Disaster - advice?

[arjunajane]

Sorry about the long post in advance...

A little background, although I’ve posted so much I’m sure many of you already know the whole story!..

Started looking for a stone and setting for a RHR about 6weeks/ 2mnths ago..
Have landed on the PoH from GOG, to go in a Michael Bondanza setting that will probably have made custom, as to keep cost down and make a few small changes.
Jon has been an incredible help – he has emailed, phoned (I’m in Australia mind you!), and IM’d back and forth with me to find the *perfect* stone, educating me along the way!

But now..disaster.

I won’t go into the ugly details, but basically yesterday I found out that my Fi is being forced to leave his job. He’s worked in the same hospital for years now, but since there has been a change of management, things have gone further and further down hill. The other day they pretty much said he can choose to leave, or be made redundant.

The really messed up thing is, his dad was the acting CEO of this hospital, and they did the same thing to him a couple months ago – and he didn’t take it laying down. Now its almost as if they’re looking for revenge on my partner. Not very nice ppl.

So how does this relate to my ring? Well, I don’t think I can feel right now spending this amount of money on this project, when I am currently the “sole bread winner”… Its’ not likely to stay this way for long, but my Fi is considering taking the chance to go back to study or look for change of career etc. I support him 1000%, however this could take a lil while…In this situation, will following through with the ring just be selfish?

If this were the only issue, I’d just put the whole thing off, as sad as I would be.

However, there’s the issue of all the effort and help that Jon and his team have put into assisting me. Also, I have started the wheels turning with a designer where I live.
Not to mention all the Hours I have put into this thing and advice I have gotten from you lovely ppl.

I just have no idea how I will go about telling everyone to put the brakes on – that I’ll look like I was just wasting their time?
I don’t even know if it was the right thing to do to post this here – I’m just pretty lost for direction.
Anyone? What would you do?

 

[angeline]

OH golly, I am so sorry! That stinks that they might be talking it out on your FI

Wow... I don''t know where to start... I guess maybe you need to do some serious budgeting and see how much you have put away to keep you going until your FI is in a better position.. and do a worst case scenario...

I wouldn''t worry about the effort people have already put in.. it''s just life, and things happen. You need to worry about YOU and your FI. Your research will not go to waste eventually you WILL get that ring! and you will remember the people that helped you before.

Maybe you can still go ahead anyway? Only you know after you take an honest look at the finances.

Gosh you have my sympathies! That would bite big time!

Good luck, let us know how things are working out...

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Sorry I didn''t follow your previous post but how much were you planning to spend on the project?

Will it brake the bank? Perhaps you can let all involved know about the circumstances and wait a bit longer or are you on a timeframe?

There will certainly be other stones in the future; however this does not provide much consolation as you have put in a lot of time, effort and inlisted many to help.

Perhaps you can creatively come up with a payment plan for part/s of the project?

I think vendors would rather know that they can get some of your business now while waiting for the rest to be paid off.

Please let us know how this goes....

 

[arjunajane]

Hi Angeline, Lisa,
thankyou for your thoughts and sympathies.
I don''t really know what to do now..I think I''ll just to have to take a long hard look at the finances and speak to my Fi a bit more..
To be completely honest, the original budget I started with has been stretched quite a bit, but i was like "rather spend a lil bit more to get what I Really want"..now I don''t know if can do that, and going to a "cheaper" option just doesn''t seem like a good idea - i don''t want to be "half" happy with it, if that make sense?

HhhrmppH...shattered.

 

[eac]

I think you should follow what your heart and intuition are telling you. I feel for you that you''re so unhappy, and being so close to your dream ring, but your concern for your FI really shines through. He''s a lucky guy.

 

[LGK]

Would it help you to split the project up into phases? Like diamond first, then perfect custom setting at a later date, and get a simple cheap 14K solitaire setting to begin with? Regardless of finances it might de-stress you a bit. (Frankly, that''s exactly what I did- got a temp setting because it stopped being fun shopping for settings, and I wanted to take a break and wait til it sounded like fun again and not a pain in the rear.)

Don''t feel guilty about the hours the designer and GOG have put in helping you. After all, you''ll use their services eventually probably, right? Even if not immediately.

Ugh. It sucks to hear something so lame as the possible revenge factor in the laying-off of your fiance. People amaze me.

 

[monarch64]

Arjunajane...I''m so sorry to hear your news re. your BF''s job, etc.! Erm, this is the first I''ve heard of it so please excuse my horrible attempt here at consoling you. My DH and I both lost our jobs at the beginning of this year, and it has been quite the ordeal...sure, we''ve been established for a couple of years now, but there is that terrible feeling of maybe not being able to make the mortgage payment in a few months if we don''t find jobs soon, we really hesitate to spend any kind of money on frivolous things at all, which is a far cry from where we were (in a financial mindset) just a couple of months ago.

