Do you ever let your physical imperfections lower your confidence?

swl · Jul 3, 2009

Hi everyone! It's summer again and when I look at my skin I feel terrible about myself. I just hate the way my skin look (acne marks) and there is really nothing I can do about it. It really brings me down from time to time. My boyfriend would ask me why I have these marks in a caring way, but I just hate the fact that he sees them everyday. It makes me feel less than even though he said he doesn't really mind it.

Have you ever let your physical imperfections lower your confidence?

trillionaire · Jul 3, 2009

Unwanted body hair in random places makes me incredibly self conscious. That was the primary thing, and now I have newly acquired stretch marks

I have a feeling those are going to bother me less than the body hair, I'll just call them my racing stripes!

DivaDiamond007 · Jul 3, 2009

I do. I''ve got stretch marks all over my hips, butt and legs from pregnancy and a poochy stomach as well. I don''t think you could pay me to wear a bathing suit! I''m also very insecure about how my body looks post-baby, but that''s a whole new thread.

cellososweet · Jul 3, 2009

I used to until I realized, underneath it all, we all have our issues. Whether they be physical or psychological, to be human is to be inherently imperfect.

cellososweet · Jul 3, 2009

On a ps to the OP, if they really bother you, go see a dermatologist. There are incredible things out these days that can really help.

I''d hate to see you not live your life to the fullest over something that can be helped. It''s easy for me to say "be happy," but if there is something you can do to fix it, that might just be the first thing you need to be happier.

Good luck.

Diamond*Dana · Jul 3, 2009

We are all our worst critic, but I really do try not to let things get to me.

HollyS · Jul 3, 2009

"Do you ever let your physical imperfections lower your confidence?"

Who told you about my hunchback?

I am who I am. I cannot make myself tall and willowy. I cannot give myself fabulous hair. I'm just too flippin' lazy to have great abs.

But I can be thankful for many things: good health, all my pieces and parts (including tonsils and appendix and wisdom teeth), and a guy who thinks I'm gorgeous. (When he isn't wearing contacts, his glasses are coke-bottle-bottom thick.

I probably look like one of those 'glamour shot' photos taken through a gauze filter to him!)

We're all human. When we are faced with a drop-dead beautiful speciman of humanity, we get a little uncomfortable about how we just aren't 'as good'. But, the funny thing is, they're thinking the same thoughts about themselves. Only a narcissist thinks they're perfect.

And at 50, I care much more about my character, intellect, and humanity, than how I look to others.

Lorelei · Jul 3, 2009

Ditto!

innerkitten · Jul 3, 2009

Sure. I think everyone does sometimes. There are times I don't like the bump in my nose and that I'm so lanky. But as I get older I've learned to be happier with what I have.

Wanted to add that yes ( it was mentioned above) you might be able to get help with skin problems. It could be hormonal or something.

bebe · Jul 3, 2009

I was fairly thin growing up and was teased painfully in school.
Nickname was "stick" !! Gladly, I''ve put on some weight since then, ha ha!
Because of that, I rarely wore dresses or skirts, I wanted to hide my legs.
But now, to heck with it - I wear what I want.

Maisie · Jul 3, 2009

I am really overweight and it does make me self conscious and shy. I was in a restaurant with my hubby the other day and two girls were laughing at me when I walked past them. That made me really sad.

Elegant · Jul 3, 2009

Yes, yes, and yes...if I had any imperfections... HA! J/K!

Nobody is perfect. I would rather be a bit overweight than kill my body starving it or having an eating disorder that will eventually kill me. Like movie stars and people who are in magazines, they buy the way they look and air brush everything!

I also think seeking a dermatologist would be helpful. Just maybe a consultation or something? I buy soap that is specific for my skin type, which is a bit oily, and it has helped my skin a lot.

I remember being really skinny in college (after having been fat my entire life) and still looking in the mirror and thinking to myself how fat I looked...sick...I wish I was as "fat" as I was then - about 4 dress sizes smaller!

