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Do you adjust what jewelry you wear...

KristyDarling

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
3,722
I do wear quieter jewelry around my non-jewelry friends and relatives because I don't want to feel self-conscious about being judged/evaluated -- yes, even though I know it shouldn't matter what others think -- it's just an uncomfortable feeling that I'd rather avoid.
 
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Mamabean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2018
Messages
5,336
Thank you everyone! It seems there are quite a few of you who feel the way I feel. I can’t help myself...I have tried...What I did do is wear my cluster ring and band..bezel diamond studs..small diamond Tiffany solitaire pendant and silver bracelets...That’s way more than my friends wear..but I was happy with it and felt comfortable. I drove my minimalist friend M to the restaurant to meet the two other girls. She commented on the way back that she forgot to wear her new ruby ring she got for her anniversary from her husband. She said it wasn’t big and gaudy or anything...just a nice size. That could be taken as a dig but I will choose not to think it was. I told her I couldn’t wait to see it. She asked me if I knew that rubies aren’t really red..that they are really pink...Only lab rubies are a deep red. I kept my mouth shut and told her I couldn’t wait to see it..and to please wear it next time. Maybe I’m rubbing off on her! :lol:
 

Mamabean

Ideal_Rock
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Mar 31, 2018
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Great success @Mamabean! It sounds like it went very well. You are obviously a very compassionate woman who’s own comfort is intertwined with the comfort of others. How kind.
Thank you @Bonfire! That was so sweet..
 

stracci2000

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 26, 2007
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3,263
@stracci2000 damn you are a real princess! That tiara is amazing!
Now I must tell you that I bought that tiara at a vintage shop for $12. A couple of the stones were missing, but I replaced them.
It is very uncomfortable and heavy, so being a princess is hard work!
 

diamondringlover

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 12, 2006
Messages
3,708
my jewelry isn't that fabulous like you all's are...so no it makes no difference what I wear with whom...the only thing that changes what I wear is the temperature outside...its cold where I live right now and most of my rings are too big on me...so I tend to wear less of the top heavy stuff because it annoys me spinning around so much.
 

Mamabean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2018
Messages
5,336
my jewelry isn't that fabulous like you all's are...so no it makes no difference what I wear with whom...the only thing that changes what I wear is the temperature outside...its cold where I live right now and most of my rings are too big on me...so I tend to wear less of the top heavy stuff because it annoys me spinning around so much.
@diamondringlover I think the ring in your avatar is gorgeous and very blingy! :love:
 

elle_71125

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 29, 2012
Messages
3,782
I absolutely adjust what I’m wearing around some people. I’m currently in a place where I’m able to afford the luxury of taking vacations and dabbling in my favorite hobby (all things blingy). My problem comes with the passive aggressive comments my DH and I get from family. Things like “It must be nice” when we mention an upcoming vacation. Or “Oh, you got a new ring” with a little side eye thrown in. Let me say that I absolutely love my family. I just hate the moments where I feel like I need to justify everything with a “We work damn hard, so yeah, we’re taking a vacation.” Or “I saved up to set this ring for ages.” I wish people would give honest compliments or keep their criticism to themselves. I will say props to my mom though. She always loves my new jewelry and is happy to try it all on. :D

With my family, I mostly just wear what I want and just deal with any comments that may come my way. If I’m going to my in laws, I try to make sure I’m wearing something I’ve already worn before. Something less blingy. I have quite a few rings to choose from (as my friends here know ;)2) but I just keep that info to myself.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
27,731
I absolutely adjust what I’m wearing around some people. I’m currently in a place where I’m able to afford the luxury of taking vacations and dabbling in my favorite hobby (all things blingy). My problem comes with the passive aggressive comments my DH and I get from family. Things like “It must be nice” when we mention an upcoming vacation. Or “Oh, you got a new ring” with a little side eye thrown in. Let me say that I absolutely love my family. I just hate the moments where I feel like I need to justify everything with a “We work damn hard, so yeah, we’re taking a vacation.” Or “I saved up to set this ring for ages.” I wish people would give honest compliments or keep their criticism to themselves. I will say props to my mom though. She always loves my new jewelry and is happy to try it all on. :D

With my family, I mostly just wear what I want and just deal with any comments that may come my way. If I’m going to my in laws, I try to make sure I’m wearing something I’ve already worn before. Something less blingy. I have quite a few rings to choose from (as my friends here know ;)2) but I just keep that info to myself.
This makes me angry on your behalf which I know I have no right to be. But just grrrrrr to your family. What nerve. You (and I know you know this) don't have to justify yourself or your actions or your bling to anyone. But I completely agree with doing whatever makes you feel comfortable and adjusting your actions/what you wear accordingly. But yeah it makes me so mad that family would be so freaking judgmental. :knockout:

Your collection is stunning and I wonder how much of their criticism stems from jealousy. Jealousy is very ugly but it can result it behavior similar to the experience you shared.

