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Do i propose to my boyfriend?

DJ2010

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 24, 2011
Messages
1
My boyfriend and I have been together over a year now and I know im proberbly being impatient but I really want us to get engaged and so does his family and mine.

We both wear a ring on the wedding finger we got each other at different times as a symbol that one day those fingers will have a wedding ring and mine will have an engagement ring on but these rings arent engagement rings.

I dont want to keep bringing this topic up with my boyfriend because i did that with the fact i want children too and it just seems to push him away further.

We are very much in love still, we will be moving in together soon too and he has said he wants kids and marriage but not yet.
I dont mind waiting a couple years to get married but id at least like to be engaged for those couple years and he knows that and has hinted a few timrs he would do it around his birthday in Novemeber or Xmas but he also hinted this last year and didnt do it.

So my question is,
Should i propose to him? or should i wait until after xmas incase he does ask me first?

I have jokingly said before to him if i proposed to him would he say yes but he said he would simply say no because the guy should do that, i hate sexist men and he is anything but sexist but hes traditional with that i guess.

Any suggestions please let me know.

Thanks :)
 

ChloeTheGreat

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 25, 2009
Messages
682
Obviously I don't know the whole story, but it seems to me like he'll propose when he's ready. If I were you, I wouldn't stress about getting engaged soon...you've got plenty of time to catch up with those of us that have been with our SO's for 6 or 7 years! :praise:
I wish you and your man the best of luck and enjoy the experience of moving in with him and building your lives together. (...Whether or not it means having an engagement ring on your finger.)
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,655
When two people decide to get married, buy a house, live together or have children, BOTH should want it equally. Neither should be pressured. Your bf isn't ready for marriage or engagement. In situations like yours I think it's a mistake to even move in together. It is obvious that you want to play house and living together is a way to pretend you are married. Although you and your bf have talked about a future together, he has no time line in mind and has already told you he wants to ask YOU when HE is ready.
 

kelpie

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2008
Messages
2,362
It's perfectly reasonable for a lady to propose to a man. But here's the thing, if you propose because you're tired of waiting you never really can be sure he's ready or it's what he wants. If he wants to be with you of course he'll say "yes" even if he's not ready. I waited for my husband to propose for 5+years because I was confident in my life decisions and our commitment but it was a big step for him to make psychologically so I let him take the lead.
 

AmeliaG

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2011
Messages
880
DJ2010|1306275401|2929403 said:
I have jokingly said before to him if i proposed to him would he say yes but he said he would simply say no because the guy should do that, i hate sexist men and he is anything but sexist but hes traditional with that i guess.
I think he gave you the answer there. You may have been joking with the question but I think you can trust that he was serious when he answered.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
AmeliaG|1306276994|2929445 said:
DJ2010|1306275401|2929403 said:
I have jokingly said before to him if i proposed to him would he say yes but he said he would simply say no because the guy should do that, i hate sexist men and he is anything but sexist but hes traditional with that i guess.
I think he gave you the answer there. You may have been joking with the question but I think you can trust that he was serious when he answered.
'This.

No, you shouldn't propose to him. If you have issues with living together before being engaged, tell him that - and be prepared to live apart until he IS ready.
 

mary poppins

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 10, 2010
Messages
2,569
swingirl|1306276515|2929432 said:
When two people decide to get married, buy a house, live together or have children, BOTH should want it equally. Neither should be pressured. Your bf isn't ready for marriage or engagement. In situations like yours I think it's a mistake to even move in together. It is obvious that you want to play house and living together is a way to pretend you are married. Although you and your bf have talked about a future together, he has no time line in mind and has already told you he wants to ask YOU when HE is ready.
I agree with this. DJ2010 and boyfriend do not seem to be on the same page right now.

- when OP raises the subject of marriage and kids, boyfriend pushes away "further"
- boyfriend has intimated that he would propose by a certain time and hasn't
- boyfriend said he would say no if OP proposes

DJ2010, has your boyfriend said why he isn't ready? How often have you raised the topic that he is pushing away "further" when it arises? Why are you in such a hurry to get engaged and then be engaged for years?
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
No no no. A million times, no. If you propose you WILL push him away. He's made it clear that he wants to be the one to propose, when and if the time is right. I've said it a lot on these boards- if he wanted to be married to you he would propose. His not proposing means he's not ready, and that could be for many reasons (financial, emotional, etc.).

