Do you listen to naysayers about your bling aspirations?

[Weeivy73]

Hi there everyone,

I've stated the process of getting a new engagement ring, totally different to what I've been wearing the past 4 years. One of the biggest reasons for the change is because my ring is sort of more dress ring quality and is just not holding up to everyday wear.

I've mentioned it to a few people in my life and they have basically been horrified by me asking my husband for this and can't understand why I would do it. I'm doubting myself and even though hubby is on board and now understanding of the quality I would like in a ring to wear as a forever ring, I am slightly upset.
My new diamonds have been acquired via second hand estate and we're so reasonably priced and to a standard I'm very happy with (although honestly not exactly pricescope top quality) I just couldn't let them go, and I plan to do a bypass style.

Does anyone here struggle in their real life with friends/family members who give them a hard time about bling purchases? The questioning I get takes some of the joy out of it for me at times. I work in an estate jewellery store and in the past 2/ 1/2 years I've either purchased for myself or my DH has purchased for me: a pair of Victorian diamond and pearl dangle earrings, a strand of great quality Tahitian pearls and Tahitian pearl stud earrings and a beautiful pair of ruby and diamond stud earrings. It's hardly a vault full, and it's very curated as I see heaps of jewellery every day, I don't need EVERYTHING all the time.

Sorry for this big rant, I'm just feeling a tad frustrated, surely alot of posters here feel part of the fun of finding something and looking forward to something and the kudos that come with wearing something beautiful that then becomes sentimental is worth celebrating, not being teased about?

 

[foxinsox]

NZers don’t upgrade their engagement or wedding rings. So I think anyone who does is generally seen as a bit odd, sometimes a bit greedy or just materialistic. Generally the usual practice seems to be that costume jewellery is fine but most NZ women don’t buy a lot of fine jewellery for themselves especially having a ring made.
None of my friends understand my love for jewellery so I’ve never mentioned my 10th anniversary plans for an upgrade to anyone other than my DH and MiL (who is totally keen on bling and doesn’t see it as odd). To me it’s just that everyone has different hobbies and this is one of mine. And it sounds like vintage jewellery is one of yours AND you actually need to get a new ring because yours is broken or nearly.
If you don’t want negative comment, maybe emphasise that your beloved ring isn’t wearable and your sentiment is such that you want to make sure it always stays safe so you’re making an alternative ring.

 

[Weeivy73]

Yes it's different here, not bad just different.

I guess I'll be selective with who I tell, probably just do it and they can deal with it lol.

 

[Bron357]

Really.....
Tell the busybody naysayers you’re getting a new ring because you were mugged and it was stolen and are so thankful your finger wasn’t also torn from your hand.
That will shut them up

 

[Weeivy73]

Really.....
Tell the busybody naysayers you’re getting a new ring because you were mugged and it was stolen and are so thankful your finger wasn’t also torn from your hand.
That will shut them up

Thanks for making me laugh Bron357!

 

[lissyflo]

I guess I'll be selective with who I tell, probably just do it and they can deal with it lol.

Absolutely this. The ‘problem’ is theirs to deal with, not yours.

We have one, fairly fleeting, shot at life and most people receive significant stress/trauma/disappointment scattered along the way. We should each seek pleasure and joy in whatever way best suits us to balance things out as much as possible (as long as that’s within our means and we don’t deliberately hurt others in the process) and we should celebrate others for doing the same.

I have received judgement for upgrading my ring - I was directly told that it was shallow and not very classy behaviour. Personally, I don’t think openly judging and criticising others is a particularly classy way to behave, so I tried to ignore it but it did rankle.

Jewellery in particular seems to be judged for some reason - curating a wine cellar or buying art is no different, but somehow doesn’t seem to be considered shallow. I can’t help but think it’s a small element of misogyny, as it’s (mainly!) women enjoying jewellery. Although that doesn’t explain comments from women...

