Do you feel like a bride?

[IndiBlue]

I''m curious to know others thoughts on this topic because I do not feel like a bride. All of this is coming about because lately I''ve been shopping for the perfect engagement party dress without any luck at all! It''s in 3 weeks, it''s cold here in Indiana and I''ve not found ANYTHING that makes me feel like I''m the special bride!

 

[sumbride]

I think I''m having trouble balancing reality with what my expectations were. There is no "glow" about me, at least none that I can see. Nobody has thrown any parties for us yet, though we do have one in the works. Nobody has bought me a congratulatory lunch, or anything like that. I think I expected more. I''ve noticed that wedding magazines aren''t fun anymore now that it''s "ok" for me to buy them. They feel more like homework. My family doesn''t treat me any differently, but there are frequent mentions of "how much we have to look forward to" and I''m wondering when exactly that starts. But we''re still 8 months away, so I''m guessing "later".

So I don''t know if I feel like a bride or not. I do when I''m pounding away on the elliptical thinking about a potential dress. But it''s not at all what I thought it would feel like.


Hopefully the engagement party will be the beginning of you feeling like a bride!

 

[Jaders731]

Indi.. I know exactly how you are feeling..

Although I think my feelings are stemming from something slightly different. Being out of the country and planning a wedding is really difficult. I'm away from friends and family.. so there are no engagement parties.. or showers.. or lunches.. which makes me sad (I'm not saying that I expected the parties.. but they would have been nice).. I have to travel back to the states for my fittings.. so that first fitting is a girls weekend with my mom and my MOH... I think it will be the first time, other than dress shopping, that I will feel "bridal"

I'm sure that once wedding week hits (only 74 days till the wedding!! OMG) it will be different.. my mom told me a good friend of hers is throwing me a shower... and I know some friends on the island here are going to throw us each a bachelor/ette party..
I'm knee deep in lowering floral budgets and figuring out wedding rings and fixing invitation crisis'.. that this week.. I am sooo anti-wedding.. and pro-eloping..

Definitely know that you arent alone in feeling this way... I think these feelings come in waves.. so hopefully this will pass shortly!!!

ETA: I agree with sumbride... just about the only time I feel bridal is when I'm working out... I'm a freak I know.. but when I am workin out in the gym.. all I see is that dress... that dress is the BEST motivation EVER!!! 20lbs down... 11 to go!

 

[gail013]

I think Indianapolis has great shopping. When I am looking for the perfect thing though, I head straight to Nordstroms and find a good salesperson.

 

[IndiBlue]

Shopping isn''t the problem! I''ve seen and tried on many things I''ve liked, but just haven''t found that dress that makes me feel like a bride that isn''t a wedding dress...The poor girls at Saks have been so helpful- I think your right, though Sumbride, it might just be that it doesn''t feel like how I expected it to feel.

 

[Jas12]

I have about 5 1/2 months to go and I have some of the same feelings--bridal mags are all business no pleasure right now, and I certainly don''t have a ''glow''.
I have always worked out, so I should have no trouble kicking it up a notch--but it''s not happening. I try to picture the dress, but it''s not working for me...i have been slacking at the one time i want the motivation...

What kind of look do you want for your party? Maybe we can help.

 

[AmberWaves]

I agree, Indi. I have ten months to go, we''ve been engaged for 9 months already. I was up last night panicking about the officiant, seating charts, dresses, MONEY... I won''t have any engagement parties thrown, I don''t even get a bachlorette party. I think the day I feel like a bride will be our wedding day. I haven''t shopped for anything yet, and I''m getting depressed. It really is starting to feel more like a chore than anything fun.

Hopefully this changes soon.

 

[Larissa]

Nope, I never did. It was just another day. Other than the nervousness for the 20 minutes during the ceremony it felt totally and completely normal.

I think all these wedding sites, magazines, TV shows and general hype lead us to believe that it needs to be all perfect, special, we need to feel head-over-heals in love, and bridal when that''s not how real life is.

 

[Kit]

I tend to think it might be a GOOD thing you don't feel like a bride...this may mean that you aren't forcing yourself to feel the social construct that is feeling like/being a "Bride." I mean, yes, getting married is a wonderful thing and I personally am super excited about it and can't wait for our big day. But I've also heard some good advice, which is that your wedding day is the day after, and the day before, just another day in your life. I think there's a lot of antiquated cultural stuff that feeds into the Bridal thing.

JMHO.

ETA: I am not sure you need to go for "bridal" at your engagement party. Think: fabulous, flattering and special. A nice cocktail dress or skirt/top should work fine, depending on the venue and parameters of the event. At bottom, our engagement party was basically just a nice party.

 

[blinkydoll]

i''m not feeling very bride-ey? I am not looking forward to looking for a dress

I don''t know how we will pay for a wedding--- even a very small one

I am a photographer and a photograper''s assistant-- and i have been to soo many beautifull-- magazene perfect looking- weddings and its nice and all.. but I can''t see spending all that money for one day. My Fi wants a big wedding thing

-- but i don''t -- i''d much rather it be just my Fi and I somewhere alone and exchanging vows etc.. But I know there are a bunch of people in my family that wouldn''t like that.--i''m the only girl in my fam.
I HATE being in front of a camera And the center or attention.... I don''t want to dance

ESP in front of everyone. I''m just not looking forward to all these things.

