Do you smooch your kid on the lips?

[TravelingGal]

There's an article about this today on CNN, but for some reason, I can't link to it...

I actually thought about this recently. My mom will not kiss Amelia on the mouth. The reason is germs. I kiss Amelia on the mouth all the time (although less lately). TGuy does not, but I don't know his reasoning. I also would not particularly like it if anyone else did (kiss Amelia on the mouth, that is). However I have a friend who kisses all our friends kids on the mouth (ack!) and also have parents who encourage their kids to kiss OTHER kids on the mouth. My friend with the triplets hate this and will not kiss her kids on the mouth...only on the head or cheek.

What's your policy on kiddie kisses?

 

[TravelingGal]

It's a short one, so I'll post it here. From CNN:


Should parents kiss their kids on the lips?


Personally, it feels strange even writing that title.

Why wouldn't parents kiss their kids on the lips? Isn't that what all parents do? You know, kiss their kids on the lips to show their love? Apparently, some people find the idea of a parent kissing his or her son or daughter on the lips deranged and disgusting. But who?

One is a reader of the advice column penned by Margot Howard (daughter of Eppie Lederer, who once wrote an advice column as the famous Ann Landers) who wrote in under the name "Want My Husband's Lips for Myself" to complain that her husband regularly gives a peck on the lips to his 5-year-old daughter.

And, really, the letter writer's name ("Want My Husband's Lips for Myself") says it all, doesn't it?

WMHLFM wrote into advice columnist Dear Margo asking if the fact that her husband kissing his daughter on the lips completely freaks her out was weird or not.

His daughter (the advice seeker's stepdaughter) is five, and this stepmother of one year, who has kids of her own, says that her husband kissing his daughter on the mouth is "driving me crazy" and "aggravates me to no end."

The crime, as she describes it, is a "peck," but, she declares, it belongs on the girl's cheek, not her lips.

"I even explained that you do not kiss on the lips unless you are married," she waxes. "I have mentioned that I'm totally against the gesture; he said he will do so until the day he dies." Why so upset, stepmom? According to her, it's "a sexual gesture and very inappropriate."

Can I just say, Are you kidding me? A father can't kiss his 5-year-old on the lips? Because it's "sexual"? According to whom?

According to her, that's who, someone who makes it clear by her moniker that she's jealous of the affections that her husband bestows upon his daughter, which, for the record, I think is the real issue here, and the kissing is just her way of expressing it and making her pathology their (imaginary) pathology.

To a degree, Margo agrees with WMHLFM, deeming the activity "creepy." Although, ultimately, advice-giver Margo seems to believe that it is not inherently "sexual" and to each is own.

"Ask yourself why you feel so possessive of his lips and whether it is hard to share his affection?" This was my initial question as well.

 

[Mara]

No.

I also was not raised to kiss on the lips...we always cheek kiss. I don't plan to mouth kiss J nor does Greg.

Of course J will slobbery saliva open-mouth you anywhere he can reach, but we don't aim for his mouth.

That said... the nanny share that J goes to, they kiss on the lips there and the little 3 year old tries to kiss J on the mouth which he HATES. So even if he doesn't get it at home he'll prob get it from other kids from time to time!

ETA it's not because it's sexual to me, it's just yucky. My Mom was a germophobe. I am not interested in swapping any sort of saliva with anyone except Greg and sometimes not even him HA.

 

[janinegirly]

Saw this article and it annoyed me..I mean really??

I am not a v. affectionate person, nor is much of my family. Not alot of kissing or hand holding going on. However I do kiss my daughter on the mouth. Not all the time and in fact when I initiate, I usually kiss on the cheeks or wherever (hands, feet), but when I ask her to kiss me she goes for the mouth! I find it adorable and natural.

I guess I was bothered when I saw a friend's father kiss her on the lips once she was a teenager, but even then I thought each family is different. Personally I don't plan on lip kissing going past the single digit years, so see zero problems with it(except maybe the germs point).

 

[fieryred33143]

Yes. Almost all of the time. When Sophia gives kisses, she goes for the lips. She only recently started giving me kisses on the cheeks (well, more like licks but we're working on it). When I leave in the mornings and return in the evening, we give kisses but I guess I need to start making a habit of kissing her on the cheeks. Same with FI. My mom and MIL don't kiss her on the lips, neither do my siblings. I think I caught FIL doing it once and I wasn't happy about it. I'm not sure if FI had a talk with him but I haven't seen him do it again.

I know about the germs and I should consider it but I always tell myself that she is still a baby. Eventually she'll be a teen and the verdict is out on whether I'll be the cool mom she wants to hug or the so-not-cool mom she wants nothing to do with.

