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Divorce and pandemic

nala

nala

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Oct 23, 2011
Messages
7,360
I’ve read articles here and there about how quarantine would result in a higher divorce rate. I l know of 2 couples now. Both couples seemed soooo happy prior. Like. Their divorce is a super shocker. I’m not saying the quarantine or pandemic is to blame but would love to hear your thoughts. What have you noticed in regard to this topic?
 
I know of one long married couple who are divorcing now. I don't know how much the pandemic had to do with it because they've had problems like addictions for quite a while. But it seems logical that anything that takes a big toll on people would cause a few who are near the breaking point to go over it. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if outsiders often don't know how a couple is really doing. So now I want to Google "Covid divorce rate" lol.
 
I don’t personally know anyone who is contemplating divorce. Most of my friends have expressed growing closer to their spouses due to working from home, no more business travel. Also since gyms are closed, a lot of couples I know are doing more outdoorsy activities like hiking, biking, kayaking etc for exercise and doing it as a couple or as a family.
 
One of my dear friends was having issues with her dh before the pandemic struck and it tested them sorely. However he then got Covid and had to be hospitalized around Thanksgiving and he is back at home now (completely well thank goodness) and things are going more smoothly.


This is what I think. If one had issues before the pandemic those issues will become magnified during (because of the added stress) the pandemic. Some marriages will break. Some will become stronger. People (as Kenny often quotes) vary.

Greg and I were super strong in our relationship before the pandemic and we have remained that way. No less, no more. Though I do feel with each day I love him even more if that is possible. Which it really isn't lol. But that is how I feel. And I think he would say the same thing about me.
 
missy said:
One of my dear friends was having issues with her dh before the pandemic struck and it tested them sorely. However he then got Covid and had to be hospitalized around Thanksgiving and he is back at home now (completely well thank goodness) and things are going more smoothly.


This is what I think. If one had issues before the pandemic those issues will become magnified during (because of the added stress) the pandemic. Some marriages will break. Some will become stronger. People (as Kenny often quotes) vary.

Greg and I were super strong in our relationship before the pandemic and we have remained that way. No less, no more. Though I do feel with each day I love him even more if that is possible. Which it really isn't lol. But that is how I feel. And I think he would say the same thing about me.
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Missy I love the last paragraph of your post.That is exactly how I feel about my DH
 
I agree with @missy. I think if you had problems before, then being together 24/7 could magnify those problems. I don’t know of any of my friends (all long term marriages) who have said that being in lockdown has caused a strain on their marriage.

I think if anything, for me personally, hearing about people dying and not being able to be with their loved ones at the end, has made me even more appreciative of being together 24/7.
 
Austina said:
I think if anything, for me personally, hearing about people dying and not being able to be with their loved ones at the end, has made me even more appreciative of being together 24/7.
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This is how I feel. Watching all of the footage of loved ones being ripped from one another in a matter of days has really made me appreciate my marriage.
 
No divorce thoughts at all. But I am completely ready for kids and DH to go back to school and work. I went from daily solitude (and a very neat house) to four extra peeps using every room in my house! For the first time ever, I am using noise canceling headphones lol!
 
I'm already divorced (finalized 2/2020) but I do know of at least one couple who is divorcing and has given the reason as quarantine being the final straw.

It's kind of like when people retire. My dad kept "working" until he was 77 or 78. My mother has always stayed at home and when he retired and was home all the time in the beginning I thought she was going to lose what's left of her mind. They aren't going to divorce, but had a quarantine happened when all of us were much younger? I'd bet they would have split up for sure. So I think we will see higher divorce rates from 2020 on, middle-aged couples being the most likely to bail because they're used to working outside the home, younger couples less likely because they may have already been used to working from home/working together all day. Then again, there's the whole influencer culture thing happening and millennials and gen Z won't want to post anything that doesn't look picture perfect which could keep them (unhappily) together to save face. Wow, life has gotten strange.
 
Not a divorce, but our household politics would probably finish us off if we were not best friends in every other way. My husband is a good guy...so I'm going to ignore the politics until things settle down. It's definately added an extra layer to 2020 suck.
 
My husband's golf buddy is a divorce lawyer and he says he has been absolutely swamped with both domestic violence and divorce cases. :(sad He says he's never been this busy, ever.
 
KristyDarling said:
My husband's golf buddy is a divorce lawyer and he says he has been absolutely swamped with both domestic violence and divorce cases. :(sad He says he's never been this busy, ever.
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At least some one is benefiting financially
But its really sad
especially the domestic violence
it was one of the things that was expected to rise during lockdown

we have been stuck at home together for two years
the last year has been tough with Gary's eye trouble and being on a tight budget
but he has threatened to divorce me every day for 20 years
(We arnt married)
We still have plenty of good moments
I think over the years ive learnt not to take every little thing to heart
We always used to get on best durring camping holidays when it was just the two of us for days at a time
 
I've attended 3 virtual weddings since the quarantine started for me, so it could go either way.
 
