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Do you know EVERYTHING about your SO??

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ams0124

Brilliant_Rock
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934
Do you think you know everything about your SO that there is to know?

I came across somthing about that I had no idea about (litterally NO IDEA) but all his friends knew and it made me so sad


I found out a couple days ago that FI is color blind
I was literally knocked backwards twice!! I had nooooo idea and would have bet money that he wasn''t if someone would have asked me. We were at a friend''s house when I asked him to grab my coat from the bedroom when he was grabbing his. He asked me "Which one is it?" I said "It''s the black puffy one"....He comes back with another girls brown puffy jacket
...I kinda looked at him and like an idiot I said jokingly "What are you color blind?" All of his friends just look at me like "what a b**ch"...FI looks at me with this look and says "Yeah actually I am"
...I felt horrible, and then to make things worse one of FI''s friends says "you have his ring on your finger and you didn''t even know he was color blind?" I didn''t even have a response...


I know that we haven''t been together for a very long time in relation to most of the relationships here...so I get that certain things come with time, but the whole thing made me question if it''s normal to not know certain things about your SO...and I''m not talking about behavior things...I know what makes FI mad or happy...I can read his face and know when he''s had a bad day or want''s to talk about something....I''m talking more about physical traits like being color blind
.

Do you know everything about your SO?
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
Say what?!



ams, how did you NOT know that?
 

ams0124

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 6, 2008
Messages
934
I guess it's just not one of those things that comes up in conversation...
"Hey by the way I'm color blind" never really happend for us

It's never came up when talking about clothes or matching or anything! When we picked out couches together he picked 2 different couches...one black one brown and he said "Which one do you like?" I responded "I like the brown one" and he said "Yeah I was thinking the same thing"...If he couldn't tell a difference don't you think he would have said "which brown one" or "neither of them are brown" or something?!?!

Seriously there has never been a time when I even had a thought that maybe he was

I don't know...
 

BlueSki231

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 21, 2008
Messages
855
I like to think I do...

I'm just stunned by your story - how could he not mention that?!?

ETA - I just saw that you responded at the same time I did. I just think it's weird of him not to mention it - especially when you went couch shopping! If he couldn't see a difference between the brown and black one you'd think it woulda been an appropriate time to mention "umm i'm color blind I can't see the difference.."
is he TOTALLY color blind? some people only are color blind with certain colors..?
 

cbs102

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 26, 2008
Messages
821
Date: 2/5/2009 1:25:42 PM
Author:ams0124
Do you think you know everything about your SO that there is to know?

I came across somthing about that I had no idea about (litterally NO IDEA) but all his friends knew and it made me so sad


I found out a couple days ago that FI is color blind
I was literally knocked backwards twice!! I had nooooo idea and would have bet money that he wasn''t if someone would have asked me. We were at a friend''s house when I asked him to grab my coat from the bedroom when he was grabbing his. He asked me ''Which one is it?'' I said ''It''s the black puffy one''....He comes back with another girls brown puffy jacket
...I kinda looked at him and like an idiot I said jokingly ''What are you color blind?'' All of his friends just look at me like ''what a b**ch''...FI looks at me with this look and says ''Yeah actually I am''
...I felt horrible, and then to make things worse one of FI''s friends says ''you have his ring on your finger and you didn''t even know he was color blind?'' I didn''t even have a response...


I know that we haven''t been together for a very long time in relation to most of the relationships here...so I get that certain things come with time, but the whole thing made me question if it''s normal to not know certain things about your SO...and I''m not talking about behavior things...I know what makes FI mad or happy...I can read his face and know when he''s had a bad day or want''s to talk about something....I''m talking more about physical traits like being color blind
.

Do you know everything about your SO?
this made me giggle...but i know that it is so not funny!!!

i know that you are feeling abd but do you really want to know EVERYTHING about your FI? I don''t know everything about him yet and that makes me happy...he certainly is not a stranger by any means, but i LOVE hearing random things about him that i never knew before.

cheer up.. now you know.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
I do think that it''s kind of strange that he never told you that before! I feel that I know nearly everything about D. We''ve been together for so long that I can read him inside out.
 

chocolatefudge

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
383
Ams do you live together? I suppose something like being colour blind does seem a bit shocking not to know, seems like there would be lots of times it would be an issue! It''s a shame you had to find out in front of all of his friends like that.

