Do you love your in-laws?

[baby nurse]

Packrat, you are hilarious-- choosing in-laws from a vending machine !

I too am a little wistful hearing about the happy, supportive relationships people have with their in-laws. I have a lot of respect for mine in many ways, but they aren't nice people so there is no love. My husband and I met in kindergarten so we've known each other pretty much our entire lives. I often wonder how he's always been such a kind person despite coming from such a hostile environment.

 

[gregchang35]

I do, but in small doses.

Sometimes i feel like they are quite intrusive, but that may be from the way that we were brought up. We are kinda casual with our family.. things just plod along. WHereas his side is more hands on and enquiring= i find that quite intrusive. the same goes the other way. He finds our family a bit different.

I have learned to live with that kind of love. Though sometimes i let slip by being a bit snappy or not saying too much. Generally, they all think i am very patient with DH. hehehehe...

 

[Cehrabehra]

I've known my inlaws since I was 5 years old. I went to kindergarten with my sister in law and my mother in law babysat me after school for 4 years and they took me on family vacations and such... By the time I started dating my friend's brother, I loved all of them like family, including my husband. With him it just started taking a different turn I tell them I love them, they tell me they love me. There were some rough adjustment years as I transitioned into being true family, but the love was there long before that.

 

[Laila619]

Nah, I don't think so. I have mild affection for them, but that's about it. We really have nothing in common. They live close by and I start to get burned out when they want to come over all the time and see the kids. At least they are good grandparents though.

My two brothers-in-law I don't even like, much less love. They are eternal bachelor types--immature/drinking/video game playing/still living at home with mommy, etc. They will probably never get married or have kids. They are horrible uncles and only see DH's and my kids 2 or 3 times per year, despite the fact that they live 10 minutes away.

 

[AprilBaby]

My mother in law, def NO! My daughter in law, def YES!!!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I asked this question because DH and I were talking about it last night. He loves my mom, but he is that type of loving person.

I like my MIL and FIL, they are no more annoying than most of humanity can be, and less annoying than many! Only run-of-the-mill issues with them. And they generally respect our boundaries and choices, which is really important. We have fun when we spend time with them, usually. But I don't love them. I have a very very short list of people I love: DH, kids, mom, best friend. So my lack of loving is more about my own nature than theirs.

 

[livannie]

I love my in laws because they are my husbands parents. I know how much he loves them so I love them for that. He is amazing and I know it has to be because of someone I am not really close to them, it's hard for me to get close to people I think even though we've been married 8 years. I wish I could be closer to them because I have no family around me and it's hard with 2 kids. I don't trust many people to watch my kids, only them here but my mil has 2 other daughters and gets burned out watching their kids so I just don't ask. So we don't go on very many dates

 

[Nyc2chigal]

I like my in laws.. then again, the live across the Altlantic.

Some other in laws, I'm not too crazy about.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

This is such an interesting question and I am not sure how to answer. My in-laws would be viewed by most people as absolutely wonderful people. They are good, nice, generous people. My MIL especially is just a quiet, loving person. My FIL is a work-aholic, though, even in his 80's and I feel like he judges those of us who aren't working on something all the time. I have had little comments even recently about how men shouldn't have to help in the kitchen! My husband is never asked to do so, he just helps, and I am thankful for that. But they are from a different time and his mother never worked, so our dynamics are totally different. I do sort of say things back when a ridiculous thing like that is said, so I don't help the situation. They have one daughter so there was never any chance I'd really be like a daughter. My SIL didn't even have me in her wedding, which set things off on the course they are on to this day. We do holidays and that kind of thing, and I do it for my husband. I am just really glad we never lived near them! They are generous, though, and have contributed towards our kids' college expenses and that kind of thing. But they were never ones to ask if the kids could come visit them for a week or anything like that. My family has been far more interested in seeing our children. I cannot really recall them saying "I love you" directly to me much, if ever. It's more like, "We love you all and keep in touch", when it is said. So I think I would say that I have respect and affection towards them. They are in their 80's so we are approaching difficult years. I am working on trying to make the remaining times together as positive as possible which mainly means keeping my mouth shut when things I don't like are said.

 

[Rhea]

No, I don't love my parents in-law. I sign cards to them with "Love" but that to me is very different than "I love you". I would include my in-laws in my loved people because they nice people who are easy to get along with and they are my extended family.