 

[Weeivy73]

Absolutely this. The ‘problem’ is theirs to deal with, not yours.

We have one, fairly fleeting, shot at life and most people receive significant stress/trauma/disappointment scattered along the way. We should each seek pleasure and joy in whatever way best suits us to balance things out as much as possible (as long as that’s within our means and we don’t deliberately hurt others in the process) and we should celebrate others for doing the same.

I have received judgement for upgrading my ring - I was directly told that it was shallow and not very classy behaviour. Personally, I don’t think openly judging and criticising others is a particularly classy way to behave, so I tried to ignore it but it did rankle.

Jewellery in particular seems to be judged for some reason - curating a wine cellar or buying art is no different, but somehow doesn’t seem to be considered shallow. I can’t help but think it’s a small element of misogyny, as it’s (mainly!) women enjoying jewellery. Although that doesn’t explain comments from women...

Thanks for your great answer! I know people who buy alot of blingy costume jewellery all the time and I wait and wait for a special piece to come along and I get looked at like I'm mad.

 

[Ally T]

We in the UK also don’t have a fashion of ever upgrading wedding or engagement rings - what you have is there for life. Consequently you will come across very wealthy women who have tiny engagement rings, but very expensive right hand rings & other pieces, as their wealth increases through the years.

When my original engagement ring broke, I was beyond excited at husband getting me my perfect pear cut solitaire. I was SO giddy to show it off! My family were all gushing & trying it on (at a smidge over 1ct, it’s quite large for traditions here) but my sister in law...... urgh! My husband presented me with the ring at my Birthday party & when I went to show her, she said “Wow! That’s a bit indulgent! It would have made more sense to just not replace it & spend the money on something more practical. And I never had you pegged as a “shaped” diamond person. How fashionable.” I can still recall the distaste on her face, all these years later. But then this is the woman who didn’t want to be fussed with engagement & wedding rings when they decided to get married, and just had a wide platinum band made with channel set princess cuts all the way around. She had the 22ct gold from her grandmothers wedding ring rolled into the inside. This is all her rings in one. Given her disgust at people who ‘splurge’ on jewellery, she sure went to a lot of trouble with that ring!

 

[Weeivy73]

We in the UK also don’t have a fashion of ever upgrading wedding or engagement rings - what you have is there for life. Consequently you will come across very wealthy women who have tiny engagement rings, but very expensive right hand rings & other pieces, as their wealth increases through the years.

When my original engagement ring broke, I was beyond excited at husband getting me my perfect pear cut solitaire. I was SO giddy to show it off! My family were all gushing & trying it on (at a smidge over 1ct, it’s quite large for traditions here) but my sister in law...... urgh! My husband presented me with the ring at my Birthday party & when I went to show her, she said “Wow! That’s a bit indulgent! It would have made more sense to just not replace it & spend the money on something more practical. And I never had you pegged as a “shaped” diamond person. How fashionable.” I can still recall the distaste on her face, all these years later. But then this is the woman who didn’t want to be fussed with engagement & wedding rings when they decided to get married, and just had a wide platinum band made with channel set princess cuts all the way around. She had the 22ct gold from her grandmothers wedding ring rolled into the inside. This is all her rings in one. Given her disgust at people who ‘splurge’ on jewellery, she sure went to a lot of trouble with that ring!

I love your pear Alex T it is very beautiful. I have a 0.35 pear that I really love, it was a baby gift for the birth of my 3rd son. I wear it alot. Thanks for helping me feel like I'm not the only one who gets hassled about bling. One of my sisters used to be particularly passive aggressive about it.

 

[Ally T]

I love your pear Alex T it is very beautiful. I have a 0.35 pear that I really love, it was a baby gift for the birth of my 3rd son. I wear it alot. Thanks for helping me feel like I'm not the only one who gets hassled about bling. One of my sisters used to be particularly passive aggressive about it.

