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Do peope make assumptions about your social economic status based on your ering?

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zhuzhu

zhuzhu

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 15, 2006
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People who I don't really know, have made inappropriately comments on my "life style" before. When I asked "what are you talking about", they said "look at your engagement ring, it is obvious!".
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I find it very annoying, and really don't feel like I need to justify my choice of liking pretty jewelries.

Has that happened to you?
 
A friend of mine has a 2.5ct family heirloom stone which in our circle is HUGE. She gets comments all of the time...even at work. She was actually at a client meeting the other day and the client mentioned the size of her stone.

I''ve just come to the conclusion that some people just don''t know any better
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Sometimes. But that''s life. I have grown to assume that people will make judgments--good or bad--if they feel like it, and if they want. If it wasn''t my ering, it would be my house, or car, or purse, or husband, or clothing, or dogs, or the way I talk, or walk, sit or stand.

Some people are just presumptious...and if they want to be, then they find a justification for it...true or not.
 
Nope.



But I will say this - when I see someone with a 3 ct ring, I do (and I would hope safely) assume that they are in a position to afford something that''s a luxury - just like when I see someone driving a brand new BMW, I assume they can afford the payments. No need to comment about it of course, but diamonds aren''t exactly a necessity and they come at a premium price.

So...is it rude that your friends make assumptions about what you can afford? Maybe...but to assume that we aren''t sending a clear message about what we can afford when we wear our bling is a little naive, IMO.
 
Actually the comments that bother me came from strangers (my friends won''t be that rude), people who I come in contact with in retail stores. This sales person was trying to get me to buy a set of China, thought I liked it I told her I couldn''t buy it because I found it to be too expensive. She persisted and insisted that I should, because "if you can afford to buy your ering you should have no problems buying these!".

The fact is that my diamonds are not big. They look bigger visually because I design them that way, and I am proud of this one time spurge. However for others to assume my "material-based values" and "what I should be able to afford to buy" is pretty lame.
 
Not to my face, but who knows what is said behind closed doors.
 
This doesn''t happen to me as much because I don''t wear a lot of jewelry and my ering is under 1 ct, but my friend who turned me onto PS routinely wears 2 stackers, a RHR, her WB and her ering. This led some folks to refer to her as rich even though they are just comfortable.

Prior to developing a major addiction to colored gems, I put money into clothes, so it''s really all about where you decide to put your money. Other ppl spend it on stuff like electronics and food, where it''s less visible on a daily presence to others.
 
I''m shocked to hear that a stranger said that to you, zhuzhu. Especially a stranger trying to sell you something.

Nobody has ever said anything similar to me, and I really can''t imagine how I would react if someone did.

In any case, counting other people''s money might just be one of the most tasteless things you can do, in my opinion.
 
I must not know that many rude people . . .

But, then, I live in the south. We don''t ''cotton'' to bad manners.
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I''m sure people have. Who knows. No one''s ever said something to me along those lines, though.

I''m sorry people are making judgmental comments to you. That''s really frustrating.
 
I was told once (with my grandmas ering) that "Wow, he must really love you!"

Ah.... yes, but you don''t know me, and you don''t know anything! like diamonds=love (Well, I love diamonds, but you know what i mean)
 
Yes, I suppose they must, just like they would look at the clothes I wear, car I drive, area I live to come to all sorts of weird and wonderful conclusions. Annoying in the case of diamonds, as I dont own many pices, but each peace is special and of quality, but to othes might send signals about my ecomonic status, when in fact we have saved and made a decision to buy this rather than something else because we appreciate its beauty and it has been bought for a special celebration.

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I notice that when shopping sales assistants don''t usually pay me much attention because they think I can''t afford the items I am looking at, up until they see my engagement ring, then the act like my best friend.

Their first impression is right though, I am dirt poor.. it is FI who has the money!
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The saleslady was very rude.
I bet she won''t keep her job long reacting to people like that.
My husband and I are in the position where people assume we are wealthy because a) we have a large home on a decent amount of land b) our son went to an expensive college and is not in debt c)I don''t work outside the home at the moment.