I think it has a lot to do with body image too. Everyone has something...everyone.

diamondsrock · Jul 3, 2009

Maisie, that is awful and I''m so sorry you had to go through that! However, they may not have been laughing at you. Sometimes we always assume people are looking at us, talking about us, commenting, etc...when really they are talking about or laughing about something completely unrelated to us. I have to remind myself people are a lot less interested in me than I think. They are usually wrapped up in themselves.

As far as the topic goes, yes, I have issues with the way I look. I could make a list of 10 things I want to change about myself. At times, it really gets me down, but I try not to let it. I always used to be against plastic surgery, but now not so sure. If I was fairly confident it would come out good and I had the money, I would probably do it.

For now, I have to make the most of my looks to the best I can and accept the things I cannot change about myself. It''s a daily struggle for me though. I do try to dress well, take care of myself, smell good, etc...but there is only so much you can do.

Tuckins1 · Jul 3, 2009

I try not to let my insecurities get me down... We all have things we don''t like about ourselves, but I still will get into a bathing suit or a cute dress or whatever... Life is too short to worry about a random dimple or jiggle!!

Lorelei · Jul 3, 2009

Bruddah I have to disagree, you are NOT really overweight, I think you are lovely!!!

Linda W · Jul 3, 2009

Maisie sweetheart, I saw pictures of you. There is no way, those two nasty girls should have been laughing at you. You are not really over weight, you are a beautiful woman. Shame on those girls.

MichelleCarmen · Jul 3, 2009

Hi,

Have you talked to a dermatologist about your acne marks? There was a gal back in highschool that had that similar problem, and the other day, I found her face book page and her skin looked amazing! You can check into microdermabrasion.

As far as physical imperfections - I''m not perfect by any means, but try not to let anything lower my confidence. Generally speaking, I''m a fairly confident person even though I''m not perfect. I''m on the thin side so often I find it offensive that women say that thin = no curves and curvey women are preferred, but it doesn''t lower my confidence. It would be nice if women were a bit more supportive of one another and I''m perplexed as to why women use that to attack one another. After two kids, I my tummy isn''t quite the same. I would like a mini-tuck but getting one would be so expensive. Possibly in the future. A few years back, I tried on a girdle so I could flatten my post c-section tummy and it got STUCK on me! I was in Victoria''s Secret, in the dressing room, TRAPPED inside an elastic girdle device. Ah, now THAT sucked! I sat in there for 10 mintutes struggling to take the d*mn thing off.

loriken214 · Jul 3, 2009

Maisie,

Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are....you are unique and one of a kind! Love yourself as you are!

I''ve gained a lot of weight due to the steroids I have to take for my SLE Lupus. It is a fact of life that the weight would come and there was nothing I could do about it. Also, the butterfly rash appeared and I can no longer wear makeup to cover it up. It doesn''t bother me in the least now that I have a moon face, too. I''m just grateful to be alive! People used to make comments about my appearance and I''ve had to explain myself time and again, but now I just smile at them.

Lori

packrat · Jul 3, 2009

I''m very sorry that happened to you Maisie. People can be very cruel.

I have issues. Lots of them. Acne, acne scars, stretch marks, extra poundage, crooked teeth, fuzzy hair on my cheeks.

I was just sorting pictures into a ring file, and my daughter was watching me (she loooves looking at the rings) and there was a picture from my bachelorette party (in 2001) and she says "oooo that girl is beautiful-who is that?" and points to me in the picture..I''m like, uh, honey, that''s mommy. She says Oh, ok..are you sure? Now, I know that''s me..but I vaguely resemble the girl in the picture anymore. And I think how stupid it was of me back then to not be thrilled to pieces with myself.

