**~~ Dixie94 ~~**

[Mandarine]

Hi Dixie!!!

I saw you posted on my thread so I wanted to say hello!! I also saw you were a little frustrated on another thread and just wanted to say hang in there!. You and your BF seem to have a healthy good relationship...so I''m sure it will happen any day now!

I know it''s hard though...specially when you''re not at all involved in *when* or *how* or *what*!.....I think the thread by "the other Jake" sums it up. I''m sure it''s also somewhat har for the boys and I''m sure they get excited and anxious too...but they have a time to count down to! we really just have this excitement mixed in with emotions from not having any control...it just gets overwhelming sometimes!

I just can''t wait for it to finally happen....sometimes I feel like when it does happen it''s going to be more like "FINALLY!". I just can''t wait! not only because I''m madly in love but also because I''m SO sick of people asking!...people at work, friends and family!...it just gets so annoying!

. I also can''t wait because I think that maybe some of the isuues I''ve had with his mom might get better somehow....like maybe then she''ll see me as someone that will become his family rather than just a girlfriend.

How was your Thanksgiving? are you feeling better?. Anyway, just wanted to say hello and send you some good vibes!!

M~

 

[akw94]

Mandarine,
Thank you!

I am really touched! I really appreciate the kind thoughts and shared feelings. I''m feeling better.. I think. I don''t think I was feeling particularly bad that day.. I guess just frustrated, as you put it. I am still a little frustrated. The longer it takes, the more I wonder what is going on. I am trying to give him whatever time he needs, but I really worry about what''s holding him back. I keep reminding myself that I am giving him until Jan-Feb. to say/do something before I really will need us to have a where-are-we talk. It seems a million years away right now. At least November is almost over!
Geez, why must they feel the need to wait until the last minute. Come on already!

I sort of have that *finally* feeling too. I do enjoy our time together now and these feelings I have never dampen our time together but I am ready for that next step. Why isn''t he?? What is holding him back? Ah, frustration...
I don''t have a lot of people bugging me about the next step so I am sorry you have that on top of your own personal feelings. In some ways, I wouldn''t mind a few people asking him what''s going on. Maybe they could get something out of him.

But if they''re just bugging you, that certainly doesn''t help.

I hope things w/his mom get better for you. Does she live in town? But whether she changes or not, the most important thing is you and him and unfortunately, his mom may never change. Some people just aren''t that nice no matter what! Sorry!

Thanksgiving was good. My bf''s daughter was visiting so he''s been out of town a lot these past few weeks. He will be back this week so I am looking fwd to this weekend. I think that will settle me a bit more. I do get a little frazzled when it''s been too long w/o us seeing each other.

How was your Thanksgiving? Were you two together?

Has he made any comments, given any hints, anything???

If only I were ordinarily a patient person, maybe this wouldn''t be so difficult. Maybe.

Thanks again for your post. If nothing else, that brightened my day a lot!!

 

[Mandarine]

aww...

I''m glad I was able to brighten up your day!

I know what you mean...do they REALLY need to wait until the last second!!!?. I remember a few months ago we were having dinner and talking and I said "are you waiting until Dec 31st? because that WOULDN''T be funny!" and he said "it wouldn''t be?"....I think he might be trying to be funny

....

I know January-February seems like it''s a million years away, but before we know it it will be Christmas/Holidays and the New year...so I''m hoping time will start flying really fast! hehe..

I''m sure your BF is ready too, there is just something that maybe he''s waiting for....some perfect time!. The truth is there is no perfect time, but I think boys feel there is...and then when it finally *does* happen then we realize there was such a thing as the perfect time!! and it was all worth while and they end up being right after all!

My BF''s mom does live in town...and I do care about her and feel she cares about me too, but sometimes there are issues. I just pray that I get wiser and learn to handle situations in the best possible way!

Hang in there girl....you will get to see him again too and that always makes things better!. I don''t usually see my BF during the week and that''s when I get the most "frustrated"...because I lieve here...he lives there...and I''m just ready to put an end to this 65 miles that are between us so we can go to bed every night together...and wake up together and just enjoy each other everyday!!

