Do I give engagement ring paperwork to Fiance?

[MLM123]

I'm proposing next weekend. I have the ring and proposal all sorted out. Not sure on the etiquette about giving her the paperwork associated with the ring. She's not in to jewelry so I don't know that she'll care about the specs, but may have questions from friends. . I don't have any GIA reports, only EGL USA reports which have an inflated appraised value. Seems kind of tacky to give her the Gem ID Card with appraised value.

She knows nothing about engagement rings or diamonds. I was thinking about telling her about emerald cuts and how step cuts differ from other cuts. the weight of the stone, a little bit about the style and vintage (likely 40's or 50's).

Would it be better to keep the paperwork in a drawer and tell her about it instead?

 

[bludiva]

I would put the paperwork in a safe place and tell her if she asks. No need to present her with it when you propose but she may want to know the specs later

 

[Wewechew]

I would keep the paperwork if I were you. If she asks questions, answer them. But since she’s not into jewelry I doubt she will want to see the paperwork. Plus there is something to be said for her not knowing the monetary value of a gift. But maybe I’m old fashioned?

Beautiful ring, btw. You better come back with hand pics!

 

[WillyDiamond]

No

 

[missy]

If she asks about the diamomd ie shows interest then yes. Otherwise just keep it in the safe or somewhere equally safe.

And yes to please returning with hand photos and good luck.

 

[MLM123]

Thanks all, makes sense.

 

[tigertales]

There is an old tradition that says a woman should not know what a man paid for her engagement ring. Now, I realize this doesn't apply today, when women pick out their own rings, tell a man what she expects and demand certain specs be met. Personally, I think that's pretty gauche. sorry.
( It's different for an "upgrade" when you might choose something together after many years of marriage. But even then, the word "upgrade" always implies that the first diamond wasn't good enough, big enough expensive enough etc. and throws sentimentality and love for the original proposal diamond right out the window...ah the art and science of marketing !! Don't let it take you off course, reset your values and cater to greed.)
So, to answer your question, no. And if her friends ask, that's just rude and weird.
I always say, "I don't know, my husband probably does". and I leave it at that.

 

[kmoro]

I see the question was:
“Would it be better to keep the paperwork in a drawer and tell her about it instead?”

I’m confused over the answer “no” ... I think @tigertales meant to say “yes” and I’m not sure about the rationale for @WillyDiamond? Oh well, I’m sure you get the gist of what everyone is saying.

My answer is partly “yes.” I would only give her the paperwork if she asks. Her ring might spark her interest in diamonds, and then she may be interested in the finer details; I would only give her the paperwork then ... but I would do so reluctantly, because EGL.

But my answer is also partly “no” ... I don’t think it’s necessary to tell her the spec’s either, unless she can appreciate what you’re saying ... plus it’s EGL, so really there’s nothing you can tell her about the diamond that you know is accurate ... you probably don’t want to end up in a discussion about diamond grading labs.

My suggestion would be to keep the paperwork in a drawer and the spec’s in your head. Instead I would suggest just letting her (and you) love the diamond for what it is ... a beautiful sparkly white emerald cut ring.

 

[KaeKae]

When she starts asking for details about your beautiful ring, go ahead and share them, especially why you found the stone and setting to be special. (such as: the shape, the color, the design, whatever you think will be interesting and fun to know.) If she shows that she wants the specifics, then yes, share the paperwork. But, just as we all here have learned, the appraisal never really matches what you would actually pay for the ring, so let her know that's done for insurance purposes.

Congratulations.

 

[seaurchin]

Interesting question. I don't think I've ever heard it on here before, which seems strange with all the wedding diamond questions asked around here.

I agree with most of the others, offer it to her but perhaps not while you're still down on one knee proposing hee hee. I'd think most anyone would be curious to know a little more about a diamond, once it was their diamond.

Congrats!

 

[rockhoundofficiando]

She will need it for insurance purposes. Yes, give her the paperwork.

 

[david b]

Keep it for the record but at the big moment do not involve paperwork

 

[AdaBeta27]

In most USA states, the law considers the e-ring a gift contingent upon marriage taking place. AFTER the marriage, it's generally considered hers. Unless you two live together, I would say that you should insure the ring under your renters or homeowners, if your insurance agent recommends that. Or do whatever your insurance agent recommends. Or get a freestanding policy from Jewelers Mutual or whatever that company calls itself these days. The ring should be insured ASAP, by you, unless you can afford to be "self insured." You should keep all the documentation for it in your possession, at least until after marriage. Actually, I think it would be pretty unusual for the recipient to get all the paperwork for the ring.

