Do you ever let your physical imperfections lower your confidence?

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/4/2009 6:39:34 AM
Author: honey22
Yep! I hear you ladies.

I have lost 26 kilos (with quite a few to go) and as a result, I have upper arms that are just loose skin flapping around and I HATE THEM. I am so self concious when I wear tshirts, I am convinced that people are just staring at my saggy arms.

My wedding is coming up in 5 months and I have been exercising like mad and using weights to tone up, but that''s the only thing that makes me feel physically sick to my stomach - looking at myself in my gorgeous, expensive, designer wedding dress and just seeing arm fat! Urghh!

I know I have to get over it and accept my body for what it is, lumpy bumpy and beautiful all at once, but I am really hung up over the arms. I think I need therapy!

People ask me what would I do if I won the lotto, I wouldn''t even have to think about it for a second, I would have surgery on my arms!

Still the tuck shop ladies Honey?

 

[tyty333]

After breastfeeding 3 kids my boobs hang so low they reside in another zip code

! And my thighs...well those are whole nother story but you
know...at my age (40 something) I realize that everyone has issues. I dont feel bad about my issues anymore....I just pretty much ignore them

!

 

[AdiS]

No, not really. I know I’m not perfect, but then again, who is?

I generally have high confidence levels and I love myself the way I am. But I do have my bad days – you know, when your hair just looks bad, your period is coming and you have a huge pimple on your face, your butt somehow looks bigger than usual, you get my drift. I feel like everyone is looking at the darn pimple, or the unruly hairdo, or just staring at me in a weird way.

Then I remind myself than no one is really staring at me and even if they are, they won’t remember it in a minute or two. Sometimes I too unconsciously watch people when I walk down the street but I don’t really see them and I’m most certainly not scanning them in order to find their flaws.

The next morning I feel better, my butt has miraculously shrunk back to its normal size, the pimple is gone and my hair looks shiny and beautiful. And when I go out and someone looks at me, I think to myself “You go girl! You look so fine, the people are even staring at you!” lol It’s all in your head.

 

[pinkstars]

Date: 7/6/2009 3:28:42 AM
Author: AdiS
No, not really. I know I’m not perfect, but then again, who is?


I generally have high confidence levels and I love myself the way I am. But I do have my bad days – you know, when your hair just looks bad, your period is coming and you have a huge pimple on your face, your butt somehow looks bigger than usual, you get my drift. I feel like everyone is looking at the darn pimple, or the unruly hairdo, or just staring at me in a weird way.


Then I remind myself than no one is really staring at me and even if they are, they won’t remember it in a minute or two. Sometimes I too unconsciously watch people when I walk down the street but I don’t really see them and I’m most certainly not scanning them in order to find their flaws.


The next morning I feel better, my butt has miraculously shrunk back to its normal size, the pimple is gone and my hair looks shiny and beautiful. And when I go out and someone looks at me, I think to myself “You go girl! You look so fine, the people are even staring at you!” lol It’s all in your head.

Ditto!
You said everything that I feel!

I''ve gained close to(or even over) 60 lbs in the last 5 years. It''s something that I don''t love or like, but it is something that if I am unhappy with it, I can change it. I still feel pretty and beautiful though which makes me pretty comfortable in this extra skin that I have.

 

[honey22]

Date: 7/4/2009 3:52:08 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 7/4/2009 6:39:34 AM

Author: honey22

Yep! I hear you ladies.


I have lost 26 kilos (with quite a few to go) and as a result, I have upper arms that are just loose skin flapping around and I HATE THEM. I am so self concious when I wear tshirts, I am convinced that people are just staring at my saggy arms.


My wedding is coming up in 5 months and I have been exercising like mad and using weights to tone up, but that''s the only thing that makes me feel physically sick to my stomach - looking at myself in my gorgeous, expensive, designer wedding dress and just seeing arm fat! Urghh!

I know I have to get over it and accept my body for what it is, lumpy bumpy and beautiful all at once, but I am really hung up over the arms. I think I need therapy!

People ask me what would I do if I won the lotto, I wouldn''t even have to think about it for a second, I would have surgery on my arms!

Still the tuck shop ladies Honey?

Hey Lorelei, yes, still the tuckshop ladies. And I have only myself to blame. They are 3cm less now, but I still have a lot of work to do!!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/6/2009 5:54:19 AM
Author: honey22

Date: 7/4/2009 3:52:08 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 7/4/2009 6:39:34 AM

Author: honey22

Yep! I hear you ladies.


