Home Did you use a doula at your childbirth?

[vespergirl]

I am 28 weeks pregnant now with my second baby, and am considering a doula. I wanted to use one with my first baby (I was terrified of labor & delivery) but I was delivering at the premier hospital in DC, so everyone was telling me I would have fantastic nurses and wouldn't need a doula. Also, I was planning on having an epidural (no natural for me) and I understand that many doulas will only work with you if you are planning on a natural childbirth.

Well, everything went south during my delivery - I had a great nurse until I was dilated and it was time to push, then they had a shift change. The bitch I got turned out to be an ex-army nurse who treated me like I was in boot camp. She would not let me push in a diagonal or vertical position, and would leave DH & I ALONE in the room for 30 min. at a time (twice) during my 4 and a half hours of pushing, because it was Thanksgiving weekend, there were 3 patients pushing at the same time, and the "premier" Sibley Hospital was understaffed. My baby was finally delivered with vacuum assistance by the OB.

I was so traumatized by the birth experience that I had postpartum depression and needed therapy and antidepressants. It was awful.

Anyway, now everyone is telling me that I won't need a doula the second time around, because I'm delivering at an even better "magnet nurse" hospital, plus second deliveries are easier and faster, and a nurse and DH will be fine as birth assistants. I heard wonderful stories about the nurses at this hospital from friends who delivered there, but I'm still wondering if maybe I want a doula in case I get another monster of a nurse like last time. Also, I am still planning on an epidural, and have no interest in going natural, so there is still the possibility that doulas wouldn't want to work with me since I'm going the medicated route.

I was just hoping to get some feedback from you guys, because I don't know anyone in real life who has ever used a doula. All of my friends except for one had c-sections, but the one friend who had a vaginal delivery at the hospital I'm using this time said the nursing staff was great & she wouldn't have needed a doula.

Have any of you used doulas? Interviewed them? Did you like your birth experience? Did you fell like the doula was worth it, or a waste of money? Also, if any of you have had a vaginal delivery at INOVA Fairfax Hospital, can you tell me what you thought of the hospital and nursing staff?

Thanks!

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 1/28/2010 1:45:03 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
Ooh, I think Miraclesrule''s daughter did.. I will have to point her in this direction!

Thanks SDL!

 

[MustangGal]

That sucks about your first labor! I didn''t use a doula, and if you know you want the epi, it may be pretty hard to find one, since they''re really there to help through the pain. The shift change during labor sucks, happened to me too, but I didn''t really notice it much, I don''t even remember now what they looked like!

You''ll probably be Ok this time, but if it caused your PPD, it might be worth the investment if you can find one.

 

[february2003bride]

Vesper- I''m so sorry! I didn''t know when I had my first that you really don''t see your OB much during the labor process, and great nurses are key.

I delivered my DD at INOVA Fairfax (and both of my boys at Virginia Hospital Center) and it was fine, I had no complaints! They are a teaching hospital and I was asked to let a resident (or maybe it was an intern?) help during my labor and delivery and I was fine with that. I definitely wasn''t left alone when I pushed (but I didn''t push for that long) and I do remember the nurses being attentive.

My friend had a doula and had a great experience. But while my friend loved her''s (and she lives in CA so there are a ton to choose from there!) I have heard stories of people who ended up regretting the doula. Mainly personality clashes but also some of the DH''s ended up feeling pushed aside during the l&d. So make sure your DH is on board and that your doula clicks with you and your DH.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

I''m planning to have a doula. My cousin is a doula...so is my neighbor...and I have a great respect for their knowledge and help. But, don''t quote me, I didn''t think they assisted when you have an epidural. I''m not positive, but even at the hospital I''m considering because they have a "natural" birthing center (they provide a doula in the birthing center) makes you switch floors if you end up going the epidural route to the normal Labor and Delivery floor.

Who knows? It couldn''t hurt to ask around. http://www.dona.org/

 

[Shoopy]

Robbie had one and she loved her doula! The one benefit I see from a doula (for someone not planning on going "natural") is that they keep a record of the entire event for you and provide you with a birth story. I think that''s a great benefit. I don''t remember a lot of the details of mine.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I had a doula who I found when I was on a list for moms in Seattle. She said she finished up her training and was ready to begin working. All the gals on the listed loved her and they had lots of meet-ups so I figured she would be great.

