do you have friends that must ..

[monarch64]

Friends? No, we are all pretty much laid back. I will admit to having nicer jewelry than they do, but don't flaunt it and they admire it without envying it, they have other interests that I admire. One friend collects guitars about which I know nothing but they make her happy...

HOWEVER:

I have a neighbor who insists on getting ANYTHING she sees I {or we} have--jewelry, security system, pool, backyard furniture, manicure--you name it. Drives me nuts. Our friendship long ago disintegrated but we still see each other given that we are neighbors and she just can't wait to run over and show me her newest purchase, no matter what it is. My tepid responses don't deter her.

I used to have friends/neighbors who did exactly the same thing as your neighbor! Everything we bought (this was several years ago, during my first marriage), down to a kitchen under-the-cabinet stereo, they would run out and get. Same SUV (different color but only because they couldn't get the exact same model in the color we had), same outdoor grill, she even made her husband buy her the same watch I had been given! It was seriously annoying to say the least, and I am so glad I no longer have to deal with them. So stalker-ish!

I don't have anyone in my life like that now. All of our friends have their own unique style and tastes, and we all enjoy different activities except for live music, so there is no weirdness. We all appreciate each others' differences. We are acquainted with (through friends) one couple who are constantly bragging about themselves and their possessions, and we make a point of avoiding them when possible. Blech!

 

[luv2sparkle]

No, that would make me really uncomfortable. I used to have a friend who was very jealous of everything I had, always measuring herself against me, but we are no longer friends.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

No, I don't have any friends like that. My husband and I are not wealthy and it wouldn't be hard to out-do us

Our neighbors though are the "Joneses" of the neighborhood. They are always going on trips, buying fancy things, etc. It's really sort of sad because you wonder who they are trying to impress given that we live in a plain, middle class suburb.

 

[distracts]

I don't have any friends like that, but I knew a girl like that in high school. She had to have EVERYTHING I had. The weird thing was that we weren't even friends. I tried to be friends with her but she didn't like me and was very snobby. Yet she copied all my things? I don't know, I don't understand it. Fortunately I haven't known anyone like that since.

 

[HollyS]

There may be people I know who are like that . . . but I don't consider them friends.

Real friends don't give a flying fig about those things.

 

[Haven]

No, I don't have any friends like that. My husband and I are not wealthy and it wouldn't be hard to out-do us

Our neighbors though are the "Joneses" of the neighborhood. They are always going on trips, buying fancy things, etc. It's really sort of sad because you wonder who they are trying to impress given that we live in a plain, middle class suburb.

I have a completely different perspective on this. What if these people just enjoy trips and fancy things? Isn't it possible?

DH and I take a trip to Europe every summer and we certainly don't do it to impress anyone else. If other people think that's why we go, well, the joke's on them I suppose.

 

[zoebartlett]

I don't know anyone who's like that, or at least will admit they are. My mom has an old friend though who she hears from occasionally. I love going to my parents' house during the holiday season because I always look for this woman's Christmas letter. It's hysterical every single year. If you compared her letters from to year, you'd swear she's trying to outdo herSELF. It's annoying but entertaining at the same time.

 

[Skippy123]

Nope, and if I did know someone like that, they wouldn't be my friends!

hehe yeah!!!

 

[Skippy123]

There may be people I know who are like that . . . but I don't consider them friends.

Real friends don't give a flying fig about those things.

I agree w/this!!!!

 

[TristanC]

Hmm... I MAY be that friend in the eyes of people that don't know me. But it isn't one upsmanship.

Certainly I don't have the nicest car or house not by a long shot.

Those are huge financial decisions.

But I have a lot of esoteric hobbies, and I love having nice things... so when I took up cycling my bike was far more expensive than the one that my friend had (completely different brand/type) and when I got interested in coffee machines I have a nice espresso machine which costs more than mainstream push button machines.

But then again, as Kenny would know, I have a ton of kitchen knives that cost a lot more than anything you would find in a department store.

