didn't blink, and I would never have spent time with them or tried to get to know them. It was immediately obvious that something was off.

Your experiences?

 

[diamondringlover]

My cousin has a grown son who used to stare like that, I wasnt around him too much but I do remember a couple of incidents when my oldest son was little I want to say around 5 or so and the cousins son was I think 7 or 8 and they were in the back seat of a car and hubby and my cousin was going somewhere and my hubby looked back there and the kid had his hands around my son's throat and my son was terrified, hubby yelled at him and he let go and his dad said they were just playing around...oookeeee.....another time he was grown want to say 21 or 22 we were all at my mom's pool and he was there and he kept just staring at mine (my younger son) and my sisters son's , got a real creepy vibe off him, kept a close eye on the kids for sure. Welp fast forward 10 years the creep ended up in jail for trying to molest a 8 year girl in a bathroom and then he got out of prison and a year later he tried to kidnap a young woman by impersonating a police officer....yeah something is seriously wrong with him.....

 

[Jambalaya]

@diamondringlover There are no words!

 

[rainydaze]

Yes and yes. Two were children. One of those I think will become a criminal - he will harm others for pleasure.

A third was an adult, a friend. I was conflicted for a long time over having ended the friendship... this video actually helped bring some things into focus. She did the thing of figuring out what was important to me and acting as though the same things were important to her. It weirded me out because I knew her too well to know something was off there. I finally figured out that she was reflecting people back as a means of gaining favor with them (others, not just me). Makes sense now to know that she was doing this to further her goals of getting people 'on her side' so she could manipulate them to do things for her (which she did). Which brings me to.... she put everyone around her to work for her, to make her life easier, without regard for their wants/needs/opinions. And yup... the stare. Key trait of hers that was often mentioned... as in, "oh you mean that woman with the weird stare?"

For some reason she got past my radar and it took a while to realize something wasn't right.

Very interesting.

 

[Sparkledrops]

Do you think this is a type of mental illness, or perhaps a demon possession? I feel weird just typing that question.

 

[OreoRosies86]

I worked with a man I believe was one of those or both. He had dead “shark eyes” I called them. He could be having a conversation with you and smiling but there was nothing there. He also seemed genuinely baffled by normal things like people having feelings, or putting up a picture of their kids/pets at their desk. Then some years later after I had moved on I found out from a former coworker that he went to jail for shaking his infant daughter to death. Awful.

 

[pearlsngems]

I used to work with a sociopathic liar. She was good at making people feel that she cared about them but it was just a performance. She had a lot of highly educated people fooled, but I had evidence of her damaging lies, and a few of my other coworkers were also aware of them. I even showed the evidence to my supervisor, but he and the other owners of the business did nothing because it was convenient for them to have someone with her particular skill set.

Not long after I left for a new job, I heard that she had been escorted out by security. I never did find out what she did that finally opened their eyes. Must have been a doozy!

 

[Cerulean]

Not personally

My friend and I were walking home from school through my alley and got cornered by a very strange man. I knew instantly he was off. We were both 12. He pulled up so close in his car we couldn’t get away. He kept saying all of these really terrible things. He didn’t realize that he’d pinned us up against my own house.

After maybe 5, 10 (?) minutes, I carefully grasped my keys in my pocket so he didn’t notice, and built up the courage to grab my friend’s hand, unlock the gate as fast as I could and we ran into my house (no one was home, either)

We called the cops, and it was strange…2 detectives came. Not normal cops. We described him and his car…

We found out later that he was believed to be serial killer who targeted someone else in the area. I never learned anything else

We were L-U-C-K-Y

 

[stracci2000]

This is really scary!
I don't think I've ever known anyone like this.

However I have known three compulsive liars, one of whom I still run into occasionally.
I couldn't stand her when I worked with her, and can't stomach her now!
Absolutely nothing she said was the truth. I caught her in many lies, but then she lied to cover up the other lies. Absolutely no eye contact, ever.
Something is really wrong with that girl, and I never could figure it out.

I know a close talker, too! I don't relish running into this lady, either. She shares weird personal stuff, and won't stop talking.
Then she gets closer.....and closer.......

 

[RetroQT]

My husband’s ex-wife had to do personality testing (as did my husband) when they were going back to court for custody issues. She scored high for sociopath on her testing (among other things). She made the first seven years of marriage hell for us. She clearly had some major personality and/or mental illness issues. We weren’t the only ones that saw it. Every teacher that dealt with her saw it. Every administrator at the schools saw it. Behaviorists saw it. We even found out later that her lawyer saw it.