I have lost 26 kilos (with quite a few to go) and as a result, I have upper arms that are just loose skin flapping around and I HATE THEM. I am so self concious when I wear tshirts, I am convinced that people are just staring at my saggy arms.


My wedding is coming up in 5 months and I have been exercising like mad and using weights to tone up, but that''s the only thing that makes me feel physically sick to my stomach - looking at myself in my gorgeous, expensive, designer wedding dress and just seeing arm fat! Urghh!

I know I have to get over it and accept my body for what it is, lumpy bumpy and beautiful all at once, but I am really hung up over the arms. I think I need therapy!

People ask me what would I do if I won the lotto, I wouldn''t even have to think about it for a second, I would have surgery on my arms!

Still the tuck shop ladies Honey?

Hey Lorelei, yes, still the tuckshop ladies. And I have only myself to blame. They are 3cm less now, but I still have a lot of work to do!!

Awwwww.....Honey you look gorgeous!!! Bugger the tuckshop ladies, I think you are lovely and 3cm less is major!!!!

 

[Haven]

Yes, sometimes I do allow my physical imperfections to lower my confidence. I''m about ten pounds heavier than I''d like to be right now, and that makes me uncomfortable in my summer clothes or in dresses for weddings and such.

I used to hate the bump in my nose, and my one eyebrow that''s higher than the other, and my puffy lips and chipmunk cheeks, but I''m over all that now. Those things are just a part of me, I have no control over any of them, so I just have to embrace them.

The extra weight, though, that I can control so it makes me very uncomfortable to be carrying it around.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 7/4/2009 3:52:08 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 7/4/2009 6:39:34 AM
Author: honey22
Yep! I hear you ladies.

I have lost 26 kilos (with quite a few to go) and as a result, I have upper arms that are just loose skin flapping around and I HATE THEM. I am so self concious when I wear tshirts, I am convinced that people are just staring at my saggy arms.

My wedding is coming up in 5 months and I have been exercising like mad and using weights to tone up, but that''s the only thing that makes me feel physically sick to my stomach - looking at myself in my gorgeous, expensive, designer wedding dress and just seeing arm fat! Urghh!

I know I have to get over it and accept my body for what it is, lumpy bumpy and beautiful all at once, but I am really hung up over the arms. I think I need therapy!

People ask me what would I do if I won the lotto, I wouldn''t even have to think about it for a second, I would have surgery on my arms!

Still the tuck shop ladies Honey?

As someone who has been "tucked"...let me tell you, first hand, it''s a give ...but also a take.

Yes, that tiny bit of loosened skin is gone--great! But, in it''s place is an awfully long, red, puckered scar.

I had a tummy tuck in 2005, I had lost over 100lbs and needed one...I had the dreaded fupa-bootydo. So, I had a tummy tuck, liposuction, and a breast lift.

Here is the reality:

When you loose weight and have an area tucked, it stays tight as a drum. But, you have a hideous scar...hopefully you don''t "spit" stitches...because that leaves pockmarks on your scar.

It''s a moderately painful recovery...at least for the tummy. You have to rebuild muscle tone...but it''s not easy because they often have to stitch the muscles.

If you ever "re-gain" weight...even a little...it never evenly distributes again. Never. Your arms will be slim...but that weigh goes to less desirable places. This is something I found out after I re-gained weight during my attempt to get pregnant. My tummy is flat, firm, taunt...but my thighs are thicker than ever before.

 

[HopeDream]

You are so beautiful, and you don't even know it !!

A while ago I met up with a friend from high school that I hadn't seen in many years. A huge wave familiarity, and joy at seeing her overwhelmed me, and I basked in the happieness of seeing her again and catching up. A few minutes in to our conversation I had a very strange experience of suddenly seeing her changed physical appearance, and realizing that she actually looked way different than how I remembered her looking in the past.

In that moment I realized that we remember the people we care about not by what they look like, but by how they make us feel.

That said, I have days when I feel hideous and unloveable.

My physical appearance only serves to make an impression on people who don't know me....Why do I want to impress strangers if they choose to judge me by my looks? - f*ck em.
Good, kind, intelligent people will take the time to get to know me - those are the people I want in my life.

I've had the good fortune to spend some time hanging out with David Roche (David's Site) who is amazing, hillarious and is one of The Most Beautiful people I know (This man is a total rock star!).

His advice - When every you look in the mirror and start to obsess about all of those physical things you hate about yourself - practice looking cute instead.

On days when I feel Fugly I do my best to be friendly and give folks the courtesy of my undivided care and attention, so they will remember my warm heart.