My husband isn't particularly close to his parents and I've never been entirely sure why not. If he were closer to them I'd probably like them more than I currently do, but his not having a closer relationship with them stops me from having one.

 

[Roxy]

Yes, DH and I often talk about how fortunate we feel to be able to experience love w/ our in-laws. I think because my MIL didn't have any daughters, she refers to me as "the daughter she never had" sort of thing and we became close really easily and quickly.

 

[armywife13]

No. I wish I could say otherwise, but no. Neither of his parents have brought anything positive into DH's life or our family's life, DH even says so himself.

When DH's parents divorced, my FIL abandoned DH and his sister. He went on his way, getting married several more times and having kids with each wife. He had great relationships with all of his other children, but turned a blind eye to my husband and SIL. It wasn't until 2 years before he passed away that my FIL put any effort into having a relationship with DH.

My MIL is a very selfish woman. She has always put her needs and wants before her children. After the divorce between my FIL and MIL, she married a man who physically abused DH and continuing to stay married to him for 6 years despite knowing what he was doing. She does not work, and puts no effort into finding a job. Instead she lives off of money her father gives her from his military pension. She expects everyone to foot her bill. She has only seen my 3 year old twice-when my parent, DH and I paid for her tickets. Every time we were trying to be nice and take her out for dinner, she always ordered the most expensive item on the menu. She has yet to meet our 9 month old and I doubt she will because we are not going to pay for her ticket to fly to Korea.

 

[ImperfectGirl]

I try for my DH's sake to get along with my inlaws. However it's not easy when they pick on me. My mother in law constantly makes hurtful comments about my weight and that I should try to hide my unattractiveness with makeup. When my DH scolds her she pretends she is joking. They also make comments about my olive toned complexion . I overheard them say to my DH , " she's so dark but I suppose she can't help that".
My DH is torn because he loves me but he also loves his parents . For this reason I try to tolerate them as much as possible but I had to put my foot down when they said they wanted to live with us. That would be way too much for me to handle and I would have to run away to my parents house hahah!

How awful, Hospatogi. That is totally unacceptable behavior. I love my husband dearly, but if his mother treated me this way, I would not visit or spend any time with her. I'm so sorry. Nobody deserves to have those things said to them. And good for you for putting your foot down about them moving in.

 

[Roxy]

I try for my DH's sake to get along with my inlaws. However it's not easy when they pick on me. My mother in law constantly makes hurtful comments about my weight and that I should try to hide my unattractiveness with makeup. When my DH scolds her she pretends she is joking. They also make comments about my olive toned complexion . I overheard them say to my DH , " she's so dark but I suppose she can't help that".
My DH is torn because he loves me but he also loves his parents . For this reason I try to tolerate them as much as possible but I had to put my foot down when they said they wanted to live with us. That would be way too much for me to handle and I would have to run away to my parents house hahah!

How awful, Hospatogi. That is totally unacceptable behavior. I love my husband dearly, but if his mother treated me this way, I would not visit or spend any time with her. I'm so sorry. Nobody deserves to have those things said to them. And good for you for putting your foot down about them moving in.

OMG, that's HORRIBLE! I wouldn't be comfortable being around someone who treated me like that either, how awful! Gosh, I'd be torn too because as much as I love my husband and I know he loves his mother, I'd expect for him to protect me from her harmful ways and REALLY stand up to her on my behalf.

I'm sorry you have to deal w/ that hospatogi but I agree w/ IG and it's good that you were able to put your foot down (and that your husband is standing by you with that ).

 

[Haven]

I do not love my FIL, BIL, or one of DH's first cousins and her family. I like them very much, most of the time, and I am quite fond of the cousin's children.

I do love my niece and nephew, though. They were 2 and 5 when DH and I met, and they are now 12 and 15. I also love DH's other first cousin, and his wife and young daughter, as if they were my cousins.

I never met my MIL, she died shortly before DH and I met.

 

[lliang_chi]

I love my MIL and FIL, like I would an aunt & uncle. I definitely feel they are family, but know there's "protocol" since they're DH's parents. I think they've always been very welcoming but it possibly came to a head when MIL got into a serious car accident a few years ago (she's recovered). My SIL, I'm friendly with but she has a horrible personality but it's softened since having her son. My nephew I love without a doubt.