She turned out not doing anything while in the hospital with me. Well, I take that back. She drove me there, talked to the nurses and the clencher was she sat there eating candy bars while my blood suger levels were being checked on a regular basis (yeah, lancets were being poked into my finger tips while this chick ate hundreds of grams of sugar in front of me). I didn't want my husband in the birthing room with be because I was too embarrassed so I had hired the woman as a stand in and well, when the midwife told me that I'd need a c/s, the doula up and walked out the door. DH didn't realize what the deal was and he described her as acting "sheepishly" when he handed her $200 cash.

Keep in mind when I talked to her before she told me all about the back massage and relaxation techniques she'd be using on me so I had no idea she would end up sitting there like a lazy lump.

Sorry if I sound negative in this post, but mine was a terribly unfortunate experience and it still upsets me even after 9+ years.

My advice is get lots and lots of references from a midwife rather than friends of friends.

 

[upgrade]

I totally understand! For my first birth, every labour room at the hospital was full and there were about 3 nurses on staff, running from room to room. I didn't have a nurse at all for most of my labour. It was just me and my dh and for a little while a very nice med student. The nurse popped in every so often and she was miserable and mean! When it was time for me to push it was right as shift change happened but my luck went the other way- the nasty nurse left and a sweet one came on shift. Because she walked in to my room right as I started pushing, she stayed so I actually had some attention for that part. I was really bitter about my bad experience too and I wished I had hired a doula.

For my second labour I was the only person in labour at that time so I had all the attention in the world! I actually got to choose my nurse and I had my doc and a midwife (there happened to be one on staff and the place was quiet so I got her too). It was a totally different experience.

If you think having a doula will make you feel better then go for it! But get one that's been highly recommended by people you trust so you can make sure it's a good fit for you.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I did not have a doula, but I had my midwives and my mom. I TOTALLT recommend getting a birth helper of some sort. The nurses were wonderful, but they did not help me cope with labour, that was my mom (and DH sort of but he was not the most help... how can he be? He had no idea what was going on). ETA I am happy with my birth experience, but could not have done it without the supporters who were there just for *me*, and not for the baby like the nurses are. I wanted a natural labour and ended up being induced, so it all went out the window, but I still was able to labour without the epi for about 6-7 hours thanks to their support. I am glad I did.

Vesper I am sure this delivery will be better. I don't know about you, but I feel like things changed so much down there from having one that ther next will just fall out on the ground without any effort at all!

 

[mayachel]

Ugh, sorry to hear about people''s poor experiences with doulas. Try to not color the whole profession by the odd-ball story. The most important thing to do is to interview a couple and find someone who''s personality and expectations really mesh with yours. A seasoned doula will be able to offer you a lot more (in most circumstances) than one you''ll find fresh out of training.

I always describe them as "your best friend, who knows everything about birth-without the baggage of actually being your best friend/sister/mother."

A good doula will support you and your unique birthing situations and should not be anti-epidural. As many women on this board can likely attest, the "work" of labor doesn''t end just because you have *some* pain relief. Especially when the surrounding events of an epidural are more likely to cause some discomfort and potentially slow the labor. A doula can help keep your spirits up, and your partner''s focus on you and the birth and not flipping through the tv stations.

A doula ought to stick around in the event of a c-section as well, since you''d be even more likely to need help after wards with initiating breastfeeding and potentially processing the experience.

She is an intimate stranger and should mesh well with you and your partner. Be diplomatic and follow your lead for what you are looking for from your birth.

She should be able to help you gauge the best time to go the hospital/birthing center and give you an outlet for last min. questions etc...

In my experience, the dad''s tend to become just as big supporters of a doula in the end. As one of my patients put it "she helped us to be our better selves and accomplish what we knew in deep down we could do".

 

[So Excited]

Hello,
I didn''t have a doula for my first birth, and unfortunately will not have the NEED for my second either... I delivered my first child in a nice hospital and only had troubles with one nurse throughout my entire labor (51 hours) At the point that I had met the "B**ch nurse" I was very tired/worn out and had already met the entire pleasant nursing staff because I was in there for SOOO long that I simply told her that I was not happy with her services and would like to have someone else taking care of me.. (sounds bad, but after 40 hours of labor who cares what she thought right...?? she had already been "not so friendly".)

