Didn''t think I''d have a thread like this...

[lucyandroger]

Why hasn''t he proposed???!!! He''s driving me nuts!

Okay, so everytime I saw a post on here where the guy had the ring, the woman knew he had the ring, and yet there was no proposal...I always thought how strange that was. I was the first to think he was kind of a creep for doing that..and now here I am!

My BF and I designed the ring together. He picked it up from the FedEx office on New Year''s Eve. And then:

New Years - no proposal
Last night in apartment - no proposal
First night in our house - no proposal
Trip to Mexico - no proposal
Valentine''s Day - no proposal

Because I''m pretty straightforward and BF and I have an open line of communication, I asked what was up. He said he wanted our engagement to be special on its own not combined with something else and that he wants it to be a surprise. I said okay but that I''m getting impatient.

Well, I''m starting to have a real problem waiting. I''m starting to get a little bitter. I''m totally a low key person. I would have loved for him to just ask me over take out on the couch at home a couple days after he got the ring. Now I''m thinking that since he made me wait, he better have something special planned. I''m also thinking of ways to get him back for torturing me like this for no reason...So far I haven''t let any of this slip but I''m getting weaker

Okay, that was really long but I guess I''m having a LIW freak out and could use some support! Thanks ladies!

 

[sphenequeen]

The good news is: You know it''s coming.

The bad news is: You know it''s coming.


Be patient and I promise it will work out! It sounds like he does not want a cliche engagement. Hang in there!!!

 

[trillionaire]

I sympathize completely with your situation.

Mine had the ring for a year, so... me thinks you will survive! I did!

And, don't let the grouchies get you. No one wants to propose to a grump! If you are having a tough time, go work out, or read a book, or go out with a girlfriend.

How exciting that it is coming soon, and how lucky to be loved so much that he really wants it to be special!

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 2/25/2010 11:14:22 PM
Author: sphenequeen
The good news is: You know it''s coming.

The bad news is: You know it''s coming.


Be patient and I promise it will work out! It sounds like he does not want a cliche engagement. Hang in there!!!

Thank you, sphenequeen. You''re right...at least I know it''s coming at some point.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 2/25/2010 11:38:11 PM
Author: trillionaire
I sympathize completely with your situation.

Mine had the ring for a year, so... me thinks you will survive! I did!

And, don''t let the grouchies get you. No one wants to propose to a grump! If you are having a tough time, go work out, or read a book, or go out with a girlfriend.

How exciting that it is coming soon, and how lucky to be loved so much that he really wants it to be special!

Trillionaire, Thank you for popping in. I just don''t know how you did it! It''s been two months and I''m ready to strangle him. I like your suggestions of keeping busy with other things.

I''m just afraid that when it does happen...it''s going to feel like relief rather than true excitement for the engagement.

 

[rierie26]

Maybe you could make that engagement chicken that everyone talks about. We could rename it "gimme my ring already!" chicken, if it works.

Sorry for the wait! Like sphenequeen said, at least you know it''s coming? Congratulations ahead of time!

 

[Lauren8211]

It is seriously torture when you know its *right* there.

J would not have proposed at an "event" either. He wanted it to be completely random too, so I understand that sentiment.

I have no advice because obviously you know just try and stay busy and keep your mind off of it as best you can.

It''s SOON!

Savor this time! It''s all over so quickly.

 

[Laila619]

Oy, how tough! Hang in there, it''s bound to happen soon!

** DUST **

 

[ladypirate]

*hugs*!

I think we''ve all been there at one point. K had the ring for 5 months before he proposed and I was getting a LITTLE impatient towards the end. Luckily, when he did it it was perfect and I completely forgot about the months prior.

Stay strong! It will happen and you will be so glad that he found the perfect opportunity.

 

[titian23]

You could also think about the fact that he loved and respected your wishes enough to see that you wanted to be in on the design process of such a special ring BUT he really really wants to be able to do something to surprise you!