Our home especially seems to invite people making judgments (not, of course, our friends).
I found that life was too short to keep justifying myself or explaining my finances to people who had decided to be jealous. I can never explain enough to convince them, anyway. It''s usually, I find, people who haven''t handled their finances well who are the most obnoxious. People who truly have had a rough deal don''t seem to do this.

I had a family member recently tell me that I was favored by a parent because I was ''rich'' and then go into complaining how wrong it was to do this kind of favoring, ending virtuously with saying that God had given the amount of money God wanted them to have, and that they didn''t care who was ''looking down'' on them, because they knew that they were in God''s will, and were satisfied with what they had.

I bit my tongue, while thinking that God actually had little to do with how this person has wasted money, and the choices they have made with their finances.

You are likely experiencing something similar as people focus in on your ring alone and don''t even notice what else you have or have chosen to sacrifice so that you can own the ring. As stated before, someone looking at your finger actually doesn''t know if you bought the ring, or inherited it, or got a really good deal--or anything, really.

I would jsut ignore it if I were you (and not wear your lovely ring to places that were unsafe).
 
Nobody has said anything to my face, but who knows what they say behind closed doors.

I have noticed that I get more attention in jewelry stores since I got engaged and married though. Once they see my ring, it''s almost like they start to think, "maybe she actually WILL buy something..." and they pay much more attention to me.

I know people who have smaller diamonds and a lot of money and I know people who have large diamonds and not much money. I think using a house or a diamond to judge someone''s economic status is kind of ridiculous because we never know their own personal circumstances. And it''s really nobody''s business but their own
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I''m sure they do. Honestly, I do too. But I''m not rude enough to SAY anything about it!
 
Yes.

Once I was introduced to someone in a somewhat professional setting and within moments he said to me, while gesturing at my ring, "So I see you''re getting married. Your fiance must do very well!" But he was close to 80 years old, and terribly sweet, so I didn''t regard his comment as rude at all! Still, I felt the need to inform him that my ring was passed down to me from my husband''s grandmother (that is, that we didn''t pay for it).

I''ve heard comments from people here and there, usually when I''m not in my hometown. But nothing as rude as what you''ve encountered! But in general I think that kind of aggressive sales tactic is distasteful.
 
A stranger has never commented on my ring other than to compliment it. Maybe my unkempt cuticles and uneven fingernails make my asscher/Leon Mege look more like mall jewelry than a custom-made setting and kickin stone.
 
My answer to inappropriate comments about my "life style":

"I consider it in poor tatste to discuss my finances, cost of purchases or value of my posessions with anyone who is not contributing to the amount of $ in my bank accounts."

I think it is interesting how people can use what they perceive to be your socioeconomic status agaist you to make themselves feel better.

For example:

She has a small diamond ering, doesn''t drive a luxury vehicle and doesn''t dress in designer clothes...therefore I am better than her bc I only wear $100 t-shirts, lease a car with payments that are as much as a mortgage and bought an ering that my hubby will hopefully pay off in the next 15 years or so.

on the flip side:

She has a 3ct ring, carries an expensive handbag and drives a (BMW, MB, LR etc) she obviously needs those things to make herself feel better or to attract attention bc she in insecure about (her looks, her husbands fidelity, etc). I don''t need to show off to be happy.

Usually I find that people who place too much emphasis on material things and aqusitions rather than focus on striving to be a better person and simply enjoying the experiences life brings us are the ones who eventually make themselves miserable (due to greed, jealousy, insecurity and a general negative outlook).

I have made and lost a lot of "friends" who were quick to judge me simply based on what they perceived to be true about me. It sometimes bothers me, but it also makes me appreciate the amazing people in my life who love me for me and not what I wear, drive or own.
 
I am guilty of this. However, I keep my mouth shut 99.8% of the time.
 
I myself often admire others' beautiful jewelries and wonder "how lucky! I wish I have that too!". I will however never calculate in my head "how much money this person must be making". Being a beauty lover, I know too well their purchase in jewelries (if they even buy it themselves) may have nothing to do with their spending power or financial stability. Furthermore, I am sure everyone's financial priorities are different, so a splurge in one area (one time!)does not mean they spend equally as willingly in other areas. I for one, hate spending money on clothes and shoes (I am weird I know), and will only buy new pieces if I need them, and if they are discounted.

