Do straight guys watch gay ****?

[Imdanny]

OK I read all the posts now. I think all these assumptions that if he likes to watch gay **** it means your mom is at risk are really taking leaps and betraying a lot of negative assumptions about what it means to be gay. If it was straight **** no one would say these things. Men are men, ya know, the odds of him cheating are the same no matter what type of **** he watches, and check the recent stats on HIV/AIDS (since that is I assume the "risk" you all are talking about) and you might change your assumptions a little about where risk lies. I think no matter your own protests to the contrary to Julie, you are uncomfortable that your dad may like this type of **** -- but some straight men do. And straight women. And you will never know what the scenerio is here, you know why? It is none of your damn business.

And if you only wanted to know the answer to your topic heading question, you did not need to provide all the details you did Of course this was not a simple question, you are having a promlem with what you found.

Yes, I have to agree. That a married man is watching gay **** does not imply that he is having or going to have an affair.

And, I might not have used the word "damn" but Dreamer is right IMO.

 

[diva rose]

I think every person's situation and experience is different. So in the end, it's what you and your sister feel comfortable and can live with.
Can you be ok knowing what you know now and not discuss it? Will it bother you and your sister?
If so, I would discuss it with your father but don't accuse him. Take a gentle approach and see where he goes with it.

If you choose to talk to him about it, I think you/your sister should approach him without your mother. Don't get her involved.
You father needs to feel he can trust you and confide in you. If you go tell other people first about it, that trust will be lost.

Do I think straight men watch gay ****? I don't know. Call me old fashioned but if my husband was watching gay **** and it turned him on, I would be thinking twice about his sexuality.

I think I understand where your concerns are. Please correct me if I'm wrong. You want to know if your father is bisexual or homosexual or just surfing with curiosity? If he does like men, you just want him to come clean with it for your mom's sake?

I have to admit, as much as people are saying it isn't your business, if I was in your situation I would feel the same way.
I also think people need to factor in cultural differences here. In my culture, a family member's business is everyone's business.
It's not as 'individual' as western culture. Yes it's her father's business if he is gay or not. However hiding your sexual orientation from your wife is a big thing. Having said that, your mother might know already about it.

With the cheating thing - watching **** doesn't mean he is a cheater. However if he gay and your mother is unaware of it - I would consider it misleading your mother. You are making someone believe you love them when in reality you do not. How can you if you prefer men? You may love the person as a friend but nothing more because it's just not there. That in my eyes is also a form of deception.

 

[Imdanny]

Maybe it is a different culture, but in my culture, hey dad, I invaded you privacy, if only inadvertently, and now it's my business to know if you are gay or bi, and BTW, you might be a mortal threat to my mother, um, yeah, that might not go over so well.

 

[iota15]

I've always seen my parents as more roommate like than lovers. I don't even know if they HAVE a sex life. They aren't affectionate. I know they have condoms in the house, but that's totally weird because my mom had a hysterectomy a decade ago. They aren't hidden though, just under the cabinet with the other toiletries.

I could never forgive myself if something happened to my mother that I could have prevent. That's really my only concern.

Please listen to Dreamer, and for the sake of all of their dignities, do not talk to them about it. What really pushed me over was the fact your parents have condoms in the house.

If your mother already has a hysterectomy, and no one else lives there, have you considered that she already knows of other potential partners (if there are indeed any)? Or perhaps she has partners?

Even perhaps (and I'm obviously speculating) that one of them may already have an STD? Hence the need for condoms?

 

[Gypsy]

Your mom may totally know about it and they may watch together. No telling what types of stuff goes on between consenting adults behind closed doors. I think on this one, it is none of yo' business and you need to just back off and leave it be

Yeah. What she said.

 

[Gypsy]

OK I read all the posts now. I think all these assumptions that if he likes to watch gay **** it means your mom is at risk are really taking leaps and betraying a lot of negative assumptions about what it means to be gay. If it was straight **** no one would say these things. Men are men, ya know, the odds of him cheating are the same no matter what type of **** he watches, and check the recent stats on HIV/AIDS (since that is I assume the "risk" you all are talking about) and you might change your assumptions a little about where risk lies. I think no matter your own protests to the contrary to Julie, you are uncomfortable that your dad may like this type of **** -- but some straight men do. And straight women. And you will never know what the scenerio is here, you know why? It is none of your damn business.

And if you only wanted to know the answer to your topic heading question, you did not need to provide all the details you did Of course this was not a simple question, you are having a promlem with what you found.