 

[WillyDiamond]

Hey, its an engagement ring, it is a GIFT!
When you give a gift do you give the person the bill of sale?
I don't, but if you do, go ahead and give her the receipt. That should go over big.

 

[seaurchin]

I'd keep the paperwork for later then just ask if she wants it, if that seems to fit in naturally with however the two of you interact or operate or whatever you'd call it.

But, as we see here, people have very different ideas about it all. Etiquette used to be pretty set on any given matter, in my recollection. In a way, I liked it a lot better that way because you always knew what you were supposed to expect and supposed to do. Nowadays, lolol. :p

 

[flyingpig]

YES for AGS, GIA, IGI, Tiffany, De Beers
NO for others.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

If you plan to insure the ring, insure for what you paid and not for an inflated value. Because if the ring was lost, I can guarantee you that the insurance company doesn't pay an inflated value to replace your diamond and setting. They replace what you had, and not the dollar value. You'll just overpay in premiums when you use an inflated appraisal to insure.

 

[Bron357]

Years ago a woman at my work was engaged and she bought the ring box in as well. Someone told her to always put it in its ring box if you take it off (good advice) but I did discourage her from taking it off to make a coffee, eat and lunch and I did also subtly remove the bar code / price sticker that was still stuck on the bottom.

 

[metall]

Honestly, it depends on the person. Personally, I have all the paperwork that accompanied my ring - but my DF and I have co-mingled our finances to some extent for nearly a decade at this point. For us, it was the practical thing to do. He may have paid for the ring, but I'm the one who takes care of the insurance and any maintenance is my responsibility.

My SIL on the other hand, has no idea about the specs of her ring, nor does she care, so my BIL keeps all that information - but he also plans on taking care of maintenance and insurance.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I vote to propose with the paperwork and put the ring in a drawer until she asks about it!

Kidding kidding. Propose with the ring and show her the paperwork only if she asks or if you decide together as a couple to insure the ring.

 

[jbake]

I vote to propose with the paperwork and put the ring in a drawer until she asks about it!

This made me laugh out loud

I remember it being a really sweet moment when my husband shared the paperwork he had on my ring. He was excited to show me how much thought he put into it and why he chose what he did. I don’t think I ended up with the actual receipt showing what he paid, but we kept the insurance information with the other paperwork.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I vote to propose with the paperwork and put the ring in a drawer until she asks about it!

and be sure the lab report shows all zeros...download this report...

https://www.briangavindiamonds.com/...s/2.090-d-if-round-diamond-ags-c-104102258024

 

[southernicetea]

My fiance gave me the certification that came with the engagement ring about two weeks after he proposed. We sat down and he talked about how he chose the diamond. I thought it was sweet that he spent so much time thinking about the "right" diamond, especially when the only guidance I gave him was "something sparkly."

If you want to share the report, you don't need to include the card with the price in the paperwork if you want to keep the price a secret. I think your partner will feel touched that you put so much thought into her stone.

 

[tigertales]

OMG shut up. Stop applying your values to everyone. Picking out your own ring and upgrading doesn't necessarily mean you're succumbing to marketing. It's not weird and rude and ask the specs on a friend's ring. You're weird and rude for making broad assumptions here about how people acquire jewelry and why.

Hey, being told to "shut up" was uncalled for.
I was simply expressing my opinion that it's a shame when technical analysis of a diamond overtakes the importance and beauty of the proposal. The priorities are out of whack, thanks in part to very clever marketing and gullible consumers.
That's my opinion, and I'm entitled to it. Please take your negativity and hostility elsewhere @liaerfgy.

 

[liaerfbv]

Hey, being told to "shut up" was uncalled for.
I was simply expressing my opinion that it's a shame when technical analysis of a diamond overtakes the importance and beauty of the proposal. The priorities are out of whack, thanks in part to very clever marketing and gullible consumers.
That's my opinion, and I'm entitled to it. Please take your negativity and hostility elsewhere @liaerfgy.

That was 100% not what your post said. Your reply was a valid opinion re tech analysis vs proposal. Your initial comment was "it's gauche for women to pick out their own rings" and "upgrades are shallow and imply the original ring wasn't good enough." I'm gonna call out BS shaming when I see it.

 

[sledge]

Just curious, what did you decide?

