Do straight guys watch gay ****?

[yssie]

This is an interesting thread. One of the exceptions to confidentiality between a therapist and a patient is if the patient intends to harm another person. This used to include the duty to warn (if the client refuses) sexual partners if the therapist knows their client is HIV+. Things have changed and now there is controversy b/c HIV+ is not the death sentence that it used to be. It is an ethical debate among the profession and many therapist no longer warn.

I don't think most men watch gay **** involving men (involving women are a different story) but as others have said it is none of your business. Disturbing, yes. The thought of finding ANY **** on my dad's computer makes me uncomfortable. I understand your concern but I also agree that there is NO evidence of an affair.

If you decide to confront your father be sure you evaluate your motives. Why are you questioning him? Is it YOUR fear or are you thinking about your father's well being? Are you prepared for him shutting down and being defensive? Are you prepared for your relationship being harmed by this conversation? I would really think before you act in this situation.

This is the only part of this thread that I will comment on - my god, I hope that this is not true.

HIV *is* a death sentence. Period. If you have the money and/or pre-existing healthcare with the necessary coverage, it can be managed so as not to interfere with day-to-day life for years with a variety of treatment programmes. There is no guarantee of effective treatment, however, and there is no cure. It can be transmitted whether or not one is undergoing treatment, all that changes is the likelihood, and with repeated unguarded exposure that likelihood always increases. The only guarantee is that AIDS is a deadly disease.

There is no controversy about this. And there should be no controversy about informing a spouse, given that the most effective method of transmission is intercourse.

I have a friend who became HIV positive in 1989-1990, sometime around there, that was 20 years ago. I have a hard time seeing that he has a "death sentence." He's doing fine. He's been doing pretty much fine for 20 years. He got his PhD, became a professor, and is on a Fulbright scholarship in Europe right now. I don't have an reason to believe that his prognosis is "death." Maybe it is, but I think it's too early to tell.

I have only ever spoken of this with a few people, but I will share this story here now: I had a friend who was infected overseas a few years ago. He was in excellent health. His family had money, and he had decent healthcare. They were unable to find a treatment regimen that agreed with him, the side-effects were unbearable, and he passed away from pneumonia (pneumonia! I have had pneumonia twice in the past two years and I was cured with a pill twice a day!) four years ago now, just under three years after he was diagnosed.

So yes, in this day and age, unless you are both rich and lucky it's a death sentence that will cash in sooner rather than later. I am very happy for your friend Danny, and I hope he remains in good health for years to come. I only wish there was some guarantee that all HIV+ people would be as lucky as him.

 

[Kaleigh]

I did not read any of the comments on purpose.

I come with complete honesty. I think my dad did the same but before the internet.

And my brother was gay. I say was because he died of Aids in the early 90's.

So to me, I can't say do nothing... I am biased.

I do know people that were infected by their husbands being on the down low...

I have done a lot of work with the Aids charities and such...

So watching gay **** / DOESN'T equal you are gay.

Do you have a right to ask questions??
I'd be super careful how you state them...

BUT yeah... Needs to be looked into, as less invasive as you can??

Hard mix, but feel for you.

 

[diva rose]

Thanks Danny, Yssie and Kaeleigh for sharing your stories.

Danny - it's great to hear about your friend and I do hope he will have good health for many years to come.

Yssie and Kaeleigh - I'm sorry to hear about your loss. But thank you for being upfront.

 

[Kaleigh]

Off topic, but sort of on topic. If my brother was diagnosed today?? He'd still be alive. JMHO, but have it on the best opinions of docs who knew his case way back when. Oh if only he was alive today.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

No worries Porridge!

Yssie, in the USA, under the APA code of ethics, what I said *IS* true. Counselors no longer HAVE to inform sexual partners of their clients' HIV+ status. Unless my professors are teaching us wrong information it is up to the discretion of the therapist NOT the code of ethics. There are set things that legally I would have to inform (like if my client was a danger to himself/herself or had a plan to kill another person) otherwise I would lose my license but HIV+ status is no longer one of them. I am not going to pretend to be an expect on HIV+ but from what I have learn in graduate school, it is not as life threatening as it used to be. I have heard many stories like Danny's friend.

Kaleigh, sorry to hear about your brother.

 

[kenny]

I believe there is no such thing as being absolutely 100% gay, straight or even bi.
We love and cling to categories and hate uncertainty on this subject, but I see true inner sexuality as more ambiguous than absolute.