Obviously I get very excited about my hobbies so my friends hear about it in one way or another.

The ones that know me know that I'm just a weirdo. Not that I have to be better... or competitive. Cos seriously... what kind of idiot spends money on kitchen knives?

So I'm not sure if sometimes people who are new to knowing me get that feeling that I'm just trying to one up them? Frankly the only reason I buy these things is because they give me a very private pleasure. Especially since most of the things I like are so non mainstream that people don't even recognise its value when they see it.

 

[TristanC]

No, I don't have any friends like that. My husband and I are not wealthy and it wouldn't be hard to out-do us

Our neighbors though are the "Joneses" of the neighborhood. They are always going on trips, buying fancy things, etc. It's really sort of sad because you wonder who they are trying to impress given that we live in a plain, middle class suburb.

I have a completely different perspective on this. What if these people just enjoy trips and fancy things? Isn't it possible?

DH and I take a trip to Europe every summer and we certainly don't do it to impress anyone else. If other people think that's why we go, well, the joke's on them I suppose.

Exactly this.

Reality is in the perception of others. There are a million other possible reasons they chose to live there.

Financial budgeting for their trips and their hobbies/passions might have led them to decide that a middle class neighbourhood would allow them to indulge their passions while not breaking the bank. I don't think people who enjoy taking trips do it to impress Anyone.

 

[Saoirse2]

Friends? No, we are all pretty much laid back. I will admit to having nicer jewelry than they do, but don't flaunt it and they admire it without envying it, they have other interests that I admire. One friend collects guitars about which I know nothing but they make her happy...

HOWEVER:

I have a neighbor who insists on getting ANYTHING she sees I {or we} have--jewelry, security system, pool, backyard furniture, manicure--you name it. Drives me nuts. Our friendship long ago disintegrated but we still see each other given that we are neighbors and she just can't wait to run over and show me her newest purchase, no matter what it is. My tepid responses don't deter her.

I used to have friends/neighbors who did exactly the same thing as your neighbor! Everything we bought (this was several years ago, during my first marriage), down to a kitchen under-the-cabinet stereo, they would run out and get. Same SUV (different color but only because they couldn't get the exact same model in the color we had), same outdoor grill, she even made her husband buy her the same watch I had been given! It was seriously annoying to say the least, and I am so glad I no longer have to deal with them. So stalker-ish!

Yes, I have an acquaintance like that, unfortunatelly. C has been friends with SIL for several years now. I see her once or twice a year.
They bought same SUV in same color just bigger because they have 4 children --two weeks after I got mine.
When I had my baby, SIL came to visit with C. Fast foward 2 years-- The kitchen in her new home looks exactly like mine-- to the T.
Last year, SIL had her back fence repaired and painted in white, C had her front and back fence painted in white with the addition of a 'new' Red front door
I honestly don't care if people like the granite, paintings or the rugs and take credit for it . Her bragging makes me sick. I know her husband works all day, SIL says she is the only friend C has so sad.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Friends? No, we are all pretty much laid back. I will admit to having nicer jewelry than they do, but don't flaunt it and they admire it without envying it, they have other interests that I admire. One friend collects guitars about which I know nothing but they make her happy...

HOWEVER:

I have a neighbor who insists on getting ANYTHING she sees I {or we} have--jewelry, security system, pool, backyard furniture, manicure--you name it. Drives me nuts. Our friendship long ago disintegrated but we still see each other given that we are neighbors and she just can't wait to run over and show me her newest purchase, no matter what it is. My tepid responses don't deter her.

I used to have friends/neighbors who did exactly the same thing as your neighbor! Everything we bought (this was several years ago, during my first marriage), down to a kitchen under-the-cabinet stereo, they would run out and get. Same SUV (different color but only because they couldn't get the exact same model in the color we had), same outdoor grill, she even made her husband buy her the same watch I had been given! It was seriously annoying to say the least, and I am so glad I no longer have to deal with them. So stalker-ish!

