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Do we get them a gift?

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
So, we have friends who are marrying. And they have asked my husband to officiate their wedding. We're still attending as guests, so I assumed we were getting them a gift but then I was speaking to another friend today and she was surprised I was getting them an expensive (over $150) gift.

Do I not get them a gift?
Do I get them a gift, but one that is less expensive?
Do I gift them as if he wasn't officiating?
 

centralsquare

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 18, 2009
Messages
2,201
Gift etiquette can be so taxing! I swear I stress over this stuff a lot! I think that, unless they have said that you don't need to get them a gift in lieu of being an officiant, that you should probably get them one. But, I don't think it needs to be super expensive ($100).
 

sillyberry

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,792
My friend officiated and did not give a gift. I didn't expect or not expect one (I didn't expect a gift from anyone!). I gave her a necklace that matched the earrings I have my bridesmaids.

I think you can do what you want without fear of doing the wrong thing. In your shoes, I would still give them the gift I would ordinarily give them as an ordinary guest.
 

Guilty Pleasure

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2008
Messages
1,114
I would give a gift in your situation. Your husband is officiating, but it sounds like he is doing so as a close friend (rather than a hired professional). In this case, I would treat it the same as being a bridesmaid or groomsman in someone's wedding or being asked to do a reading. If this is a close friend and you would purchase a gift for this person normally, then officiating shouldn't make a difference, in my opinion. Give whatever gift you are comfortable with giving.
 

jstarfireb

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 24, 2007
Messages
6,232
Guilty Pleasure|1313378290|2990964 said:
I would give a gift in your situation. Your husband is officiating, but it sounds like he is doing so as a close friend (rather than a hired professional). In this case, I would treat it the same as being a bridesmaid or groomsman in someone's wedding or being asked to do a reading. If this is a close friend and you would purchase a gift for this person normally, then officiating shouldn't make a difference, in my opinion. Give whatever gift you are comfortable with giving.
I think this is what I would do too.
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,660
Your husband has to put a little extra time into the event, right? Is he meeting with your friends ahead of the wedding? And he has to prepare for the ceremony, so he is doing a lot more than a guest. Is he being compensated for his time? I'd probably give a less expensive gift since some of your gift to the couple is your husband's time.
 

zipzapgirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
369
I think you have to ask yourself:

Would we be going to the wedding if he was not officiating?

Are we invited to the reception as guests? Many people do not invite the officiant to the reception, or the officiant generally declines.

The answers to these questions would probably help you answer whether you are being invited as a guest who is officiating or an officiant.
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
I would still give a gift, but perhaps one a little less expensive than what I'd normally give. It's an honor that they chose your DH to officiate, but he is also rendering them a huge service and is probably working hard to prepare! I actually expect them to give your DH a gift in return as well.
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
Do you want to give them a gift? If yes, then give them a gift. I don't think you can really go wrong in this situation, so I would just go with what you want to do.
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
Guilty Pleasure|1313378290|2990964 said:
I would give a gift in your situation. Your husband is officiating, but it sounds like he is doing so as a close friend (rather than a hired professional). In this case, I would treat it the same as being a bridesmaid or groomsman in someone's wedding or being asked to do a reading. If this is a close friend and you would purchase a gift for this person normally, then officiating shouldn't make a difference, in my opinion. Give whatever gift you are comfortable with giving.
I agree with this entire post. Unless it was like "please do us the honor of officiating, and please see this as your gift to us". This person is clearly a pretty close friend so I would give them the gift you planned on giving if your hubby wasn't officiating.
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
mscushion|1313429973|2991322 said:
I would still give a gift, but perhaps one a little less expensive than what I'd normally give. It's an honor that they chose your DH to officiate, but he is also rendering them a huge service and is probably working hard to prepare! I actually expect them to give your DH a gift in return as well.
I'm thinking this as well... I would think they should give your hubby a gift for doing this for them.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
I have no idea how the request to officiate was worded the events as I know them went like this. I was talking to the bride 6 months ago about how ridiculous officiant fees were, especially when you aren't talking about your lifetime spiritual advisor but some aging hippie from Berkeley you've never met before. I told her how we had DH's uncle officiate and how personal and special it made it for us. And that we just paid the 50 fee for the state of CA, and gave him a nice gift in thanks.

Then next thing I know 3 months later my husband tells me he's been asked to officiate their wedding. Hubby is friends with the FI as they work together, but I've only met the bride the one time... though I did pick out her engagement ring and wedding band for her. We would be attending the wedding either way as we knew we were invited way before the request to officiate came through.

Thanks for your carefully considered thoughts all. I do suspect they will give DH a gift as thanks. And I feel it is right that we should get them one as well. I'll just go through the registry and see what catches my eye. :wavey:
 
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