And this too.

 

[Gypsy]

Maybe it is a different culture, but in my culture, hey dad, I invaded you privacy, if only inadvertently, and now it's my business to know if you are gay or bi, and BTW, you might be a mortal threat to my mother, um, yeah, that might not go over so well.

And, definately this. I don't know of any culture where this would have a good outcome.

 

[Gypsy]

My .02.

If you say anything YOU and your sister might feel a bit better because you don't feel like you are holding onto a secret. But your desire to unburden yourselves might harm your parents greatly.

You have no idea what is going on. You only know that there are links to gay **** sites on your dad's computer. That, in and of itself is not something harmful. You said there are condoms in the house, there could be MANY reasons for that even if your mom had a hysterectomy.

In this case, you're bothered by this, and want to make it someone else's problem. Namely, your dad's. That's selfish. And he's done nothing to deserve it.

Your sister ABSOLUTELY should just create a guest account for herself for god's sake and the two of you should just put this out of your minds.

If you ever have reason to believe that this is something dangerous or harmful, then maybe at that point, you might want to say something. But as it stands... I think saying anything would be destructive (at least your dad's trust in you would be compromised) and selfish.

He is watching gay **** and you accuse him of being gay and being unfaithful or not loving your mom (incidentally even if he IS gay, there's no evidence that your mom doesn't know and isn't fine with it as long as he keeps it quiet. And there is no evidence that he doesn't LOVE her, just maybe not in that way.) HUGE LEAPS. And what if he's not doing anything other than seeing how the other half lives. And then is hurt that you didn't trust him enough or have enough faith in him to know that he wouldn't hurt your mom by doing anything under handed. Great relationship you will have with him in the coming years.

Or... what if he calls your mom into the room and says "they know..." and proceed to tell you that they have an open marriage and they both step out, regularly? Is that REALLY a can of worms you want to open? And does it benefit anyone but you?

Nope.

 

[Circe]

VIOLENTLY agree with JulieN, Dreamer, and Jen W. This is NONE of your business, and there's no way for the conversation to go well (possibly excepting the "it's just a virus" excuse ... and even then, there's a lot of potential for embarrassment).

A) A person's ****-watching habits do not necessarily reflect their actual activities.

B) Even if they do? Unless you KNOW the person is a careless idiot who would eschew condoms, assume they're taking reasonable precautions.

IF you knew your dad was actually cheating - if the links were to escort sites, say - I'd be all in favor of a talk. In this case, you would actually be saying, "Dad, I've invaded your privacy, and I'm assuming you're a careless incompetent: 'splain yourself!" I say, assume the best of your parents, and leave things where they lie ....

 

[MishB]

I'll admit to liking ****, more than my husband does. He'll watch it with me, but not on his own, but I like to watch it on my own. I actually like watching gay male ****, but I don't really enjoy lesbian ****. I think a man who watches some gay male ****, but is also watching other types could be completely straight, but if he is exclusively watching gay ****, I'd say he's gay, bi or curious.

Also, we don't use condoms for birth control, but it helps reduce sensation a little and hence help things last longer.

Waaay TMI in this post!

 

[diva rose]

Maybe it is a different culture, but in my culture, hey dad, I invaded you privacy, if only inadvertently, and now it's my business to know if you are gay or bi, and BTW, you might be a mortal threat to my mother, um, yeah, that might not go over so well.

So it's better to turn a blind eye and act like nothing happened? Let your mother live in a marriage where her husband may be gay?
Or let your father remain in the closet?

I really think this is a personal issue and there is no right or wrong - just matter of choice.

Personally I would discuss it with my father. Not only for my mother's sake but for his also. If he was watching **** because he was gay, he should be proud of who he is and come out. Why hide behind a marriage?

When I refer to discussion - as I stated in my previous post - don't go accusing because there is nothing to accuse here.
Just casually mention he needs to change his privacy setting and see how he responds.

I also don't think what her sister did was invasion of privacy. She didn't go looking into his secret stash or something. It was his computer which family members have access to. He was stupid for not clearing his history. With autofill function, it's easy to type something and things come up. I always hit my history page to go back to pages etc.

 

[diva rose]

If people here are posting some straight men watch gay **** - I don't see why the conversation will end badly if it's not a big deal.
Come on now - we're all adults and we know our parents have sex.

If you don't make it a big deal and approach it in a casual manner - I don't think it will end badly.
It's not like you caught him watching child **** or something.

