Do peope make assumptions about your social economic status based on your ering?

[ckrickett]

Date: 9/1/2009 7:57:31 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
A lot of people assume that none of my jewelry is real for whatever reason (or so I''m told), and they act in a condescending or borderline hostile way to me. As far as salespeople go, I think they''re trained to look at a customer''s wristwatch and draw their conclusions from that.

Bingo...

 

[tyty333]

Date: 8/31/2009 7:40:54 PM
Author: zhuzhu
Actually the comments that bother me came from strangers (my friends won''t be that rude), people who I come in contact with in retail stores. This sales person was trying to get me to buy a set of China, thought I liked it I told her I couldn''t buy it because I found it to be too expensive. She persisted and insisted that I should, because ''if you can afford to buy your ering you should have no problems buying these!''.

The fact is that my diamonds are not big. They look bigger visually because I design them that way, and I am proud of this one time spurge. However for others to assume my ''material-based values'' and ''what I should be able to afford to buy'' is pretty lame.

I wouldnt appreciate anyone telling me what I can/can not afford based on what I currently own. Like...I can
afford to pay $200 for a place setting of china but am I going to? No, I dont value china that much and dont
choose to spend a large sum of money in that department...who is this salesperson to tell me what I can and
cant afford? This type of sales attempt would definitly be a turnoff for me and would result in a no-sale!

 

[AdiS]

Date: 9/1/2009 6:34:01 AM
Author: szh07

Date: 9/1/2009 2:10:30 AM
Author: AdiS
Yes, they do. Where I come from it''s really unusual for women to have diamond e-rings at all. Plain gold band is the norm so anything other than that draws attention immediately. I''ve heard it all - from the ''Someone must love you'' comments, ''You must make some serious $$$ to be able to afford that'' remarks to the insight of a ''friend'' of mine (noticing my rings): ''I don''t need diamonds, because I know my man loves me'' (Um, ok, good for you?!

)


I''ve learned how to ignore them. I just don''t see any other possible option. There''ll always be rude people with bad manners.

Hehe, I''m not engaged, but my SO has gotten me jewelery as presents, and I get the same ''he must really love you!'' comment from friends and acquaintances sometimes.

I don''t wear jewelery for the sake of any kind of status symbol. I wear it because its a hobby of mine which I really enjoy. Everyone''s got their thing, this is mine. How rude of your ''friend''!

Yeah, real smart, right? I guess Vanessa Bryant feels so loved and cherished each time she receives a monstrous diamond ring as a "Forget that I cheated on you" present. Of course our men want to make us happy with their presents, but does size and price really has anything to do with that?

 

[purselover]

I''m sure people make judgements on my financial situation based on my ring, I do it to other people (silently of course), right now their assumptions are probably right, we don''t have a ton of money to spend on diamonds.

I have definitely gotten a lot of comments on my shoes and bags though, and they are correct when I got them I had a lot more disposable income.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I have a terrible habit of assuming the "flashy" types are either in debt, married into wealth or inherited wealth. I guess I figure that people who build their own wealth are business minded and jewelry, clothes, cars, etc. are just terrible investments. Maybe once you get to a certain point you just don't care anymore!

I'm a book that can be judged by its cover: my jewelry is average-sized and I live an average life! I don't even have wealthy relatives!

 

[Lauren8211]

If they do, their assumptions are way off.

My inherited diamond would suggest I make a ton of money. Not so much the case!

 

[radiantquest]

I have worked with the public nearly all of my adult life and have learned that people are nearly never what they seem. Usually what I have seen is that the people with the most financial freedom don''t flaunt it. Not to offend anyone, but usually it is the people with moderate or new wealth are the ones that go out and buy, buy, buy. One of my personal friends is a multi-millionaire. Her family invested in Proctor&Gamble a very very long time ago. She has worked since she was 16. She lives a comfortable life, owns her car and home with no payments, but does not have luxury items. She does not see it as necessary. I have met many people that by the way they look, superficial people would not assume that they are wealthy, but they are. It seems that usually it is the people with less money that try to look like they have more and people with more try to look like they have less.

 

[Haven]

Date: 9/1/2009 2:32:05 PM
Author: radiantquest
I have worked with the public nearly all of my adult life and have learned that people are nearly never what they seem. Usually what I have seen is that the people with the most financial freedom don''t flaunt it. Not to offend anyone, but usually it is the people with moderate or new wealth are the ones that go out and buy, buy, buy. [ . . . ] It seems that usually it is the people with less money that try to look like they have more and people with more try to look like they have less.

radiant--I could not agree with you more. I grew up in a middle class suburb with a lot of people who were "new money" you could say, and it was quite the gaudy, ostentatious little place. (And really a solidly middle class area, not rich or wealthy, but comfortable.) People were definitely interested in advertising that they were doing well for themselves.

DH and I now live on Chicago''s north shore, which is only about 20 minutes east of the suburb where I grew up, but it could be light years away based on the way people live. There is a lot more old money around here, and a lot less ostentation. My grandmother would have said that "people live more tastefully" here.