He hasn''t made any comments at all. He''s just asked about my travel plans...and it looks like we will see each other the 13th of December and then won''t see each other again until Dec 31st!...but then my mom and little sister will be at my house visiting!!. I think at this point he might just be trying to figure out when to do it!. So no hints!

I can''t wait for us both to get out of here! (well, not out of here, just out of the list!!!)

Good vibes and hugs!

M~

 

[therighttime]

Hey Madarine and Dixie! I hope you don''t mind me butting in here, but I wondered if either of you (or other ladies reading) has any suggestions regarding that "finally" feeling you both mentioned! I know a proposal is coming. I do trust bf in that regard, but I, too, think that when it does happen I might feel like screaming "finally!!" Is there something we can do now to get out of that mindset so that we can just be HAPPY? I don''t want to be thinking about the wait or anxiety then. Do you think we will be, orr, will the finally not even cross our minds then?? I''d love to hear from previous LIW''s that thought they might feel like "finally" but had a great proposal.

Also, I''m afraid that my family, friends, his family, etc. are going to all respond in the same way: "it''s about time." Is there any appropriate comment to that to help put the emphasis on the excitement rather than the wait??


*34* days left in 2006, but who''s counting?

 

[poptart]

I don''t know if I can help, since I''m not in the same situation exactly, but the way I see it is that there is more to be happy about which overrides the waiting. Be happy because you have a wonderful relationship, be happy with every minute you get to spend with him, even if there isn''t a proposal that day. Be happy that the two of you can live your life the way the two of you see fit, and be happy that you have a future to look forward to. The problem with waiting is that during that period it is ALL you can think about, but once it finally happens I think the excitement will take over. Good things come to those who wait (annoying, I know), and although I don''t believe patience is a virtue, I do believe it is an asset that can help us live life with more grace and more sanity. I hope all of you get a proposal SOON!!!

*M*

 

[Mandarine]

wow 34 days! haha...I didn''t realize it really is just 34 days away!

I don''t mind you or anyone else butting in!...I just wanted to make sure Dixie saw the post

I hope I won''t feel like screaming finally! I do think my family and friend will be like "hooray!! about time!". I really do hope that''s the last thing that will cross my mind though...but maybe inside there will still be a huge sigh and a "finally" kind of feeling!. I think afterwards I will wonder what I was so nervous about...since I do trust him and I know it will happen! but right now it''s just hard to control it!

*sigh*....

(insert words of wisdom here because I don''t have any!)

M~

 

[Butterflies]

Hi ladies. The only advice that I''m going to give you that helped me sooooo much (I read it here in PS) it to just let go. I too started to get a little frustrated and month before he proposed, while having dinner (and a few glasses of wine) I spilled the beans, I cried and told him all of my fears, worries, frustrations. I don''t know what was wrong with me, we have a great relationship, I knew he wanted to marry me but something inside of me went crazy and my frustration was controlling me. When I read here from one of the ladies to just let go, I made a conscious decision and prayed to God to give me the patience and peace of mind to wait until it was his time, not mine. I am not a very religious person but I read this during that time and it helped me to relax: "If you will let go and let God, wonderful things will begin to happen." One month after that revelation he proposed. I don''t know if it was coincidence or if my fi could sense that I was relaxed but it worked. It will happen to you too in due time.

(((Hugs)))

 

[akw94]

Ya know, I really am so glad to have found this site! It''s unbelievable how much it helps to read about others experiences and feelings. Also, I absolutely don''t mind anyone else posting. I am all for it!!

So last night I had a dream that my bf and I were sitting down at some other person''s house (no idea where we were) and he tosses a ring to me, without a stone in it. I ask what is this? At some point, he takes it and inserts some sort of tile in the setting and says it''s a .....shoot! I can''t think of what he said in the dream.

But it wasn''t an e-ring. He said something like it was a ring to symbolize that we were getting engaged soon.

Very, very weird but clearly this is on my mind!

I also think they must think there is some perfect time. I don''t quite get that. I think they should listen less to societal standards and listen more to US. Isn''t the whole darned thing supposed to be between US anyway, what makes US happy. Sometimes I feel like he isn''t listening to what I want.