You just have to learn to let it wash over you. My sister in law gets great pleasure from regular, expensive Spa Weekends with her friends, but I don’t. But neither do I slag her off for the amount of time she spends on said weekends & lack of time she actually spends at home with her children. Not to her face, anyway

 

[Weeivy73]

You just have to learn to let it wash over you. My sister in law gets great pleasure from regular, expensive Spa Weekends with her friends, but I don’t. But neither do I slag her off for the amount of time she spends on said weekends & lack of time she actually spends at home with her children. Not to her face, anyway

Haha! Yes well my sister is not part of my life at the moment, her choice. It's sad for the rest of the family when there are toxic members, I really tried to be the peacemaker, but in the end she just stopped all communication with everyone.

 

[foxinsox]

Jewellery in particular seems to be judged for some reason - curating a wine cellar or buying art is no different, but somehow doesn’t seem to be considered shallow. I can’t help but think it’s a small element of misogyny, as it’s (mainly!) women enjoying jewellery. Although that doesn’t explain comments from women...

I absolutely think misogyny comes into it - jewellery is usually the only thing that women are the primary consumers of and it’s a completely personal enjoyment which is different to just about everything else that women enjoy which is also for other audiences such as makeup, clothing, art or wine. I think other women’s negative comments are internalised misogyny at play.
@Weeivy73 I feel like my comment came off harsh and it wasn’t meant to, just disappointed that other people are making you feel less than thrilled and excited about your project.

 

[Weeivy73]

I absolutely think misogyny comes into it - jewellery is usually the only thing that women are the primary consumers of and it’s a completely personal enjoyment which is different to just about everything else that women enjoy which is also for other audiences such as makeup, clothing, art or wine. I think other women’s negative comments are internalised misogyny at play.
@Weeivy73 I feel like my comment came off harsh and it wasn’t meant to, just disappointed that other people are making you feel less than thrilled and excited about your project.

Not at all foxinsox! I am relieved others have experienced this as I was beginning to feel like a freak and not comfortable with myself. I am very happy to be chatting with someone from the same town as it gives me warm fuzzies and I love talking about jewellery with you as you probably see all the things I see!

I am looking forward to starting the design process with my jeweller, can't wait to post some cad designs and get feedback.

 

[qubitasaurus]

Ooooh your collection sounds stunning! I would love to see pictures .

I would just minimize the discussions about it, divert the conversation everytime it gets near the topic. It would be nice if they could positively share the experiance with you -- but if they can't then better just to brush it off and share the journey with other PSers and your husband.

 

[missy]

You have a beautiful collection and I am sorry you have negative people in your life (we all do though so take heart) and it is entirely their issue and not your problem from my perspective. Yes I used to get little comments (I have put an end to those and have not experienced any in the past decade plus now) from mainly my mom (lol big surprise) about why can't I appreciate what I have and why do I have to keep changing my ER yada yada yada.

Depending on how close the person is to you who is doing the commenting this is how I would handle it.

1. Relative/good friend /someone you feel close: to I would answer exactly how I am feeling which would probably be what I do with my and my dh's purchasing power is none of your business. It makes me happy and brings me joy. I know you love me enough to want me to have joy in my life right? Enough said. That usually shuts them up from my experience.

2. Casual acquaintance: Just smile and say aren't I lucky how my dh spoils me...he loves making me happy. I am a lucky lucky girl.

If you want to even answer. Remember smiling and saying thank you have a nice day and walking away is also completely acceptable when someone is crossing the line. Boundaries are important and we set them ourselves so feel free to put that line wherever you want it and it is OK to not answer and move away from anyone you feel is behaving toxically.

Enjoy your bling. Bling is supposed to bring joy and pleasure and not bring negative stress or negative feelings. Don't let anyone take that away from you. And do what you want. You and your dh's personal business and personal purchases and finances are no one else's business.

Also remember what other people think of you is none of your business if that helps you feel better about what others are saying and thinking. It's their problem not yours!

And then there's always the standby answer that works for almost everything.