No respectable jeweler is going to think poorly of you if you decide to put your e-ring project on hold. Please look out for your essential needs first and foremost and then come back and deal with all of this when you''re back on your feet!

Again, I''m sorry to hear you''re having troubles, big hugs to you and I hope things get better for you and your BF from here. Take care of you.

 

[Imdanny]

Well, GOG will know now. I don''t think it''s anything to worry about vis a vis the people you''re working with. Just ask them to keep a file of the planning you''ve done so far, if you don''t want to proceed. I''m sorry about the bad news! I know how that can be.

 

[arjunajane]

Eac..thankyou so much for your concern and comments, u''r very sweet.

L.G Kitten - thanku and I think you are onto a good point with the setting. Although, I''ve already allocated the majority of the budget to the stone, and really "shopped around" to find an economical setting I was very fond of, so this may not change my total outlay by as much as ur thinking. But hey, a saving is money to use elsewhere, right? Changing the setting to something simpler like u suggested is still a good idea though - I may have to look into it further. Anyone keen to help me find a nice setting for less than $700?! And with re to what you said about the vendor, I would definately go back with Jon, whether it was 2 mths or 2years. It is rare to find such a great professional and kind person in the same mix!

Monarch - I am very sorry to hear of your situation, that is terrible that you both had to go through that at same time, it must have been stressful! I can understand where you''re coming from - we are still young, and I wouldn''t call our careers/finances "established" by any stretch!
Its just my Fi is a total sweetheart too - I know he wants me to get what makes me happy, but at the same time he is worried about not being a good "providor" - I''m a bit torn as the last thing i want to do is put more pressure on his mind at this time.

Imdanny - thankyou for ur thoughts. I was most likely going to mention something to Jon tonight anyway, or at least the next time I spoke to him. It is just really dreadful timing, as the process has pretty much come to *crunch time* (I have 2stones on hold that I am trying to decide between, and probably would''ve closed the order this week if not for the bad news

).

Jon has always been honest with me, so I will definately just be upfront with him about the situation I guess- I just feel a little awkward about "airing dirty laundry" as it may be, and would never want him to think I was angling for a sympathy vote or something, you know?

However, i must say that posting here has lifted my spirits a little

. Its'' difficult as there is not really any friends/family who I would be comfortable approaching with my dilemma, so thanku all who post for being my confidants!

 

[angeline]

arjunajane - I like the idea of the temp setting if the stone itself is do-able. I have a stone from WF that is currently in one of their Tiffany look-a-likes that is 14k white gold and cost $195. and it looks great! Not cheap or nasty at all.

Also I found that wearing the stone for a while helped me shape final ideas on the setting of my dreams.

I am glad you are feeling a little better. Keep posting if it helps!

a

 

[arjunajane]

Hi Angeline - do you have any pics handy of your ring? That is a great price you got, well done. I have to admit, I Realy had my heart set on getting "the whole package" you know? - but your idea is growing on me.... And you make a good point - I have never even seen a PoH IRL, so maybe it woud be helpful to "get used to it" for a while...

AArrghh, how upsetting ! I was going to have my wax made up any day now too!

I guess I can start looking again for something cheaper - I really don''t want to compromise on my diamond if it can be helped.

If you have any time, do you want to help me search for a setting? I think looking at all the gorgeous settings I know I can''t afford right now may just depress me

Pls say no if you like, no pressure at all!!
cheers again for posting

 

[arjunajane]

Hi, sorry, but does anybody else have any input on this problem?
I should really be making a decision this weekend...Still in two (or three) minds about what to do

 

[coatimundi_org]

I'm so sorry you're going through this stressful situation! Sorry about the way your FI has been treated.

Honestly, I would put it on hold. It sounds like your FI will be back to working soon. If I were the sole breadwinner, I'd have to wait for a new ring. I'd just wait until everything was secure again, and then move forward.

It may stress you out even more to continue on with the ring project, as you might feel guilty spending the money.

The jewelers will understand. No pressure there.

Hope you make a decision that makes the most sense for you. In the end, you'll get your lovely

I'd wait a bit. (that's just me)
Coati

eta: also wanted to say that I don't know what your personal finances are. If you can swing it comfortably, then, I'd swing it. I'm going under the assumption that you are worried about stability. That's why I say I'd wait.

Sorry for the rambling! Wish you the best of luck!!

 

[bem3231]

Hey there -

First off, sorry to hear about your situation. I did follow your previous threads in your ultimate stone search. You''ve been through so much to find this stone, and from what i recall it is quite a unique find - ie: an I1 POH that is a beauty. It seems to me that if you try to replicate this find in the future you might have difficulty, which might cause you some regret, which might leave you with some residual negative feelings about the future ring. This is brash speculation, mind you.