We have been going to wedding shows now and then for a year... and I eather get this overwhelming feeling of --I HATE ALL THIS! --the annoying Dj''s... The medicore food..the dresses... the planning...yuck..... I keep apoligizing to my Fi--- I keep saying i''m sorry but i don''t think I have the Bride Gene!
Sigh.... There are some things I like... I have been looking at bride magizenes..and I found some pretty dresses.. But i''m worried That they will look realy bad on me or worse yet--they will be very nice on.. but way tooo $$$$ for me

I don''t want to invite some people in our families to our wedding (or whatever we end up doing)....But Have too

Don''t get me wrong though---I LOVE my FI!! We have been together for 10 years! And I can''t wait to marry him! He is my best friend! we met in college when i was 19 and He was 20. We love being together. And I Love My Ring--He worked so hard to get for me (was kinda really important to me because of everything it symbolizes...-my dad never gave my mom and e-ring; -My Fi cared enough to make payments on it for over a year; -it also has grandmother''s(she meant so much to me) diamond in it.)

--->Thats another hard thing-- Bec I allways thought my Grandmother would be at my wedding

She passed away 7plus years ago)

Sigh..... maybe i''m just getting overwhelmed.
does anyone ever feel like this?

SOOOO sorry to ramble--- I think I needed to get some stuff out.

Thanks

 

[IndiBlue]

I''m so glad to know that I''m not alone....

For all of you that have mentioned that your stressing- I''ll say, I''ve been in your place and it all works out- try at least to let some of it go. I''ve found that meditating has worked pretty well for me- especially right before bed when my mind is going about 2k miles a min.

Jas, I''m looking for something that will make me pop! I''m in Indiana (read: COLD!), the party is in Feb- so I have some hesitation with sleeveless dresses- although I''m not adversed to wearing a cashmere shaw if that''s all I find. And I''ve been tanning just in case. I want a simple, elegant, fabulous dress/ skirt combo for a 5pm dinner party...Nothing to snazy!

 

[Fancy605]

I didn''t feel very "bridey." I was just sort of picking things out. I think I was still in shock over the whole thing when I was trying on dresses. Picking out invitations basically just frustrated me. I basically felt like everything was like it had always been. I felt like it was going to be a nice classy event, but I wasn''t excited about the wedding itself (Just the actual marriage).

Well then the other day mu fiance and I went for our tasting, and that''s where it hit me.(Maybe it was all those lil chocolate covered strawberries dressed up in their tuxedos). The tasting was so much fun, and everyone was so absolutely intent on making us happy and getting everything exactly right. The caterers treated us like absolute royalty. I was almost embarassed at first. Then it helps that we registered, and now we are interviewing photographers and finalizing our play list for the reception. And NOW I am really starting to become one of those nearly annoyingly giddy people. Maybe it is seeing everything start to come together--- or maybe it was just the mountains of deliciousness that were presented to us. I dunno. I was already extatic about the getting married part, and would have happily done it in a courthouse, but now the entire wedding thing is starting to feel really special.

 

[Officers girl]

I think feeling bridey is more moments than it is a full blow experience. When people announce our intentions at parties and things it so exciting and wonderful, and when Nick calls me his fiancee it feels amazing. But when your stuck in traffic on the way to the 9th gown shop uhh no no bridal feelings at all My advice is just focus on being happy and content and realize that you only get to do this once (usually) and just try to remember its only one day so make it a great memory.

 

[monarch64]

Indi, I''m from Indiana (Bedford, to be exact)...now in Chicago and married here as well.

So, I''m trying to get this straight--your engagement party/shower? is in February, or is that when your wedding takes place? If you''re looking for a dress to wear to your party/shower (not wedding), have you looked at J.Crew online? They have a nice selection of dresses in silk that are snazzy but not overly frou-frou you could dress up with a gorgeous pair of sparkly shoes and a great evening bag and wrap!

I wore a black strapless cotton sateen short a-line dress with a tiny ivory ruffle peeking out from the bodice to my bridal shower...I didn''t want to wear anything too "bridal" but definitely wanted to feel "bridal." So I think I know what you mean or are looking for. Simple, elegant, but not over the top, no?

I will attach a few pics of J. Crew dresses...they are pretty easily tailored and arrive in just a few days (can''t remember if there is a J.Crew at Castleton or Keystone or CircleCenter!) Here is a cotton sateen one in navy...you could wear gold or silver shoes and bag and accentuate with a shimmery wrap...

 

[monarch64]

Here''s a v-neck that is usually flattering to many figure types, comes in a few other colors, and is dressy enough for your occasion (although I''m still wondering if this is your actual wedding or just your shower/engagement party you''re speaking of, sorry)

 

[monarch64]

And one more...and I just re-read and figured out that this IS your engagement party! Sorry I didn''t catch that before, but at least I was on track with the party dresses vs. the bridal gowns, lol!

