Do you listen to naysayers about your bling aspirations?

[Weeivy73]

Ooooh your collection sounds stunning! I would love to see pictures .

I would just minimize the discussions about it, divert the conversation everytime it gets near the topic. It would be nice if they could positively share the experiance with you -- but if they can't then better just to brush it off and share the journey with other PSers and your husband.

Thanks, I will post a couple of photos if you would like? I am really attached sentimentally to all the pieces I wear regularly now.

 

[Weeivy73]

You have a beautiful collection and I am sorry you have negative people in your life (we all do though so take heart) and it is entirely their issue and not your problem from my perspective. Yes I used to get little comments (I have put an end to those and have not experienced any in the past decade plus now) from mainly my mom (lol big surprise) about why can't I appreciate what I have and why do I have to keep changing my ER yada yada yada.

Depending on how close the person is to you who is doing the commenting this is how I would handle it.

1. Relative/good friend /someone you feel close: to I would answer exactly how I am feeling which would probably be what I do with my and my dh's purchasing power is none of your business. It makes me happy and brings me joy. I know you love me enough to want me to have joy in my life right? Enough said. That usually shuts them up from my experience.

2. Casual acquaintance: Just smile and say aren't I lucky how my dh spoils me...he loves making me happy. I am a lucky lucky girl.

If you want to even answer. Remember smiling and saying thank you have a nice day and walking away is also completely acceptable when someone is crossing the line. Boundaries are important and we set them ourselves so feel free to put that line wherever you want it and it is OK to not answer and move away from anyone you feel is behaving toxically.

Enjoy your bling. Bling is supposed to bring joy and pleasure and not bring negative stress or negative feelings. Don't let anyone take that away from you. And do what you want. You and your dh's personal business and personal purchases and finances are no one else's business.

Also remember what other people think of you is none of your business if that helps you feel better about what others are saying and thinking. It's their problem not yours!

And then there's always the standby answer that works for almost everything.




Do not let anyone steal your joy!

Sending you (((hugs))) and wishing you blingy joy.

Thank you missy, that means so much to me that you took the time to encourage me like that. I drool at the sight if your bubbalah, she's beautiful and you seem like a beautiful person on the inside too! I have woken up this morning feeling a renewed sense of excitement for my new engagement ring design! Yay!

 

[Weeivy73]

You have a beautiful collection and I am sorry you have negative people in your life (we all do though so take heart) and it is entirely their issue and not your problem from my perspective. Yes I used to get little comments (I have put an end to those and have not experienced any in the past decade plus now) from mainly my mom (lol big surprise) about why can't I appreciate what I have and why do I have to keep changing my ER yada yada yada.

Depending on how close the person is to you who is doing the commenting this is how I would handle it.

1. Relative/good friend /someone you feel close: to I would answer exactly how I am feeling which would probably be what I do with my and my dh's purchasing power is none of your business. It makes me happy and brings me joy. I know you love me enough to want me to have joy in my life right? Enough said. That usually shuts them up from my experience.

2. Casual acquaintance: Just smile and say aren't I lucky how my dh spoils me...he loves making me happy. I am a lucky lucky girl.

If you want to even answer. Remember smiling and saying thank you have a nice day and walking away is also completely acceptable when someone is crossing the line. Boundaries are important and we set them ourselves so feel free to put that line wherever you want it and it is OK to not answer and move away from anyone you feel is behaving toxically.

Enjoy your bling. Bling is supposed to bring joy and pleasure and not bring negative stress or negative feelings. Don't let anyone take that away from you. And do what you want. You and your dh's personal business and personal purchases and finances are no one else's business.

Also remember what other people think of you is none of your business if that helps you feel better about what others are saying and thinking. It's their problem not yours!

And then there's always the standby answer that works for almost everything.




Do not let anyone steal your joy!

Sending you (((hugs))) and wishing you blingy joy.

Thank you missy for your lovely encouragement! That means so much! I have woken up this morning feeling a renewed sense of excitement for my new engagement ring. Hugs to you too.

 

[Calliecake]

We have one, fairly fleeting, shot at life and most people receive significant stress/trauma/disappointment scattered along the way. We should each seek pleasure and joy in whatever way best suits us to balance things out as much as possible (as long as that’s within our means and we don’t deliberately hurt others in the process) and we should celebrate others for doing the same.

Thank you for putting this perfectly into words @lissyflo .

 

[Weeivy73]

Hi everyone, this has been such a wonderful experience, reading all your encouraging posts to me.
I have actually said to my DH this ring will see me through for a while, I don't feel like I need a whole lot more. It may be smaller or bigger than what others have, (it will look reasonably noticeable on my size 3 1/2 ish size finger) but I honestly didn't think I'd have the opportunity to wear almost 2 carats of diamonds on one hand in such a neat and different style, I'm so pleased!
I love how everyone here just loves showing their special pieces, It makes me happy to see, I like being part of that.

