Did your life turn out how you expected?

[zoebartlett]

[size=85Did you have your life planned out a certain way when you were younger? Has it turned out the way you wanted it to for the most part? [/size]

 

[kenny]

Totally different.

 

[ponder]

No.

 

[zoebartlett]

I'll start, and forgive me if this has been brought up before.

My college roommates had everything planned to a T, and it was interesting to watch things unfold for them after graduating. It was like they could check off a box for each life goal as it was achieved.

I'm a planner in general, but when it came to my future, I just saw black. I had no idea what I wanted my career path to be, and I wasn't sure about getting married or having kids. Marriage happened, yay, but no kids. I'm fine with that for the most part. I do wish my social life was fuller, and I wish I felt more comfortable reaching out to my in-laws and forming closer connections.

I just turned 42 and for some reason, I'm feeling more reflective than usual. I'm hoping to start a conversation with others here to see what they expected their lives to be and whether their goals came to fruition.

I'm not expressing myself as concisely as I'd like...

 

[zoebartlett]

How so, Kenny and Ponder?

 

[sonnyjane]

Professionally yes, I'm doing what I wanted to do since I was small. Personally no, I never anticipated getting married or living on the west coast but I am loving both

 

[hay joe]

No. When I was young I was sure I was going to make mistake on a motorcycle and loose my life before 30. I had hoped to get married, have a kid and be a mechanic. That all happened at an early age and surely added several years to my life. The great joy and sadness I hadn't expected. 17 foster kids are a surprise. Being so lucky is a surprise too.....So I guess yes and no.

 

[kenny]

How so, Kenny and Ponder?

As a child I didn't even know what it was to be happy, let alone expect it.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Nope. In some ways better than I imagined, in some ways much worse.

 

[zoebartlett]

I'm sorry, Kenny.

Tacori, you have a beautiful little girl (who's not so little anymore!) and I loved getting to know you two while living near each other. Life throws us curve balls, for sure, and I've always been impressed by how you handeled yours.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I'm sorry, Kenny.

Tacori, you have a beautiful little girl (who's not so little anymore!) and I loved getting to know you two while living near each other. Life throws us curve balls, for sure, and I've always been impressed by how you handeled yours.

Thanks M Serenity is not the absence of conflict but the ability to cope with it.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Yes, I have always envisioned being a career woman, married with 2 kids and live in a nice suburban neighborhood. Check to all of the above.

 

[Jambalaya]

Not in the slightest. I'm a talented artist - says everyone who sees my work - but I was never able to make the right connections or go to art school as I had to work, and it went absolutely nowhere. Even now, if I give it my all, I produce a beautiful painting that sells very quickly through a gallery, for quite a lot of money, and yet no gallery wants to stage my work or have me as a regular artist, even though my top-notch stuff flies off the shelves. For some reason, despite talent, I just cannot seem to make it in the art world. No one wants to know. I should have gone far with my art and I haven't, and it hurts, probably quite a lot more so than not having met the right person in time to have kids. Oh well, there's still time I guess.

I also never thought I'd live where I do, I thought I would be married, I thought I'd stay my 19-year-old weight of 115 pounds forever. Now I'm just an overweight stay-at-home middle-aged caregiver, and somehow I thought I'd have more in my life. I realize it sounds as if I'm unhappy, but I'm really not. I believe in being caring and I believe that it's more important than being a famous artist, and I know I can paint as much art and probably sell it as much as I like. Even if I'm not hip and trendy or posh or well-connected enough for the art world, creating art is free and no one can stop me doing it. I'm not a full-time artist, but so what? I love my family and friends, and I believe in the service of others.

It's just not how I thought my life would be.

 

[kenny]

Thanks, Zoe.

... and Kudos, wonderful idea for a thread.

 

[ponder]

How so, Kenny and Ponder?

It's better than I ever could have imagined. Husband, kids, friends, career, home, family... It's all I imagined but a million times better. Sometimes I fear that the bubble might burst. DH and I have been planning our lives for almost 20 years, since i was 16, and as DH and I reflect about our life we realize that we would both be extremely happy with less, but we can't help but enjoy the success that we have created.

 

[stracci2000]

wjMy life has been a ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

^^^this is what happens when the cat sits on the keyboard^^^^

As I was saying, my life has been like a roller coaster ride. It has not turned out as I expected when I was young with big dreams.
But, all in all, I am happy!

 

[marcy]

Not at all. I thought I'd be tall, thin and rich.

Seriously, I am not really a looking forward to see myself in 5 year type of person. As a kid I wanted to be a teacher and saw myself being married and having a few kids. I am married, have no kids and did end up being an adjunct teacher for 21 years although it was only a part time job. I can't imagine my life turning out any other way. ETA: I am happy and can't say I have any real complaints with how my life turned out.

 

[Queenie60]

Mine is better than I thought it could be. Childhood wasn't too happy or fun, not a lot to look forward to . My life as an adult turned out to be much better than expected. Married, two adult children and doing things I never thought I would be able to do. And I must say, pretty good on the happy meter!

 

[dk168]

Different, and I am content with how it has turned out so far.

DK

 

[lknvrb4]

I don't think I had a lot of expectations for what my life would be like when I was an adult. I knew that when I grew up I wanted to be a Mom. I am happy to say I am married to the love of my life and a mother of three. I am blessed in so many ways and I have roof over my head and my bills are paid, I am good with that.

 

[missy]

Not at all. It's so much better than I ever hoped it would be.

When I was younger (preadolescent, teens and twenties) I was focused on school and career and never wanted to get married or have children. No desire at all. I was happy being single and free and had a pretty good life. My own home, lots of friends, always had romantic companionship, traveled to different countries every vacation and I was very content.