Thankfully, we have not had to have any contact with her in over 5 years.

 

[MamaBee]

When my children were very young..a bunch of moms would hang out together with the kids. It gave the kids playmates but it was great support for each other. We were invited to one of the mom’s house. She had a really large back yard with a fence. Kids were coming in and out of the house through sliders. There was a large picture window in the living room. Picture all the children running and playing in the backyard..There was this one little boy standing in the middle of the yard oblivious to the other kids. He was standing really still with an ax in his hand staring into the window at the grownups looking out into the yard. I got so upset because he was SCARY. His eyes looked dead..no expression. The mother laughed and said he’s fine. He likes to chop one of the trees with the ax..It’s fine. I ran out..grabbed my kids and went home. I refused to go anywhere if that kid was there. I was glad when we moved out of state. I sometimes wonder what happened to him.

 

[kenny]

I'm not a medical professional qualified to diagnose these conditions.
My thoughts are irrelevant because only a qualified expert can make the call.
Therefore I have no idea whether I've met one.

Have I met people whom I consider to be extremely F-ed up?
Sure.

 

[Matata]

Child of an acquaintance was diagnosed with sociopathy when he tried to kill his parents when he was 5. His condition was so dire he was institutionalized at 5 yrs old for life. One of the most tragic things I've seen.

 

[LilAlex]

There are scary people and then there are the charming sociopaths. Vis-a-vis the latter, there are plenty of people who have mastered the art of manipulation from early childhood, who can put you at complete ease, and who use you for access or connections. They are amoral and think only about personal gain. To them, all other people are simply a means to an end. These are the more dangerous sociopaths, imo, because the unsuspecting allow them into their lives and homes. Many of them are routinely quoted or given a platform on certain media outlets.

 

[MeowMeow]

A diagnosed person? No, but I have a family member that I believe might be, even if their treatment providers refuse to believe it. But they burned enough bridges with me even after warning them it was happening that I basically cut them out of my life. They are not my kid and I have no room in my life for people who try and manipulate me and treat me badly.

 

[monarch64]

Statistically, yes, for sure. Also, I’ve run into one on this very website, years ago.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

This is really scary!
I don't think I've ever known anyone like this.

However I have known three compulsive liars, one of whom I still run into occasionally.
I couldn't stand her when I worked with her, and can't stomach her now!
Absolutely nothing she said was the truth. I caught her in many lies, but then she lied to cover up the other lies. Absolutely no eye contact, ever.
Something is really wrong with that girl, and I never could figure it out.

I know a close talker, too! I don't relish running into this lady, either. She shares weird personal stuff, and won't stop talking.
Then she gets closer.....and closer.......

Omg the liar!!!! I've met one of those! It was absolutely baffling.

He was one of the tradespeople who was renovating our kitchen. Everyone else was fine and really nice. So was he to a certain extent but the bizzare stories that he told.

In the time that he was there he told us:
His house had burnt down
His child has cancer
Another child had an accident
He crashed his car
He had another job where the roof had blown off so he can't get to ours. He was dragged back by the project manager.
Other random stuff that made no sense.

We had lots of drinks and snacks for the tradies. Everyone was super polite and only took what they needed. He was carrying off ten cans and basically all the snacks everyday. We didn't question it because this was the first and only time we'd seen someone behave like that but it was super super weird.

 

[Jambalaya]

Good God, if I'd known his thread would generate so many scary stories, I'd have saved it for Halloween!!

 

[tyty333]

I believe I have met someone who was a sociopath or at the least had the tendency towards sociopathic behavior. He gaslit his
wife so bad that she flew home to her parents without his knowledge that she was leaving. Her parents then took her to a
psychiatrist and she was tested for being delusional. The results came back as negative. He was making her feel like she was
crazy. It didn't take long before she was back on her feet mentally. He begged her to come back but he no longer had that
pull on her and she refused.

I could never understand how someone could treat someone they loved in that manner but I guess they don't know how to love.

 

[kgizo]

Believe I have, non criminal and non violent. It was strange. The first clue was the lies. Little lies, big lies, lies that can easily be caught, lies that didn’t benefit them in any way - told them all. And the mirroring of others. They would often separate someone from the group and start the mirroring one-one-one. It became more apparent when they had a child because when they would “comfort” their child they sounded sarcastic because they would say the right words but there was no concern or emotion behind it. They would repeat one phrase over and over (ie, ”awww, you’re sad”) but not give any physical comfort, ask questions to understand why the child was crying, or try to distract or cheer up the child.