Yes, I have an acquaintance like that, unfortunatelly. C has been friends with SIL for several years now. I see her once or twice a year.
They bought same SUV in same color just bigger because they have 4 children --two weeks after I got mine.
When I had my baby, SIL came to visit with C. Fast foward 2 years-- The kitchen in her new home looks exactly like mine-- to the T.
Last year, SIL had her back fence repaired and painted in white, C had her front and back fence painted in white with the addition of a 'new' Red front door
I honestly don't care if people like the granite, paintings or the rugs and take credit for it . Her bragging makes me sick. I know her husband works all day, SIL says she is the only friend C has so sad.

I used to attribute my neighbor's lack of friends to her changing hours at the hospital where she worked, but the more I got to know her the more I understood why she was friendless.

 

[rosetta]

I get copied. A lot. Someone even tried to copy my wedding (but it soooo wasn't up to scratch).

There will always be those who have to have exactly what you have, or something bigger/better/more expensive.

I take it as flattery if they get the same, and insecurity if they are obviously trying to go one step better.

No point in getting too worked up about it IMHO. I just try to avoid them if it gets too much. These kind of people will never be my friends.

 

[Haven]

Rosetta--Now I'm really interested because you said something that my best friend says all the time when you wrote that people copy you. Please don't take this the wrong way, because obviously I don't know you IRL and I think you are LOVELY and WONDERFUL here on PS, and I am in no way trying to call you out or something. I'm really interested in your insight, because this has been something that has baffled me for years about my best friend.

Here's my question: Are you sure these people are copying you? Couldn't they just be living their lives as they please, and for whatever reason they have the same taste as you, or you are following similar trends, and that is why they happen to have things that are like your things?

I only ask because my BFF is convinced that people are always copying her--her wedding, her engagement ring, her house, her winter coat, even. I'm pretty sure she once thought someone copied her dog, something about his winter sweater and leash. She tells me about it, and I listen and I tell her what I just wrote above. Because honestly? People aren't copying her. Her tastes follow certain trends (as most consumers' tastes do, especially when they're buying things that are available on the market and not having every little thing custom made,) and people happen to do things that are reminiscent of her things.

But copying? I just don't ever see that happening. Ever. It is such a strange thing to me when she says that people are copying her. I think *for her* it makes her feel better about her choices, maybe? I don't know. But it's not like she's an artist who *invented* any of these things. It really baffles me that she thinks she owns a style or a concept once she bought it or put it together.

Okay, I guess my new question is: What are people copying? How is it copying if it's something you did not invent?

I feel like this sounds confrontational, but really I'm more confused and exasperated! I've been listening to my BFF say this for years, and there's no discussing it with her, so you're my only hope for understanding!

 

[Amys Bling]

Well, I have friends that "must have" the best this, that, and the other, but it's not that it specifically has to be better than mine.

This. I have one friens who need to have the "best"- but it's not in correlation to competeing with other friends. It's just that she has expensive taste and expects her fiance to adhere to that. I got engaged a year prior to her- she truly loves my ring and expressed it was the exact style of ring she wanted. She even commented one day to me that my diamond color had to be colorless range becuase it was so white and sparkly. She has an eye for high quality and expensive taste. Well her FI proposed this summer with my ring- but on steroids! lol, a solid carat bigger- colorless- the prong set diamonds in the band are a lot bigger, etc. I dont think she said "I want her ring but bigger and better", but her FI knows she has expensive taste so he bought the absolute highest quality and biggest diamond/ring he could afford. He knew he should not go modest with her.

 

[rosetta]

Rosetta--Now I'm really interested because you said something that my best friend says all the time when you wrote that people copy you. Please don't take this the wrong way, because obviously I don't know you IRL and I think you are LOVELY and WONDERFUL here on PS, and I am in no way trying to call you out or something. I'm really interested in your insight, because this has been something that has baffled me for years about my best friend.

Here's my question: Are you sure these people are copying you? Couldn't they just be living their lives as they please, and for whatever reason they have the same taste as you, or you are following similar trends, and that is why they happen to have things that are like your things?