He obviously has something particular in mind to do and at the end of the day do you a) really want to know what that is before it happens and b) want to take the chance of possibly ruining it? For instance what if you finally broke down and got upset with him....one day before he had this whole thing planned?

You can hold out! Just come and talk to us instead!

 

[monkeyprincess]

I feel for you. I think my fiance had the ring for about 2 months before he proposed to me. Poor guy really wanted it to be a special proposal with a good story and thought he should take me on a big trip or something and propose while we were there. But thanks to some GREAT advice from his sister - that I probably didn''t care about the proposal and just wanted the ring - he proposed on New Years Eve. I struggled with being crabby and whiney during that waiting period, so try not to fall in that trap. It doesn''t seem like it is ever going to happen, but it will, and you will be elated. Best wishes.

 

[lucyandroger]

Kitcha - I may just have to try that! I told him about engagment chicken once before...I wonder if he''d remember the story and get the HINT. lol

Elle - Thanks...it helps to hear from people who''ve been through it!

Laila - Thanks for commiserating with me!

ladypirate - thanks for the hugs! I''m glad that you were happy with how it went in the end. I''m hoping that''s how I end up feeling too.

titian - that''s the thing...I HATE surprises. I much prefer to look forward to good things in the future. I get that he''s doing something for me but is it really if he''s the one that wants the surprise and not me...

monkeyprincess - I wish my BF had a sister!!! The thing is I already told him that it does not have to be some big elaborate proposal. We''re both pretty private people so I can''t imagine him doing something too crazy or that needs too much planning.

 

[purrfectpear]

You''ve got it all wrong. Engagement chicken is for the guys to start the engagement process.

When you know they have the ring and it''s been a couple of months, you serve the Gimme the Ring Liver and Onions. Every night until they hand it over. It''s guaranteed

 

[LilyKat]

Buy something that he really covets (a computer accessory? Something for his car? Whatever he really, really wants). Tell him you''ve bought it. Show him pictures. Then put it in a drawer and say nonchalantly, "I''m saving it for a special occasion, maybe in April or May? No, I can''t tell you when. I want it to be a surprise, sweetheart."

 

[princesss]

Date: 2/26/2010 1:44:39 PM
Author: purrfectpear
You''ve got it all wrong. Engagement chicken is for the guys to start the engagement process.

When you know they have the ring and it''s been a couple of months, you serve the Gimme the Ring Liver and Onions. Every night until they hand it over. It''s guaranteed

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So glad I wasn''t drinking something when I read this.

 

[lilyfoot]

Ok, what LilyKat said + what princesss said + no

= a proposal!

 

[lucyandroger]

Alright, PP and LilyKat now I feel like I have a PLAN! LOL The funny thing is that our next big splurge was going to be a new TV...is it terrible that I'm actually considering this???

***Off to look for recipes for liver and onions***

ETA - Oh gosh, lilyfoot...you girls are too funny!

 

[AustenNut]

Date: 2/26/2010 1:44:39 PM
Author: purrfectpear
You''ve got it all wrong. Engagement chicken is for the guys to start the engagement process.

When you know they have the ring and it''s been a couple of months, you serve the Gimme the Ring Liver and Onions. Every night until they hand it over. It''s guaranteed

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I cracked up laughing when I read this, though it seems like sound advice.

Sorry Lucyandroger that the ring wait is taking so long. My boyfriend had the ring for less than 24 hours and I was getting impatient, so I definitely feel your pain. No advice, but hugs!

 

[babycush]

Date: 2/26/2010 1:55:59 PM
Author: LilyKat
Buy something that he really covets (a computer accessory? Something for his car? Whatever he really, really wants). Tell him you''ve bought it. Show him pictures. Then put it in a drawer and say nonchalantly, ''I''m saving it for a special occasion, maybe in April or May? No, I can''t tell you when. I want it to be a surprise, sweetheart.''

I LOVE THIS.

