Do you ever feel bad that you are getting married when others can''t?

[TooPatient]

Date: 11/9/2009 10:40:47 PM
Author: DearBuddha

Date: 11/9/2009 2:13:51 PM
Author: Ms. Raptor
No. Absolutely not. You should not feel guilty.


For your controversial question, I have a controversial answer.


I 100% believe in the separation of church and state and do not believe the legislation of marriage is any of the government''s business.


Traditionally, marriage has been a religious institution that provided for the following:

-perpetuation of the species

-a way to grant property rights/keep property in family (since in most societies, women couldn''t own property)

-protection of bloodlines

The historical definition of marriage is a religious union between a man and a woman. It is a religious institution. If there is separtion of church and state, the government does not (and should not) have the right to force religions/churches to marry couples who hold values contrary to the religious beliefs practiced by said religion or church.


With that being said, I believe if the government wants to recognize unions between people, then it absolutely should be equal, regardless of race, religion, creed, gender, sexual preference, and so on. It should also be legal and afford the EXACT SAME RIGHTS.


For example:

If you''re a heterosexual, religious couple, you can do the whole religious marriage shebang, BUT you would also have to sign a ''union certificate'' (or whatever it would be called) for the government to recognize it.


If you''re a homosexual couple, you can have a nonreligious ceremony (or religious, if your church/faith permits), BUT you would likewise have to sign a union certificate for the government to recognize it.


I was raised in a religious family, but am a practicing secularist/atheist (closet atheist... my family would die if they knew!).

So for people like me, who are heterosexual and NOT religious, I would have my secular ceremony and would, as well, have to sign a union certificate to get the government to recognize my union. I do not want to be be ''married'' (<- religious) to my partner. Do I want us to be recognized as a united couple and get to have an extremely awesome party celebrating our decision to share out lives (as well as government/insurance rights)? Heck yes!


Let the churches and religious people have their traditionally defined (and historically accurate) definition of marriage. That shouldn''t make a difference what the government does. Instead of fighting to change a definition, why aren''t people fighting instead to have civil unions for everybody if the government wants to be involved?


Not being religious, I do not want to be a part of the traditionally defined religious version of marriage. I would rather have a civil union with my SO. I''m hoping to get one of my friends certed to perform a secular ceremony for me. If I have to have a religous marriage extravaganza, it will be because my parents want a dog and pony show and use a financial bribe to make me do it (like a new car).

I''m hoping I get my secular union.


Secular unions, IMO, are the only thing the government should provide for, if anything at all, since religion is not the government''s business.

I truly believe this is the best solution because it makes everyone equal in the eyes of the law, protects the traditional/relgious definition of marriage (so it makes those advocates happy), and it gives a civil/secular option for people like me who don''t want or appreciate the religious moniker of marriage being slapped on their union just because they are heterosexual.


I''m in a rush (gotta catch a flight), so I hope I''ve been clear enough, but if I wasn''t:

In summation:

I''m pro equal rights.

Unions for ALL; ''marriage'' for the religious. (same exact thing- one secular and state recognized, the other religious and not state recognized)

This is the exact train of thought I had when I originally read this post, but I never would have worded it so wonderfully. Thank you for this well thought out and supported response, and big ups to being honest and straight-forward; you''re the kind of the thinker I can respect

Well said.