I only ask because my BFF is convinced that people are always copying her--her wedding, her engagement ring, her house, her winter coat, even. I'm pretty sure she once thought someone copied her dog, something about his winter sweater and leash. She tells me about it, and I listen and I tell her what I just wrote above. Because honestly? People aren't copying her. Her tastes follow certain trends (as most consumers' tastes do, especially when they're buying things that are available on the market and not having every little thing custom made,) and people happen to do things that are reminiscent of her things.

But copying? I just don't ever see that happening. Ever. It is such a strange thing to me when she says that people are copying her. I think *for her* it makes her feel better about her choices, maybe? I don't know. But it's not like she's an artist who *invented* any of these things. It really baffles me that she thinks she owns a style or a concept once she bought it or put it together.

Okay, I guess my new question is: What are people copying? How is it copying if it's something you did not invent?

I feel like this sounds confrontational, but really I'm more confused and exasperated! I've been listening to my BFF say this for years, and there's no discussing it with her, so you're my only hope for understanding!

No problem at all. Allow me to explain.

I don't feel that it's every Tom dick or Harry who copies me. Not at all. It's just a handful of pepole. Let me take our wedding as example. This person copied the exact (and unusual) schedule of our wedding, booked the same kind of venue, booked the same videographer (whom they didn't even know about before seeing our video) etc etc. We had some mutual guests who kinda were giving me a quizzical look like: havent we been to this wedding before? In truth, it looked like a pale imitation. But you could see what they were trying to do.

I think I find it most obvious when people (90% are female acquaintances) who have no interest in something until they have seen me with it. And then suddenly, they MUST have it or DIE. Like warm coloured diamonds, which are not at all common in the UK. Or custom made jewellery. I'll make a list of the others:

Car (copied the audi down to the colour)
Designer handbag (my exact Lanvin, Fendi and a knock off of my Prada which really hurt!)
Holidays (same destination, same hotel)
Smythson leather goods (no interest in them before and they certainly aren't an unknown brand)
My vintage crocodile wallet (not the same one, but one very similar)
My belstaff boots (they were not thought suitable for work, but now suddenly they are)
We bought a gaggia coffee maker (yup, same ones a week later)

I'll stop there. It's the same culprits time and again. I really want a certain emerald green handbag, but I'm going to wait until it becomes less available otherwise it's going to get copied. I know some people for whom money is no object so that special something that takes me ages to save up for, takes little miss copycat a millisecond to acquire. It grates a bit. I feel like a terrible person just writing that!

Sometimes I'm flattered. Sometimes I get a bit annoyed. But that's about it. It's always a very specific item. If it just was a person getting a new dining table when we got one, I wouldn't think it had a thing to do with me.

 

[Dancing Fire]

[quote="rosetta|

I don't feel that it's every Tom dick or Harry who copies me. Not at all. It's just a handful of pepole. Let me take our wedding as example. This person copied the exact (and unusual) schedule of our wedding, booked the same kind of venue, booked the same videographer (whom they didn't even know about before seeing our video) etc etc. We had some mutual guests who kinda were giving me a quizzical look like: havent we been to this wedding before? In truth, it looked like a pale imitation. But you could see what they were trying to do.

[/quote]
..another $100K wedding?

 

[rosetta]

[quote="rosetta|

I don't feel that it's every Tom dick or Harry who copies me. Not at all. It's just a handful of pepole. Let me take our wedding as example. This person copied the exact (and unusual) schedule of our wedding, booked the same kind of venue, booked the same videographer (whom they didn't even know about before seeing our video) etc etc. We had some mutual guests who kinda were giving me a quizzical look like: havent we been to this wedding before? In truth, it looked like a pale imitation. But you could see what they were trying to do.

..another $100K wedding?[/quote]

Hah hah no!

If it wasn't for the fact that I live in Rip Off Britain, my wedding would have been half that amount.

Mind you, a lot of the money was spent on jewellery and you can't deny me that!