To OP-I agree w/the others about going to the dermatologist to see what they can do for you. Peels might be something to look into, or they have specific skin care lines, like Obagi, that have amazing results in pictures I''ve seen.

atroop711 · Jul 3, 2009

Oh Maisie I''m sorry that you had these insecure twits (I''m trying to use nice words to describe them) be so rude to you. I''m also overweight and I learned a LONG time ago about ppl who make rude comments...it''s all their own insecurity. Misery loves company and they won''t feel better until they make someone else miserable. Don''t ever give them the satisfaction or power by feeling sad. When someone looks at me with that OH FAT GIRL look, I put my nose up at them with a OH YOU''RE JUST PITIFUL sarcastic look on my face. I don''t ever give them any satisfaction. I always teach my daughters that beauty is from the inside.

Kisses to my fellow pleasantly plump MOMMA!

atroop711 · Jul 3, 2009

yes my sagging GUT (after 3 kids) really bothers me. My dream is to have a tummy tuck

. I told my husband that for my 50th bday (in 9 yrs) I want a tummy tuck as my gift!

I have a big bootie..I LIKE IT...I have big boobs...they don''t bother me....but my gut (which my husband loves

) really bothers me and that''s where my insecurity is. You will never see me with something form fitting because of it. It''s been 8 mo since I gave birth but it seems like it wants to hang around (literally) forever

. I''ve always had a gut but it''s just gotten worse with every pregnancy

AprilBaby · Jul 3, 2009

Agreed. At 50 those things that are imperfections don''t matter anymore...it''s character building...

whitby_2773 · Jul 3, 2009

when i was about 20, i remember working in an office block in the center of sydney. the lunch room was on the 6th floor. i remember one day looking out the window and thinking that all the people looked alike. you couldn''t see their faces, their bodies were all the same - nobody looked beautiful or ugly or fat or thin. you could barely tell the men from the women or the adults from the children. it really struck me that day that if all it took was a distance of 60ft to disguise even the greatest beauty or the worst defect, when i will live all my life at a far greater distance than that from almost every person in the entire world, how much REALLY does my hair which is too thin, my tummy which is too fat, my eyelashes that are too short or my fingers - which will never be long and slender - matter?? in the general scheme of things, nobody even sees us, much less delineates us from our fellows.

i''ve watched a number of seasons of ''The Biggest Loser'', and i am always amazed at the complete physical transformation which some of the most grossly overweight people can make in a matter of 5 months. and yet in all my years as a therapist, i''ve never seen even the most minor flaw of character or personality disorder be reversed with less than months, often years of therapy. anyone can go from ugly to beautiful. it''s hard and sometimes expensive, but it''s possible. but i''ve really NEVER seen anyone go from nasty to nice. not everyone can have perfect features or lush hair, or a stunning figure. yet anyone can give money to charity, they can volunteer their time, they can share what they have. and yet despite the fact that anyone can, so few do, and good looks end up being common compared to true goodness.

i apologize if this has become a diatribe. but when good women beat themselves up over something as trivial and ephemeral as the way they look, or - even worse - over the opinions of mindless twits with tight butts, no brains and less social ethics, something needs to be said. for the sake of society - let''s define ourselves by the good we do, not the size of our hips. anybody can make a lasting valuable impact. anybody can be precious. as a t-shirt i once saw said: ''there''s 3 billion women in the world who aren''t super models. and 8 who are.'' i can ignore those 8.

outside my window as i type the sky is filled with fireworks. it makes me remember that when we look in and down, almost anything can look ugly - including me. but when i look up and out...well...the sky is filed with wonder

Italiahaircolor · Jul 3, 2009

All the time...

Recently, I had someone I know post a really hate thing about my weight on his social networking page. It was heartbreaking for me, because I''ve always been the type of person to not really obsess over that sort of thing. It made me feel mortified and uncomfortable...its just not a good feeling.

I think it''s important to remember that we don''t always see ourselves as others do. What stands out to you might be overlooked by someone else. I think its almost normal for people to find their flaws...obsess over them? No. But it''s an important dyamic to realizing no one is perfect.

If you''re really unhappy, scars can be lazered...you can get creams. Explore your options.