Again, I really do think there is a high chance you mom knows about this and may be watching the **** herself.

 

[MonkeyPie]

None of your business. Period.

How would you like it if he questioned your sexual orientation?

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Totally on board with keeping quite about this.

I know you feel uncomfortable holding onto this secret and it's a biggie, but it's along the lines of confessing to an affair years after the fact...you'd only be doing it to unburden yourself while hurting so many other people who needn't be hurt by this.

The truth is, if you were to muddle thru my computer you'd probably raise an eyebrow or two at some of the things I've googled-searched. When I was going to school for my degree I was constantly looking up all sorts of drugs, how to use them, where they are mass produced, the trafficking of them and so on. To an outsider, I'd look like a girl with a major problem, but that wasn't really the case at all. So, along the same lines, maybe as a couple your parents enjoy looking at **** of different flavors...or maybe it's just your dad..but it's their business.

 

[Lula]

Sounds to me like their computer has a virus. This happened to my in-laws several times (they were in their 70s at the time). It was truly embarrassing to use their computer when we visited them -- but kind of funny, too. My FIL couldn't see all that well, and neither of them used the computer much except to read e-mail and news websites. They thought all the **** pop-ups were advertising that everyone got on their computers -- annoying, but they just ignored it. We were forever installing pop-up blocker software and spyware programs on their computer to stop it -- to no avail. Finally the computer crashed and we got them a Mac.

Don't jump to conclusions. You might want to start by checking to see how current your dad's spyware and anti-virus software is.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

Here's another thing that can happen. I'm sure your dad is watching ****, but, sometimes if you're looking at the "free ****" sites when you try to close one window two more pop up. NO joke! Then you try to close those and more pop up. You can't get rid of them until you force shut down your computer because they will keep popping up. The web address can also get buried deep into the system where they're difficult to remove. I also don't feel that we can accurately define "normal" as many sexual desires are still considered taboo. Another thing I don't feel can accurately be portrayed is gay or straight. I enjoy watching two women but I wanted to marry and be with a man for my lifetime. Does that make me gay? To an extent yes. Am I pretending to be something that I'm not by marrying my husband? No. If you feel that this goes beyond **** to another man outside of the home then I would speak up. Does your mom use the computer too? If she does I'm sure she already knows about all of this.

 

[geckodani]

Great advice, especially from Dreamer and Gypsy IMO.

To answer the title question, I know my husband has watched gay ****. Not regularly, but occasionally. He does not consider himself gay or even bi. I believe the comment was, "I like boobs too much to be gay."

I watch ****. I watch **** that depicts things that I do not find enjoyable IRL, but that I find arousing when watched. That could be the case here.

I really think you need to just leave it be, unless you have concrete evidence that something dangerous to your mother could be going on. Have your sister create a guest account on the computer and move on.

Edited a bit. A little TMI initially.

 

[OMGOMG]

I appreciate the replies everyone!

I still don't understand why anyone is suggesting that I think that gay people are more likely to cheat. It seems logical, as others have said on my behalf, that if someone is suppressing their sexuality, and therefore not getting their needs met, they MIGHT cheat to do it, simply because it is the only option for that type of need.

I don't think gay = cheater.

I don't think that watching **** (gay or not) = cheater, but I am sure you can understand that if the **** IS an indicator of his sexuality (and it may not be), then cheating becomes more of a concern. Suffice to say that I understand it is a LEAP in logic to think that watching gay **** = gay and cheating.

I don't think gay = more likely to have STDs. I think EVERYONE should get tested, regularly, regardless of marital status (that's what I do). I only mentioned World AIDs say because that day would have been an easy segue to recommend that my sister and mom get tested together, even if in solidarity. I'm pretty sure I can figure out a way to get my mom and sister to do this together, so that is probably the only action that I would take. I have no interest and desire in "outing" my dad in any way, unless I really fear for my mother's safety.

My dad is in a medical field. He KNOWS how to use protection. I strongly doubt he would put my mom at risk, but bottom line, if my spouse was cheating, regardless of WHO they were cheating with, I deserve to know that. If he is just watching **** (gay or otherwise), I don't think it's my mom's business.