But kudos to your mom! You must have gotten your love of gems from her.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Now I must tell you that I bought that tiara at a vintage shop for $12. A couple of the stones were missing, but I replaced them.
It is very uncomfortable and heavy, so being a princess is hard work!
Hahaha yes, being a princess must be hard work because anything worthwhile is. :halo:
 

Attachments

Sunstorm

Brilliant_Rock
Trade
Joined
Feb 5, 2014
Messages
1,414
Yes because I have always been one judged and criticized a lot by family and having unrealistic expectations towards. I could say who cares since I am not going to be good enough anyhow. But I really would rather not have all attention on me about how I am spending money and try to avoid the you have always been wasting money, etc. It hurts.

It hurts also because I chose this, my hobby, my love, my passion to be my profession and leave my original field. Best decision ever.

My mom is better in that she supports what I do but it is of no value to her and just a job. And she used to love jewelry and now when I last asked her which is her favorite gemstone she replied none, I do not like any of them. I said but you told me you loved emeralds even more Than diamonds. Huh? What the heck that really hurt. Her opinion always mattered to me.

I also tone it down because I do not want others to take advantage of me financially and they anyhow think I have a lot of money. I have no idea why because I am never snooty, the opposite but here where I now live fine jewelry is just not something people spend money on sadly.

What beats me is why people feel entitled to make negative comments on others for any reason or give the stink eye. I would never just blurt out to anyone “oh, is it bad hair day,” any comments made to anyone about their appearance is really very vulgar IMHO, something extremely rude that no one should have the right to. Same about trips etc., whatever others spend their hard earnt money on is their business period.
 

kayla17

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 14, 2003
Messages
2,032
I do. Even around family. I’ve never pointed out any of my jewelry, but friends and family have noticed it in the past and said something. Sometimes I will even turn my ring around if I am wearing it.
There’s actually no one in real life that I feel comfortable discussing or showing my jewelry to.
 

Garnetgirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
445
Hi @Mamabean Glad to hear your lunch went well.

I understand about adjusting jewellery wear to the situation. I do it as well, depending on the social occasion, and sometimes, depending on whom I’ll be with.

My husband and I have a variety of friends of very differing backgrounds and financial means.

Most of my jewellery is not very blingy, so I usually wear whatever I wish.

The only piece of jewellery that comes under consideration is my 2 ct AVR.

Most of my friends are not into jewellery, but I’ll wear my ring among those who are comfortably well off, without worrying at all about what they might think.

I don’t want to provoke feelings of jealousy with those who have much less.

Family members have noticed my ring, but haven’t said anything....
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
1,960
when seeing friends who are not into jewelry? I am meeting friends today for lunch who are not into jewelry. One friend is a minimalist who wears only a gold wedding band 99% of the time. She has a diamond engagement ring but it’s very very small by choice. She doesn’t like frivolous things..She would consider a larger diamond wasteful..She got mad at her daughter-in-law recently for sending two different cards to people for a thank you and a pic of her grandbaby in two different mailings....She was mad because the daughter-in-law would be using two stamps a person! That didn’t go over well with the daughter-in-law! I know I should just wear what I want to wear but I tone down what I wear when I meet these friends. They really are true friends but I feel weird wearing anything too sparkly because it makes me feel awkward. They will never comment on my jewelry...I will catch them staring at my jewelry but look away if I look in their direction. They aren’t hurting for money so it’s not that. If they were I would really remove most jewelry..but this isn’t the case. I would wear Libby because she’s my engagement ring..but she’s getting her spa treatment at David’s right now. Do any of you adjust what you’re wearing..jewelry, purses, etc when meeting different friends? I’m trying to be my “authentic self”..but I find it hard with these friends. They are the best so they aren’t doing or saying anything to me..It’s really just me.
important note to Mamabean
if we ever have lunch together please pile it on ! (in a Queen Mary OTT way) no holding back !

and to your question, yes
not my inherited rings, because that 'extravagance' is someone else's, but some of my cocktail type rings (big in my circle- not PS community) i feel self conscious and its stupid i know, and i wish i didn't

like when i wear my great Aunt's ER on my LH ring finger and grandma's ER on ring finger of RH and my SIL noticed (i got them sized the same but i don't like to take one out and leave the sister at home)
but they are my fingers and i can dress them how i want !