 

[Cheekyprincess]

Buy some indulgent, gorgeous, sexy underwear to wear under a dress for the day. No one will no it is there but sometimes these feelings have to come from within.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 1/17/2007 12:56:17 AM
Author: Cheekyprincess
Buy some indulgent, gorgeous, sexy underwear to wear under a dress for the day. No one will no it is there but sometimes these feelings have to come from within.

THAT is a fabulous idea! Good job, Cheeky!

 

[Mara]

my e-party dress find was kind of random. we were in tahoe about 2 months before and i hadn't even really given though to a dress for the party...my mom saw this dress in the window of this boutique and we both thought it was pretty (funny because we have totally different taste). it was a betsey johnson and super cute...i have posted pictures previously and it was perfect for the day. spaghetti strap, straight bodice silk dress with a flowy liner over it and big watercolor flowers strewn across the dress in a red. totally not something i'd think 'oh thats ME' but it was perfect. our e-party was outdoors in a very california mediterranean style outdoor terrace of a hotel with lots of spanish tile and it was HOT that day!!!

anyway...you never know when you might find the perfect thing for the event..good luck!

oh and i didn't really feel like a 'bride' at that point, because i really wasn't yet. the e-party for us was more kind of the kickoff to 'we are getting married' so AFTER i felt more like a bride than before...hehe.

 

[rainbowtrout]

My college friends organized a party for us...I wore jeans? Also, I brought the dessert ;-P No one in the family really showed any interest in having an e-party for us except his mother, and she lives too far away. But people gave us some lovely gifts, which was sweet.

If "bridey" means stressed out about planning and worried about how we're going to pay for it, then, yes... to be fair we START really planning in March, so it's not like I'm pulling my hair out already. Mostly I try not to think about the details and go squee! We're getting married! occasionally.

I don't know, I'm not hugely fond of the whole "bride" idea. No one asks the groom if he is feeling like a "groom." Beh.

Have fun picking out a dress and good luck! That purple JCrew is nice.

 

[Clarygrace]

IndieBlue:

Do I feel like a Bride? Well, I''m nine months out and with planning underway on many fronts, I feel pretty normal. That doesn''t mean things will not change, just that I think I''m pacing myself because of the logistics involved (we are planning a wedding in Italy) and I know I need to stay focused and organized, but have fun at the same time.

Dress picking (wedding or other special occasion) is a special process filled with a plethora of emotions...we all have been there! That said, if I have an idea of a look, I can usually find it. I know what works for me and what doesn''t so that helps from the get go and then I decide from there. I always consider the basic rules of event setting and choosing something comfortable but appropriate and yes glam! Color and accessory picking are the fun parts! Also, since I''m a practical person, I always say to myself, can I wear this again for another occasion? If I follow this train of thought, I usually end up with something quite nice!

Good luck and I''m sure you will find a beautiful dress!

 

[IndiBlue]

Thanks Monarch for the suggestions...This is an engagement dinner party that my future Grandmother-in-law is throwing for us.
The wedding is in July.

 

[anchor31]

I feel like a bride when I''m doing wedding planning stuff... Otherwise I feel pretty normal! Our engagement will have been 26 months (19 months to go), so feeling high all that time would probably have been exhausting!

 

[blushingbride]

I didn't feel like a bride until I was at my engagement party and everyone was congratulating me. I remember making my FI drive to Barnes & Noble so I could buy my first few bridal magazines and thought that's when I'd feel like a bride, but that didn't happen (not even after the cashier kept asking me questions about my engagement and my wedding)!

I would say that the times I feel most like a bride is when I'm at Michael C. Fina doing things for the wedding (my FI bought my ring & diamond there, we registered there and are getting our invitations there). Every single woman walking around in that store is a bride, it's pretty funny - you feel right at home! Also, when someone complements me on my ring REMINDS me that I am a bride and makes me have that feeling like, "Wow, I'm getting married!"

 

[aquarius_ser]

I''m with you... I don''t "feel" like a bride. I thought the world was going to change after I got engaged. I had a list of things I thought I would to accomplish after I had my ring!!

1. Lose 10 pounds - Get in a size 6 comfortably
2. Color my hair back to it''s original color
3. Be in a great mood everyday - I''m engaged!
4. Be excited about life in general - I''m getting married!

I thought these things would just "happen" for some reason and they''re not.

I guess it really is something I have to work on!

I''m in Cincinnati so it''s cold here too... very unmotivating!

 

[IndiBlue]

On that note though- I was sitting in class and my phone started to buzz- I had a voicemail!

My Dress is in!!!!!! Now I just have to go up to Chicago and try it on!! Now I feel like a bride- I have a dress!

 

[onedrop]

I am going to have to agree with you ladies, I don''t feel much like a bride. Even though I have my dress, found a location, sent out save-the-dates and ordered invitations! I am wondering if that *feeling* will ever kick in. But then again, I am doing things non-traditionally in that I am not formally engaged yet. Hopefully I will feel more "bride-ish" after I am engaged. LOL

 

[jesterjigger]

Not at all...my wedding is in Ohio, I''m in Korea...my wedding is in September and I don''t get back to the states until August. I really wish I had just gone for the two year engagement and gotten married in 2008.