Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Do you have the need to always be right?

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
33,957
Reading threads here today makes me wonder about this question. Do you ever feel the need to be right? Or are you more of a peace maker? Or like me do you fall somewhere in between depending on how strongly you feel about an issue?

I know logic dictates it is much better to be happy than to be right especially in important relationships. But IRL what do you do?
 

CJ2008

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 31, 2006
Messages
4,750
No.

I really try to be objective.

And I really try to be informed If I'm going to voice an opinion or talk about something.

But my "need" to be right is definitely strongest when I feel well informed about something and I am talking with someone who I know is not as well informed on the sujbect and they say something just because but they know nothing about it. Then that drives me nuts. :bigsmile: and then I pretty much ignore anything they have to say. Go read and then come back.

(this is not make me sound like I'm really smart or well educated because I'm neither - but I am good at researching and I am good at trying to see all sides of an issue.)

However - even if/when I am well informed if there's even an inkling that the other person may have a point or brings something out I had not considered I *will* do my own research or revisit what they said and think about it to see if perhaps I can see their point.

In matters that aren't as "concrete" I pick my battles - definitely w DH many many times on things that don't really matter better to be happy than right.
 

Scandinavian

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 23, 2016
Messages
2,044
No. I don't have to be right, I will settle for winning the argument! LOL. I was a bit like that when I was younger, but I have grown (up) a bit I hope. Work has taught me that it is better to be result oriented! So I try (very hard sometimes too I think because it doesn't come that naturally to me) to find a way for all parties involved to "be right" so that I can get what I want without others loosing the argument - if you know what I mean.. Perhaps I do need to be right... lol. But only on things that are important to me, not just for the sake of winning the argument.
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
20,549
HI:

I would rather be correct. "Just the facts, ma'am" is my mantra and it serves my purpose as I work in Health Care and getting facts, straight, is important!!

But if you mean having the last word, well, then, that has never been my goal. I know too many "know it all's" to have the last word!!

cheers--Sharon
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
33,957
I hear you guys. Why is it with some people i.e. my mom! I feel a strong urge not to back down (when I am right that is) and to the detriment of our relationship? I think I know the answer to my own question however. Just venting. With my mom there is a lot of baggage with that relationship unfortunately and so I cannot just let things go. Even if the health of our relationship depends on it. We are both equally stubborn and that makes for a very challenging relationship even though we love each other. Sometimes we don't like each other very much. :wall: :((

My dh says whenever I enter my parents house I become 12 years old again. LOL he is not far from the truth. :blackeye:

Like you CJ I always try to keep an open mind and learn because I realize I really don't know it all. (aka Bethany from RHONY haha).
And like you Scandinavian, I try to be results oriented and not so much caught up in what we are arguing about. Happy is better than right. Unless I am dealing with my mom. :(sad

I'm with you Sharon. I don't care about having the last word. Even when I know I'm right. It's not worth it and doesn't mean a thing.

A corollary to the question. Is there a trigger person that brings out the stubborn in you?
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
33,957
I am actually proud of myself right now. I just called my mom because we had a fight this morning and I wasn't going to call her back but I did and it worked out really well. Being the person to make the first move even if you are not the one at fault can pay off so just wanted to share that. See I do learn from my past experiences and I guess I am gaining (at least a little) wisdom. OK sorry to threadjack my own thread LOL.

Interested in hearing more responses.
Do you feel the need to be right and if so when and if so is there a person that really pushes your buttons that makes you behave differently than you otherwise would
...that might necessitate another thread actually but for now asking it here.
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
20,549
HI:

Missy, funny you should write that about your Mom. I suspect we all could!

It seems as my Mother ages, her thinking is becoming much more linear with little room for others POV. I no longer debate anything, because the conversation quickly becomes nonsensical (or at least to me). However, my DH loves to debate with my Mom and they both enjoy a good wag, as my husband can come away without taking anything personal. They both like to have the last word!!! :bigsmile:

cheers--Sharon
 

Scandinavian

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 23, 2016
Messages
2,044
missy|1457799262|4003930 said:
A corollary to the question. Is there a trigger person that brings out the stubborn in you?
No. I learned from my father a long time ago that saying something more times (or louder, hahaha) doesn't make it more true. So I say what I mean (including ALL my arguments) and I'm done with it. I find that works better, lol. Then people stop arguing back... :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

Scandinavian

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 23, 2016
Messages
2,044
missy|1457799742|4003934 said:
I am actually proud of myself right now. I just called my mom because we had a fight this morning and I wasn't going to call her back but I did and it worked out really well. Being the person to make the first move even if you are not the one at fault can pay off so just wanted to share that. See I do learn from my past experiences and I guess I am gaining (at least a little) wisdom. OK sorry to threadjack my own thread LOL.