And Maisie, (hugs)...I am sorry that happened. I would like to think that they were laughing about something else...but if they weren''t, then they are ignorant little b****es, and they will get theres. I am sorry.

lulu · Jul 3, 2009

F*** them Maisie. You are a wonderful person. I know this from reading your posts. Don''t let anyone make you feel this way.

jewelerman · Jul 3, 2009

I agree!There are things that can be changed and things that cannot be changed.Work to enhance the ones that can be changed.many people who have everything still cannot find happiness.We must find our happiness.I spent years wishing that I was phyically equal to everyone else around me and as i got older i relized that to those in my life phyical perfection didnt matter much.We see the beauty of each gemstone regardless of their individual flaws.

allycat0303 · Jul 4, 2009

I''ve been really struggling with this lately. I have crooked teeth. Strangely enough, I never noticed until about 2 years ago. And now I can''t stop thinking about it. I literally feel like everyone is looking at it, and that I''m deformed (by virtue, since I think about it all the time, people probably ARE looking at it.). I need to get braces. I just have to bite the bullet.

honey22 · Jul 4, 2009

Yep! I hear you ladies.

I have lost 26 kilos (with quite a few to go) and as a result, I have upper arms that are just loose skin flapping around and I HATE THEM. I am so self concious when I wear tshirts, I am convinced that people are just staring at my saggy arms.

My wedding is coming up in 5 months and I have been exercising like mad and using weights to tone up, but that''s the only thing that makes me feel physically sick to my stomach - looking at myself in my gorgeous, expensive, designer wedding dress and just seeing arm fat! Urghh!

I know I have to get over it and accept my body for what it is, lumpy bumpy and beautiful all at once, but I am really hung up over the arms. I think I need therapy!

People ask me what would I do if I won the lotto, I wouldn''t even have to think about it for a second, I would have surgery on my arms!

jstarfireb · Jul 4, 2009

I used to be a lot more insecure than I am now. In high school, I nearly developed an eating disorder because everyone else was skinnier than I was, so I went on a crash diet suggested by a magazine and lost 20 pounds. People thought I had some sort of illness then. These days, I still hate to see the number on the scale, but I''m in a healthy weight range, and I''m fit and strong. People say I''m thin, but I don''t see it that way. I''m not overweight, but I don''t consider myself skinny by any stretch of the imagination. I''m pretty big-boned...5''8" with huge hands and feet...so I''ll never be as thin as I dream to be.

My biggest hangup is with my lower body. I will NEVER come to accept it. It''s at least 2 sizes larger than my top half...I''m like 2 different people cut in half and smooshed together in the middle. My husband likes my bootie, but I''m mortified to see my hip measurement in the 40s. I don''t wear shorts at all, even when it''s sweltering hot outside. No skirts above the knee. When I went on a diving trip during our honeymoon, I kept a sarong wrapped around my legs at all times when we were on the boat. People kept asking me if I was cold and offered me their extra towels! It also really hurt when my husband used to remark that I wouldn''t fit in anything at the clothing store bebe. But I proved him wrong by rocking an awesome black and white bustier and black pencil skirt, and I made him buy it for me as punishment for what he said!

That''s the main issue, but there are other little things. I HATE my feet. They''re huge (size 11!), and I have these long, gangly finger-toes. My tiny little A-cup booblets are also a huge source of frustration. I also hate my nose because it''s asymmetric and big. And my whole face is always riddled with acne...I''m on a bunch of meds to try to control it, but it makes me feel cursed! I see these commercials on tv that say "too old for acne, but too young for wrinkles?" It drives me crazy, because in my late 20s, I *should* be too old for acne! I don''t get it...my face was perfect in high school, and the acne started in college and hasn''t gone away for about 10 years.

Lorelei · Jul 4, 2009

I was watching a video where Farrah Fawcett was interviewed about her heydey and she said she hated seeing photos where she was smiling as she felt she had too many teeth....Amazing how the ' beautiful people' feel the same way we do at times!

Do you ever let your physical imperfections lower your confidence?

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