Do not let anyone steal your joy!

Sending you (((hugs))) and wishing you blingy joy.

 

[yssie]

You found PS.
A forum full of women who get it and will be happy to cheer you on

 

[Austina]

Your comments made me laugh @Alex T . Friends have noticed Bella but said nothing, I’m sure they assume she’s not real, and I’m fine with that. I don’t have any friends who are in to bling, so I don’t worry what other people think.

DS was when I got Bella, he’s like his father and doesn’t ‘get it’, but I must’ve rubbed off on him a bit, because he did get his now fiancée exactly the ring she wanted

As @missy says @Weeivy73 don’t let anyone steal your joy, it’s your money and absolutely none of their business what you choose to spend it on.

 

[dk168]

If it has not been mentioned already, have a read of the comments in the thread about how to spot a non-PSer.

DK

 

[missy]

 

[OoohShiny]

If you think you ladies have it bad, try being male and talking about getting a diamond!

I *will* have myself a 2ct+ Yoram asscher or Octavia, dammit!! lol


Come on, lottery, six numbers, that's all I need...

 

[missy]

If you think you ladies have it bad, try being male and talking about getting a diamond!

I *will* have myself a 2ct+ Yoram asscher or Octavia, dammit!! lol

And we so want you to have that @OoohShiny. You deserve it!

 

[Matthews1127]

Hi there everyone,

I've stated the process of getting a new engagement ring, totally different to what I've been wearing the past 4 years. One of the biggest reasons for the change is because my ring is sort of more dress ring quality and is just not holding up to everyday wear.

I've mentioned it to a few people in my life and they have basically been horrified by me asking my husband for this and can't understand why I would do it. I'm doubting myself and even though hubby is on board and now understanding of the quality I would like in a ring to wear as a forever ring, I am slightly upset.
My new diamonds have been acquired via second hand estate and we're so reasonably priced and to a standard I'm very happy with (although honestly not exactly pricescope top quality) I just couldn't let them go, and I plan to do a bypass style.

Does anyone here struggle in their real life with friends/family members who give them a hard time about bling purchases? The questioning I get takes some of the joy out of it for me at times. I work in an estate jewellery store and in the past 2/ 1/2 years I've either purchased for myself or my DH has purchased for me: a pair of Victorian diamond and pearl dangle earrings, a strand of great quality Tahitian pearls and Tahitian pearl stud earrings and a beautiful pair of ruby and diamond stud earrings. It's hardly a vault full, and it's very curated as I see heaps of jewellery every day, I don't need EVERYTHING all the time.

Sorry for this big rant, I'm just feeling a tad frustrated, surely alot of posters here feel part of the fun of finding something and looking forward to something and the kudos that come with wearing something beautiful that then becomes sentimental is worth celebrating, not being teased about?

I have learned that a lot of people just are not jewelry fanatics, and feel as though High item purchases, such as diamonds, are frivolous, and a wasteful, superficial way to spend money. I ignore those people; quite frankly, they wouldn’t know quality if it fell on them from the sky.
I have also learned not to share my enthusiasm for diamonds or jewelry around such company because I really don’t care for the snarky, unneccesary, and ignorant negative feedback. My bling is my bling, and if I want to change it up, or completely upgrade, that is not only my perogative, but my right! If DH & I agree to change anything about my wedding set, that is our business, and no one else’s. Everyone else can find out, after the fact.
This involves your lifestyle, and if what you currently have does not fit your lifestyle, then I most certainly would encourage you to make adjustments so that you have something that fits into that aspect of your existence.
No one has the right to belittle your endeavor to improve something about your jewelry to better fit your lifestyle. If your DH is on board, his opinion (and yours) is all that counts.
Zip your lips about your changes around snarky ppl, and find something the two of you love, without it causing issues in your every day life. You are entitled to have something you both appreciate, and that you feel safe & comfortable wearing...all the time.
Let the naysayers say what that want, after the fact. Rise above it, and enjoy your new bling!