As for the "need for a doula", I guess if I had concerns of not being adequately taken care of due to the possibility of an understaffed/over crowded delivery floor I would think it was a worthwhile added expense.

At the point that I completed school for being a licensed medical massage therapist I was going to continue on my training and get my certification as a "Massage Doula". I didn''t ever get a chance to pursue the schooling as we had our daughter and timing wasn''t great, but I can tell you the extensive additional training that needs to be done to get the "official title" , I''m sure that the extra "pampering" and use of pressure points and relaxation massage in combination with all of the standard benefits of a regualar doula would be GREAT in helping with labor! If I were ever to have to recommend a type of doula, I would definately say to check into a Licensed Massage Doula as they have all of the training as a Doula and also all the training of a Massage Therapist.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 1/28/2010 5:37:53 PM
Author: february2003bride
Vesper- I''m so sorry! I didn''t know when I had my first that you really don''t see your OB much during the labor process, and great nurses are key.


I delivered my DD at INOVA Fairfax (and both of my boys at Virginia Hospital Center) and it was fine, I had no complaints! They are a teaching hospital and I was asked to let a resident (or maybe it was an intern?) help during my labor and delivery and I was fine with that. I definitely wasn''t left alone when I pushed (but I didn''t push for that long) and I do remember the nurses being attentive.


My friend had a doula and had a great experience. But while my friend loved her''s (and she lives in CA so there are a ton to choose from there!) I have heard stories of people who ended up regretting the doula. Mainly personality clashes but also some of the DH''s ended up feeling pushed aside during the l&d. So make sure your DH is on board and that your doula clicks with you and your DH.

I delivered my daughter there too!

I did not use a doula. I had no idea what to expect anyway, but I was totally fine. All I needed was my husband and doctors encouraging me.

 

[miraclesrule]

I highly recommend using a doula. I cannot praise our doula enough. Even though my daughter's birth story is a 180 from what she had hoped (natural drug free birth in a certified RNMidwife Birthing Center) to a nightmare caused primarily by shift changes and horrific communication on the part of the hospital staff.

The bottom line is, if you are not having a scheduled or elective c-section, you run the risk of being at the mercy of the hospital staff. A doula cannot protect you from this reality, but they can make it less traumatic. Our doula was as tramatized by my daughter's birth process as we all were, but she stayed with us the entire 3 days with very little sleep on the waiting room floor.

Service package included:
-Initial consultation and presentation of videos and books to better prepare for birth.
-Assist in preparation of birth plan
-Photo shoot of Pregnant Mommy and Daddy
-Photo shoot of Baby Shower
-Presence during labor and delivery (provided coaching, encouragement, massage, consultation with medical providers, relaying Mom and Dad's wishes as to who could be where...when, enforcing birth plan, assisting midwives, nurse, doctors, Mom, Dad, Gramma's etc., replenishing the cool washcloths for the head and neck during labor and pushing. The best pushing voice ever....
-Photographing newborn and parents, visitors, etc.

My daughter's water broke (not leaking...broke) the day after the Charger's first home game (which she attended), so that was Monday at 2 p.m. At 6 p.m. she went to the birth center and her midwife told her she was dilated to 2. She went home and began having contractions at 8 p.m. At 10 p.m. they called the doula. My daughter continued in labor with the doula until about 2:30 a.m. Tuesday morning when they called me to meet them at the birthing center. We all arrived around 3 a.m. My daughter was still at a 2. She was very discouraged. We all went back to her house. She and her husband tried to get some sleep and the doula and I tried to get some sleep on the couch. My daughter was stuck in a funky contraction pattern and we couldn't get them to last long enough to make an impact but they were frequent and painful. Our doula was able to get the birthing center to admit my daughter at 9 a.m. on Tuesday morning so we could try to get her in active labor before the 24-hour time frame that would require transfer to the hospital. We tried everything. The doula and midwives were troopers and so was my daughter, but at 1:30 p.m. she was still stuck at a 2. The transfer process was a nightmare. We were finally in the hospital at 4:30 p.m. and my daughter was placed on the lowest dose of pitocin. The doctor told us to hunker down for the night because she wasn't giving birth until the next day. The nurse was pissed at the doctor because the nurse wanted orders to administer more pitocin to attempt to get a more consistent contraction pattern, but the doctor wouldn't do it. The nurse said it was because the doctor wanted to sleep through the night. I didn't want her to say stuff like that in front of my daughter. I don't want to go into the nitty gritty, but baby V was finally born on Wednesday morning at 7:15 a.m. with a large episiotomy, forceps, and no anesthesia.