My parents are not the liberal openminded type. My dad is pretty homophobic. If he sees too guys together being affectioniate, he says "That's disgusting." My sister and I have been trying for years to get him to be more openminded about such things. I have a gay cousin that my mom wouldn't even acknowledge as gay until this past year. She calls gay guys fruits. Now, this could all be some grand charade, but I really don't think my mom knows that he is watching gay ****. I know if my husband was watching male-on-male gay ****, I would feel some kind of way about it. I know relationships are complicated though, and I really don't care to know that much about any "arrangement" that my parents may have. If everyone is safe, do what the heck you want.

If someone questioned my sexuality, I wouldn't care. I think it's different for women though, and different in different cultural groups. I don't know many men who would respond well to having their sexuality questioned. My dad (or husband for that matter) would be 100% unreceptive to such a discussion or conversation.

When my sister told me about this, she expressed how awful she felt about looking at the search history. She described it more like a car wreck that you can't take your eyes off of. She cleared the history. We discussed it for one day, then dropped it. We both feel strongly that my dad should have his privacy, which we are happy to respect, my mother being the only outside factor. She had to keep using the PC for school, so when stuff started autofilling in the address bar again, she looked again. I don't know if she cleared it again. And thank everyone who suggested a guest account, I will be home soon and I will certainly set an account up for my sister so that she can be more comfortable. She really is on pins and needles everytime she does her homework on his PC. I will also look into antivirus and pop-up blockers. I know **** sites are notorious for those types of things.

I agree with everyone who said that it is none of my d*mned business. That does not mean that it's none of my mom's though. If there was ample reason to tell her, I would, but so far, I can't say that there is. I appreciate having a forum to work out these thoughts though. Obviously my sister and I aren't discussing this with anyone we know IRL.

 

[OMGOMG]

OK I read all the posts now. I think all these assumptions that if he likes to watch gay **** it means your mom is at risk are really taking leaps and betraying a lot of negative assumptions about what it means to be gay. If it was straight **** no one would say these things. Men are men, ya know, the odds of him cheating are the same no matter what type of **** he watches, and check the recent stats on HIV/AIDS (since that is I assume the "risk" you all are talking about) and you might change your assumptions a little about where risk lies. I think no matter your own protests to the contrary to Julie, you are uncomfortable that your dad may like this type of **** -- but some straight men do. And straight women. And you will never know what the scenerio is here, you know why? It is none of your damn business.

And if you only wanted to know the answer to your topic heading question, you did not need to provide all the details you did Of course this was not a simple question, you are having a promlem with what you found.

The recent stats on HIV/AIDS play out exactly the way that this discussion does. The majority of men get it from men. The majority of women get it from men. It's not difficult to understand that men are likely to get it from men, and give it to women. The cultural intolerance about homosexuality drives this need for men to live dual lifestyles, and it is really sad and dangerous for all parties.

I really couldn't care less if my dad watches gay ****. I really don't even care if he likes men. I care if he cheats, with anyone, at all, regardless of sex. I care if he puts my mother at risk. I care if he puts himself at risk, but there is a difference between active decision making (his) and passive (hers).

As far as I know, he has not cheated. I guess I started the thread to see how probable it is that action A is related to/could lead to Action B, and get some thoughts and opinions.

 

[OMGOMG]

You're supposed to say nothing, not a word, to that person, and to that person's spouse, and as little as possible in general. I wouldn't talk about it with anyone but your sister. There are no "implications" (i.e. bad things that it implies or that are going to happen) and for the privacy and dignity of that person, you should let it go. This is how I handled the same situation with my grandfather and if I had it to do over again I'd handle it exactly this way again.

Thank you for this comment.

 

[chemgirl]

To be honnest, I think the fact that he's looking at more **** than usual while he's on business trips is a good sign that he's NOT cheating (even though I realize there's no way to know just from ****). The way I see it, if somebody is cheating, business trips offer a great opportunity to spend the night with a partner without the spouse knowing. Looks like he's sitting in his hotel room browsing **** sites instead.

ETA: he's probably bored, so looking at ****. It really doesn't hurt anyone.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Sounds to me like their computer has a virus. This happened to my in-laws several times (they were in their 70s at the time). It was truly embarrassing to use their computer when we visited them -- but kind of funny, too. My FIL couldn't see all that well, and neither of them used the computer much except to read e-mail and news websites. They thought all the **** pop-ups were advertising that everyone got on their computers -- annoying, but they just ignored it. We were forever installing pop-up blocker software and spyware programs on their computer to stop it -- to no avail. Finally the computer crashed and we got them a Mac.

Don't jump to conclusions. You might want to start by checking to see how current your dad's spyware and anti-virus software is.

Lula has a good point that the computer could have a virus.