I'd bet money that DH doesn't love parents or brother. I think he tolerates my parents and is friends with my brother. I do think he loves my sister (he better, she's my twin and was my person before he came along).

 

[SB621]

Yes, my MIL is the mother I never truly had. When I started to date her son (my now husband) I finally got what unconditional love meant. She showed and taught me a lot about myself. I would not be the person I am today without her. She knows how I feel about her and how much I love her. She is actually here this week visiting with us- we are all very close.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I am really not sure how to answer that. Sometimes I think I do, other times definitely not. The best answer would be I try to love them.
In the early years of our marriage my MIL would be really nice to me when DH was in the room and when he would leave she would say all kinds of mean things to me. Many times I would drive home in tears. We had a few years in between then and now that I thought things were so much better. I became the 'good' daughter-in-law, as the other two DIL's and son's were kind of giving them a hard time. As they have gotten older (both 80) all the weirdness has started again. They accuse me of bizarre things like making fun of them and laughing about them while my DH was talking on the phone to them. (what the heck!!)

I want to love them. I did before we got married, until they told him he shouldn't marry me because I didn't like his friends. It wasn't true, but someone had told them that. They believed it and would never ask me directly.

If you met them you would probably like them. They are nice people. I wish I could truly love them.

 

[aljdewey]

No, I can't say that I love my in laws, and that's sad, because I'd always hoped to.

They do not treat my husband well, so we don't really see them but maybe once a year or so. There are times I actually wonder how it is that such a wonderful man came from that environment.

For people I do genuinely love, I do express it quite freely. I have a handful of really, really close friends, and I do wholeheartedly love them.......and I tell them that all the time. I truly mean it, and I say it.

 

[TC1987]

I had a very high regard and much affection for my father-in-law, but unfortunately he passed away very soon after we were married. He had a number of major chronic health problems but, still, it was unexpectedly soon. My MIL was brassy, pushy, she NEVER stopped her incessant talking, was always interfering with my marriage, and in the end, was one of the deciding factors that made me opt for a divorce. I really resented the way she had treated my FIL when he was so ill, and I honestly feel that she didn't try to make his last days comfortable. Maybe she was just in denial about how frail he was, but you know, he should have retired sooner, they should have either sold off the cattle or hired someone to do that work, a man with cancer + emphysema + only one kidney + can hardly breathe and has a cyanotic skin color IS NOT who should be shoveling coal and cleaning out a coal stove, etc. Yep, ex-MIL is a real piece of work.

 

[CRYSTAL24K]

I love them because they helped to make my husband become the amazing man that he is due to the experiences/examples they gave him (good and bad). I respect them because they are his parents and he takes great care in what is going on in their lives. We are not close and do not look at the world through the same lenses. I usually do not understand their perspective (probably a cultural difference). I am relieved that they do not desire constant communication with me because I am often baffled by their behavior. I would do anything to help them though- even though I am quite sure they would not do the same for me.

I would not say the words to them, but I pray for them, try to be a good DIL (even though it is not reciprocated) and try to make sure that our little ones have communication with them.

 

[momhappy]

Yes and no. I genuinely love some of my in-laws (and tell/show them) and literally can't stand others. Thankfully, the ones that I don't care for live far, far away and I hope that it stays that way (although I fear that the one I don't care for the most, has plans to move here )

 

[LaraOnline]

My mother in law says "I love you guys" or "love you" and I still feel uncomfortable with it 10+ years later. I rarely say it to anyone except my husband, including my own parents and family, so I can't get myself to say it back to my MIL.

I like my in-laws. They're kind and generous. We're very different in a lot of ways and I haven't always understood their thinking, but I know they care greatly about their family, including me.

My husband comes from a large family, and we're sort of smack dab in the middle of his siblings and nieces and nephews, age-wise. I don't relate to one more than the other group, if that makes sense. Maybe because of this, I don't feel close to anyone and I still feel like the girlfriend who's visiting for the day. We're still at very surface level questions with one another, and that's awkward for me, anyway.

Naw, your M-I-L sounds nice Zoe! sometimes it seems that women can be very 'picky' with their sons, and look for faults in daughters in law.
But your mother in law is loving, and generous with you in spirit!!