Mandarine, try not to get down on yourself about your bf''s mom. You probably are handling the situation in the best way! You can''t please everyone though. I do hope things get easier for you though.
Sorry there have been no hints. Sounds like you have a busy December so hopefully that will make the time fly by. It''s tough, I don''t necessarily want these next few months of my life to rush by but I really just want this. It''s hard to balance those thoughts.

RT, I''m not sure how to avoid that Finally feeling. I do think that when it happens, I probably will be very focused on that rather than what I was thinking before. But I do sort of think that the Finally feeling is a little inevitable when you''re in a situation where you have an idea that it will happen relatively soon.
I think all you can say to your family is that it will happen when the time is right. Ok, YOU may be thinking that the time is right, right now but don''t tell them that.

I tell my son that too when he asks on occassion. "There''s no rush, it''ll happen when we''re ready... blah, blah, blah" If only I could get myself to believe it.

Poptart, you are right! I agree with everything you said. And I definitely am happy now. I am very happy with my relationship and the time we share and our future. Sometimes it''s just hard focusing on only that. Patience is definitely an asset which I do not seem to have.

Butterflies, I agree with you too! Some days that works for me, others not so well. It really is a day by day thing for me. Actually, more like week by week b/c usually when I''m feeling frustrated, it lasts a few days or so and then I tell myself to relax and trust him and more time passes until I focus on it again. It''s a cycle!

Thanks again ladies! Now if only my headache would go away and I could let go of that crazy dream!

 

[janinegirly]

hi girls, boy can i relate to some of the descriptions of the frustrations and wondering if it''ll be more of a "finally!" moment when a proposal comes rather than violins, romance and surprise. I think this is one of things that in retrospect we''ll be like "it wasn''t so bad ,WHY was I so anxious?" but when you''re IN it, it''s just such a difficult time.
I think the men in our lives really don''t see how it is for us (much like "boy soon" an "girl soon" are totally different). My boyfriend thinks I''m the one who has it easy bc i just have to wait while he has to plan. HELLO, the waiting is the worst part because I''m having a hard time understanding WHY it''s taking so fricken long!
On the wkends, I''m usaully fine because we get along great and he seems so in tuned with me and I figure, oh it''s happening soon..yippee. But during the week, my mind wanders and lately I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and thinking about all this stuff. It definitely is the anxiety that is making me so unsettled. But there really is no solution except for my bf to realize this is ridiculous and just propose already. Forget the "perfect" moment! I think the fact that Thanksgiving came and went kinda took a bit out of me, cause I thought it might happen then and then to be asked by everyone if there was "any news" made me feel disappointed.
So no real point to my post, except I feel the same way! And I think all the suggestions from those who''ve been there are great, but for some reason it seems like nothing will stop the roller coaster except an actual proposal. sighhhhh. I feel myself wanting to snoop, but I''ve been resisting, but it all comes down to having no information is making my mind wander. thankfully we have this board to come to! normally I am a very balanced, rational individual, but this has been a serious test of patience!

 

[LuckyLady]

Janinegirly is right. Nothing will stop the rollercoaster except a proposal!

Looking back, of course it seems easy to say just chill out and "enjoy the moments" etc., because when you are on the other side, you are CERTAIN of your outcome. It is easy to look back and track why he waited etc., because it is a done deal. You can (forgive me for this one!) exhale.

I totally relate. I had moments of clarity and serenity, and I had moments of frustration and impatience. I went through a period where I was so over it and worried that if he actually did propose, I would be like "finally" instead of excited.

The thing is, even if you are in one of our less-flattering annoyed states, you will not just be like, Oh finally. Trust me. Even knowing it was coming, it was one of the most surreal moments of my life. And even if I had been furious with him or annoyed in the minutes leading up to it, the minute the one you love is on his knee in front of you, forget it. That''s what the boys don''t get, it isn''t the "perfect moment" that makes it magical, it is the actual act of them on their knee, asking you to be their wife!!!!! that is what is magical.

 

[akw94]

The thing is, even if you are in one of our less-flattering annoyed states, you will not just be like, Oh finally. Trust me. Even knowing it was coming, it was one of the most surreal moments of my life. And even if I had been furious with him or annoyed in the minutes leading up to it, the minute the one you love is on his knee in front of you, forget it. That''s what the boys don''t get, it isn''t the ''perfect moment'' that makes it magical, it is the actual act of them on their knee, asking you to be their wife!!!!! that is what is magical.