Interested in hearing more responses.
Do you feel the need to be right and if so when and if so is there a person that really pushes your buttons that makes you behave differently than you otherwise would
...that might necessitate another thread actually but for now asking it here.
I'm proud of you too Missy! Family is important (as long as they love you, that is) and I hate to fight with mine even if I know they could never be really angry with me. Feels bad, and I think reaching out makes everything better. It is family after all. (Hope you understand what I mean, I do not mean that you should be ok with everything they do /say off course). Hugs.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
33,957
Scandinavian|1457799978|4003936 said:
missy|1457799262|4003930 said:
A corollary to the question. Is there a trigger person that brings out the stubborn in you?
No. I learned from my father a long time ago that saying something more times (or louder, hahaha) doesn't make it more true. So I say what I mean (including ALL my arguments) and I'm done with it. I find that works better, lol. Then people stop arguing back... :lol: :lol: :lol:
Haha I agree with you Scandinavian...unless they are my mother. :lol:

canuk-gal said:
HI:

Missy, funny you should write that about your Mom. I suspect we all could!

It seems as my Mother ages, her thinking is becoming much more linear with little room for others POV. I no longer debate anything, because the conversation quickly becomes nonsensical (or at least to me). However, my DH loves to debate with my Mom and they both enjoy a good wag, as my husband can come away without taking anything personal. They both like to have the last word!!! :bigsmile:

cheers--Sharon
That makes much more sense than my mom's actions Sharon. She seems to be difficult mostly with me and a little bit with my sister and not at all with my dh. When he speaks and they discuss issues she is way more open and accommodating to different thoughts than she ever is or could be with me. That's what is so aggravating. I guess I need to take a page from your (and Scandinivian's) book and just stop arguing with her.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
33,957
Scandinavian|1457800197|4003940 said:
missy|1457799742|4003934 said:
I am actually proud of myself right now. I just called my mom because we had a fight this morning and I wasn't going to call her back but I did and it worked out really well. Being the person to make the first move even if you are not the one at fault can pay off so just wanted to share that. See I do learn from my past experiences and I guess I am gaining (at least a little) wisdom. OK sorry to threadjack my own thread LOL.

Interested in hearing more responses.
Do you feel the need to be right and if so when and if so is there a person that really pushes your buttons that makes you behave differently than you otherwise would
...that might necessitate another thread actually but for now asking it here.
I'm proud of you too Missy! Family is important (as long as they love you, that is) and I hate to fight with mine even if I know they could never be really angry with me. Feels bad, and I think reaching out makes everything better. It is family after all. (Hope you understand what I mean, I do not mean that you should be ok with everything they do /say off course). Hugs.
No I get what you are saying and thank you. I am trying to take to heart and realize my parents are not going to be here forever and they are getting much older and more fragile and I don't ever want to make it so that I regret my actions when they are gone yanno? I get teary eyed when I think of it and with my dad being in his eighties already and not in the best of health I get very emotional just thinking of the day they won't be here anymore. Sorry didn't mean to turn this conversation into such a depressing one!
 

Scandinavian

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 23, 2016
Messages
2,044
missy|1457800638|4003946 said:
No I get what you are saying and thank you. I am trying to take to heart and realize my parents are not going to be here forever and they are getting much older and more fragile and I don't ever want to make it so that I regret my actions when they are gone yanno? I get teary eyed when I think of it and with my dad being in his eighties already and not in the best of health I get very emotional just thinking of the day they won't be here anymore. Sorry didn't mean to turn this conversation into such a depressing one!
You are not depressing Missy, you are kind! Possibly too kind, but that is another topic ;-) Hugs!
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
28,175
It might not be up there with breathing but ... Good, bad, right or wrong needing (at least desiring) to be right is in our nature.
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
20,038
I rather be happy. I find it is not always possible to convince another person I am right and to be happy at the same time.
 

dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
5,635
Mistakes that I can make professionally can be very costly, could even be fatal.

I leant the hard way early, and made my first error during a summer job when I was still at uni. From then on, I do not like making mistakes, work or otherwise.