this will be an interesting thread
 

Bron357

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 22, 2014
Messages
3,575
Yes, I have “adjusted” for differing reasons.
One was a girlfriend who was robbed of her jewellery and didn’t have insurance. I just felt wearing a lot of jewellery when seeing her might be upsetting for her, a reminder of what she had lost.
My mother in law doesn’t “get” jewellery at all. She also grew up after WW2 in Austria without enough to eat, let alone jewellery. She has a simple gold wedding band, a plastic $10 watch and nothing else. She has like a zillion dollars in the bank but lives so frugally it’s upsetting. DH and I try but you can’t change ingrained habits. I don’t wear much jewellery when I see her because she thinks I’m wasting money that should be in the bank.
My mother is the complete and utter opposite. She will wear rings on every finger, bracelet and bangles from her wrist to elbow and at least 3 chains around her neck, plus huge earrings! I joke that she needs to be careful around deep water, lest she fall in and sink straight to the bottom!
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
1,960
some of these answers are sad

just for the record i have always had low laying jobs and have never lived in a 'nice' part of town

i have never begrudged anybody anything because they could afford to do more than me

and i can tell you its hard supporting a Bruce Springsteen habbit when i live at the bottom of the world living on the fumes off an oily rag and i would be lying if i didn't occasionally get a little jelouse of my friends who can go to multiple dates on a tour when i can't just hop on a plane and go stay in a fancy hotel but i have zero right to let that bear on their enjoyment and quite frankly IMHO neither do your family, friends or workmates with regard to anyone wearing jewlery

and im not talking about not wearing diamonds to a soup kitchen

this is about being yourselves and your friends and family accepting you as you accept them

i really hate overly judgemental types
we all need to get more friends like @missy has

i get so much enjoyment looking at all your beautuful jewlery no matter the size or expensive
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
1,960
Yes, I have “adjusted” for differing reasons.
One was a girlfriend who was robbed of her jewellery and didn’t have insurance. I just felt wearing a lot of jewellery when seeing her might be upsetting for her, a reminder of what she had lost.
My mother in law doesn’t “get” jewellery at all. She also grew up after WW2 in Austria without enough to eat, let alone jewellery. She has a simple gold wedding band, a plastic $10 watch and nothing else. She has like a zillion dollars in the bank but lives so frugally it’s upsetting. DH and I try but you can’t change ingrained habits. I don’t wear much jewellery when I see her because she thinks I’m wasting money that should be in the bank.
My mother is the complete and utter opposite. She will wear rings on every finger, bracelet and bangles from her wrist to elbow and at least 3 chains around her neck, plus huge earrings! I joke that she needs to be careful around deep water, lest she fall in and sink straight to the bottom!
the world's a complicated place
its sad your MIL wont splash out a little on herself- she has no doubt earned it - but she must need the security of the money safe in the bank - things that happen in childhod can have a lasting effect
i have a friend who just turned 70 and grew up in Germany after the war and i cannot comprehend what it must have been like

but i hope your MIL is at least buying nice groceries for herself to enjoy ...but she might just be being safe and buying the essentials

that's a kind thing you do for your friend who was robbed, because maybe she would be sad, hopefully she also takes care of you'r feelings on your own sensitive issues
 

Bron357

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 22, 2014
Messages
3,575
the world's a complicated place
its sad your MIL wont splash out a little on herself- she has no doubt earned it - but she must need the security of the money safe in the bank - things that happen in childhod can have a lasting effect
i have a friend who just turned 70 and grew up in Germany after the war and i cannot comprehend what it must have been like

but i hope your MIL is at least buying nice groceries for herself to enjoy ...but she might just be being safe and buying the essentials

that's a kind thing you do for your friend who was robbed, because maybe she would be sad, hopefully she also takes care of you'r feelings on your own sensitive issues
I’m very cheeky with my MIL, she lost her husband about 5 years ago and her other child, DH sister, is a missionary in India. So she only has DH, who like her,buys very little, me and DD.
I buy her La Mer face cream ha ha. $600 a jar!
She loves it and makes it last 6 months (I buy for her birthday and Christmas). She has no idea how much it costs, she thinks it comes from Aldi because I also make her a Christmas food hamper and Aldi has a great range of German style products.
shhhhh.
 