 

[Jennifer W]

As daft as the germs thing sounds, there is apparently some truth in it.

My dentist showed me a link to some research that suggests adults with active tooth decay kissing a child can pass the decay on. I cannot for the life of me find the link, but if I do, I'll post it.

You can have active tooth decay for a while before you're aware of it, I believe.

Jen

 

[TravelingGal]

As daft as the germs thing sounds, there is apparently some truth in it.

My dentist showed me a link to some research that suggests adults with active tooth decay kissing a child can pass the decay on. I cannot for the life of me find the link, but if I do, I'll post it.

You can have active tooth decay for a while before you're aware of it, I believe.

Jen

I saw this news story awhile back, so yes, it's a factor. You can also pass on the decay by just BLOWING on your child's food to cool it, and all sorts of other things I hadn't thought about.

 

[E B]

Multiple times a day. I love it even more when he smooches me, though it leaves me covered in drool.

I doubt I'll be kissing him on the mouth at 13, but for now, I do. I don't find it inappropriate at all.

 

[Dreamer_D]

OK, I find it really baffling that some people sexualize kissing your child on the mouth

I don't really like kissing Hunter on the mouth because it is slobbery and messy since he gives a total open mouth kiss at the moment. But in fairness, I don't really like kissing his daddy either for the same reason Kissing just ain't my bag.

But DH loves to kiss Hunter on the lips every chance he gets, and also like to make Hunter kiss me on the lips too, which I endure because they both seem to like it

 

[qtiekiki]

Yes, I do. DH doesn't. And no one else kisses them on the lips. When I ask M for a kiss, she'll kiss me on the cheeks or lips or completely ignore me. I don't remember if she kisses DH on the lips, but probably not because DH is a germophobe. With the grandparents, she only kisses them on the cheeks. So I guess it's kind of special that I get to kiss her on the lips. We don't encourage her to kiss anyone else, not lips or cheeks. Just blow kisses. Our sisters kiss the kids' cheeks sometimes, but mostly just a big hug.

 

[jas]

Yes. On the lips. Constantly.

I also floss.

 

[gingerB]

Multiple times a day. I love it even more when he smooches me, though it leaves me covered in drool.

I doubt I'll be kissing him on the mouth at 13, but for now, I do. I don't find it inappropriate at all.

ditto.

as for the germ thing - guess i'm not so much a germophobe. which may be good for my sanity working in the hospital! i guess weighing out the tiny risk of him catching something from me or hubbs versus a sweet gesture of affection, i'm ok with that.

the germ thing, i got bigger fish to fry -- for instance i don't touch him or any of his things when i get home from work until i remove my white coat and thoroughly wash my hands.

the tooth decay thing? vigilant and good dental hygiene. watching the sweets etc..

overall? knowing that you can't prevent every little bad thing from happening, and honestly, a little germie here and there is a GOOD thing for their immune suystem. not going to get started on the obsession with antibacterial EVERYTHING and how it relates to the "superbug" media uproar.

although, it would bother me other people doing it. i know hubbs and i wouldn't if we knew we were actively sick -- can't count on others to have the same caution. as for other kids, unlikely to be able to stop it. A already had his first kiss, older miss of 18 months no less. the little player did it freak me out. no? found it to be natural, sweet, childish gesture.

 

[gingerB]

OK, I find it really baffling that some people sexualize kissing your child on the mouth

thank you! eta: it makes me wonder about the person thinking that, y'know? is there no innocence anymore?

 

[Dreamer_D]

OK, I find it really baffling that some people sexualize kissing your child on the mouth

thank you! eta: it makes me wonder about the person thinking that, y'know? is there no innocence anymore?

I think that some people probably have had negative experiences in their past that might make them see the adult/child relationship as potentially sexual, and that is terrible thing if it is the case.

There are also puritanical cultures that see women children in particular as sexual, or at least potentially sexual, and expect modest dress and behaviour. Maybe that is part of it too?

Thought I have no issues with me or my immediate family even kissing my son on the mouth (though I don't think any of them do), I would not want other people doing it. Not so much because it is sexual, but because it is very intimate and I feel like my son's physical boundaries should be respected. For these reasons, I never tell him to hug people or kiss them unless he wants to. He does blow big kisses to everyone he meets though!

 

[somethingshiny]

I've always kissed my kids on the lips. In fact, lately I've been trying to not kiss JT on the lips just because he's getting older, but when I go for his cheek he turns his lips to me. I have a nephew who always wants to smooch me on the lips too. Apparently I'm a good kisser! JT used to kiss grandmas on the lips too but just grew out of it on his own.

I would not like any of them to be kissing non-family members on the lips.

