Do I say anything to him?

[captainmcgee]

Ladies,

I need some advice. I am having second thoughts on my ring and I haven't even been proposed to yet.

I am worried about the inclusions and whether any one else will notice them and this is dampening my excitement about everything.

I dream about it and worry that if anyone saw them I would be mortified

What do you think I should do? Speak up to my darling SO? We went through the whole process together and I know he would want to be happy. The problem is that I absolutely love everything about the stone except for the inclusions.

I wonder whether I should not say anything until perhaps after the proposal a little more down the track but before the actual wedding.

I am so lost :s

Thoughts?

 

[Mayk]

I changed my stone and my setting.... just after we were engaged... and we picked out the rings together... We learned some things... some the hard way.. but I can tell you I am so happy we talked about it.. and once we started comparing together he wanted to make the change as much as I did.. it's a little different story.. we had an EGL stone and then had issues with the setting in just a couple months.. but all the same.. I am now completely happy with the results and feel content with my decision, size, quality, etc... Good luck.. it was not easy to start the conversation.. fortunately for me he is watch crazy.. so I mentioned how he studies the crystals, the dial, the workmanship... this helped...

 

[iheartscience]

What is the return policy on your e-ring? If it will be too late to change it once you're engaged, I'd bring it up now. If you would be able to upgrade it or trade it in, I'd wait until after he officially pops the question.

That said, I have a feeling you'll love your ring again once it's on your hand. I think it's easy to worry about it when you don't have it.

 

[wwmd8118]

That said, I have a feeling you'll love your ring again once it's on your hand. I think it's easy to worry about it when you don't have it.

I couldn't agree with this more. Once it is on your hand, I think you will feel very differently about it because you're not obsessing over all the little things anymore - then it's just your beautiful engagement ring. I think the feeling changes once you're actually engaged. I obsessed over whether FI was going to get me the exact setting I showed him and how I would be so upset if it wasn't that exact one, and then when he proposed I was more in love with the setting he bought me than the one I had shown him. I've never thought twice about the other setting and I don't think it would be possible to love my ring more. So, that's my two cents.

 

[junebug17]

I looked at a few of your posts, and it seems like you have already had concerns about eye-cleanliness, so your SO may not be completely surprised to hear about your concerns. Is the stone in your SO's possession? If so, I know this is extremely unromantic, but is there any way you could look at the ring and see for yourself if the inclusions are noticeable? If there's a return period, doesn't seem to make sense to wait until he proposes. I know I sound cut and dried, but I'm an older woman and am viewing this in a more practical light! Your stone is large (4 carats, I think?) so there's a lot of money involved here. I just think it would be better to allay your fears and make sure the diamond is acceptable to you, so that if it's not something can be done about it.

eta: I just re-read your posts and it sounds like you've already seen the stone in person. Sounds like you are really stressing out over it, so I think I would discuss it with your SO.

 

[Indylady]

Are they normal inclusions, or a real dark spot or fissure or a big big veil? People rarely get close enough to rings to see their inclusions--seriously. You're probably the only one that's going to notice.

 

[TwinkleStar]

Hi mif,

It sounds like it's been a while since you picked out/saw the ring, so is it possible that once you see it again, the inclusions you remembered/know about from the plot won't be visible, especially with all the sparkliness of the diamond? Also, like the girls have said, it will probably speak to you very differently once it's on your hand, so I would wait until after the engagement (unless there is a looming return deadline coming up) to speak to your bf.

P.S. Mayk, your bf sounds exactly like mine! We can never go to South Coast Plaza here in OC without stopping at Tourneau and Tourbillion where he can geek out with the sales guys about watches.

 

[AmeliaG]

A couple of questions:

1. Is the diamond still within the return/exchange period?
2. How long has it been since you looked at the diamond?

If it still is within the return/exchange period, then I would say, bring it up to him now to help him avoid a loss but I think its been a few months and if so, there's not going to be a monetary difference between bringing it up now or later.

If its been a while and you can wait for the proposal (easier said than done ), both of you will be looking at the ring with a fresh set of eyes. The inclusions may or may not bother you or it could be something else. Regardless, if anything bothers either of you, he should have enough distance away from the purchase period to be objective.

 

[Amys Bling]

If you are still within the return/exhange period during the time of the proposal, then I would wait until then. You havent seen your stone/ring in a while and honestly, once you see it you might see that the inclusions are not visible and you were just worrying for no reason.

If the return period is over before the proposal, then maybe express the concernto FI now and talk about it.