What about keeping the stone, but waiting to set it until such a time as you guys are full steam ahead again? If you could swing this financially, it might represent a compromise between not giving up what you''ve worked so hard to find before the bad situation, while at the same time economizing right now with an eye to getting your ideal setting in the future, which would give you something to look forward to with anticipation of a great outcome down the road.

Just my two cents. I hope you''ll let us know what you decide to do. Good luck!!

 

[surfgirl]

Your situation is a shame but hopefully it will be temporary. That said, from your post I take it that you''re not talking about an ering but an extra RHR and therefore, I say put it on hold. There is no way to know if your FI will get another job quickly, and since you''re now the sole breadwinner, isn''t paying the monthly bills the biggest priority? (Just in case you''re not sure, the answer to that last question is YES!

). I''m afraid I cannot enable you to buy part now and part later with this current financial uncertainty and since you''re "not sure" I''m thinking you already know the answer to this question. The thing to remember is that your stone will be findable again, as will the setting. Neither is going anywhere. So if you have to wait for a bit, you will still be able to have GOG source you an equally lovely stone and the setting can always be made, right? If you were talking one of a kind I might think differently but we''re talking about two components that are replaceable when you and your FI are in better straights.

I had similar situation when we were buying my ering so I totally empathize with you, but we had our ering budget set aside already and it was a one of a kind ring and we were able to swing it since the money had been already put away for the purchase. But if it had been a RHR, I''d definitely put it off til later on when things were more secure.

 

[sera]

I''m so sorry to hear what you two are going through... it''s so disappointing and frustrating to say the least.

After having worked with Jon, I would bet he would be very understanding of your situation. I would just let him know you need to take a look at your finances in light of this change of circumstances and will then decide if you can proceed with the plans as is, modify them, or put them on hold for a bit.

I hope things work out better than expected with your FI''s job and your ring.

 

[katebar]

Arunajane any chance of putting it on layby or lay away as they say?
I did this with my stone with GOG and probably they had it for about 10 weeks or maybe evern longer before i coughed up the readies.

 

[Fly Girl]

arjunajane - Sorry to hear about the job loss. Such a stressful time for you guys.

I would definitely put the project on hold for now. There will be other diamonds, and other rings when finances aren''t so tight.

Your relationship is for the long-term. This won''t be the last time things go differently than you expect. Most important is to be there for each other.

Don''t worry about the jeweler. It''s a part of business. They are in it for the long-term too, and it sounds like you will be back. Just give him a call, or send an e-mail to let him know the project is off.

Best of luck to both of you in the future.

 

[angeline]

Hi arjunajane - I only just got back to this thread now. Here's a pic of the .77ct J I have in the 14k wg setting from WF.

The easiest thing would be to get GoG to set it in their equivalent of this (4 prongs though I guess, by the way I luuuurrve PoH).

I just took a look at GoG website and I would suggest a Stuller or Ingwer setting if you were going temporary. They don't have prices on there but I guess just ask Jon. Getting it from them will be a lot less headache than trying to coordinate between 2 different places. If it were the final setting then that's okay but I wouldn't bother for a temp. Just wastes more money in shipping.

Don't give up! If you can swing this, then you can have the fun of thinking and planning your dream setting while gazing at your stone on your hand!

a

p.s. If I don't reply any further for a day or two, I'm just about to hop on a plane to the US from Adelaide (SA) so I'll be out of action for a little while. Good luck!

 

[hairgirl95]

Oh girl bless you with this difficult situation. My heart goes out to you. Your man is lucky to have a supportive gal in his life. Its trying times like these when we lean on the ones we love and its what makes our relationships stronger.

I gotta go with surf on this one. Since this is a RHR, I think I would hold off for a little while until he gets his feet wet in the job search, and or makes a decision about going back to school. My husband was still in school when we got engaged, and it does add a new dimension to budgeting.

You know your financial situation better than all of us, and I think you will make the right decision for you at this current time. I would definitely keep communicating with Jon and just put the plans on the backburner until you feel a little more solid about the changes you are going through right now. A week or two may put a whole new perspective on this and make the decision easier. Best of luck to you!!

 

[arjunajane]

Thankyou, all so so much everyone who has posted.
You are all such wonderfully kind and considerate people. I appreciate all your ideas and p.o''views. Angeline, hope you have a lovely and safe trip, thankyou for posting your pretty ring. Don''t worry about the timeframe too much..I think the best thing right now would be for me to slow down a bit anyway.

I would like to address a couple things that each of you have suggested for me, so will come back when have more time.

Just wanted to make a quick post to say thankyou for all the supportive responses. You''re all the best.*hugs*

 

[strmrdr]

my vote is put it on hold.
Somethings are more important than bling.
If Jon can work out a layaway then maybe do that at most.