It was heart wrenching. The great nurse who was with us during the pushing which started at about 5 a.m. had turned off the epidural (per my daughter's agreement) so my daughter could push through her contractions. There was a nurse change and the doctor had spun in and out and didn't come back in for 45 minutes and when he did return he apparently assumed my daughter had a full epidural. Like I said...traumatic for the doula as well. The doula and I were both in such shock that my daughter was screaming in pain during the episiotomy. Serious screams I have never heard from my daughter. The doctor kept saying "push the button, push her button" and I kept saying "I am, I am". The new nurse (had her for 15 minutes) said nothing about the fact that my daughter didn't have anything in the pipeline. As he tried to sew her up and she let out a blood curdling scream, I finally almost lost it and turned to him and said.."Why the hell can she feel all of this? Can't you give her a local?" That's when the nurse pipes up and tells the doctor my daughter doesn't have any epi and he gets pissed and orders a local, which takes nearly 8 minutes to arrive and let me tell you...if I wouldn't have been so exhausted and just grateful to hear Veda's glorious screaming, I would have had someone's ass in my hands. The only thing keeping me sane at that moment was my job as my daughter's Mom. At that point it was me providing the encouragement and holding my daughter's legs waiting for the local, while the doula held her other leg. I paid the doula double. She earned every dime and none of us could've made it without her.

Wow, I didn't mean to re-hash that whole story, but our doula was the best. We also had the best smelling lavenderish zen-like delivery room because of her massage oil. She also made a natural healing potion that she soaked pads with and put in the freezer to aid in healing after delivery.

I guess my point is that it doesn't hurt to have a doula, but it won't guarantee a perfect experience at the hospital. We all went off track when the doctor stated that we would need forceps...we needed a moment to let that sink in and make a decision. After 5 minutes we decided to go with the forceps vs. more pushing. Unfortunately, that is where things got dicey. The first nurse tried to get a hold of the doctor so she inform him and get it done before she went off shift. Through the madness, nobody thought about my daughter's lack of pain meds prior to the doctor beginning the procedures.

I am Team Doula.

ETA: Her price was $600. I think I paid her more than double. She earned every dime and more.

 

[snlee]

I didn''t have a doula. I had a natural delivery. I think a doula is great for some people because it makes them feel better about L&D. You have to decide if it''s worth it for yourself. For me, I think it would have been a waste of money. Even though I was in labor over 20 hours and pushed 4.5 hours, I am very happy with my L&D experience. My DH and nurse were amazing and I couldn''t have done it without them, especially my DH. My nurse was awesome and she taught me a breathing technique that really helped while I was in transition phase. I was shocked when we were left alone in the room, especially when it was time to push, but DH was so supportive.

 

[vespergirl]

Hi everyone, thank you all so much for your valuable feedback. Miraclesrule, your daughter''s story gave me the chills - I can''t believe that she had to endure all of that.

I did a little more research on doulas in my area last night, and had a long talk with DH about it. I think that we''re going to try to do it without a doula this time (most of the doulas in my area only assist natural birth, not sissies like me who are going to ask for pain meds the second that they get to the hospital).

The big difference this time is that DH is going to get A LOT more training on the childbirth process so that he can be a better coach than he was last time. The last time (for our first baby) DH was working 10 hours a day, plus getting his MBA evenings and weekends at a school 2 hours away. He was barely around for the whole pregnancy, and while he did go to the series of childbirth classes at the hospital with me, he didn''t read a single pregnancy/childbirth/parenting book. He was reading "The Expectant Father" (starting at the BEGINNING) while I was IN LABOR in the L&D room at the hospital, which made me FURIOUS. The one & only thing that I made him promise that he would do is knock the dr. out if he got near me with a set of forceps - I was terrified of tearing. After nearly 24 hours of labor, and 4 and a half hours of failed pushing, the dr. said that he wanted to use forceps, and if that didn''t work, I would need an emergency c-section. DH finally stepped in & said no forceps, vacuum suction only (which is what was in my birth plan). The vacuum worked beautifully (baby came out right away), and I was so grateful that DH stood up for me.