 

[Lynn B]

Date: 9/1/2009 1:40:56 PM
Author: elledizzy5

If they do, their assumptions are way off.

Haha! Me, too! That''s just what I was thinking!

 

[Laila619]

Whenever I see someone's 1.5 + carat rock posted on Pricescope, I automatically think, "Man, her husband must make a ton of money!"

I don't know if it's true or not, but it's usually what I assume.

However, what's ironic is that my DH could have easily afforded a way bigger stone, but he is very practical and frugal so I have a modest 1 carat.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

People have raised eyebrows at me, but I think it's more my age than anything. I was engaged at 21 (and look 1, with a beautiful top quality 1ct diamond (which looks huge on me), and I think to a lot of people that equates to being a dumb "trophy wife" type that marries early to be taken care of by her hubby. When I was registering for wedding things, some sales people assumed I would be a stay at home mom, and made comments like "oh, but that would be so nice for when your husband's at work".

In reality, I work my butt off in med school and plan to work for the rest of my life, and maybe talk my husband into staying at home because I really love this field, haha. I have nothing against stay at home moms by the way, it's just not the path I'm working towards.

But I'm kind of used to people making assumption and saying rude things, oh well.

 

[Black Jade]

Date: 9/1/2009 2:32:05 PM
Author: radiantquest
I have worked with the public nearly all of my adult life and have learned that people are nearly never what they seem. Usually what I have seen is that the people with the most financial freedom don''t flaunt it. Not to offend anyone, but usually it is the people with moderate or new wealth are the ones that go out and buy, buy, buy. One of my personal friends is a multi-millionaire. Her family invested in Proctor&Gamble a very very long time ago. She has worked since she was 16. She lives a comfortable life, owns her car and home with no payments, but does not have luxury items. She does not see it as necessary. I have met many people that by the way they look, superficial people would not assume that they are wealthy, but they are. It seems that usually it is the people with less money that try to look like they have more and people with more try to look like they have less.

This is so true.

 

[jewelerman]

Most people are kind when asking about my jewelry and watches.Had a few real barn burners though

The lady in church who told my friend that I would never make a good husband or father because I spent too much money on jewelry for myself(refering to a Rolex that I saved for...for 5 years)!!!!

 

[dinamit]

Zhuzhu, I think the comment you got from that sales person is absolutely appalling, and generally, I have been shocked by some of the remarks OPs on this thread got. How rude and insensitive people can be! For most part, it''s pure jealousy.

I''ve never had any rude/negative comments made about my jewellery, but then my ring is just under 1ct. On the other hand, 1ct is considered a sizeable stone for most in the UK, and not "modest". I had one friend wonder how I will set the stone as "it''s quite big", but she didn''t mean anything bad. Most in my circle don''t have a 1ct stone or no e-ring at all, despite their economic status. I think they see me as slightly eccentric for loving diamonds. Where I originally come from (another European country) people aren''t so big on wearing e-rings at all, so mine definitely stands out.

I know people make judgements, and I have been on occasion guilty of this myself, but I would NEVER voice them...let people do whatever makes them happy, whether it''s new money, old money, lots of money or not etc. On the flip side, I wouldn''t feel comfortable wearing a bigger ring, despite fantasising about it, as I know I would be judged and I don''t want to draw that sort of attention, but that''s just me.

 

[gwendolyn]

Only once, really, but that was as much about age as economic status. A pub in London was refusing to serve me alcohol because I didn't have my passport on me to prove my age to be over 18 (even though I am 31!

). My coworkers were all tipsily brainstorming about how to convince them I am legally able to drink, and one of them (an Aussie guy) said, "I know! Just wave that big ol' rock of yours in their faces! No kid under the age of 18 would be able to afford THAT!" Made me laugh, especially since it's a) an heirloom and b) only about half a carat, but it's big for around here.

 

[Miscka]

Date: 9/1/2009 2:32:05 PM
Author: radiantquest
I have worked with the public nearly all of my adult life and have learned that people are nearly never what they seem. Usually what I have seen is that the people with the most financial freedom don''t flaunt it. Not to offend anyone, but usually it is the people with moderate or new wealth are the ones that go out and buy, buy, buy. One of my personal friends is a multi-millionaire. Her family invested in Proctor&Gamble a very very long time ago. She has worked since she was 16. She lives a comfortable life, owns her car and home with no payments, but does not have luxury items. She does not see it as necessary. I have met many people that by the way they look, superficial people would not assume that they are wealthy, but they are. It seems that usually it is the people with less money that try to look like they have more and people with more try to look like they have less.

This is not true at all where I come from. I grew up going to school with some of the oldest of old old southern money, and these women still sport big rocks, wear chanel bags, drive nice cars and live in big homes. That is just what the "upper crust" in my town do. They aren''t flashy about it (no big logos, etc) but you can tell they are well off by looking at them. Just my experience of course, just saying that isn''t the case everywhere.

 

[Miscka]

Oh and more on topic, I think yes, people have. It is actually very awkward, because my DH is in law school so we life of my one income. We found my ring for a steal and he worked really hard to pay for it with his summer job income, because it was important to him. I adore my ring, but it is large for anyone of our "status" and any of our friends and most of our families. I hate it when I feel like people think we charged it or something, so I have caught myself almost "oversharing" before to explain it.

