Do I Show the Ring when asking for his daughter''s hand???

[SparkleBear]

HELP, HELP!!

Am I "supposed" to show the ring to my girlfriend''s father when I ask for his daughter''s hand in marriage???

My two co-worker''s say yes....I think No. What do you all think and why? Need som expert opinons on this.

Thanks,
Jeff

 

[AtlantaC]

"Mr. Simon, there's something I want to talk to you about...err..well, ask you," [produces ring]

"Yes! Yes! Of course I'll marry you Thomas."

"uhh. oops."

I can think of no reason to show the dad the ring. What...is his answer contingent on whether or not he likes it?

 

[NoviceNYC]

I say no. Leave something for him to be surprised about when the engagement actually does happen.

My boyfriend asked my father 3 weeks ago and my father still calls (I think to get to me) every day asking if I am engaged yet and when HE gets to see the ring.

I just feel there is tradition and excitement in the parents knowing and in you asking but something held back until the actual event happens is exiting too. Just my 2 cents!

 

[chialea]

you're really asking for his blessing, not his permission, right? so what is he going to care about the ring -- he might care if his daughter likes it, that's all.

if my SO disregarded my wishes and did ask my dad for permission/blessing/whatever, and showed my dad a ring, my dad would simply mostly ignore it. he doesn't really care about jewelery, and even if he did, it's not his taste that counts in this instance -- it's mine, first of all, and my SO's, second of all (since he has to see the thing nearly every day of his life, and I have to see it all of mine

)

 

[warehouse1990]

i didn't and wouldn't. you're asking for his blessing.

the parents will want to be involed and see the ring asap. but, ultimately it is up to you 2.

 

[Hest88]

Only if there's some reason why you need to prove to her father that you're serious. Otherwise, I don't think it's something he'll care about.

 

[Judi W]

I think that if YOU show the parents the ring, it will take away from your future fiance's pleasure of showing it to them herself for the 1st time. Flashing that ring is part of joy of sharing the news with family and friends. She should be the 1st to see it!

good luck

 

[fire&ice]

Yeah, I'm with no also. But, if you feel like it might be an icebreaker for you, then maybe.

 

[bgwedding]

My boyfriend just asked my father last night and he said yes without seeing the ring. Raymond told my dad that he hadn't made any plans or bought a ring yet because he was waiting on his approval. That made MAJOR points with my dad and made him feel like he was more or the process and in control of the situation. All fathers are like that, they want to know that it is THEIR decision whether or not you or any other guy can marry their daughter. It was important to my father to know that, if he said no and he didn't approve right now, the proposal wouldn't happen until he was ready to let his little girl go. it's something to think about. That's just my opinion.

Now, if you have already bought the ring, tell him you haven't made any plans on proposing yet. Whatever you do, make him feel like he is in control.

Good luck!!

 

[AtlantaC]

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On 6/8/2004 2:38:27 PM bgwedding wrote:

All fathers are like that, they want to know that it is THEIR decision whether or not you or any other guy can marry their daughter. It was important to my father to know that, if he said no and he didn't approve right now, the proposal wouldn't happen until he was ready to let his little girl go.

Whatever you do, make him feel like he is in control.
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First, I would hate to have to feel like I was going to spend the rest of my married life making sure my fiancee's dad was "in control".

I disagree with this on several points. I'm nobody's daddy yet, but in this day and age, I think it's presumptuous to think that every girl's dad needs to be in control of his daughter's adult life. This goes back to asking for a dad's blessing rather than permission. Unless your culture precludes free will, it's up to your girlfriend not her dad. If you feel it's appropriate to talk to the dad at all, remember you're asking for a blessing not a license.

A daddy doesn't "let his girl go". Hopefully, he rears her with enough self-respect and good judgement to choose wisely for herself.

 

[chialea]

Hear, hear!

I think my parents would be very upset if they thought that they could or should be "in control" of my life or my marriage. I'm quite sure that they're much more interested in me as an independent person with a mind of my own (and likewise for my SO), and they have their own lives to live. They certainly love having the chance to advise and nitpick, but with the clear understanding that it is in fact my life, and my decision. Certainly I try to make them happy, but not by having them make my decisions.

 

[purduephotog]

ACK!

I hadn't considered the problems of waiting to the last minute on my future inlaw-relationships when asking permission.

I had intended to ask permission the night of, after dinner, and before we go to the RPO. That way I can guarantee it will still be one heck of a surprise and minimize any funny acting or question slipups... he can't let it out if he's riding in a different car and I make sure there are at least 3 other people between him and her

*sigh* I'm gonna have to look at risk minimize my timing now. Grumble.