LuckyLady, I appreciate your insight. I almost sent your post to my bf so he could get it as I do! I actually don''t worry too much about how I will feel when he proposes.. ok sometimes I do.. but most times it''s just the before period that drives me crazy. I can just picture him proposing..

Now if only he would hurry up!

Janine, I feel the same as you. On the weekends when he and I are together, I am very happy, enjoying our time together, etc... Since we don''t live together, we see each only once or twice during the week and so the anxiety increases.. hence my silly dream! I told him about it and he found it very funny.

Funny wasn''t exactly my take.
Sorry that your Thanksgiving didn''t go as you hoped. That is tough.
What I really wish is that we all knew each other''s bf''s and we could go have a good talk w/them to help them understand how we feel.

He and I did spend a little time together this evening so I feel a little better. I think for me, the thoughts of wanting to be engaged don''t really take away from us being happy so it''s hard not to think about it. In some ways, it''s harder when things are going so well b/c it feels like the perfect time for that next step.

Another day to cross off the calendar...

 

[janinegirly]

yup, dixie another day down! my bf has been doing strange things lately (being secretive, rustling in closets), maybe it''s my imagination or maybe........ok, enough fantasizing. we''re going away for the wkend tomorrow, so we''ll see. every wkend I think it might be it but then mondays roll around and I feel down.

anyway, i was curious when the last time you (dixie) talked to your bf about specifics...like timelines,etc? Do you think he knows you''re thinking yearend and how much you have your hopes up? I''m just wondering b/c you''ve been so great about being patient about it (as far as he can see!) but sometimes guys need to be reminded. In any case, only what, 32 more days?

 

[Mandarine]

Janine I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you for this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The closer I get to December the more I think it will be January. I am almost 99.9% sure he's getting the ring on his trip to NY....and like I said before I won't see him again until Dec 31st...and we will all be at my house...my mom, my sister, his mom....so I doubt he would do it then!. So I'm thinking January....*sigh*..

Thank God for vacations! nothing like family time for two weeks to get my mind off of this!. Only 16 days until I pack up and off to Costa Rica!!!

Have a good Wednesday everyone!

M~

 

[akw94]

Janine,
I will be thinking about you this weekend! Have fun this weekend though, no matter what. I was thinking of planning a getaway for the two of us when I realized that we just did that a couple months ago. Of course, it''s never too often so maybe Jan. or Feb. A b&b would be a great place to propose!

Hmmm, when did we last talk..good question! Maybe a month or so we were in the park hanging out and started talking. We didn''t mention proposals or specifics but I did say over and over again that we only had one year. I told him that I didn''t quite think he understood that it was only a year and a lot of things had to happen. He said he did understand. I also mentioned that I worried a bit b/c since we haven''t moved in together yet (we planned to but my condo didn''t sell), that would postpone other things and make everything take longer. He said that it wouldn''t postpone anything and that his feelings aren''t predicate to whether we live together or not. We have said in the past that we wouldn''t move out of state unless we are married and that move is supposed to happen in 2008 sometime. We both want to be ready to move by the beginning of ''08 which means everything should be done before, except some of my career stuff which I will do early ''08. I have also said that I really don''t want to rush through each step. I don''t want a proposal, marriage and move in a quick period of time. I want time to enjoy each step. Since we''re moving out of state, there''s other issues that have to be resolved, including my son''s schooling, my career change which is me taking the bar again, applying for jobs, etc...
So, I didn''t ask him when he would propose and he didn''t say BUT he knows that comes before all this other stuff. He also knows that a lot of my worries come b/c I don''t know when things are going to happen...a big one being the proposal and I don''t want to get started on other stuff until that''s happened. I actually don''t really have a year-end timeframe, more like Feb-March but would I like it to happen in ''06, absolutely!! Does he know my timeframe is early ''07, no, we''ve never specified that but he really should be smart enough to figure it out!

So that''s my longwinded answer about when we last talked!

Mandarine, Dec. 31st would be a great time for him to propose! When does he go to NY?
Yay for Costa Rica!! That should be great fun and nice and relaxing. I just went and visited a friend and that week flew by.