 

[snoopkat]

Hey mif, if it really bothers you that much then maybe you should speak to your SO about it. It's pretty unlikely that people will be scrutinising your diamond looking for inclusions, they'll be too gobsmacked admiring its size and beauty. So I don't think you have to worry about other people seeing the inclusions. You're the only one who knows it's there and my guess is that's what you're focusing on at the moment.

ultimately though, you're the one who has to wear it and it needs to be mind clean for you and you only.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

It sounds like a reason/excuse to bring up your ring in order to discuss "why" he has not proposed.

Sharon

 

[shihtzulover]

Hmmmm, I think it really depends. Is the return period over? If not, will it likely be over by the time he proposes? Is there an upgrade policy?

I kind of went through the same thing. My fiance and I picked out our diamond and setting together, so he put down a partial payment before the ring was made, and he took over from there. Over time, I started really worrying. Honestly, I don't think that we spent the proper amount of time selecting this particular diamond, and that's what worried me so much. We had been to a ton of different jewelry stores and spent so much time comparing diamonds, and they all just kind of started to blend together. We were just ready to buy, but we probably should have spent just a little bit more time at this store before pulling the trigger, just to be sure.

The diamond was a SI1, and the grade-making inclusion was a clear/white crystal right in the center. We couldn't see the inclusion with our naked eyes at all in the jewelry store, and my fiance has better eyes than I do, so I was pretty satisfied. Then, I started browsing on PriceScope, and became afraid that the inclusion might be obvious in other types of lighting, like sunlight. I was also worried that it wouldn't sparkle enough.

When my fiance finally did propose, the diamond was very sparkly, and the inclusion was not noticeable to us in any type of lighting. I was still concerned because it was GIA-graded, so it had no cut grade (princess cut). I was sure that it didn't sparkle as much as an AGS 000. Over the course of a few months, I noticed another thing that I didn't like about it, and it started to really bother me - it displayed a very prominent dark area in the center, especially when exposed to sunlight or spotlighting, but sometimes a bit even in other types of lighting. Other people commented on what a beautiful stone that it was, but I was sure that an AGS 000 would perform much better.

We asked our jeweler to call in an AGS 000 stone, and when it came in, we compared it with our diamond, and also with other diamonds that they currently had in their inventory. We looked at all of the diamonds in jewelry store spotlighting, in their office lighting, and outside in the sunlight. To our surprise, the AGS 000 only sparkled a slight bit more than our diamond, and it wouldn't be enough to notice if they weren't right next to each other. Surprisingly, we ended up falling in love with a larger, also GIA-graded, SI2 clarity diamond. Since our jeweler does have an upgrade policy, we decided to go ahead and upgrade, especially because diamond prices were expected to rise in the very near future (they did, and from what I understand, this trend will continue).

I love my new diamond so much and am definitely thrilled with our decision, but I do still miss my old one. It was honestly gorgeous, and a total firecracker, but I was so convinced that it was really flawed. I think that the dark spot would still bother me, but I also miss it because of the sentimental value that it was our original diamond. For comparison's sake, I did take it in to Tiffany's on that same day that we compared it to the AGS 000, and I was surprised to find that it outperformed most of their diamonds, at least in the jewelry store lighting. I really think that my expectations of diamonds was too high. I now realize that even an AGS 000 won't sparkle like crazy in the type of lighting that they have in schools and hospitals, or outside on an overcast day.

Ultimately, I'm not sure if I would have chosen our original diamond again. It's really hard to say. I didn't like the dark area in the middle, but it did sparkle a lot, and the price was great. We considered shopping online, but I really love the convenience of having the jewelry store near me, so that they can work on the setting and such without sending it out, which would really worry me. The jewelry store that we purchased from has excellent customer service, which is a definite plus.

Als, we bought our original diamond before my fiance started his new job, so it was more in our price range at the time. When we went to the store the second time to look at the AGS 000, we did have more money to spend. Before, we never would have even considered a diamond in the price range as our upgrade.

Did you love the diamond when you picked it out? Did you have any doubts? Were you able to see the inclusions then? If you were really happy with your choice then, and couldn't see the inclusions, then it's very possible that you're worrying for nothing. On the other hand, since you are so worried, it seems like this is something that's really important to you, and you definitely don't want to be stuck with something that you don't totally love.

Do you think that your soon-to-be fiance would be upset if you talked with him about it? I did share a few of my concerns with my fiance (boyfriend at the time), but I also thought that I might be worried for nothing - and I didn't want to upset him. When I did bring it up though, even though it was a few months later, he was completely open to the idea of switching diamonds, since his ultimate goal was to make me happy.