HD

 

[jjc]

Sometimes, yes. But I think not only is that inevitable, but to an extent, healthy. Because it''s real, and learning to be less than completely thrilled with what you''ve been handed, but still make the best of it, is life.

With that said, I think it''s so telling to look back to a time when I was part of a toxic group of friends and remembering that every time I was around them, I felt disgusting. I could be by myself and feel totally great, and then the second I was around them - hideous. Elephant Man-style hideous. It''s been about 3 years since I divorced that group, wholesale, and I can honestly say that I''ve never felt that bad about myself since.

Would I love it if I had a teeny tiny, not so long, perfectly symmetrical face? Sure. But then I don''t think I would quite appreciate the way my huge smile could make someone feel at ease the same way. Anything that contributes to being the opposite of my ex friends (in terms of how I make other people feel about themselves) is a good thing in my book haha And I do think that I get so much more happiness from that than I would from enjoying my perfect little face all by myself

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Yes ma''am I do.

I am so pasty and freckly- bleurgh.... I wish so much to be skinny, tan and freckle free. It only really bothers me in the summer, in the winter I can cover myself!

 

[cindygenit]

Yes, i used to be VERY overweight

now i just don''t care what other people think. I''m happy

 

[Lauren8211]

Yes... it''s a huge issue of mine, and I''ve been trying to work on it for a while.

I tend to get *very* upset when something doesn''t look right. Sometimes I don''t leave the house. If I do, I feel like everyone is staring at it and it makes me self-conscious.. sometimes I have panic attacks because of it.

I''m trying to learn to love what I have.. because I''m sure when I''m a grandmother, I''ll look back and wish I would have appreciated my 20something body a bit more.

 

[Liane]

I used to. I really don''t anymore. It pops up occasionally but it''s minor and never lasts long.

The most helpful thing for me was exercise, because exercise is a great mood lifter in and of itself, and also because being able to work on improving things that bug me is always more productive than sitting around feeling bad about them. So if I think my stomach''s pooching out, I cut back on eating and work out a little more. If my arms feel flabby, I hit the weights. I feel better and after a while, the flaws go away.

There were other things that helped too, but that''s the big one for me.

 

[Upgradable]

Date: 7/7/2009 12:21:57 AM
Author: HopeDream

You are so beautiful, and you don''t even know it !!

A while ago I met up with a friend from high school that I hadn''t seen in many years. A huge wave familiarity, and joy at seeing her overwhelmed me, and I basked in the happieness of seeing her again and catching up. A few minutes in to our conversation I had a very strange experience of suddenly seeing her changed physical appearance, and realizing that she actually looked way different than how I remembered her looking in the past.

In that moment I realized that we remember the people we care about not by what they look like, but by how they make us feel.

That said, I have days when I feel hideous and unloveable.

My physical appearance only serves to make an impression on people who don''t know me....Why do I want to impress strangers if they choose to judge me by my looks? - f*ck em.
Good, kind, intelligent people will take the time to get to know me - those are the people I want in my life.

I''ve had the good fortune to spend some time hanging out with David Roche (David''s Site) who is amazing, hillarious and is one of The Most Beautiful people I know (This man is a total rock star!).

His advice - When every you look in the mirror and start to obsess about all of those physical things you hate about yourself - practice looking cute instead.

On days when I feel Fugly I do my best to be friendly and give folks the courtesy of my undivided care and attention, so they will remember my warm heart.

HD

I think I have a new girl-crush!!

 

[elrohwen]

Umm, not really, unless I'm in a bikini

. I do wish I could lose 10lbs or so and on some days I get a little down about it because I know I should be able to do it, but I just haven't been able to (no willpower with food

). However, to many people I'm considered "skinny" so I try not to let it get to me. It's like I know I could look great without that 10lbs, but I still think I look pretty good as it is, so it doesn't ruin my day.

When I used to get acne as a teenager I would absolutely get self-conscious about a big ugly pimple (I always seemed to get the big ones). Now that I don't get those anymore, I'm so relieved not to have to worry about it.

ETA: iwanna, embrace your frecklies! I've come to terms with mine by realizing that "older" women (older than me) with freckles always look so youthful to me. Hopefully I look the same way some day

 

[Miscka]

Sometimes. I go through phases with my nose. Sometimes I am ok with it, others I would totally sign up for plastic surgery. I mostly just hate things that involve profile views, esp. pictures or sitting in a certain location in a crowd.

 

[radiantquest]

I did not read all the replies, but will tell you what I feel.