 

[tigertales]

Really.....
Tell the busybody naysayers you’re getting a new ring because you were mugged and it was stolen and are so thankful your finger wasn’t also torn from your hand.
That will shut them up

Good one Bron. I actually LOL'd, first time today. love it
and yeah, don't talk about it. just flash the hell out of it.

 

[GliderPoss]

Yeah it's very uncommon to upgrade here (Oz) - in fact I'd never heard of it until I found PS...

I do get comments occasionally "Oh is that another new ring? Don't you have enough yet?" etc but I just let it pass by because it's usually jealousy or ill-informed bitches saying it....

Why do people think it's acceptable to spend buckets of money on shoes, clothes, cars and wine but not jewellery which lasts forever and can be past down generations? I am very frugal in most other aspects of my life so it's none of their beeswax!

Enjoy your upgrade and don't let anyone say otherwise.

 

[pinklemonadegurl]

My ex-h raped me financially, so it's kind of amusing that my new bling from future intended will be worth more than my current CAR. Do I care? Hellz to the NO, but I'll watch it sparkle and shine while driving my less than luxurious ride. You do YOU. It has taken me half of my lifetime, being raised by a dominant 'martyr' type. and the people pleasing stuck. I am sooo thankful that I have embraced the ME I want to be, biggish bling n all. You'll be FAB, hon. Enjoy every sparkle

 

[Weeivy73]

My ex-h raped me financially, so it's kind of amusing that my new bling from future intended will be worth more than my current CAR. Do I care? Hellz to the NO, but I'll watch it sparkle and shine while driving my less than luxurious ride. You do YOU. It has taken me half of my lifetime, being raised by a dominant 'martyr' type. and the people pleasing stuck. I am sooo thankful that I have embraced the ME I want to be, biggish bling n all. You'll be FAB, hon. Enjoy every sparkle

Sorry to hear you had a sucky time of it in the past, which I greatly understand and empathise to the maximum!!! I'm selling all my stuff from my ex-husband to help fund other things like this new ring, it is VERY cathartic!! Bless ya!

 

[qubitasaurus]

Thanks, I will post a couple of photos if you would like? I am really attached sentimentally to all the pieces I wear regularly now.

I would love that .

 

[Dancing Fire]

A casual acquaintance said to me...
wow! your guy diamond is bigger than my wife's diamond! ..I said, you know what that means don't you? he said what?...I said, means that you are a cheap SOB!

IOW, I don't give a S**T what other people think about my jewelry.

 

[Weeivy73]

A casual acquaintance said to me...
wow! your guy diamond is bigger than my wife's diamond! ..I said, you know what that means don't you? he said what?...I said, means that you are a cheap SOB!

IOW, I don't give a S**T what other people think about my jewelry.

Dancing Fire, I would've loved to have seen his face! That's awesome.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

I don't discuss my jewelry IRL. I had one acquaintance who was into old cuts and we talked a bit and some friends who know I'm "into jewelry" have asked me for recommendations or input on their designs. But that's it. I've gotten a few compliments for my ac ring. In hindsight I was partly drawn to it because it doesn't read "3.71 CT DIAMOND" to most people here. It's antique cut, lower colour, cushion shape and clearly vintage setting are things I enjoy (especially the chunky facets!! ), but people don't assume it's a diamond generally. So I get away with wearing it daily without feeling uncomfortable or show-off - y.
I'm in a country where you don't upgrade, and big diamonds are rare. This might have influenced my choice more than I realized at the time....
People who DID make negative comments : smile and walk away but don't let it get to you!!!!!
As @AlexT pointed out: I'm not spending on spa or short trips ( or Michelin star 1000€-meals or 300€bottles of wine or 10 k purses). I don't judge people who do and expect the same from them.

 

[arkieb1]

People not "into" jewellery don't get it, probably never will get it. The thing is, many of them buy nice cars, boats, things for their houses, expensive shoes, clothing or bags - most of us are into consumable items in one way or another so really I don't think anyone should judge another's buying habits unless it somehow directly impacts upon them.

 

[partgypsy]

Don't be asking for approval or validation from people who will never give it to you, you will only get heartache. Something I've learned in my 50 years. You be you.

I bought myself a diamond ring this fall after my divorce (past spring), but only recently have been wearing it, because I felt weird about the whole woman buying herself a diamond ring. If you wait for other people to give you approval, you may be waiting a long time, and honestly, life is short.

 

[Laila619]

It's because it's tied up in men "providing", buying an engagement ring for you and you supposedly not being grateful or happy with what he gave you. So people tend to view women who change their e-rings as selfish, greedy, and/or materialistic. At least that's how it's seen with the people I know. Just ignore. Buy whatever you want, as long as your husband is on board too. And enjoy it!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Buy whatever you want, as long as your husband is on board too. And enjoy it!

Better yet if the wife buy it for the husband!

 

[Weeivy73]

This is all so fantastic encouragement! Thanks to everyone who has chimed in to give me a boost, it's greatly appreciated and I'm feeling super excited to start the process of my new engagement ring

 

[Nikki1415]

A casual acquaintance said to me...
wow! your guy diamond is bigger than my wife's diamond! ..I said, you know what that means don't you? he said what?...I said, means that you are a cheap SOB!