I like to think I know most things about my boyfriend, although I suppose you never really know EVERYTHING do you? We''ve been together for a long time so I don''t think there''s any shocking secrets that would suddenly arise, but you never know!
 

NakedFinger

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2009
Messages
690
Date: 2/5/2009 1:25:42 PM
Author:ams0124

I know that we haven''t been together for a very long time in relation to most of the relationships here...so I get that certain things come with time, but the whole thing made me question if it''s normal to not know certain things about your SO...
Ams- just out of curiousity, how long were you together before you got engaged? I guess that would make a difference to whether it was alarming or not. Like if it was only like 3 months...it is rather quick and may not have come up or maybe since it was "new" he felt embarred to mention it? But if its been like a year....then yeah thats a little odd lol.

I cant really comment on not knowing my SO, because weve been together since we were 15, so i know EVERYTHING lol. But his aunt and uncle got engaged after 2 weeks (married for 40 years now). Clearly they didnt know EVERYTHING before they got engaged either, and they turned out ok!!
 

ams0124

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 6, 2008
Messages
934
Namaste: RIGHT!!! The opportunity completely passed him up there! He said that he can''t see the difference between dark colors...black, navy, dark brown (The couches were black and like a milk chocolate...which maybe was a big enough difference). Our paint on the walls at home are like a dark chocolate brown and he picked that color out.

Cbs: I feel the same way...I love finding out things about FI that I didn''t know...I guess it''s just the way I found out that sucks!

Bee*: I can read FI like a book too. The emotional thing I feel like I have down pat! I thought that I knew pretty much knew all the important stuff...It just makes me sad that I don''t/didn''t.

I already feel that people question us about getting married/engaged already considering we''ve been together for a little over a year, and the whole color blind thing, and then being called out about way I''m wearing a ring from him if I don''t know everything about him just adds fuel to what people already think. I know it''s not about what they think it''s about what we think but it''s hard when you have so many naysayers.
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
I think its fair to say I know pretty much everything about my FI. His most embarrassing stories, I know them all! I mean, I''m sure a few things have evaded me, but not in an intentional way.

I know when he''s been caught red-handed...like when he''s taken a toke (of "you know what") and tries to play it off like he''s just burning some sage for a "holistic environment." Actually he was burning the sage for holistic reasons, but he was also trying to cover the evidence incase a neighbor should smell anything. Lucky for us, our next door neighbor--who, you all might find interesting, is a pretty famous R&B singer--smokes "you-know-what" all day long...so we are never the suspects
 

Thomperchik

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 11, 2008
Messages
303
I don''t like the responses from his friends, but I think it''s normal. You won''t always know everything. I think it all comes with time. If you don''t mind me asking, how long have you been together?
 

Thomperchik

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 11, 2008
Messages
303
Didn''t mean to overpost. I guess everyone else was posting when I was.

Cheer up, it happens! ;-)
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
Date: 2/5/2009 2:00:44 PM
Author: ams0124

Bee*: I can read FI like a book too. The emotional thing I feel like I have down pat! I thought that I knew pretty much knew all the important stuff...It just makes me sad that I don''t/didn''t.


I already feel that people question us about getting married/engaged already considering we''ve been together for a little over a year, and the whole color blind thing, and then being called out about way I''m wearing a ring from him if I don''t know everything about him just adds fuel to what people already think. I know it''s not about what they think it''s about what we think but it''s hard when you have so many naysayers.
I can understand being upset that you didn''t know that as I would figure that would be a pretty big deal to me too. Don''t listen to the naysayers though-there will always be those people around. I''m going out with D for almost ten years and I''m sure we have those people around us too. Maybe get one of those books with all the questions to ask before you get married-we were given one as a joke and we had a great laugh asking each other the questions.
 