 

[MayFlowers]

Date: 2/26/2010 1:55:59 PM
Author: LilyKat
Buy something that he really covets (a computer accessory? Something for his car? Whatever he really, really wants). Tell him you''ve bought it. Show him pictures. Then put it in a drawer and say nonchalantly, ''I''m saving it for a special occasion, maybe in April or May? No, I can''t tell you when. I want it to be a surprise, sweetheart.''

Big fat DITTO!!

Here''s some ~~~~~~DUST~~~~~ Hope it happens soon!

 

[cally]

Date: 2/26/2010 1:55:59 PM
Author: LilyKat
Buy something that he really covets (a computer accessory? Something for his car? Whatever he really, really wants). Tell him you''ve bought it. Show him pictures. Then put it in a drawer and say nonchalantly, ''I''m saving it for a special occasion, maybe in April or May? No, I can''t tell you when. I want it to be a surprise, sweetheart.''

I could TOTALLY see this working on my guy. Particular if it was something to do with the Xbox.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 2/26/2010 3:52:49 PM
Author: lucyandroger
Alright, PP and LilyKat now I feel like I have a PLAN! LOL The funny thing is that our next big splurge was going to be a new TV...is it terrible that I''m actually considering this???

Nope, not terrible. It''s a DARN GOOD IDEA.

Sometimes with guys, it just isn''t that complicated. It sounds like he loves you, but just doesn''t realise why the wait is a problem. A big-screen fancy TV tucked away in its box will show him pretty clearly why waiting for something you really want IS a problem

 

[lasscreative]

Personally, I don''t think you should play games back with him.

IT WILL HAPPEN!!!!! I know from experience. My guy had the ring for 6 months before it was on my finger.

I went insane, I seriously lost my mind, but the worse thing would have been to trying and shove it back in his face by playing games.

I know its HARD!!!!

I would go over his house and he would go to the bathroom and I would tear his bedroom apartment looking for it. I was once under his bed and I got sprung! EMBARRASSING psycho anyone????

Keep calm, it will be the most beautiful moment when he does propose!

So savior it and don''t try to sabotage it.

 

[whitby_2773]

hmmm - yes - well - it *might* be ''a beautiful moment'', or you might be worn down to your last nerve and just respond to his well planned proposal with: "And about frigging TIME!"

people deal with this kind of waiting differently. some women will have every cross, frustrated thought swept away at the first sight of their guy on his knee, box in hand.

and some will get so wound that by the time he gets on his knee, his beloved is thinking he''s a weak, disorganized, spineless bastard who is only in touch with his own interests and has no CLUE what''s going on in the head of his intended!

best work out where you sit on this and, if closer to option B, let him know; the proposal moment isn''t his alone.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 2/28/2010 10:58:58 PM
Author: whitby_2773
hmmm - yes - well - it *might* be ''a beautiful moment'', or you might be worn down to your last nerve and just respond to his well planned proposal with: ''And about frigging TIME!''

people deal with this kind of waiting differently. some women will have every cross, frustrated thought swept away at the first sight of their guy on his knee, box in hand.

and some will get so wound that by the time he gets on his knee, his beloved is thinking he''s a weak, disorganized, spineless bastard who is only in touch with his own interests and has no CLUE what''s going on in the head of his intended!

best work out where you sit on this and, if closer to option B, let him know; the proposal moment isn''t his alone.

You know, I think I''m closer to option B. I don''t think he''s weak or spineless but I am starting to feel like he is a lazy procrastinator and that he has no clue what''s going on in my head. Re the let him know part....I''m going to write a little update.

 

[lucyandroger]

So this weekend was a complete FAIL on my part. I was an absolutely CRAZY LIW.

Saturday we went to a birthday lunch for one of my best friends. She is recently engaged (they dated a quarter of the time we''ve been dating AND he got the ring after my BF). I am super excited for them and they are a great couple. However, there were 2 other engaged couples and a newly married couple at the lunch as well. Needless to say, weddings were the main topic of discussion. And on the way home I lost it...

We talked about it. He explained that this year has been really busy for us so far and there has been no real time that we haven''t been busy with something else. He wants it to be special....