Daisys and Diamonds said:
At least some one is benefiting financially
But its really sad
especially the domestic violence
it was one of the things that was expected to rise during lockdown

we have been stuck at home together for two years
the last year has been tough with Gary's eye trouble and being on a tight budget
but he has threatened to divorce me every day for 20 years
(We arnt married)
We still have plenty of good moments
I think over the years ive learnt not to take every little thing to heart
We always used to get on best durring camping holidays when it was just the two of us for days at a time
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You my dear are a darling!!!! An absolute darling. Anyone would be lucky to have you choose them!!!
 
I am seeing so many unhappy and depressed people due to not being able to do the things they love, visit friends and family, or suffering financially during the pandemic. I guess it is no surprise that some people take out their frustrations on those closest to them which could definitely strain a marriage.
 
It definitely can test relationships. I ended up taking some breaks from the guy I see (we don't live together) at the beginning of COVID for not being super careful about social distancing, and one two times for him being emotionally insensitive. He is better about the social distancing, but he is how he is emotionally (not going to change). So in a way a blessing we don't live with we each other otherwise we probably would be broken up by now!

And D & D I am mad for you that your SO threatens divorce on a regular basis. That's borderline emotionally abusive. If someone did that to me I'd probably tell them I made up their mind for them and just leave already!
 
Gussie said:
No divorce thoughts at all. But I am completely ready for kids and DH to go back to school and work. I went from daily solitude (and a very neat house) to four extra peeps using every room in my house! For the first time ever, I am using noise canceling headphones lol!
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I feel you. DH used to travel a lot for work and is now home 24x7. Overall it has been a blessing to have him him more, but quite the adjustment to have him underfoot all the time when when I was used to having so much alone time. I recently implemented a downstairs ban for 2 hr M-F. It’s been wonderful as I’m able to have some time each day to get things done without interruptions, or enjoy some quiet time. Perhaps you can adapt this to your family if you get tired of the headphones.
 
we are lucky that we can both have separate workspaces at home but having virtually all of your f2f conversation with one person can be trying even under the best of circumstances. my heart hurts for people with physically or emotionally abusive partners or parents right now.
 
I spent 35+ years with my DHH being gone for huge chunks of time. His schedule was supposed to be a 24 hour on and 24 off but it rarely worked that way. A lot of the time he was gone 3 days in a row. I worried about how it would work for us when he was home ALL OF THE TIME. I found I actually enjoyed it. A lot of firefighters get divorced when they retire for that reason. We had a year of him being on injury before he actually retired on 2/14/20. Could anything have been better timing than that?

Like @missy, I love him now more than ever. He is gone this week helping his mom and dad on the central coast. I used to sleep better when he was gone, because I didn't have to worry about waking him up, but I barely slept at all last night. Sigh. I can't wait for him to come home.

The virus worked out well for us. I love being with him even more now. He truly is my best friend.

All of our friends seem to be weathering this well. Most feel about their spouses like we do about each other. All of my neighbors seem to be doing well too. I don't know anyone who is struggling or divorcing but our scope of friends is more limited these days.
 
If I had not left prior to the lockdown, it would've been during, dead or alive. Of all of the couples I know who divorced this year besides me, all of them had issues before, that they either ignored or were working on, and being trapped at home or dealing with financial issues on top of it just escalated them.
 
bludiva said:
we are lucky that we can both have separate workspaces at home but having virtually all of your f2f conversation with one person can be trying even under the best of circumstances. my heart hurts for people with physically or emotionally abusive partners or parents right now.
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We both talk to the cats :mrgreen2:
 
partgypsy said:
It definitely can test relationships. I ended up taking some breaks from the guy I see (we don't live together) at the beginning of COVID for not being super careful about social distancing, and one two times for him being emotionally insensitive. He is better about the social distancing, but he is how he is emotionally (not going to change). So in a way a blessing we don't live with we each other otherwise we probably would be broken up by now!

And D & D I am mad for you that your SO threatens divorce on a regular basis. That's borderline emotionally abusive. If someone did that to me I'd probably tell them I made up their mind for them and just leave already!
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=)2
Im fine really
97% of the time he's joking
3% of the time i could hit him over the head with a frying pan but he's taller than me :mrgreen2:

I dont think they have highly sensitive people in his family
 
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