My bf did mention yesterday that he saw a 3stone ring on sale so hopefully rings are on his mind! Now he just has to go and buy one!

 

[janinegirly]

dixie~ sound like your bf definitely knows it's on your mind and what the timeframe is. If not by year end, sometime soon after. Holidays are the best time for it though--there as SO many ring/diamond commercials on tv this time of year, there's no way our bf's can be that clueless and not be constantly reminded! If your bf's mentioning rings, that's a GREAT sign.

Mandarine~I also wouldn't write off New Year's, especially if your family's around. But it's not a bad idea to just think Jan/Feb to alliviate some of the anticipation. Having said that, I really think your bf has something planned. I mean why go through the holidays only to proppose in early Jan? I'm hoping for this wkend, but just not sure at all. I mean he's going to sneak a ring through check in? hmmmm.

 

[akw94]

Do you have to mention if you''re carrying a ring at check-in? Couldn''t he just have the box in his jacket pocket or in his bag? Just curious.

Mandarine, I agree w/Janine about not being too down if it isn''t Dec. 31. That certainly doesn''t mean it couldn''t happen soon after or that he doesn''t have a good reason.
But for now, I''m keeping my hopes up for you! No negative thoughts!!

 

[akw94]

I think I am going a little crazy b/c it says that Mandarine was the last person who posted but I see my post as the last one. Is it just me?

 

[Mandarine]

My screen you were the last one to post Dixie...of course now it will say me..hehe

So anywho...I''m not too worried about it not being exactly in ''06...I don''t mind early ''07...but it would annoy me a bit. The thing is that it will most likely come down to a timing issue. I initially thought I was going to Costa Rica for only a week, which meant I was going to be here the week after Christmas....I then changed my plans which I think messed up his timing. He''s going to NY on the 14th and I leave on the 15th. I really doubt a New year''s eve proposal with my family here....he''s just not the type of guy that would do it in front of everyone and that day it will probably be hard to grab me out of the kitchen to get dinner ready!...so anyway....I''m now thinking January. Not being pesimistic, but just realistic...

Unless.......he already has the ring, NY really is a business trip and he has 2 weekends left before I go!....hehe, ok...I''m just dreaming out loud

. It would have been perferct to go to Costa Rica already engaged and not have to answer any "so? when are you two making it official?" kind of questions!

Oh well...

In the meantime I''m keeping myself so busy that I''m really not thinking about it all day at all (just when I check PS...hehe).

Tonight I had my flamenco class...that''s always fun!...Now I''m going to walk my dog, make a cup of tea and finish off my Christmas cards!

Have a great night ladies!!

M~

 

[akw94]

Mandarine,
I think your attitude is perfect. All you can do is see how things turn out and know that it will happen soon, even if it''s not as soon as you want. I''m now going to listen to my own advice, or at least try!
Flamenco sounds fun. I went to the gym last night.. not so much fun.
Hopefully today I will be a bit more productive at work.

Janine, have fun this weekend!

 

[Mandarine]

I hope Janine comes back with great news!

Well...now I have a business trip next week which pretty much makes it impossible for anything to happen in the month of December! we''re barely going to see each other until Dec 31st

I''m going to miss him so much

He''s planning a ski trip for february...I''m wondering if that''s what he''s been waiting for. I''m just sick of wondering though!

Anyway...just one of those days when I feel just "blah"....not upset, not depressed, not super happy either...just blah!. I am so not looking forward to travelling next week...the good thing is that they do have a great shopping mall where I''m going...so I think that will keep me entertained, hehe...

TGFI!!!!! I see my BF tonight

M~

 

[akw94]

Mandarine,
Sorry you have to go on your business trip. That does suck!!
I know how you feel about always wondering. It is hard to be in a constant state of the unknown. Can I mention frustration again and again and again!
I had another dream last night about this whole thing. My mom called to tell me that she knew when he was going to propose. They had talked about it, then she said he was right there next to her. It was weird, and I think I just want a sign that it will happen soon. Something to keep my hopes up b/c at this point, it could be another 6 months, who knows! I have a feeling I will break down and say something soon b/c I''ve been very close a number of times lately.
I kind of just want to give him a good shake and say enough already!

Have fun shopping!