I sometimes feel I do love my mother in law.
She is a devoted mother, and that devotion and care now extends to me as well, when we are together.
My own mother was not at all nurturing, so I could definitely have done with a little of my mother-in-law's care had I been her own daughter.

But shamefully I cannot quite forgive how jealous and -shall I say - a little nasty about me she was when I first got together with her (35-year-old) 'boy'.
She wasn't happy about us getting engaged!
She did have a few choice words about the 'type of person' she thought I was (absolutely nasty nonsense), which were aired by her to a friend of hers and that got back to me. It hurt me at the time, I was shocked and upset. Although she said nothing directly to me about it, and I know it was her own struggle.

She invested everything into her boys and was not willing to give that role up at all. To be honest I think she was very much looking forward to months on end of living with and 'taking care' of her boy several times a year as she had through their extended university study. Then I came along and ruined her plans!!
When I told her I was pregnant with my second child (on the phone) there was a very, very long pause and then eventually the words came,"Well no wonder (my husband) is under pressure." She never said anything nasty about me to my husband of course, my presence was just studiously ignored in all conversation for some years.

LOL! I hope I show more grace when my time comes. But we are good friends now and yes sometimes I do think I really do love her.

 

[hlmr]

No. But would do anything to help them out.

 

[partgypsy]

I have to say yes, I love them, they consider me part of the family and I feel the same about them. It was apparent from the beginning, in fact they are definitely a bonus to being with DH, and an argument for staying with him in that I wouldn't want to lose that relationship. My family is pretty dysfunctional while they are like the Cunninghams in Happy Days, stable, big hearted family who make others feel welcome (like Fonzi in the apartment in the garage) ; )

 

[Calliecake]

This is an interesting thread. I've loved reading all the responses. I couldn't have loved my father-in-law more if he were my own father.
I love my brothers and sister in laws as we'll. I wish I had loved my mother in law. She has passed away but my relationship with her still hurts me. I did everything humanly possible to make her happy for over 15 years. She had done so many things that were just downright nasty. I often wonder if things would have been different had I stood up for myself or if my husband would have told her the way she treated me was unacceptable. My father in law used to tell her that one day she would push us girls away to the point of no return but it never changed anything. She treated all her daughter in laws the same way. She used to tell me she didn't want any of her sons to marry. I pointed put that had they not married she would not have her beautiful grandchildren. She said she would have been fine with that. At that point I was kind of glad I didn't have children. That zinger would have been more painful had one of those grandchildren been my child. I have the greatest nieces and nephews. Love them to pieces.

There are too many bizarre story to tell. When my brother and sister in law got engaged my sister in law was so excited to show everyone her diamond and share their happy news. My mother in law worked part time at a local jewelry store at the time. She asked to see my sister in laws ring, proceed to get her loupe out of her purse. After inspecting the ring looked at my poor sister in law and said "it has flaws". This happened within 3 minutes of them making their announcement. My sister in laws looked at each other in disbelief.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

No. I always had issues with them. I came to realize we are just really different people with different perspectives. I do tell my SIL I love her and that's the truth.

 

[zoebartlett]

Lara, I just saw your post. Yes, my in-laws are very kind and I can't complain.

 

[marcy]

Such a great thread and timely for me since my in-laws have been here for 5 days now and 4 days to go. I do not love them. They are okay and I guess I can say I'm fond of them but I sure wouldn't choose them to hang out with if they weren't DH's parents. They are smug, judgmental, complain about everyone and everything and I am counting down the days until they leave. Luckily we have a large enough house I can get away from them but not enough. They ignored my friend yesterday, insulted my house keeper today and have criticized every single meal I put on the table. They constantly complain that I fix too much food and they don't want to eat that much. Um, hello - all of my meals have been served family style where the food is passed around the table and you dish up what you want on your plate. How is that my fault that you dish up too much and eat seconds? FIL has a drinking problem that they fight about all the time and I've seen him sneak at least 2 glasses of whiskey on the rocks every afternoon they've been here. I may be joining him before Monday gets here.

My SIL was here for 5 days and left yesterday. I like her. She is a lot like my husband.

Thanks for allowing me to vent - I feel better already.

Those of you that have great in-laws - I am happy for you.

 

[iluvcarats]

Yes. I adore my inlaws. I love them - they are like the parents I never had. I am very lucky!!