Then I met my dh and everything changed. He was and is the best thing that ever happened to me and my life is so much better than I ever dreamed it could be. I thought I was happy before but didn't realize how much happier I would be married to my dh. Thank goodness he finally was able to convince me.

Just asked my dh and without missing a beat he said much better than he ever thought.

 

[missy]

I'm sorry, Kenny.

Tacori, you have a beautiful little girl (who's not so little anymore!) and I loved getting to know you two while living near each other. Life throws us curve balls, for sure, and I've always been impressed by how you handeled yours.

Thanks M Serenity is not the absence of conflict but the ability to cope with it.

Love this Tacori.

 

[rainydaze]

Well, it turned out how my closest friends thought it would, lol! At 15 we all wrote down where we thought the others would wind up in life, and I was both horrified and happy to discover they all saw me as a minivan mom. Yup, I'm a mom and I drive a minivan.

I tended to live one day at a time and let the adventure take me where it would, but deep down I knew what I hoped my life would be filled with. Indeed, it has turned out how I subconsciously expected. Now I have to go knock on wood.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I'm sorry, Kenny.

Tacori, you have a beautiful little girl (who's not so little anymore!) and I loved getting to know you two while living near each other. Life throws us curve balls, for sure, and I've always been impressed by how you handeled yours.

Thanks M Serenity is not the absence of conflict but the ability to cope with it.

Love this Tacori.

I have excellent coping skills

 

[momhappy]

I don't really remember what my expectations were.... I suppose I expected to experience the major life events (college, marriage, kids) that many people do and I did.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

As a kid I knew what I wanted to be and where I wanted to go to college. I wanted to be a psychiatrist and go to Cornell University. I don't know where I got these ideas but if anyone asked(grownups) that's what I would tell them. I was not a person attracted to babies.

In high school, the family finances took a turn for the worse so I was told private college was out. I had a good time in high school and had no plans other than to say I wanted to go to college. My best friends were going to business school and secretarial school, but by that time I wasn't a serious student and hoped to go to a Public University. Alas, I became pregnant and married at 19, so college was out. But, something funny happened. I shifted my attention to dreaming of business. When I divorced, I went back to school to that Public University, and got chills up and down my body the first day I went into the "Halls of Ivy". I couldn't believe I made it back. This was one of the more important decisions of my life, even at 30 yrs old.

I don't really think you can plan out your life. I concentrate on the good things that happened. The social movements that occurred during this period of my life made for more possibilities then I had ever dreamed of. I was accepted into law schools, who were beginning to admit women into the male fraternity. I declined, as my son, who was 13 at the time refused to go, and I was tired.

There have been ups and downs, some deep chasms, but I know I have had opportunities not dreamed of by me. So life took me for a ride and I held on.

Annette

 

[azstonie]

In no way is it anything I would have expected or planned for.

The surprises were mostly wonderful, beyond anything I could have imagined for myself.

The disappointments and painful events were directly related to my dysfunctional way of viewing myself and others. I started to 'wake up' to this in my early 30s and the best thing I ever did was soundly decried by my family friends: I left everything behind in California and moved to Alaska to marry my college sweetheart. The marriage tanked quickly (glad I put that relationship to rest, though) but everything else there was terrific---great friends, career, hobbies and interests, unbelievable nature there, and I met my DH who is wonderful. When I informed my family that I was getting divorced (2 years into living in Alaska) they assumed I would come home and start up all the old garbage with them. NOPE! Second best thing I did was staying in Alaska post divorce with the life I had made for myself rather than running home to be mommy and daddy's punching bag for the second half of my life (sorry if that is TMI).

Never too late to take over your own life!

 

[arkieb1]

No, there have been lots of highs and lots of lows along the way.

 

[december-fire]

In no way is it anything I would have expected or planned for.

The surprises were mostly wonderful, beyond anything I could have imagined for myself.

The disappointments and painful events were directly related to my dysfunctional way of viewing myself and others. I started to 'wake up' to this in my early 30s and the best thing I ever did was soundly decried by my family friends: I left everything behind in California and moved to Alaska to marry my college sweetheart. The marriage tanked quickly (glad I put that relationship to rest, though) but everything else there was terrific---great friends, career, hobbies and interests, unbelievable nature there, and I met my DH who is wonderful. When I informed my family that I was getting divorced (2 years into living in Alaska) they assumed I would come home and start up all the old garbage with them. NOPE! Second best thing I did was staying in Alaska post divorce with the life I had made for myself rather than running home to be mommy and daddy's punching bag for the second half of my life (sorry if that is TMI).

Never too late to take over your own life!

Good for you! You sound like a mature, responsible woman. Tell your DH he's a lucky man.

This is off-topic, but I love Alaska! Thirteen years ago, took Mom for her 80th birthday; cruise from Vancouver to Ketchikan (went horseback riding), Juneau (Mom went whitewater rafting and loved it!), Haines (cruise ships later prohibited from going there, I think), and Skagway (took White Pass train over old wooden trestle bridges). Walking back to the cruise ship in Haines, the sun was starting to set, and the glow on the mountains was breathtaking. I loved seeing the glaciers (cruised Glacier Bay), and the vast expanse of landscape void of signs of civilization.

Congratulations on taking charge and creating a beautiful life in an amazing part of the world!

 

[Snowdrop13]

When do we first have ideas about our futures? Mid-teens, maybe? At that age I knew I wanted to have a career with a good job so I could support myself, but my head was filled with romantic, unrealistic ideas about relationships. Too much time spent reading classic novels with dashing heroes in them, I fear! I spent much of my twenties reconciling this with reality.

Anyway, it has mostly worked out and I'm very happy where I have ended up. It would have been nice if I had met my DH earlier, we might have had our children when we were younger, or fitted in a 3rd one but I am extremely grateful for what we have.