do you plan on taking your future husband''s name?

[LitigatorChick]

This is funny. For my first marriage to Ex, I kept my name. I insisted that my son have a hyphenated name. My Ex was very "independent" (read - uncaring and heartless) and we basically lived separate lives. I never felt like a family with him, even when we had our son.

Second marriage feels different. I will be taking my BF''s last name, since we already feel like a family unit. It is completely bizarre to me how my position on this changed depending upon the guy!!!!

 

[studyer83]

Thats interesting Litigator Chick. I wonder what made you switch.

I took his, personally and professionally. Actually got some s#it for taking it from colleagues. Oh well....

LtlFirecracker -- I dropped my middle and I regret it. I wish I''d done the four names thing. My middle name also had a special meaning and I feel really bad that I dropped it.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Date: 7/10/2009 10:34:54 AM
Author: studyer83
Thats interesting Litigator Chick. I wonder what made you switch.


I took his, personally and professionally. Actually got some s#it for taking it from colleagues. Oh well....


LtlFirecracker -- I dropped my middle and I regret it. I wish I''d done the four names thing. My middle name also had a special meaning and I feel really bad that I dropped it.

I think I made the switch because I feel a oneness with my BF that I never had with my ex. We have a crazy connection and fit together, completing the pieces of each other. It is insane. If someone had said this to me when I was with my Ex, I would have figured they were crazy. My experience with him was an entirely different thing - two people living in the same house and sharing money and time, but not sharing hearts. Weird.

 

[Pushin40]

I will proudly take FF's last name! I can't wait!
My only concern is that his neice and I will have the same exact name.....and, um....that girl may have a rap sheet or a couple of kids before she turns 15 if you know what I mean!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I struggled with this long before we were even engaged and then struggled with it even more after it was official.

For a long time I was not going to take his name as I felt like my name was my identity and being an only child I kinda felt like I needed to carry on my family name. I had pretty much settled on keeping my name... until some wedding invitation samples were given to me by my friend. She had designed a monogram for us which was completely unexpected. As soon as I saw our monogram with his last name, it clicked in my head and in my heart that I wanted to change my last name. It just felt right. The decision was completely mine - it was made very very quietly to the outside world but inside I felt like I was singing.

 

[Lauren8211]

Yes, I''ll be taking his name.

I have no attachment to my name, I don''t talk to my dad, my mom doesn''t share my last name, and I talk to none of the extended family. My brother has the name also, but jokes that he''ll take his girlfriends name if they get married.

I am not professionally established, so I have no worries there.

 

[ts44]

I wanted to lose my last name in the worst way growing up, because it was long, not pronounced like it''s spelled, crazy ethnic name that even starts with a bad letter - Z! I was the last in line for everything. I even considered swapping to my mother''s name (my parents are divorced) at one point, but my father would have been devastated and we have a great relationship.

Now that I''ve met the guy I know I want to marry, I''ve been giving it some more thought. While his last name isn''t common, it''s normal and short and there is for-sure only one way to pronounce it! My dream last name, right? But now I''m not so sure. I have a name for myself in the business world, plus my name is so distinctive people remember it instantly, and it''s MY name, you know? I definitely wouldn''t hyphenate, that would just be far too long.

My boyfriend has said that he would want me to take his name, and I joke with him occasionally about it and say that I won''t, or that I''ll hyphenate, or something silly and he laughs but I know he definitely wants me to be Mrs. Normalname if we get to that point. I''m not really sure what to do now that I''m having second thoughts on taking his name.

 

[princesss]

I'll probably take his name (though I reserve the right not to, lol). My last name is one that has to be spelled out, is constantly mispronounced, and one mispronounciation in particular is slang for a not-so-nice part of the body. And of course that's the most common way people pronounce it when they first see it.

BF on the other hand has a near-impossible name to pronounce. It's nice. Easily pronouncable all around the world. Lovely. Sure, I'd have the same name as his older sister, but oh well. That happens.

Mostly, though, I feel a stronger attachment to my first and middle names (the names my parents picked for me) than my family name. I feel like my last name either represents where I came from or where I'm going, and I like to look forward.

Plus my initials will spell a word if I take his name, and when I was 7 I decided I'd take a guy's last name when I got married if I could spell a word with my initals.

 

[Still_Waiting]

Date: 7/9/2009 8:21:58 PM
Author: megumic
FF and I actually had a fight about this exact topic. I said I might keep my name, you know to maintain my identity and professionally. Plus, his sister has the same first name as me. Sometimes it feels as if it''s enough that we have the same first name, although, admittedly, we spell it differently. I think he is a little offended by this and he certainly doesn''t like it one bit. We could hyphenate and it would work, but I don''t know if he''d go for that. At this point, I don''t know what will happen...suggestions?!?!