Whether it does or not, I agree with others to keep quiet!

 

[CUSO]

You know how guys like to wach lesbian ****, do women enjoy watching men get it on? Could your mom be the one?

 

[Indylady]

I think there's a big gap between watching **** and cheating. I don't think I'd bring up that possibility until there was more than just circumstantial suggestions.

Also, how tech savvy is your dad? Maybe he's going to general **** sites that is crowding him with gay **** pop-up screens? Also, are you absolutely sure nobody else in the family uses that computer? (no other siblings, nieces/nephews, spouse, etc).

Same and same.

I've seen pterodactyl **** (basically a person in a pterodactyl costume); I have no dinosaur fetishes, really. A friend showed me, and then I showed my old roommate, and subsequently we showed at least 1/4 of our visitors for the following semester. Pretty immature, but also pretty meaningless, and definitely all over my search history. Your dad might just be curious, someone else might be using the computer, he might have a virus..it could be anything really.

I do understand that you love and want to protect your mom in case your dad is having an affair, but I have to echo everyone else in that it is quite a leap to make.

 

[violet3]

I'm gay.
I've never been to one but there are businesses called bath houses where men go to have sex with strangers.
Over the years I've spoken to a person or two who have told me about them.
They say, and I've read, that the majority of clients of "gay" bath houses are 'straight' married men.

Knowing this I'd say that yes some straight guys watch gay ****..

Agreed. I live in a heavily gay populated area and have many gay friends and co-workers. According to my friends, there are plenty of married and straight men who will have gay encounters, both in bath houses and otherwise.

I also have gay friends who watch straight ****, and would imagine straight men who watch gay ****.

If it were me, I'd ask your dad and/or tell your mom. I personally don't like having to carry the weight of something like that on my shoulders. I also disagree with anyone above who said it is "none of your business." I think protecting your family's mental and physical health IS your business, when and if at all possible. We're not talking about hurting your mother's feelings here, or ending her marriage. IF something is going on with your dad and other men, we are talking about HER LIFE. what would your mom want you to do here? would she want to know? What would she do if the situation were reversed?

I don't think you should tell without asking your dad first - if I were in this situation, I would ask flat out about the gay **** and whether or not he is involved sexually with other men. It's a tough situation, but that's what i would do.

hugs.

 

[OMGOMG]

You know how guys like to wach lesbian ****, do women enjoy watching men get it on? Could your mom be the one?

I don't know any women that like to watch men on men, but I also don't talk about sex much IRL. My mom is really pretty close to being computer illiterate. She has to go to her friends house to have her check email for her. She dictates papers to her friends, or my sister or I because she doesn't know how to use word processor software. She is definitely not a suspect in computer usage, lol.

I suppose they could watch it together, but I don't suspect that is the case if he is watching more when he is out of town. That sounds like he is hiding it from her. If she was down with it, I think the pattern of viewing would be less skewed.

 

[Imdanny]

Maybe it is a different culture, but in my culture, hey dad, I invaded you privacy, if only inadvertently, and now it's my business to know if you are gay or bi, and BTW, you might be a mortal threat to my mother, um, yeah, that might not go over so well.

So it's better to turn a blind eye and act like nothing happened?

Exactly.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

If your sister deleted the history wouldn't you think that your dad would have figured out that you know?

 

[Imdanny]

Your sister could create a guest account or buy her own computer. Do you really think it's your sister's place and yours to delete things from your father's computer and to spy on him and to question him and to make very negative and insulting assumptions about him? Do you really think that?

 

[Imdanny]

I think there's a big gap between watching **** and cheating. I don't think I'd bring up that possibility until there was more than just circumstantial suggestions.

Also, how tech savvy is your dad? Maybe he's going to general **** sites that is crowding him with gay **** pop-up screens? Also, are you absolutely sure nobody else in the family uses that computer? (no other siblings, nieces/nephews, spouse, etc).

Same and same.

I've seen pterodactyl **** (basically a person in a pterodactyl costume); I have no dinosaur fetishes, really. A friend showed me, and then I showed my old roommate, and subsequently we showed at least 1/4 of our visitors for the following semester. Pretty immature, but also pretty meaningless, and definitely all over my search history. Your dad might just be curious, someone else might be using the computer, he might have a virus..it could be anything really.

I do understand that you love and want to protect your mom in case your dad is having an affair, but I have to echo everyone else in that it is quite a leap to make.

Wow. I never even heard of that.