 

[arjunajane]

Hi guys,
Please don''t take this as that I''ve made up my mind to continue with the ring -I''m still unsure. I would like to ask Jon about lay-by, but I''m not sure about the practically of this from Australia..
I would like to pls seek some advice on the two stones that I am considering.
The reason for this, is one is bit more expensive than the other - and of course I am more fond of that one! Right now I''m not sure if I can *afford* either, but it would really help me to understand the diff''s between the two - if I do decide to go ahead, and with the less expensive option, I don''t want to feel like I am "settling", if you know what I mean?
They are both PoH, the thread for the first one is https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/opinions-on-this-i1-video.78086/
And this is a link to the second one http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/4082 I do have a video of it aswell, let me know If ur interested.
(I am so sorry I don''t know how to make actual links yet!)

My main question is, can anyone explain to me "what kind" of inclusions these are in each stone, and if one type of inclusion is better or worse than the other? As the colour is comparable, the clarity is my main hanging point. Does anyone feel I would be "settling" for an inferior diamond with the first one? I did think that one was great, until Jon found me the better one!

I appreciate the ongoing help and concern

 

[katebar]

arjunajane I think you need to be frank and open about your circumstances withe the GOG guys.
At the end of the day they want to HAVE you as a satisfied and effusive customer.
Keep the the lay by in mind if they are still offering this incredible service.
Good luck

 

[arjunajane]

Hi Katebar, don''t worry I completely agree with you. I spoke with Jon last night and let him know that due to a change in financiials (without going into all the ugly details), it may take me a lil bit longer than we expected to make a decision.
Jon is totally cool - thankfully we get along pretty well!

I hadn''t thought of layby yet, as I figured the logistics would be too difficult to co ordinate between Australia and US - however, I will look into it - no harm in asking. Its great that he was flexible like that for you.

The reason for my last post was, as I mentioned to ask for help in this decision, and hopefully speed it up a lil.

As always, i value all PS''s inputs and I am happy for them to assist me with these type of decisions.

 

[katebar]

No biggie on the layaway. One wire transfer in the beginning one half way and one at the end.
Effortless really all done with a click on the internet banking page! I think there was a small bank charge but with the dollar so good now its worth a shot.

 

[surfgirl]

Respectfully, I think you''re putting the cart before the horse on this one in that before people give a lot more feedback on stones, you should perhaps decide IF you can even afford to do the cheaper stone at this point in time. If you''re not sure yet, then it doesn''t really matter which stone is nicer, does it? I''m not saying that to be mean, I just think under the circumstances, you might want to first determine IF you can afford to move forward (whether layaway or purchase now) before people put forth more time and energy in looking at these particular stones for you. I''m sure you''ll make the right decision for your situation!

 

[isaku5]

Having been in a situation similar to yours except than mine involved an asscher right hand ring, which due to sudden financial business concerns, I wasn''t able to proceed with nor did I know when I would be a able to. I felt so badly (I''d been in the dark about what was going on--lesson learned, btw) passing along this info to Jon, but he was very understanding and realized that "stuff happens".

I''m with Storm on this call because you are fairly certain that your DF will get a job fairly soon and this diamond you''ve chosen will be hard to replicate. Ask Jon if it''s possible to do a layaway for ? weeks/months. The worst he can say is, " No".

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[arjunajane]

Katebar, Isaku, thankyou for the info and vote for lay by. I think you have the right idea. I will ask Jon about it.

Surfgirl, thats fair enough what you said, - I was kind of trying to say that the info on the stones would help me decide - eg. if everyone voted for the cheaper one, I''d go ahead. If everyone said the more expensive one, than I''d probably have to delay the project until I was in a position to afford that one.
And, if the opinions are mixed - well, at least I know where I stand, and I can go from there.

As an update, I have discussed with my Fi a bit more - in light of all the effort etc thats been put in, and I''ve saved summin toward it, and that lay-by Could be an option, and that we are confident this situation with his work shouldn''t last, ..so We''ve pretty much decided that just paying off the stone then waiting a lil longer for things to figure themselves out for the setting may be the way to go.
My concern is, as mentioned by pps, an I1 worth getting may not come around too often. Then I may have to spend more in the future to reach the size etc I am looking at now.

If anyone has the time, I could use the input, thankyou.

http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/3645

http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/4082

 

[arjunajane]

I took an internet 101 class, and may have learnt how to link html - sorry I am so slow to learn.
Hoping this works, here are those previous links, properly now

[URL='http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/3645</a']


ETA: ok, so it didn't work. I look really stoopid now. I made it work before - can someone Please tell me what I'm doing wrong?
[URL='http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/3645']Diamond1

Diamond2

Nope, can get it to work in email, but not on PS.

not cool. Would appreciate schooling on this, as dumb as I look right now

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