 

[Phoenix]

Zhu, I think that sales assistant was rude beyond belief!!

I would have hissed at her or say something sarcastic and walked away without buying anything!

I''m sure people make plenty of assumptions about me and abt us. Some people have said things to me to my face and others have gossiped (sp?), I''m sure. As someone has already said, people have different priorities on where to spend their money. Some people like cars (we do but refuse to buy expensive cars - our last car was amongst the cheapest models available), some sound systems, some designer clothes.... whatever!! I have bigger diamonds (not as big as I''d want though, he he

) but that doesn''t mean we''re floating in money. We''re comfortable but we''re not rich and we choose where to spend our money. For eg. I wear designer clothes - sometimes - but most of those were bought in the sale at 70-80% discount. Hubby doesn''t spend money on anything, period!! We have friends that have more money than you could ever dream of and yet they don''t wear anything flashy, no diamond, nothing. We have other friends that invest everything that they have in properties because they know these are great investments (in this part of the world at least) which will give them multi-million dollars in a few years'' time. Yet, looking at these people, if you were the presumptuous type, you''d think they have no money at all.

So sure, ppl make assumptions. You know what, let them!! You know you, you know your man, you know what your values are and what''s important to you. Don''t worry so much abt the stupid SA!

 

[hihowareyou]

We ran into the money thing when shopping for an engagement ring. We went around to jewelers looking at ring styles and the like. I really wanted to try a huge range of things on to get an idea of size, shape, designs etc. I had it in my mind that we'd go less than 1ct as I thought that I would prefer the look and while we have the saving to buy much bigger I would rather have a beautiful smaller ring and keep the extra for something else. I wanted to try bigger stones on as well and since we did have the means to buy them if we liked them I didn't think it unreasonable to expect to be shown those rings.

I look *much* younger than I am (and he does a bit too) and we had so much trouble getting sales people to take us seriously, to them I was a 16 year old girl who thought it would be fun to look at rings. We were completely ignored in one store even though we were the only people in it at the time. At most places we were only shown a couple of rings in the under $1000-4000 mark, when we asked about other rings we were told some rubbish about stock or having nothing in my size (even though the cheaper rings were also 4 sizes too large). Then my favourite... in one store we were palmed off by the senior sales person before he even asked about our budget or what we were looking for because, "I only specialize in diamonds 1ct+". I couldn't believe he would verbally communicate that assumption to potential customers without even asking to verify it.

I can only assume that they were making these assumptions based on what they perceived my age to be. Maybe the fact that I don't wear a lot of jewelry regularly played a part, or the fact that FH wore daggy shorts

.

I can relate to your story too gwendolyn, the same thing happened to me when I was in London with my FH and brothers. The worst of it was that my "little" 17 year old brother strolled in without question but I was pulled up.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

People generally assume DH and I live in poverty when they see my ring. . .

It's funny, when I see someone young with a big, expensive-looking ring, I think A) it's fake or B) she/her FI are in a ton of debt. I know those are just as bad of assumptions as thinking a woman with a massive eng. ring is loaded. For example: once I was in Old Navy and the sales gal ringing me up had a 1.5ish (or huge, anyway) princess-cut diamond solitaire. It was impossible for me to believe it was real! Maybe it was an heirloom or she works three jobs to afford that ring, but regardless, she was a clerk at a low-end clothing store and it's impossible to believe her salary could afford that!

Who knows!

 

[Delster]

We were ignored outright in Tiffanys in London, no doubt due to looking young and not being dressed flashy. I wrote up the experience on here at the time. We found we got the same reaction in Ireland, although in several places we got asked what we did for a living and once they heard the answers to that they were fawning all over us, which I found very distasteful.

I have had my diamond referred to as a 'dinnerplate', a 'monster', a 'rock', and 'a tonne weight of a thing'. I've been asked if my FI is crippled - due to the burden of paying for it! All of it's been tongue in cheek and said in a friendly fashion so I haven't been offended by any of it, and Irish people don't comment on jewellery in general.

I did have a strange experience at a party once where several of the girls were newly engaged and they all passed around their engagement rings and gushed over them, but made a very deliberate point not to look at mine. One girl did look and said 'oh, it's just a solitaire'. Their rings were all ornate, vintage inspired. They were talking about how bling everywhere is much better. I don't know if they thought mine was old fashioned, or so big as to be vulgar, or fake, or extravagant or cheap, or what! There was a definite judgment going on but I couldn't work out if it was because they pitied me, or because they were jealous. Very confusing.

 

[cammy85]

I guess I do make assumptions on occasion, but I mostly just admire (silently!) when someone has a beautiful or huge ring.

When I do make assumptions however is when something seems ''off.'' I guess I describe it as someone who looks REALLY young with a HUGE rock, or someone that dresses really sloppily, or looks/smells as though they don''t shower and has a huge honkin ring. That''s when I start making assumptions about things.