Mamabean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2018
Messages
5,336
I’m very cheeky with my MIL, she lost her husband about 5 years ago and her other child, DH sister, is a missionary in India. So she only has DH, who like her,buys very little, me and DD.
I buy her La Mer face cream ha ha. $600 a jar!
She loves it and makes it last 6 months (I buy for her birthday and Christmas). She has no idea how much it costs, she thinks it comes from Aldi because I also make her a Christmas food hamper and Aldi has a great range of German style products.
shhhhh.
Awwww @Bron357..You’re a great daughter-in-law..
 

jaysonsmom

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2004
Messages
2,949
No, I never adjust my jewelry for my friends, because my true friends wouldn't care, and anyone who would care would not be my friends.

I met a friend at church who married a well to do doctor in the 1990s and had a 1.65 ct D color Tiffany and Co. Solitaire and a diamond eternity band. She told me that she was too embarrassed to wear her e-ring to church because most of the ladies at church wore very modest wedding sets with <0.5ct center stones or just plain bands. It wasn't until I started attending that church and she noticed that I had no qualms about wearing my usual e-ring, band, studs and pendant (over 4 ct), that she started feeling comfortable wearing her wedding set to church. In her mind, she church people would think she was not a good person by buying luxury goods and not giving to the needy. FYI, most people who CAN afford to buy luxury goods for themselves are the most giving and give the most to others.
 

Mamabean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2018
Messages
5,336
important note to Mamabean
if we ever have lunch together please pile it on ! (in a Queen Mary OTT way) no holding back !

and to your question, yes
not my inherited rings, because that 'extravagance' is someone else's, but some of my cocktail type rings (big in my circle- not PS community) i feel self conscious and its stupid i know, and i wish i didn't

like when i wear my great Aunt's ER on my LH ring finger and grandma's ER on ring finger of RH and my SIL noticed (i got them sized the same but i don't like to take one out and leave the sister at home)
but they are my fingers and i can dress them how i want !


this will be an interesting thread
Okay @Daisys and Diamonds I’ll deck myself out like a Christmas tree! Haha
 

Tarquin

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 8, 2015
Messages
22
.She got mad at her daughter-in-law recently for sending two different cards to people for a thank you and a pic of her grandbaby in two different mailings....She was mad because the daughter-in-law would be using two stamps a person! That didn’t go over well with the daughter-in-law!
She sounds like a nightmare who cares way too much about things that arent her business in the slightest. If you must lunch with her I would go light on the jewelry since she seems to enjoy judging others.
 

qubitasaurus

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 18, 2014
Messages
918
Ehh no. I would not be wasting my time and energy worrying about these people.

They choose to be minimalist about what they personally purchase -- this is great, as consumerism is not a fulfilling hobby and it is fantastic if they have reached that level of enlightenment. You should choose to be minimalist about where you use your energy and what you invest your time thinking about -- this is also great. If you step back from it, the question of whether or not they are interest in what they dont have is really vapid and does not deserve your attention (also a valuable commodity to be judiciously managed, just like money. Indeed szilard's engine, Maxwell's daemon and the entire paradox of the information processing second law could be used to superficially relate the two commodities given some assumptions about metabolic rates.).

Honestly if you were making them uncomfortable due to their own financial situations being stressed then that would be one thing. This however just sounds like some elaborate second guessing game about who is judging what behavioural trait. And the only way to lose is to buy into that.
 

Mamabean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2018
Messages
5,336
She sounds like a nightmare who cares way too much about things that arent her business in the slightest. If you must lunch with her I would go light on the jewelry since she seems to enjoy judging others.
She’s a very nice person..but yes..she does have lots of opinions..
 

Polabowla

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
52
@JPie my mom is the same. Except it is not any admiring. Just, oh, another new thing in a disappointed tone. It's easier to just not wear anything near her.
Oh so it's not just me.
Yes I adjust things like purses, boots, jewelry... or even pretend it's not real to avoid the disappointed looks & judgements.
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
1,960
Okay @Daisys and Diamonds I’ll deck myself out like a Christmas tree! Haha
that's what i want !
I’m very cheeky with my MIL, she lost her husband about 5 years ago and her other child, DH sister, is a missionary in India. So she only has DH, who like her,buys very little, me and DD.
I buy her La Mer face cream ha ha. $600 a jar!
She loves it and makes it last 6 months (I buy for her birthday and Christmas). She has no idea how much it costs, she thinks it comes from Aldi because I also make her a Christmas food hamper and Aldi has a great range of German style products.
shhhhh.
that is so lovelly on so many levels
 

dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
4,691
I adjust to my outfit and occasion, not to people.

DK :))
 
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