Same for me and my SO''s sis. It''s strange because it''s not an overly common name. Although, her legal name is an expanded version and my legal name is the shortened version. She only goes by the shortened version. So, really, we have the same name.

I''m still planning to take his name. I figure she''ll get married someday too, anyway!

 

[Luckyeshe]

I will be taking his name after all is said and done...Unfortunately, I won''t be moving up on the alphabet since his last name is M which is also mine. My initials won''t be changing much but culturally, my last name will become my middle name and from being AARM to soon to be AAMM. I won''t be hyphenating or anything, I''ll just keep my last name as M. and then his last name. Our kids will carry my name as their middle name and his last name. Fortunately, for my dad I have a brother and he''ll be carrying the last name for the family! So my whole last name combination...if I have to write it out will be 17 letters long...I''m practicing with my new signature and it''s not working very well

. Somehow I''m gonna have to shortcut his last name when I sign stuff or I''m gonna run out of space.

 

[CheshireSmile]

Date: 7/10/2009 3:04:49 PM
Author: Luckyeshe
I will be taking his name after all is said and done...Unfortunately, I won''t be moving up on the alphabet since his last name is M which is also mine. My initials won''t be changing much but culturally, my last name will become my middle name and from being AARM to soon to be AAMM. I won''t be hyphenating or anything, I''ll just keep my last name as M. and then his last name. Our kids will carry my name as their middle name and his last name. Fortunately, for my dad I have a brother and he''ll be carrying the last name for the family! So my whole last name combination...if I have to write it out will be 17 letters long...I''m practicing with my new signature and it''s not working very well

. Somehow I''m gonna have to shortcut his last name when I sign stuff or I''m gonna run out of space.

bf and I have the last same initial too! I''m planning on keeping my name, but am happy that we can still have monogrammed items with our shared initial.

 

[Prana]

I will be keeping my last name. I have not decided yet whether or not I will take his last name as a second middle, and only go by Mrs. X socially. I do not mind at all being called by Mrs. his last name, but I don''t think that I would be happy if I changed my last name. My FI is a little upset about this, but not enough to try and change my mind or argue about it. I told him that I would gladly add his name into my preexisting name if he would do the same for me (as in take my last name as his second middle.)

I really feel that the tradition of women changing their name is old and a little msyoginistic. I like to think of marriage as an equal partnership, and I feel that this old tradition is a little one-sided. And that we either both take each others names or nobody does.

 

[NakedFinger]

Oh yeah you ladies bring up good points, I should have mentioned that in my first post.

While I will def legally switch to his last name, I am def going by my maiden name for work. I have become very well established in my industry, and many people know me by name. So I dont want to confuse people or fall off the radar by switching my name.

 

[mrscushion]

I used to think I would just take his name, period. Now that I''m actually engaged and it''s "real" ... hyphenation is suddenly becoming more attractive! I guess I have over a year to decide.

 

[Bagel_Bandit]

Hmmm...I''m leaning toward hyphenating. I don''t want to lose my name because to me it symbolizes my self, family, and ethnic identity. But I also adore my sweetie and would be proud to carry his name. Funny, I spent my childhood hating my last name for being so unusual that people often butchered it, but now I love it and I don''t want to exchange it for my boyfriend''s more common surname. Ugh, you know there are currently 21 letters in my full name and adding his last would bring the total to 26. Whew, boy that''s long!

~Bagel

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/10/2009 3:24:03 PM
Author: girlface
I will be keeping my last name. I have not decided yet whether or not I will take his last name as a second middle, and only go by Mrs. X socially. I do not mind at all being called by Mrs. his last name, but I don''t think that I would be happy if I changed my last name. My FI is a little upset about this, but not enough to try and change my mind or argue about it. I told him that I would gladly add his name into my preexisting name if he would do the same for me (as in take my last name as his second middle.)


I really feel that the tradition of women changing their name is old and a little msyoginistic. I like to think of marriage as an equal partnership, and I feel that this old tradition is a little one-sided. And that we either both take each others names or nobody does.

I''m kind of with you. I don''t see the purpose in changing, especially because we don''t want kids...

I will change it if it''s REALLY important to him, but of course professionally, I will keep my name. Hyphenating would be ridiculous, his last name is 9 letters and mine is 6...