 

[Matthews1127]

And we so want you to have that @OoohShiny. You deserve it!

+1!!!

 

[MissGotRocks]

No, I don't listen to the naysayers. Want and need are two different things and diamonds generally fall into the want category. That said, how I choose to spend my money is my business. Trying to explain an upgrade to folks that don't have any interest in it is a losing game. We all judge and opine on many things so just know if they are ragging on you they are leaving someone else alone - lol!

Do what makes you happy if it is within reason to do so. Aside from judgment you will find some jealousy can be involved as well. Some people would love to have an upgrade but either can't afford it or would never be comfortable spending the money on it. Their circumstances should never impact you. Some people have saved a lifetime or waited until all the major responsibilities that they had were satisfied to make a purchase for themselves. Others try to satisfy some of their wants along the way. We all come at it from different perspectives so just be true to yourself and let the rest fall where it may. Other people aren't paying the bill so just take their opinions with a grain of salt - they are all going to have them - you can't change that - and only let the ones that matter to you stick. As you get older and have many varied life experiences, this will come easier to you. I think we are far more sensitive to criticism in our younger years and with time, you will understand this better and better!

 

[Slickk]

Nah...I know my audience. I only share with those who would care, which are few, besides you ladies and gents. So thank you for that.

ETA; Aren’t all hobbies superfluous?

 

[MeowMeow]

Honestly I think most people simply don't care about jewellery because it's not "functional" and do judge women like us who love it. Then they turn around and their hobby is cars or something else I don't care about either lmao. I don't really have much family that I keep in touch with except for a few people and I only show my jewellery to 2 of them and that's because that family member buys his wife gorgeous jewellery so I know they will appreciate it. Everyone else I don't bother sharing with. It's not worth the judgement.

I did however let myself get talked out of a double halo with a ring of black diamonds when my husband told me he wanted fancy for my grandmothers stone and that the solitaire I loved wouldn't do. So I went looking for a halo. That jeweller told me that it wasn't classic and that made me upset and thrown off enough to 1) not do a double halo and 2) give up my black diamonds in the halo.

But I refused to give them up completely when we went to another jeweller because obviously that one was pretty judgy and I didn't want to give that my business. My husband had my wedding band made of them and I love it. I am probably going to be buried in that ring unless my daughter or granddaughter if I have one loves black diamonds and wants it. I want what I love and I will have some version of it no matter what anyone else thinks. I will never ever let someone else dictate my taste to me again. That's why I love PS so much. When people are working on a project there's so much good CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms to help you have the best piece possible. But once you have finalized something nobody comes in and says its ugly or a waste of money or any other rude thing like people who think jewellery is dumb sometimes do.

 

[Gussie]

@lissyflo I consider both my art collection and my bling collection the same. Neither are "necessary nor useful" but they bring beauty and joy. I do seem to be judged more on the bling though truthfully, the art probably cost as much. I like to see my bling as just another form of art but I realize most don't see it that way.

I think it's just that people know the prices of bling and not really art or other collections. Are people judged as harshly for car collections which they do have some idea of cost? Are people judged for gun collections (based on value alone)? Now as far as wine collections go, I really don't get that but to each his own.

 

[Indylady]

Really.....
Tell the busybody naysayers you’re getting a new ring because you were mugged and it was stolen and are so thankful your finger wasn’t also torn from your hand.
That will shut them up

Very annoying! Don’t listen; it’s your life, your relationship, your finger, your ring, your $$$. What is there to be horrified about? It’s as if they think you’re having an affair on your diamond

 

[redwood66]

"If you mind your own business then you won't be minding mine."

Wear what you like and the naysayers, it's about them anyway. Not you.

 

[Gussie]

"If you mind your own business then you won't be minding mine."

Wear what you like and the naysayers, it's about them anyway. Not you.

Wisdom from Hank! I knew you were awesome, Red!