LabRatPhD

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 30, 2009
Messages
448
It does strike me a little odd that he didn''t tell you. With physical/health issues, I am confident I know everything about my SO. I have a congenital heart condition that I told him about a few weeks after we started dating. I think that opened up the line of communication about health in general. Maybe he didn''t think it was a big deal?
 

ams0124

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 6, 2008
Messages
934
I really appreciate all of your responses...I'll get back to you all in a little bit (I have to do some work
) but wanted to answer what seems to be a FAQ.

We've been together since Sept. 07...we consider it "official" in Oct 07. I moved in with him fairly early in our relationship...like 3 months. We got engaged on Christmas...our wedding (12/5/09) we'll have been together 2 years + 2 months.
 

fieryred33143

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
6,689
I wouldn't worry about his friend's comment honestly. The friend sounds like a jerk. Its not rare for you to not know something like he's color blind. Its not like that is something that will come up in conversation!

I've been with him for about 7 years now and the first four years were spent one hour away from each other so lots of telephone conversations. I'm pretty confident I know all there is to know but that doesn't mean he doesn't surprise me with some random fact every now and then!

 

Winks_Elf

Brilliant_Rock
Trade
Joined
Nov 28, 2008
Messages
1,674
Nope, we don''t know everything about each other, and that''s the way we like it!
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
6,181
Actually, come to think of it, I did learn something about FI last night. He's never been to a water park!!! I don't know about you all, but as an 80's child, I was ALL about the water parks. So I was very surprised that my man had never been on a water slide in his life. Maybe its a NY thing?
 

misskitty

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 20, 2008
Messages
1,691
I know I don''t know everything about my SO. I do know that he''s colorblind, too (found that one out when we went shopping and he accused me of trying to make him wear purple when I picked out a shirt that was greyish-green!) but every time we hang out with his friends from high school and college, I learn new things.
Also, over the holidays, I found some waaay old photos, and I learned that he had a mullet when he was 7!
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,511
You know... I like that! I think it is fun that we can still find out new things about one another. Don''t feel bad... look at it like an adventure! Each new piece of information is like a burried treasure... the longer you are together, the more rare and precious that treasure is.

((HUGS))
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
I cannot BELIEVE that that never came up!! How strange! Unless he's self-conscious/ashamed about it... is he? That seems like one of those "tell me about yourself" things that would come up really early in a relationship!!

Anyway, to answer your question, I don't think that it's possible to know EVERY little thing about a person - ever. If for no other reason than because they don't know every little thing about themselves. I surprised my husband by saying, in a pretty casual conversation with close mutual friends, that I wouldn't judge a person for leaving a "committed" relationship for someone else if they were not engaged or married. His jaw DROPPED, and he said "Really? You would have thought it was okay to just leave me for some guy before we were engaged?" I guess it was something that I'd never really thought about myself, much less told him about - but no, before we were engaged, I would not have thought it was an excessively horrible thing to do for either of us to have broken up with the other over having fallen for someone else.

Once we were engaged, that (meeting someone else) would not have been an adequate reason - there would need to be other supporting reasons, major reasons.

Anyway, in the end he actually agreed with me, but the real issue is that even though that may have been my subconscious go-to rule, it's not something that would have/could have happened to us beyond a certain point in our relationship (well before we got engaged).

Really it all started with a Jennifer vs. Angelina conversation, and I was explaining why I think it's okay to leave your SO for the (new) "love of your life," but not if you're married. That's part of the point of being married - knowing that you're in it for the long haul even if someone newer and shinier comes along.
 

sammyj

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
1,247
ams, I''m really sorry you had to find this out the way you did! That sucks!! Like everyone else, I can''t believe he never told you before, and whether it came up in a conversation or not, I''m sure he''s had to deal with differentiating between colours sometime in the past 2 years where his colourblindness came into play. Did you ask your Fi why he never mentioned it before? How did he react around all of his friends when this happened? I also wonder if he''s slightly ashamed/embarassed too...