 

[Prana]

Trillionaire- FI and I are planning on having kids, and will likely just give them my last as their middle, and they will take his last.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

My BF is really not opposed to me keeping my name at all. In fact he would consider taking mine which shocked me because he is otherwise pretty traditional! The topic came up because his sister could not wait to get rid of the name, people would see her name and assume she had a different ethnic background then she does. The only thing that would hold my BF back is that his Father would be livid and he is not sure he wants to fight that battle.

I still think the 4 names would be the best way to go, I could keep my name professionally (which I cannot use use without it being my name legally) and have the same name as my kids.

 

[Dannielle]

Funny story: When I was in primary school the band Outkast released a song "Ms Jackson", I loved it so much that I announced to my parents that I was going to marry someone with that last name so the song would be about me- I wasn''t wrong.. so I will definately be taking his last name, and playing that song at our wedding

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 7/11/2009 10:47:33 AM
Author: Dannielle
Funny story: When I was in primary school the band Outkast released a song ''Ms Jackson'', I loved it so much that I announced to my parents that I was going to marry someone with that last name so the song would be about me- I wasn''t wrong.. so I will definately be taking his last name, and playing that song at our wedding

funny story, but not exactly the most wedding friendly song... it''s talking about a break-up and baby mama''s!

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 7/11/2009 2:38:50 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 7/11/2009 10:47:33 AM
Author: Dannielle
Funny story: When I was in primary school the band Outkast released a song ''Ms Jackson'', I loved it so much that I announced to my parents that I was going to marry someone with that last name so the song would be about me- I wasn''t wrong.. so I will definately be taking his last name, and playing that song at our wedding

funny story, but not exactly the most wedding friendly song... it''s talking about a break-up and baby mama''s!

LOL! I hadn''t listened to it in years- maybe I will get FI to mix the chorus into another song- there is one line in the second verse that would give my dear old nanna a heart attack

 

[AllieGator]

I'm going to keep my last name, and replace my middle name with his last name, so I guess I'm doing both!

I have a very weird, unique last name, but I love it, and it's very distinctive. I've always been Alliegator Lastname, and I want to keep it that way. I feel weird about giving up my name, just for the sake of tradition. I'm not attached to my middle name at all, and his last name flows well in the middle of my name. There's nothing wrong with changing your name, but I don't have any desire to.

When we have kids, they'll have his last name, so I can just write the whole thing out, and the rest of the time, I'll still be plain, old, Alliegator Lastname.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Yes i will be taking his name. My daughter (who is 9) has the choice to keep her last name or change it. She once proclaimed that she would be ''x'' one week and ''y'' the next, i had to explain that it didn''t work that way.

At the moment she wants to take his, but we will see when it all happens.
I can''t wait to change because we have a bit of competition between the ''x'' and the ''ys'' when we have both of our daughters here, so if we have the same name he can''t say that the ''ys'' are better than the ''xs'' anymore.

 

[Dreamer1116]

I am somewhat undecided about what I will do. Part of me definitely wants to keep my last name--as it just ''fits me''. I do like my soon to be finacee''s last name, but I have an attachment to my last name. I was thinking maybe I will hyphenate...

 

[MrsHToBe]

I''m definitely taking FF''s last name. Not only is mine long, and harder to pronounce, but when our daughter was born, we gave her his last name.. and, I''m so looking forward to finally sharing it with both of them!

 

[AprilBaby]

Thirty years ago this wasn''t a discussion. We just took the husbands last name. So I did. About 10 years ago I missed ME. So I redid my drivers license, my real legal name IS 1st name, middle name, last name, new name. It always WAS legal that way, I just didn''t know it or use it. Now I just skip the middle name and no hyphen.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

I am taking his name. I love his name and he has kids that live with us. It''s always bothered me that I am always questioned when I have to pick them up from school or daycare. I can''t wait for all of us to have the same last name!

 

[makemepretty]

I''m old fashioned and like a family to have all the same last name. I''ve volunteered in schools and it''s hard when kids/parents have different last names. My sister got married and kept her maiden name and gave their child her last name, her husband kept his own. To me, it''s not being a unit. I just don''t understand it at all.

 

[Squirrly]

absolutely. he gives me a ring, and sometime after that i get to see him blush every time he uses my new name

i suppose i see it as my gift to him in a way, he gets to be the one whose name i take, no one else gets that from me.

as for hyphenated names, there is no way i would ever put my children through that with having to bubble it in on standardized tests all the time. my best friend from 4th grade through my senior year rejoiced the day she could finally drop half her name. in fact long before her 18th birthday (and before her parents got divorced, way before that) she changed it in everything school related that she could because she despised having such a long name.