I do know a man who still kisses his 13 yr old son on the lips and it makes me cringe!

 

[curlygirl]

I kiss my girls on the lips now but I will not continue to do it forever. My parents and in-laws do not kiss my children on the lips although sometimes I see Lily initiating it with them--they'll usually turn and give a cheek instead. I find it weird when I see adults kissing family members on the lips. Not for any sexual reason, it's just foreign to me as my family was not that way at all.

 

[Sha]

Sometimes. DH is very affectionate and pecks her on the lips a lot. I actually started doing it after seeing him kiss her that way. Mommy saw me doing it onetime and said that it probably wasn't a good idea, though, because it could give her germs... I can see that line of reasoning, but I never saw DH doing it as being ' weird' or sexual in any way.

 

[mrssalvo]

Yes. On the lips. Constantly.

I also floss.

ditto!! especially my 2 year old. As my big kids get older it's more rare and I'm sure will phase out soon.

 

[swingirl]

As daft as the germs thing sounds, there is apparently some truth in it.

My dentist showed me a link to some research that suggests adults with active tooth decay kissing a child can pass the decay on. I cannot for the life of me find the link, but if I do, I'll post it.

You can have active tooth decay for a while before you're aware of it, I believe.

Jen

I have heard this too. You can spread tooth bacteria and herpes (cold sores).

I kissed my kids on the forehead. No saliva swapping here.

 

[Bliss]

I don't think we'll kiss on the lips but who knows? My parents kissed my forehead and cheeks a ton peppered with plenty of hugs.

Swingirl mentioned herpes (eek) - I believe if you have cold sores, kissing a child ANYWHERE is a bad idea because they could get it, even if you kiss them on the cheek. I wonder how parents prevent their kids from getting it? I have two childhood friends who have it and they say they got it from their moms. I never knew what it was until we learned about it in high school.

 

[somethingshiny]

Herpes is actually very common (something like 50-80% of the population). Anyone who's had the herpes virus carries it forever. I think most cold sores are caused by the virus. There are 2 different types of herpes virus. One that targets the mouth and the other targets the "other." However, both viruses can thrive in either area. Many people carry the virus even if they've never had a sore.

Recently there was a story about a 4 yr old boy who thought he found a "balloon" at a hotel. As he was blowing it up, an adult realized it was a used condom and now the boy has herpes in his mouth. There is a debate on whether it came from the condom or another method given how prevalent it is.

 

[E B]

Recently there was a story about a 4 yr old boy who thought he found a "balloon" at a hotel. As he was blowing it up, an adult realized it was a used condom and now the boy has herpes in his mouth. There is a debate on whether it came from the condom or another method given how prevalent it is.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

We do not kiss our son on the lips. Sometimes it's unavoidable because he'll turn his face at the last minute and plop a slobbery one on you. I don't really know why we don't; we just don't.

James is really into kisses right now (he's 2) and loves to kiss both of your cheeks and then lean in for you to kiss his forehead It is really adorable!

 

[vespergirl]

Of course I kiss my boys on the lips. I'm sure in a couple of years they won't like it anymore though.

 

[Laila619]

Nope, I won't.

There are multiple studies that say adults give kids germs and cavities.

 

[Laila619]

As daft as the germs thing sounds, there is apparently some truth in it.

My dentist showed me a link to some research that suggests adults with active tooth decay kissing a child can pass the decay on. I cannot for the life of me find the link, but if I do, I'll post it.

You can have active tooth decay for a while before you're aware of it, I believe.

Yep, this.

 

[anchor31]

No, simply because it's not part of my "family culture". It didn't even cross my mind, I've always assoiciated lip-kissing with a boyfriend/spouse. I don't sexualize this behaviour though and find "stepmom" from the letter to be ridiculously jealous.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

We do. I never really thought about it before. I remembering my mom kissing me on the lips and once I got to 3rd or 4th grade (maybe? Who can remember) it just transitioned to the cheek. I don't plan on kissing her on the lips forever but she is a baby (to me). About tooth decay, I have so many other problems, I choose not to worry about that!

 

[somethingshiny]

I forgot to mention the major reason I'm trying to avert JT's lips now. A few weeks ago he grabbed my face and kissed me. Then he wouldn't let go and said, "I wanna kiss you like daddy kisses you." Um, no. I told him that you only kiss one person that way and I already had mine.

 

[MonkeyPie]

I kiss him anywhere he will let me, because one day he will be "too cool" for Mama to kiss him anymore. I want to take advantage while I can! Plus I loooove his slobbery, open mouth kisses he smothers me in. Just this morning when I picked him up he grabbed my face and covered me in drool he got so excited to see me. There is no way I would turn that down!