IOW, I don't give a S**T what other people think about my jewelry.

This made me cackle. Whenever someone has something to say about my jewelry (besides complements), my answer is "it's not like you paid for it."

 

[ccuheartnurse]

Don't be asking for approval or validation from people who will never give it to you, you will only get heartache. Something I've learned in my 50 years. You be you.

I bought myself a diamond ring this fall after my divorce (past spring), but only recently have been wearing it, because I felt weird about the whole woman buying herself a diamond ring. If you wait for other people to give you approval, you may be waiting a long time, and honestly, life is short.

This is SO right. I take more pleasure in buying my own stuff than having to stage what I want & how I want it given to me. Wear your stuff & upgrade. No man needed to do that!

I don't listen to naysayers. Mind you, my friends are too shell shocked to say anything. LOL LOL

 

[Gussie]

I know a "lady" who wears a 10ct omc on the middle finger of her right hand. She isn't married or engaged to the older man who gave it to her. She will show that middle finger to anyone who looks at her disapprovingly.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I know a "lady" who wears a 10ct omc on the middle finger of her right hand. She isn't married or engaged to the older man who gave it to her. She will show that middle finger to anyone who looks at her disapprovingly.

..I need a 7ct "middle finger" ring.

 

[Weeivy73]

..I need a 7ct "middle finger" ring.

There is a fantastic Elizabeth Taylor meme where she is displaying her middle finger salute while showing off her emerald and diamond honker of a ring. I had it as my wallpaper on my phone for a while, until my youngest boy saw it and told me off!! Lol

 

[ringbling17]

I wouldn’t pay them any mind. Buy whatever gives you joy and makes you happy. Someone will always have something to say.

 

[headlight]

I totally understand you! Hold your head high (& your ring even higher lol!).
I am now on my 4th diamond in 30 years, & 7 mountings! The scary part is I don’t see the problem (okay, well maybe a little lol!). But I’m a good person as I’m sure you are. As others have said, it’s their problem. Life’s short. If there’s something that gives you pleasure that’s not hurting anyone else, live your life.

 

[lyra]

I don't really listen to strangers ever, and family, seldom. I do have an issue when my husband questions things. It's not like I'm spending thousands of dollars, so I just don't inform him of small purchases. He's been good about upgrading and the few really good buys I've made on Ebay. But I think he wonders if it will ever end. I doubt it.

 

[lambskin]

In these types of conversations, my Mom used to say "I appreciate your opinion but I am relying upon Aunt MOB". Most of the time it got lost on the recipient.

 

[junebug17]

Nah, I don't let anyone rain on my parade these days...I don't even really talk about my jewelry with friends or family. I just wear it and if they comment I just say is was a gift from dh. That usually shuts them up LOL. Please try not to let the comments bother you @Weeivy73, just have fun creating your new ring and wear it and enjoy it! I don't know why people have to make such a big deal about a ring.

And luckily you've found PS - we totally understand and I for one can't wait to see your new ring!

 

[Weeivy73]

Nah, I don't let anyone rain on my parade these days...I don't even really talk about my jewelry with friends or family. I just wear it and if they comment I just say is was a gift from dh. That usually shuts them up LOL. Please try not to let the comments bother you @Weeivy73, just have fun creating your new ring and wear it and enjoy it! I don't know why people have to make such a big deal about a ring.

And luckily you've found PS - we totally understand and I for one can't wait to see your new ring!

Thanks Junebug17 I'm glad I found all of you lovely bling queens!

My Jewellers business is very seasonal and after the busy season which is about to finish, he goes overseas, so I'm waiting until he returns as I don't want anyone else to so this project for me. It gives be a chance to save more for the setting to make it perfect.
Patience is a virtue, right!???

 

[seaurchin]

Lots to think about here.

I never thought about misogyny in judging jewelry purchases more harshly than other extras, but it sounds true.

Something else commonly overlooked is that good jewelry retains some value, unlike many other ways people spend their disposable incomes (vacations, spa treatments dining out, smaller but more frequent shopping splurges, etc.). For ex., I bought a decent quality 1.5 carat diamond ring a decade ago for $5,500 and I think I could get more for it now. It's not an investment but it does have some financial worth, on top of the enjoyment of wearing it every day.

Also, the snide comments mentioned all screamed "JEALOUS" to me. It would be different if someone's family was going without while they enjoyed luxuries themselves, but that hasn't been the case here. So if someone is that competitive with you that they just can't be polite when you have good fortune, then: (1) Ha ha, you won! And, (2) It shows you who's got your back and who doesn't, so I wouldn't forget it.

I'm especially thinking about this because I have a big purchase on the way. I'm older and my big responsibilities are done so usually no one says the judgy things they might say to younger women. I am also more guarded about who I share my business with than I used to be, because there are always those who might feel the need to "bring you down a peg," and it's no fun to share only to feel like you got your face slapped for it.

When visiting friends who are struggling to make ends meet, I'll probably just leave my big new pretty at home.