When I was a teenager I was more worried about my imperfections. As I have gotten older I have learned to accept some of them. There are still others that make me feel less confident. I don''t like how small my breasts are, but husband says to stop worrying about it. If he is happy with them I guess that I should let it go. I have moles, like alot. They used to bother me alot more. Mostly I have accepted them too. I am thinking of going to the dermatologist to see about getting a couple of them removed. I am also a hairy beast. I shave my legs in the morning and by evening they are worse than coarse sandpaper. I am forever waxing, shaving, nair-ing. I think I really am part monkey.

I would suggest that you go to the derm too. See if there is something they can do to reduce the scars. I know that sometimes I can feel vain going to the dermatologist, but if it makes you feel better about yourself than it is worth it.

 

[Amethyste]

Date: 7/7/2009 4:52:13 PM
Author: Miscka
Sometimes. I go through phases with my nose. Sometimes I am ok with it, others I would totally sign up for plastic surgery. I mostly just hate things that involve profile views, esp. pictures or sitting in a certain location in a crowd.

Oh.... I know how you feel, I have a huge speed bump on my nose

I have thought about rhinoplasty, but I am too chicken to do it...

 

[nytemist]

It comes and goes. I''ve been in a bad phase lately though. I''ve always been big girl, but since my thyroid has acted up in the past six months, I now have pudge around the middle that I can''t get rid of and it bothers me a lot. Add that to the PCOS (which makes losing weight even harder) which is giving me follicle spots underneath my neck that I can''t really cover with makeup anymore. Also at my age I''m getting tired of the freakshow chest and am considering getting a reduction in the next couple of years. Normally I wear my curves proudly, but I''ve been picking myself apart pretty badly lately, maybe it''s stress.

Maise, I feel your pain with folks who make comments. I was sharing a dessert with a friend of mine and an older woman walked by (maybe 70ish?) with her husband, glanced at me and says to him no so quietly, ''she certainly doens''t need that''. Killed my appetite for next two days. Ususally I brush it off, but sometimes a remark can put me in the deepest hole for a while.

 

[Black Jade]

This makes me sad, too. How shallow of them--and what poor upbringing that shows. Hugs to you. As someone I know always says, the Bible says God loves you. It never says God loves you--except if you''re fat.

 

[swimmer]

I saw an interview with Madonna not long ago with her rock hard body and crew of hairstylists and whatnot and she said that she obsesses over how ugly her hands are. We never really do cut ourselves any slack do we?

I''m sorry Maise and NYTemist that folks are just idiots. I recently got a nasty comment from another swimmer about the large scars on my shoulders, back, and abdomen from having tumors removed. It sort of looks like a shark took a bite out of me and then decided he wasn''t hungry or that the cabbage patch kids factory went nuts with dimples when they made my belly, but she really didn''t need to point it out. I no longer really care what I look like, am just trying to get my ovaries to function and hopefully not get pneumonia again this year.

 

[Black Jade]

My post above was to Maisie--but after finishing reading the posts, I see that other people can also need a list.

I can''t say I never worry about my looks, but I worry a lot less now that I used to.

To me, there are several categories of things that bother people about their looks--things you can''t do anything about; things you can and you feel like it; things you can and you don''t feel like it. The first thing to realize is that you see yourself differently than other people. For one thing, you see yourself CLOSER. My husband likes to remind me that no one sees me at 4 inches away in the mirror in bright lights in the morning and that from "normal viewing distance" most of the ''imperfections'' that bother me are not visible. Also, you can often see yourself the way you used to be. Forever stuck as an teenager with acne, for instance, when in actual fact you are now a beautiful grownup woman.

Also, a lot of things about looks are personal taste. My dad used to say ''there''s a jack for every jill'', meaning some men like slim women, others (a lot more, from what I can tell) like zaftig, some men like long legs, some like more solid legs, some men like bigger chests, some men like smaller chests, lots of men like big butts, etc. etc. Probably your sweetie picked you because you look like what HE likes. Be happy with that, and respect it.