Sunday we both had to work all day so we were both stressed out. Being stressed out about work weakended me and the LIW came out again. This time I told him that I''m getting more and more resentful and that his "special" proposal is not necessarily going to wipe that all away if he keeps me waiting. Of course, then he was hurt that I was resenting him and hurt that I was implying that he didn''t want to get engaged. We cleared the air again.

I think he gets what I''m saying now. He still doesn''t truly understand. We put off engagement to buy a house and so I''ve been antsy for a while. He thinks that since it was a joint decision to put it off, that for some reason that time doesn''t count. I tried explaining that it doesn''t count against him but it is still waiting time for me. Ugh. Why does it have to be so complicated???

 

[whitby_2773]

hi lucyandroger (i''m gonna take a punt here and say ''lucy''...)

i think the central issue here is lack of control - and i *dont* mean that in a bad way. most of us move effectively through life by deciding what we want to do - and doing it. it''s not comfortable (or necessarily even rational to one part of our brains) to say "ok - i''ve decided to do such and such with so and so for the rest of my life..." - and still NOT be the one who gets to put that into place in a formal sense. i think a lot of this has to do with the ring in general. for a woman, that ''next phase'' of commitment starts with the engagement ring. our gender has a formalized method of denoting what we''ve decided to do with our lives. him - not so much. men just decide....and there it is. "yep - i''m going to spend the rest of my life with lucy. done." i think the frustration you''re feeling is one of having your progress impeded. makes sense to me and feels valid. i have to say, it wouldn''t sit well with me either to have someone else deciding when i was going to start which phase of my life - even if it was only using a piece of jewelry to do it. this is our culture - that ring *counts*!

when tim and i got engaged, we talked about it one afternoon while lying on our bed at home together. we were just having a chat about how much we loved each other. we decided to spend the rest of our lives together. and then we started ringing people to tell them! that was it. shortly after that, we got a ring. it was low key and eeeeeeasy. it wasn''t till i came to PS and started seeing how big and significant proposals could be that i started to appreciate the pressure of doing it differently to my own experience; i''ve gotta say, lucy, i have a new-found respect for all you LIW''s!

women like life-marker events. men - not so much. if it''s any consolation, in his head, the life long commitment has already started....

good luck, and here''s hoping he makes a move before you start shredding his suits and putting superglue in his underwear!

(and if ''lucyandroger'' are actually the names of your parents, or your two best friends, or your CATS, i apologize for calling you lucy throughout this post!)

 

[Rose_Dust]

Date: 2/26/2010 1:55:59 PM
Author: LilyKat
Buy something that he really covets (a computer accessory? Something for his car? Whatever he really, really wants). Tell him you''ve bought it. Show him pictures. Then put it in a drawer and say nonchalantly, ''I''m saving it for a special occasion, maybe in April or May? No, I can''t tell you when. I want it to be a surprise, sweetheart.''

I am going this route!! He saw that I purchased something from something from Victoria''s Secret (I left the bag sitting by the trash) and asked what I had gotten, asked if it was somethign special for him. I told him he''d find out what I got him when he asks!!! Haha...

 

[1stlady]

Hi Lucy

After readng your story and the years you and your boyriend have between one another... I agree with Whitby that an engagement or "waiting for one" should feel good and be easy. It seems he''s making this complicated but why? I would suggest you read the LIst-7 Ways to Yell if He''s Going to Marry You, by Mary Corbett. Maybe it will give you some comfort while waiting. I am reading it now ( after someone''s suggestion on here) and it does a great job at intepreting men and their confusing behavior and multiple responses towards marriage and the engagement stall.

I dunno maybe I have you two wrong, but his wait does seem a bit mean and selfish too me. Why make such a moment completely fustrating for you -is this his plan?!!

Hopefully I''m wrong, and hopefully this proposal of his will be sooo AMazing that it will be worth what he is putting you through!!!!! Whatever the case may be, I am wishing you the best and crossing my fingers for you!!!!

(((HUGS))))