I hope that everything works out in the best way possible!

 

[captainmcgee]

Hi Ladies,

First of all, thank you for all your advice.

I would look at the ring once a month and I looked at it yesterday just before I made this post (naughty me). It is just in our house and has been for 6 months. He knows I was concern as the day we picked it up I noticed them more and more and kept asking him his thoughts.

The return period is obviously over being 6 months down the track but we are able to upgrade etc. I am thinking I will probably just wait until he actually pops the question and then since we would have a long engagement, upgrade (only in clarity and perhaps even downgrade size for the clarity) during that time. I don't think that dropping from a 4.16 to a 3.8 will be that noticeable but the difference in clarity might just help to give me peace BUT as a lot of you have said I might just be obsessing due to the long wait.

The inclusions are black, well to my eye. I feel like one pops out every time I look at it. It sits right on the edge. I really don't know if I am being pedantic or whether it is actually visible. I do have great eye sight and you do really need to know where to look to find them (or so I think) but I think I may have realised that even if no one else can see them I might be the type to have assurance that no one will see them. My darling SO probably wouldn't tell me he could see them because he wouldn't want to get me worried.

He has said to me in the past he would not have a problem with me changing the stone (the only thing I guess is that diamond prices are rising and I may not get anything close to this down the track) in terms of size and colour. I guess I should have known when we purchased it that I would notice the inclusions (being an SI2 and a 4ct). I guess I thought that the fact it was an E, triple ex cut would outweigh the clarity which to a large degree it does. I do highly doubt anyone will get close enough to ever notice them but I still think I have issues with the fact that I can see them.

It does sparkle like crazy but in the bathroom (that has heaps of light streaming in) I can see heaps of tiny inclusions and this one massive black one

 

[ellab]

I say your ring, your decision!! I'm sure it's incredibly beautiful but if you don't feel comfortable with it, change it. At the very least, I'd tell your SO about your concerns!

 

[4ever]

You will feel different as soon as it's on your hand, I 100% guarantee that.

This is just was LIW do, we find little things to pick pick pick at as a way to vent our waiting frustrations. Try your best to put it out of your mind and when he proposes, if it still bugs you after a week then bring it up. And it is just you, no one else is going to notice these teeny little inclusions, they are going to be thinking "Holy sh*t, look at the monster sparkly rock!" *drool*

 

[Hospatogi]

I think if the inclusion bothers you now then its really going to bother you when you are wearing it especially after the novelty of having your ring and being engaged wears off. Since your boyfriend mentioned that he wouldnt be opposed to you upgrading your diamond I would contact your vendor and see what they have available .With the rising cost of diamonds a higher clarity diamond in your size might be very expensive by the time your boyfriend proposes. I think its always good to have choices !

 

[slg47]

I think you will LOVE it once you get it. I remember following your thread, seems like you had a really hard time finding a 'needle in the haystack' eye-clean SI2 in that size. I think you would have a hard time finding anything else and I seriously doubt ANYONE would see any inclusions in your beautiful diamond!

of course once you get it and live with it for a while, if it really bothers you then maybe consider downsizing

 

[captainmcgee]

Thanks everyone.

I think what I will do is wait until he has proposed and then wear it for a while and see how I feel. I am more than happy to pay the difference if I am going to change the stone because darling SO spent a very large chunk trying to make me happy. I would never expect him to shell out more because I made the wrong decision.

Half of me thinks I am nit picking and the other half is really worried but I guess I won't really know how much it bothers me until it lives on my finger.

 

[AdanaEsq]

If the inclusions are at the edge, would it be possible to have it recut to get rid of them. Could that be possible? You would lose a little size but it might cost less than having to buy a new diamond and if you love everything else about it, it might make sense.

 

[captainmcgee]

That could be an option. I mean the most noticeable inclusion is on the edge. I will try and take a photograph of it maybe.
There are a fair few throughout that I can see now because I search for them (silly girl). I just really need perspective arghh!

 

[Winks_Elf]

HI:

It sounds like a reason/excuse to bring up your ring in order to discuss "why" he has not proposed.

Sharon

I'm with her. Six months is a long time to have the ring in the box and not on your finger.

 

[captainmcgee]

Thanks for the opinions all.

Honestly, we talk about it all very openly so I don't really need an excuse to bring it up. I do think though that I may be over thinking it because it has been 6 months. I actually would just like to be with him for the rest of my life, the ring is just incidental.

Maybe it is just a focal point to try and get me through the wait I am thinking (fingers crossed) it will be on our big trip that is in 3 and a half months (oh the wait )