I second the person who said moving in might not be a good idea. Obviously we don't know your relationship, but you are clearly ready for marriage while he isn't quite there yet. Don't move in with him in hopes of making him see what a great wife you would be ("Once we live together and he sees how great I am surely he'll propose!"). You'll end up more impatient and he'll end up pulling away.
 

rubybeth

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2007
Messages
2,567
I'm with swingirl and amc: please don't propose to him, and reconsider moving in with him, as well. It seems like you want this to go a lot faster than he does. You've only been together for a year, maybe you've known each other longer than that, but a year isn't long enough for many people to feel ready to commit and your boyfriend is one of them. Can I ask how old you are? Unless you're in your late 30's, I don't think there should be any rush to get married/have kids. You have to sit back and enjoy the relationship for what it is right now.

I will say that I know a few women who proposed to their now husbands, and for them it was great. But your boyfriend has said that he will propose when he is ready. You must wait or you could lose him entirely.
 

suchende

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
1,001
It's not "sexist" to not want to get engaged before you're ready. If a guy came on here and said, "my girlfriend is strongly hinting she isn't ready to get married, should I propose?" the answer would be a resounding no. Gender neutral.
 

florry

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 24, 2011
Messages
10
I admire you,cause you wanna propose to man,just do it if you are sure to marry him.
hope you can get yes
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
swingirl|1306276515|2929432 said:
When two people decide to get married, buy a house, live together or have children, BOTH should want it equally. Neither should be pressured. Your bf isn't ready for marriage or engagement. In situations like yours I think it's a mistake to even move in together. It is obvious that you want to play house and living together is a way to pretend you are married. Although you and your bf have talked about a future together, he has no time line in mind and has already told you he wants to ask YOU when HE is ready.
Ditto. If I were you I would NOT move in with him since he seems nowhere near ready for an engagement. I would tell him you aren't comfortable living together until you two are engaged and leave it at that.

Also, what is the rush? If you've only been together for a year, why are you in such a hurry to get engaged and married? And why the rush to move in together?

How old are you? If you're in your 20s it makes no sense to rush. If you were in your 30s and wanted children soon-ish, I'd understand it a bit more. But even so, he's clearly not ready.
 

Miss_GG

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 17, 2011
Messages
36
DJ2010 - I wouldn't propose. Give your boyfriend some time, you have only been together a year and it sounds like he is more than commited at the moment in the relatioship.
 

Hospatogi

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 18, 2010
Messages
668
I am not quite certain I understand why you want to propose? I am all for equality however your boyfriend has told you that he is not ready for marriage or a family as yet. Trying to force him into something he doesnt want to do right now is only going to push him away. It seems to me that you are moving way too fast . If you are willing to wait a few years to get married why are you bringing up having children as a reason to get engaged right now? I dont mean to sound harsh but move in with him only if you see it as the next step in the growth of your relationship not with the hopes that it will make him propose sooner and be ready for fatherhood faster. You both need to be clear with each other what this next step in your relationship means to each of you. If he doesnt bring up marriage or propose by the end of the year than you need to talk to him about why he isnt ready rather than trying to twist his arms by proposing marriage yourself. I know its hard to be patient when you find the person you want to spend your life with but try to just relax and enjoy your relationship as it is right now.
 

Nomsdeplume

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 23, 2009
Messages
1,671
No. In fact... HELL no! He's not ready. Proposing will not help him to "get ready". In fact, you will only freak him out and he will run for the hills.
 

AmeliaG

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2011
Messages
880
Hmm, I think the OP is having a joke on us. DJ2010 joined May 24 at 16:06, has one post, and then this member posted in the thread. florry, 4 posts, joined May 24 20:43

florry|1306292475|2929643 said:
I admire you,cause you wanna propose to man,just do it if you are sure to marry him.
hope you can get yes
Huh?

Another one of florry's enlightening posts in the Jewelry price estimator thread in Rocky Talk:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/jewelry-price-estimator.161123/#post-2929633#p2929633

florry|1306292028|2929633 said:
if you just buy the original material,it would be cheap,but add some craftman work,hard to give the standard
Wonder if we've seen the last of DJ2010 and florry.
 

Amys Bling

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
11,025
ok- NO!

I say this in the nicest way possible and I mean to help you... when you asked him jokingly what he would say if you asked him to marry you/propose, and he said no- I would take that as a major hint that he would not appreciate that. I understand not liking the whole sexist thing- BUT some guys are traditional and want to do the proposing. When HE is ready--- not your family or his- he will propose. It seems to me that right now he isn't ready and you need to respect that.
 

manderz

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 8, 2010
Messages
1,539
From what you've posted, I don't think that your bf is ready for marriage, and that's why he hasn't proposed yet. You have been together for over a year, and in the grand scheme of things, that's not long at all.

FWIW, I proposed to my FI, and we've been engaged for almost a year and together for nearly 9 years. There's plenty of time :)
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
20,866
HI:

By all means ask questions--but you must be understand you might hear answers you may not be prepared for.

cheers--Sharon
 
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