shape
carat
color
clarity

Disorder in the court

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

Madam Bijoux

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 15, 2005
Messages
5,379
These are from a book called ''Disorder in the
American Courts'' and are things people actually said in court, word for
word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment
of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn''t it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn''t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He''s twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you $hitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get
a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I''m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:



ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law.
 

Regular Guy

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 6, 2004
Messages
5,962
Really...LOL!
face20.gif
 

Lorelei

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
42,064
Brilliant LOL!!!
 

Ellen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2006
Messages
24,433
lol.gif


Again, they''re all good, but the last one......


And while these are hysterical, they are also scary. Yanno? I don''t blame the one for telling the judge they wanted a new lawyer. lol
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 31, 2008
Messages
4,508
36.gif
I love monday morning giggles!
36.gif
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
6,893
ROFL!!!
 

jcarlylew

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2008
Messages
3,899
these are hilarious!!!
 

OUpearlgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2007
Messages
3,081
Hahha! Those a great, thanks for sharing!!!
 

AprilBaby

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 17, 2008
Messages
13,234
Too Funny!
26.gif
 

Lorelei

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
42,064
Date: 2/23/2009 8:38:50 AM
Author: Ellen
lol.gif


Again, they''re all good, but the last one......


And while these are hysterical, they are also scary. Yanno? I don''t blame the one for telling the judge they wanted a new lawyer. lol
The last one was the best!!
 

isaku5

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
3,296
Absolutely hilarious!! Thanks for the laughs.
36.gif
35.gif
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
HAHAHAHA! These are really funny.
 

Steel

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 8, 2006
Messages
4,884
I love it!
 

joflier

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2007
Messages
3,504
Best laugh I''ve had all day!
 

Savvymon

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2008
Messages
120
Oh I really needed that laugh!!!!

Thanks
9.gif
 

:)

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2006
Messages
1,864
Those were hysterical! Thanks for sharing - I think I need to go buy that book!
 

redfaerythinker

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 7, 2007
Messages
1,781
Oh that''s brilliant! Funniest thing I''ve read in awhile!
 

Sabine

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 16, 2007
Messages
3,445
I want that book!
 

kittybean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 2, 2008
Messages
4,125
Oh, dear. This is both very funny and sad. It''s objectively funny, but it''s sad because I can definitely imagine some of my esteemed colleagues asking these questions in court.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top