I also think it''s safe to say that I don''t know everything about my BF and vice versa...at the same time, there''s nothing that I wouldn''t share with him if it came up in a conversation.
 

BlueSki231

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 21, 2008
Messages
855
well if he''s pickin out different colored couches and PAINT COLORS how could you have known!? It just sucks that his friends reacted the way they did. maybe he didn''t see it as a big enough deal to mention to you.
 

trillionaire

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
3,881
SO and I have known each other since Aug ''00. Around SO''s 25th b-day, we had been dating 4 or so years, and I knew he had never had a b-day party, so I planned a surprise one for him, and invited everyone that we knew that was local. He was surprised and appreciative, and we had a nice time. My 25th b-day came, and it was a total dud, which upset me. He didn''t understand why it should be a big deal. He grew up Jehovah''s Witness (which I knew) but he didn''t get that a 25th b-day was more important than a 24th or 26th.
So I had to explain the concept of 5''s and 0''s being significant for b-days and annis. NOW he gets it, but I''m not sure how it would have come up before. I thought it was just a common assumption or understanding.

You can''t know everything. It''s not your fault. Enjoy the mystery!
 

WistfulAurora

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 26, 2009
Messages
119
I'm with Thomperchick... I think his friends were a little unnecessary. And I agree with tlh... I mean who cares if you find out something about your SO later on in the relationship? That's the WHOLE point of marriage and spending your life together, so you learn new things and grow together... Don't be so hard on yourself!!! I personally don't like the idea of having a "manual" handed to me on the first date titled, "This is what you should know about me." I like to find out everything at my own pace, or at my SO's pace. So I'm happy I don't know everything about my SO, cause I have another 50 or so years to go (hopefully)...
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
6,893
I agree too - his friends were kinda mean. I mean, when would you have had that conversation? It''s not something that affects his overall health or is life-threatening or anything, so if the situation hadn''t come up, you know? My BF has a fairly serious medical condition - totally controllable but still serious. I found out before we started dating. But fortunately, color-blindness isn''t a dangerous thing, right? So his friends were kinda out of line, I think. Plus, isn''t a hallmark of good relationships to be continuously finding out new things about each other?
 

PrincessLily2009

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
96
That does suck that you found out in front of his friends, but it''s not like people go around advertising things like being colorblind. I had a teammate who was colorblind, and the only reason I knew was because she was in my grade school class when we learned about colorblindness. Its just not something that comes up-although it is odd that it didn''t come up when picking paint or buying furniture.

I''ve been with FF for about 2 years, and I still find out new things about him pretty regularly. I''m actually starting to feel like there''s a lot I don''t know about him, yet.

And, there will always be someone who disapproves of anything you do.
 

4ever

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
2,260
The situation sounds embaressing but I don''t think you should feel so bad about it. I don''t see how you should have known if he didn''t tell you.
 

miss_flo

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2007
Messages
401
I don''t know everything about my SO and I personally enjoy it that way. We''ve been dating for 3 years and I know his secrets, quirks and habits. I can impersonate him pretty well and I can recite all the major details of his life, but those things alone do not mean our relationship is any more intimate than another. I say this because I do NOT think you should be upset with yourself for not knowing about FI''s colorblindness. It was his responsibility to tell you, and I would go as far as saying that he should have defended you to his friends when they criticized you because the fault was his. You couldn''t have known about it if he''d been dodging or concealing it, so it was his bad that you were in that position. Hopefully those naysayers will stop being so rude, but if they don''t...screw ''em. Your happiness is yours alone to decide. If your FI is absolutely happy with you and vice versa, that''s all that matters.
 

Amanda.Rx

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 20, 2008
Messages
903
Well, as far as I KNOW, I know everything about my SO. I doubt he''s keeping anything from me though.

As far so your SO is concerned, there''s no way you could have known that unless he told you. Maybe he thought he told you at one point?? That''s just kinda strange that he would have never told you before. Oh well...

Sorry about the super-awkward situation- maybe you guys should sit down and have a "chat & spill it" talk... ha ha.
 
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