My encounter with that sales associate was unfortunate but thankfully rare. You are right that it is prob not worth my time to be bothered by it.
 
Date: 8/31/2009 7:30:05 PM
Author: Elmorton
Nope.




But I will say this - when I see someone with a 3 ct ring, I do (and I would hope safely) assume that they are in a position to afford something that''s a luxury - just like when I see someone driving a brand new BMW, I assume they can afford the payments. No need to comment about it of course, but diamonds aren''t exactly a necessity and they come at a premium price.


So...is it rude that your friends make assumptions about what you can afford? Maybe...but to assume that we aren''t sending a clear message about what we can afford when we wear our bling is a little naive, IMO.
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I agree.

Umm when I see a diamond encrusted woman, I am going to assume that she and/or her husband are $
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To me it''s just logical reasoning / common sense. Of course there are exceptions like heirloom jewelry - I understand that.
So yea, I''m guilty of making these assumptions and judgments... but I would never actually SAY anything.. unless it was to pay a genuine compliment.
 
Date: 8/31/2009 8:47:35 PM
Author: musey
I''m sure people have. Who knows. No one''s ever said something to me along those lines, though.

I''m sorry people are making judgmental comments to you. That''s really frustrating.
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Ditto...it''s kind of crazy that a salesperson would bring up your e-ring as leverage to get you to buy something!
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Yes, they do. Where I come from it''s really unusual for women to have diamond e-rings at all. Plain gold band is the norm so anything other than that draws attention immediately. I''ve heard it all - from the "Someone must love you" comments, "You must make some serious $$$ to be able to afford that" remarks to the insight of a "friend" of mine (noticing my rings): "I don''t need diamonds, because I know my man loves me" (Um, ok, good for you?!
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I''ve learned how to ignore them. I just don''t see any other possible option. There''ll always be rude people with bad manners.
 
Date: 9/1/2009 2:10:30 AM
Author: AdiS
Yes, they do. Where I come from it''s really unusual for women to have diamond e-rings at all. Plain gold band is the norm so anything other than that draws attention immediately. I''ve heard it all - from the ''Someone must love you'' comments, ''You must make some serious $$$ to be able to afford that'' remarks to the insight of a ''friend'' of mine (noticing my rings): ''I don''t need diamonds, because I know my man loves me'' (Um, ok, good for you?!
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I''ve learned how to ignore them. I just don''t see any other possible option. There''ll always be rude people with bad manners.
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Hehe, I''m not engaged, but my SO has gotten me jewelery as presents, and I get the same ''he must really love you!'' comment from friends and acquaintances sometimes.
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I don''t wear jewelery for the sake of any kind of status symbol. I wear it because its a hobby of mine which I really enjoy. Everyone''s got their thing, this is mine. How rude of your ''friend''!
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how rude

No I haven''t had that happen worst comment I have had was being told that I would drown if I went swimming with my ring
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I''ve had nice comments but I''ve also had a few rude ones like: WOW didn''t know the construction industry paid so well.....or.....WOW someone doesn''t have to worry about bills.

I pay no attention to the rude idiots that make ridiculous comments. I do appreciate the NICE comments but at times feel a bit awkward..(just how I am..I can give compliments but get embarrassed to accept them)
 
I would assume people have made assumptions about my economic status because of my ring, I just wear a 1ctw (antique) 5 stone ring as my wedding ring, I don''t have an engagement ring and never wanted one. However, they would be way off base as both my husband and I earn very good money, we don''t have kids, hence a lot of disposable income. The 2-3 month ''salary rule'' means I should have a very big rock on my finger.
 
A lot of people assume that none of my jewelry is real for whatever reason (or so I'm told), and they act in a condescending or borderline hostile way to me. As far as salespeople go, I think they're trained to look at a customer's wristwatch and draw their conclusions from that.
 
I''ve never really thought about it. No sales person has ever been rude about my jewelry, nor has anyone made any assumptioms of my "wealth". At least not to my face.
I don''t do it to others either. If I notice a piece on someone else, one of two things goes through my mind, either 1. pretty, or 2. gawdy. I guess I don''t equate jewelry with a persons socio-economic status.
 
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