 

[CaprineSun]

Rosetta--Now I'm really interested because you said something that my best friend says all the time when you wrote that people copy you. Please don't take this the wrong way, because obviously I don't know you IRL and I think you are LOVELY and WONDERFUL here on PS, and I am in no way trying to call you out or something. I'm really interested in your insight, because this has been something that has baffled me for years about my best friend.

Here's my question: Are you sure these people are copying you? Couldn't they just be living their lives as they please, and for whatever reason they have the same taste as you, or you are following similar trends, and that is why they happen to have things that are like your things?

I only ask because my BFF is convinced that people are always copying her--her wedding, her engagement ring, her house, her winter coat, even. I'm pretty sure she once thought someone copied her dog, something about his winter sweater and leash. She tells me about it, and I listen and I tell her what I just wrote above. Because honestly? People aren't copying her. Her tastes follow certain trends (as most consumers' tastes do, especially when they're buying things that are available on the market and not having every little thing custom made,) and people happen to do things that are reminiscent of her things.

But copying? I just don't ever see that happening. Ever. It is such a strange thing to me when she says that people are copying her. I think *for her* it makes her feel better about her choices, maybe? I don't know. But it's not like she's an artist who *invented* any of these things. It really baffles me that she thinks she owns a style or a concept once she bought it or put it together.

Okay, I guess my new question is: What are people copying? How is it copying if it's something you did not invent?

I feel like this sounds confrontational, but really I'm more confused and exasperated! I've been listening to my BFF say this for years, and there's no discussing it with her, so you're my only hope for understanding!

I've thought the same when I hear of the "copying." ITA with your entire post and the previous one as well.

Although, I can concede to seeing some crazed people do that sometimes. However, it's less common than some would be led to believe.

 

[Haven]

Rosetta--Thank you for not taking my post as an attack on you or anything. I came back here ready to cringe, because I was certain it came across the wrong way.

I have never heard about some of the items you've listed. This makes me think that perhaps copying is more rampant (or obvious) in circles where people wear more exclusive items. In that case, they're more difficult to get, and definitely less common. That makes more sense than someone "copying" a Coach bag and a Calvin Klein coat, since those things are pretty commonplace.

As for me, I buy a lot of things from local artists or etsy artists, or from little boutiques when we travel, so I have zero brand recognition going on. It would be hard to copy me, or for me to copy someone else, I suppose, since so much of what I wear or buy comes from obscure sellers.

Very interesting, indeed!

 

[rosetta]

No I'm not offended at all.

Getting a coach bag wouldn't be much of a copycat move, since everyone seems to have them. I wouldn't call buying popular brands copying: they're popular! It's when the little known brands or vintage items get replicated that makes me go a bit

 

[jewelerman]

no. my friends actually thinks its really funny that i am so addicted to items like jewelry that can carry such high price tags.Most of my friends are very happy and supportive when someone achieves a nice home,car or gift like jewelry and its shared in a very positive light.

 

[Lulie]

I do not keep keep track of what friends or neighbors are doing or buying. Too busy for that

I've thought the same when I hear of the "copying." ITA with your entire post and the previous one as well.

Although, I can concede to seeing some crazed people do that sometimes. However, it's less common than some would be led to believe.

Unfortunately imitation-larger-better than yours syndrome is quite common in my world. Brow lift, Rhinoplasty, Cheek & Chin implant patients often bring a picture of a 'friend' to copy some of their features Paired patients often brag about their newest and probably 'better' car, purse, etc. This is probably regional... blame the sun

 

[yssie]

No one in my life copies anything about me. Well - except perhaps my tweezerman collection.

I wonder what that says?

 

[Imdanny]

I can't believe some of you tolerate this. I don't give a flying expletive deleted whether they're friends with my boyfriend and his sister or whatever. A person like this wouldn't receive the time of day from me. They'd be cut out of my life, tomorrow morning at 8 am. "It's over. Don't call again or I'll get a restraining order. Click." Does that answer your question?