 

[tyty333]

Another story about the guy I posted above...so this may not be sociopathic behavior but just plain weird and mean.

For Christmas one year he bought my friend (his wife) a diamond tennis bracelet (for reference this was a long time ago). I was
complimenting her on how beautiful it was but she seemed kind of sad. I asked her what was wrong. She said she really liked
it but Bob* said we have to return it. Apparently, he told her they couldn't afford it. Who does that??? Buys a gift for their
spouse then tells them it has to be returned??? I cant imagine how she felt after showing it to everyone and then having to explain
why she was no longer wearing it.

 

[Jambalaya]

@tyty333 That's horrible!

You said this was a long time ago...what happened to this couple? Are they still married? Hope your friend is OK.

 

[tyty333]

@tyty333 That's horrible!

You said this was a long time ago...what happened to this couple? Are they still married? Hope your friend is OK.

Last I heard, he moved back home where they were from, and basically with her parents around he wasn't able to pull
any more of his antics. I have not talked to her in over 20 years so I have no idea what happened after that. I would
have divorced his sorry a$$! She was a somewhat timid person though. I don't know where it went from there. I do hope
she is happy though.

I wonder what or how a sociopath is created? Is it a learned behavior (from a parent perhaps), pick it up on their own, or
do people come out of the womb like that? Does anyone know?

 

[TooPatient]

Yes. Met those diagnosed as such, others with various diagnosed mental illnesses showing signs that seemed like they may also be one of these, and others I didn't know well enough to know any diagnosis but would not be shocked if they were. The scariest are the ones who can seem "normal" and gain trust.

 

[Jambalaya]

I wonder what or how a sociopath is created? Is it a learned behavior (from a parent perhaps), pick it up on their own, or
do people come out of the womb like that? Does anyone know?

Here are some links on that topic. It's certainly an interesting one!

When Your Child Is a Psychopath

The condition has long been considered untreatable. Experts can spot it in a child as young as 3 or 4. But a new clinical approach offers hope.

www.theatlantic.com

Life as a Nonviolent Psychopath

Neuroscientist James Fallon discovered through his work that he has the brain of a psychopath, and subsequently learned a lot about the role of genes in personality and how his brain affects his life.

www.theatlantic.com

Are All Murderers Mentally Ill?

If someone's acts are a result of an uncontrollable illness, can they still be subject to the death penalty?

www.theatlantic.com

What can neuroscience tell us about the mind of a serial killer?

Serial killers—people who repeatedly murder others—provoke revulsion but also a certain amount of fascination in the general public. But what can modern psychology and neuroscience tell us about what might be going on inside the head of such individuals?

blog.oup.com

 

[House Cat]

They wanted to diagnose my stepson with sociopathy when he was 16 but said that they couldn’t until he was 18. He’’s had a LOT of therapy since then and while he still has some traits, he’s a much more compassionate person.

 

[missy]

Statistically, yes, for sure. Also, I’ve run into one on this very website, years ago.

Same. I wonder if it was the same person?

 

[missy]

I wonder what or how a sociopath is created? Is it a learned behavior (from a parent perhaps), pick it up on their own, or
do people come out of the womb like that? Does anyone know?

I think it’s genetic but influenced by environmental factors. So a combo.
But here’s a scientific explanation differentiating cause depending on psychopathy vs sociopathy.
Interesting.

“ The current belief is that psychopathy generally comes from genetic factors, such as parts of the brain not developing fully, while sociopathy results from an interruption in personality development by abuse or trauma in childhood.”

 

[tyty333]

I did read the first link @Jambalaya ! It did seem to be genetic.

@missy...thanks for the definition. I did not know the difference between the two. Wonder if Sociopathy is easier to
"correct" than psychopathy?

Either situation (psychopathy/sociopathy) is incredibly sad. Makes me wonder if we should all have genetic testing before
we reproduce but that's a complicated subject for another time.

 

[Gussie]

The only person I suspect of being a sociopath is also the only billionaire I know. I also think it helped him get there. A truly awful, awful man. The things he has done to his own family (wife and kids) makes my skin crawl. He's either a sociopath or completely blindly addicted to money. Probably both.