Categories of things you can''t change are your height, your basic bone structure, whether or not you are prone to stretch marks or acne, whether you gain weight on your chest, your belly or your thighs, etc. etc. Categories of things you can change--whether or not you smile at people and look friendly or not (many men report that this is actually the biggest turnon to them in women); appearance of your hair (whether cutting it, coloring it, adding extensions or whatever); you can do a certain amount about your weight, although this is a hard one for many people and they can suffer a lot because society is so intolerant in this area; I''m sure you get the idea. Some ways to change your looks require invasive surgery, dangerous products and things you may not choose to bother with. (Look at the example of poor Michael Jackson). Other ways to change your appearance simply involve CREATING AN ILLUSION and these are often painfree and simple and I''m surprised are not more well known in our society. I''''m short, for instance and I can''t change that, and I have a long torso and short legs and I also have VERY large feet (5 ft 3 and wear a size 9 1/2 W). However, none of these things actually have to be defects. I learned how to use color trickery and how to fit my clothes adn what kinds of fabrics to look for, and how to accessorize from various books that are easily found in your bookstore or in the public library, and nowadays nobody says I am tall, but it''s amazing how people think that I have long legs and how nobody notices the ''boats''--I mean, feet. I for one, think we should teach our daughters how to use these kinds of illusions, rather than how to obsess about ''big thighs'' or other nonsense such as that. I have had the opportunity to live in France for a while and I was really amazed at how Frenchwomen who are very plain, or even actually ugly still manage to make themselves look sexy and attractive by playing up their good points, minimizing their bad points and having lots and lots of attitude and CONFIDENCE. But then, their mothers teach them how to make the most of whatever little it is that they have, and then to go out with a smile and NOT WORRY ABOUT IT (and definitely NOT to make sure that every one else can''t miss their defects by actively pointing them out to people, as American women tend to do, and going on and on and on about them).

 

[princesss]

Sometimes I do let the imperfections get to me. My skin is acting up (and has been for almost a year

), and I''ve got some extra weight I''d like to get rid of. I spend at least 3 days a week around some of the most naturally stunning women I''ve ever seen, who are all in great shape and don''t need make-up. It''d be enough to drive a girl batty.

So instead, I''m trying to focus on the same thing they do: what my body can do. Can it run as fast as I want it to? Not yet. But yesterday I ran half a mile without walking for the first time in 8 years. I didn''t run fast, but I didn''t have to walk. I''m going to start rock climbing. Kayaking. Hiking. I''m going to start using my body, so that even if I don''t like how it looks all the time, I love what it can do.

Yes, sometimes I get frustrated because I think my thighs are huge, my knees are flabby, and my tummy''s got too much pooch and not enough tone. On those days I dress up a little more. I make myself feel special. And I remember that even though I feel worse, I look the same on the outside as I did the day before. I''m friendly and I''m loved, and on fat days/bad hair days/I overslept and couldn''t shower days, that''s enough.

 

[KimberlyH]

I wish I had thick, long hair. I wish my tummy didn''t bulge. I wish my arms were thinner. I can disguise the tummy (the result of once being very overweight), I can make my curly hair big (but never long) and pretend it''s thick, I can wear clothes that make my arms look thinner (again, once overweight).

In general I''m okay with my appearance and I don''t let it interfere with my day-to-day life, but everyone has things they wish they could change, even those we percieve to be most beautiful/perfect.

 

[Miscka]

Date: 7/8/2009 9:55:34 AM
Author: princesss
I''m going to start using my body, so that even if I don''t like how it looks all the time, I love what it can do.

This.Is.Fantastic.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I think we all get insecure from time to time. We''re only human. There are so many things about myself that I dislike... My nose, my thighs, my hair... But they are all a part of me.

Whenever I get insecure about my looks I think about the people I care about the most.. Family, good friends, boyfriend, etc. Then I think about if I would look at them any differently if they were more or less attractive. That answer is always no. I love them for who they are as people and not how they look! That is how the rest of the world thinks of me, and that makes me feel better. It''s totally cheesy, but it''s SO true!

 

[monarch64]

I really don''t let the little things I don''t like about my appearance bother me anymore. I definitely used to, and I look at pictures of myself from that time in my life and wonder what the hell I was thinking!

I''m also of the mind that we all have insecurities and days when we don''t feel like we look our best. And, like others have mentioned, I just try to roll with the punches and highlight my positive attributes so they diminish the negatives. Also, and I think this is really, really important...I NEVER reject a compliment, and I NEVER put myself down even if I feel like doing so. My mother does both of those things all the time, she''s really judgemental towards others, and I think it is really self-destructive. Once I went to college, I noticed a HUGE difference in my self-esteem, and I think a lot of it had to do with getting away from my mom''s negative attitudes about her own appearance.

 

[gemgirl]

What imperfections?

It used to bother me when I was younger that I have to wear glasses in order to see anything, but then I hit forty and later fifty and I can honestly say that not too much bothers me anymore. This is me, take it or leave it!