We all view things different. What works for you two is what matters most. Me personally, I wouldn't and didn't present any paperwork when I proposed to my girl. It's not who I am and I don't feel it's the proper time or place to present such information.

That's supposed to be a special moment based on feelings, and if the size, price or stats of the diamond seriously come into play on rather to accept the proposal or not, well, that isn't the girl for me. Trust me, there are plenty of girls looking for rings.

We live together and share finances. We are about two weeks out from the wedding. She never asked the price. I think the first time she saw the certification was when we went to a local jeweler to use his high powered scope so I could identify the inclusions myself (as I bought her stone from BGD). The receipts, appraisal, insurance papers, certification, etc are all locked up in a secure filing cabinet in our home office and she has full access to them anytime she wants them. But she feels no need or desire. Being the math nerd, I primarily handle the finances so the ring was already insured when she got it.

All that said, we are very transparent with each other about all things in our relationship. There is no question or data she isn't allowed to ask or see rather it's related to a diamond or not.

 

[MLM123]

Just curious, what did you decide?

We all view things different. What works for you two is what matters most. Me personally, I wouldn't and didn't present any paperwork when I proposed to my girl. It's not who I am and I don't feel it's the proper time or place to present such information.

That's supposed to be a special moment based on feelings, and if the size, price or stats of the diamond seriously come into play on rather to accept the proposal or not, well, that isn't the girl for me. Trust me, there are plenty of girls looking for rings.

We live together and share finances. We are about two weeks out from the wedding. She never asked the price. I think the first time she saw the certification was when we went to a local jeweler to use his high powered scope so I could identify the inclusions myself (as I bought her stone from BGD). The receipts, appraisal, insurance papers, certification, etc are all locked up in a secure filing cabinet in our home office and she has full access to them anytime she wants them. But she feels no need or desire. Being the math nerd, I primarily handle the finances so the ring was already insured when she got it.

All that said, we are very transparent with each other about all things in our relationship. There is no question or data she isn't allowed to ask or see rather it's related to a diamond or not.

I'm proposing tomorrow. i'm going to tell her I picked the ring because it's classically beautiful and reminded me of her . I'll let her know I took it to an appraiser who dated the ring to the 40's, or 50's (I took it to a local appraiser to make sure it checked out).

I figure if she wants to know more she'll ask knowing there was an appraisal. Then I'll offer to give her the paperwork.

 

[tigertales]

That was 100% not what your post said. Your reply was a valid opinion re tech analysis vs proposal. Your initial comment was "it's gauche for women to pick out their own rings" and "upgrades are shallow and imply the original ring wasn't good enough." I'm gonna call out BS shaming when I see it.

You totally misquoted me. I did NOT say either of those things. I never even used the word 'shallow'. Jeez girl, I hope you feel better soon, whatever is bugging you.
THIS is what I wrote:
"There is an old tradition that says a woman should not know what a man paid for her engagement ring. Now, I realize this doesn't apply today, when women pick out their own rings, tell a man what she expects and demand certain specs be met. Personally, I think that's pretty gauche. sorry.
( It's different for an "upgrade" when you might choose something together after many years of marriage. But even then, the word "upgrade" always implies that the first diamond wasn't good enough, big enough expensive enough etc. and throws sentimentality and love for the original proposal diamond right out the window...ah the art and science of marketing !! Don't let it take you off course, reset your values and cater to greed.)
So, to answer your question, no. And if her friends ask, that's just rude and weird.
I always say, "I don't know, my husband probably does". and I leave it at that."

Seriously, I must have touched a nerve and hit too close to home. Sorry if I offended you. That was not my intention.

 

[bludiva]

Op, good luck!

Tigertales i don't know of too many people who basically ordered up certain specs but i know what you mean, a young lady saying 'it had better be xxx carats etc or else' is gauche. On the other hand couples are often living together beforehand these days and may have finances comingled etc so i dunno, situations vary.

But back to MLM , congrats in advance and come back with pics, please!

 

[tigertales]

Op, good luck!

Tigertales i don't know of too many people who basically ordered up certain specs but i know what you mean, a young lady saying 'it had better be xxx carats etc or else' is gauche. On the other hand couples are often living together beforehand these days and may have finances comingled etc so i dunno, situations vary.

But back to MLM , congrats in advance and come back with pics, please!

The important thing is that the moment be special and meaningful for everyone. I wish the best for the happy couple!