I think of sexuality as a continuum from 100% straight to 100% gay that we all may move along during our 80 years on the planet.
For social reasons this is beyond awkward.
Society pressures us to identify only one way . . . you're gay PERIOD! or you're straight PERIOD!, or your bi PERIOD!
I identify gay, am monogamous, and will not act on attractions to the same or the opposite sex.
That doesn't mean I've never noticed a good looking man, or woman.

Lock up straight men together in prison long enough and somehow sex happens.
I'd guess if you locked up a homosexual in prison with only the opposite sex then sex would happen.
You can think of it as a "substitute" but, whatever. Sex happened.

In light of this wondering whether a straight man looking at gay **** makes him "really" straight, or "actually" gay is ridiculous.

 

[dragonfly411]

Kenny - You make a very valid point. I wish that more people would be as open as you are. When it boils down to it, in today's world, sex, sexual appeal, sexuality, and sexiness are in a totally different world than they used to be. I can't think of a single woman who hasn't looked at some woman of the same sex and though "Gosh....she's hot.... I want to have that kind of sexiness", or something along the lines. Most men won't openly admit to doing the same, but I'm sure they do. I can't say that I have a true stance on this particular case, but I also can't say that something like watching those things would be a determining factor on sexuality to me.

 

[calamityJJJ]

There are a few posts here with a slight homophobic undertone. Would you have reacted the same way if the father was looking at "straight" ****? Why is it more likely that he is engaging in so called "risky behaviour" just because he is looking at gay **** and not another kind? Lots of people watch ****, and as far as I know there is no link between watching **** and cheating.

I suspect that my father is gay. He never came out of the closet but he had an extra-marital relationship with another man for most of my life. I only found out when I was a teenager. Do I care if he is gay? No.
What I do care about is that he treated my mother like s#*@ and emotionally abused us. He told my mother that she repulsed him physically. In fact, on their wedding night he turned his back on her. Whether he is gay, bi, straight or curious, he is simply a bad person.

Is your father a good husband? A good father? A good person?
Then that's most important. If he is gay, it's his choice to keep it a secret, and he has found a way to indulge his preference without hurting anyone (I honestly don't think he is cheating). So relax and let it go.

 

[HollyS]

This is could be one ugly family mess. I won't comment on it. That's your business.

But,


NO. Straight men - - absolutely, no doubt about it, 100% heterosexual males - - do NOT watch gay guy ****. Not as a rule. Certainly not as a habit. They may have seen it at some point, but it wouldn't be their favorite naughty diversion.

That's quite the assumption to make. I will make the assumption that you don't have anything aside from your own opinion to back this up. Besides, is it not just a tad hypocritical to say that you won't comment on this topic but do so anyway?

I would take this entire gay **** with a grain of salt. Would you still be horrified if you saw that your dad was looking at BDSM, scat play or watersports? I don't think that the conclusion of an affair would have been jumped to in those cases.

Oh, please.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

Actually, some straight men do watch gay ****. This article explains it quite well:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201002/straight-men-gay-****-and-other-brain-map-mysteries

 

[y2kitty]

I have a male friend who watched gay **** when his wife was pregnant. He said it didn't do anything for him and he turned it off. Would a straight man watch gay ****? Who knows? I've seen so much crazy stuff in this world, nothing surprises me nor do I judge.

 

[Imdanny]

Thanks Danny, Yssie and Kaeleigh for sharing your stories.

Danny - it's great to hear about your friend and I do hope he will have good health for many years to come.

Thank you.

 

[Tuckins1]

I will say this:

I'm amazed at the number of people here who think it is perfectly okay to say "whatever floats your boat, Dad, is okay by me".

Really? Even the possibility, or probablity, that he could be engaged in risky behavior? For himself and for his wife? And as long as he's taking 'precautions', which 'surely he is', then it's okay to indulge his proclivities, even though he's married???

It seems to me that that way of thinking is just as stupid as the other "Dont ask, don't tell".


A moral compass is not a moral compass if everyone everywhere can do exactly as they please, and you don't have a problem with that.

Why are you assuming that watching **** equals cheating? I have watched ****, alone and with DH. We watch all sorts of stuff. Some of it is girl/girl. Does this mean I am running around behind his back having sex with women? Absolutely not. OP has no proof WHATSOEVER that her dad has done anything, beyond having a search history for ****.