I would like to believe that although I am not always right, I am seldom wrong.

DK :))
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
5,925
Well being right is nice but I am wrong A LOT so I'm much better at not having to be right since I've gotten older. Maybe because I'm just too damn tired you know? Okay, you're right, can I take a nap now because honestly naps are much more enjoyable at this point than being right :D
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
28,175
... of course one person's right is another person's wrong.

Therein lies the proverbial ...

screen_shot_2016-03-12_at_2.png
 

AGBF

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 26, 2003
Messages
21,112
I have a very, very strong need to be heard. It may be an abnormally strong need. I do not need to be found right, but I need to be able to speak my piece. When I am silenced, I explode. I have never really gotten to the bottom of this.

I have no problem remaining silent in court or someplace where the rules dictate that I must. But if I am in a debate or an argument or just a discussion and someone says something to which I feel I need to reply, my anxiety rises.

And yet there are times when I can sit and listen to people spew nonsense for hours with no desire to respond or correct them. How else would I have been able to work with delusional schizophrenics as I did for many years?

I am not even sure why I can tolerate listening to some religious fanatics or mentally ill people rant, but then become engaged in a political discussion and feel I have to reply. Who flips my "on" switch? I don't know. But it's something for me to think about.

Good, thought-provoking question! (Thank you, missy!) The unexamined life is not worth living and all that. ;))

Deb :wavey:
 

D_

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2015
Messages
245
I try my best to quell my desire to be right (actually pretty relieved when Kenny says it is apparently in ur nature), because over time I realize that my desire to be right hampers my ability to learn, see things from different prespectives and/or tackle the problem in a different way (or identify the problem to be a totally different thing).

I pick my battle and when there is something I feel strongly about and I know that my belief is the (at least almost) "universal" belief, backed by facts from credible sources, and would more likely to pass the "reasonable person" test, then the more likely I am to stick to my guns. However, I will settle when someone agree to disagree. But if the other party tries to stand on a moral hig ground and try to shove their ideals down my throat, then I'll fight and I'll fight hard.

Peace maker or not depends on whether peace accomplish anything. If peace means nothing gets done then who cares about peace. I only avoid conflict that doesn't really matter or will go away on its own, not one that will only get postponed.

And +1 to this

CJ2008|1457796734|4003906 said:
But my "need" to be right is definitely strongest when I feel well informed about something and I am talking with someone who I know is not as well informed on the sujbect and they say something just because but they know nothing about it. Then that drives me nuts. :bigsmile: and then I pretty much ignore anything they have to say. Go read and then come back.
 

AprilBaby

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 17, 2008
Messages
10,618
According to my husband, I am never right. He has an overwhelming need to always be right. I'm the peacemaker. Besides, I know I'm right anyways.
 

dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
5,635
Get It Right First Time and Every Time, at work or otherwise.

If I do not believe something is right, I would say so, even if I am the only one who may think that way.

DK :))
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
Only if I am right. I'm totally fine admitting when I'm wrong. Sometimes DH will say something that I know is wrong (factually wrong) and it takes everything in me to bite my tongue.
 

CJ2008

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 31, 2006
Messages
4,750
AprilBaby|1457900196|4004573 said:
According to my husband, I am never right. He has an overwhelming need to always be right. I'm the peacemaker. Besides, I know I'm right anyways.
Sounds exactly like my DH.

And :lol: on the "I know I'm right anyways."

Yup. ::)
 

marcy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 27, 2007
Messages
23,768
I do not feel the need to be right all the time but luckily I am always right so it's not a problem. :lol:

But kidding aside I am a peace maker and only rarely feel the need to be heard. It's got to be something I feel really strongly about and I probably won't give up easily.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
28,175
marcy|1457911624|4004644 said:
I do not feel the need to be right all the time but luckily I am always right so it's not a problem. :lol:

But kidding aside I am a peace maker and only rarely feel the need to be heard. It's got to be something I feel really strongly about and I probably won't give up easily.
Sounds like a very right way to be.
Not picking on you, per se.
It's just that however we end up being, we are that way because it seems to us to be the right way to be ... and this goes for everyone from Gandhi to Hitler does this.

Right is such a flexible and seductive thing.
 
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!
    Three-stone engagement ring upgrade
    Three-stone engagement ring upgrade
    Vintage OEC Bracelet
    Vintage OEC Bracelet
    June’s Birthstone Trinity
    June’s Birthstone Trinity

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.
Top