Not to make him sound totally useless or anything - he was very emotionally supportive and loving, holding my hand & talking to me through the whole thing, but he wasn''t educated enough about the steps of childbirth to be the advocate and coach that I needed him to be the first time around. So, we had a long talk last night about what I needed from him, that he really needed to step up his education and assertiveness, and he said that he''s willing to read all the books, take extra classes together, whatever I need from him this time around. I would really prefer just to have him instead of a doula, so I think that we''re going to try to become more of a "birthing team" this time.

I will let you know how it goes!

 

[Jas12]

I didn''t have a doula per se, but i had a massage therapist that essentially served the same role since she was trained in birth coaching and relaxation. She was fantastic. Although my husband was supportive and stayed by my side the whole time, it was Diana that got me through. When DH would say things like "you can do it" i would think "what the hell do you know, you are my husband you are supposed to be nice!" But when she encouraged me i believed her and when she told me that the severe pain of transition was just like it should be--i believed her b/c i knew she had witnessed many births.

Get one! I think you are perfect example of how birth is not just about having a baby safely. I don''t like the expression "getting the baby out safely is the ONLY thing that matters" It is the MOST important thing, but not the *only* thing. It is a physical, social, psychological, spiritual event for many woman and when control is taken away (happened to me too, despite fighting tooth and nail) it can be devastating to a woman. I hate when ppl minimize this. Just b/c one woman is okay with being told what to do, or having things done to them without explanation, doesn''t mean all are. So, I would look for a doula that will respect your choice for pain management. I''ve never heard that going natural is the only way they''ll take clients--that seems unrealistic (however you may find that you are able too with a really good coach and more relaxing enviro!). Best of luck and let us know how it turns out!
P.S. my hospital was supposed to have great nursing staff too--the one i got *after* the birth was great, the one during was beyond terrible!!

 

[upgrade]

Date: 1/29/2010 9:29:02 AM
Author: vespergirl

Hi everyone, thank you all so much for your valuable feedback. Miraclesrule, your daughter''s story gave me the chills - I can''t believe that she had to endure all of that.

I did a little more research on doulas in my area last night, and had a long talk with DH about it. I think that we''re going to try to do it without a doula this time (most of the doulas in my area only assist natural birth, not sissies like me who are going to ask for pain meds the second that they get to the hospital).

The big difference this time is that DH is going to get A LOT more training on the childbirth process so that he can be a better coach than he was last time. The last time (for our first baby) DH was working 10 hours a day, plus getting his MBA evenings and weekends at a school 2 hours away. He was barely around for the whole pregnancy, and while he did go to the series of childbirth classes at the hospital with me, he didn''t read a single pregnancy/childbirth/parenting book. He was reading ''The Expectant Father'' (starting at the BEGINNING) while I was IN LABOR in the L&D room at the hospital, which made me FURIOUS. The one & only thing that I made him promise that he would do is knock the dr. out if he got near me with a set of forceps - I was terrified of tearing. After nearly 24 hours of labor, and 4 and a half hours of failed pushing, the dr. said that he wanted to use forceps, and if that didn''t work, I would need an emergency c-section. DH finally stepped in & said no forceps, vacuum suction only (which is what was in my birth plan). The vacuum worked beautifully (baby came out right away), and I was so grateful that DH stood up for me.

Not to make him sound totally useless or anything - he was very emotionally supportive and loving, holding my hand & talking to me through the whole thing, but he wasn''t educated enough about the steps of childbirth to be the advocate and coach that I needed him to be the first time around. So, we had a long talk last night about what I needed from him, that he really needed to step up his education and assertiveness, and he said that he''s willing to read all the books, take extra classes together, whatever I need from him this time around. I would really prefer just to have him instead of a doula, so I think that we''re going to try to become more of a ''birthing team'' this time.

I will let you know how it goes!

You''ll do just fine! The second labour is so different because you know what''s going on. I found it a lot less scary. Now that you and your dh know what to expect, I think things will go much, much better for you. My dh wasn''t the world''s best coach the first time around either- he was scared and didn''t know how to help me best. The second time he was fantastic! We knew what was going to happen so I knew what to ask him to do for me and he was a champ. Yours will be too!

 

[gardengloves]

Vespergirl,

I gave birth in the 1970''s. Different ball game for sure, but if you can have professional birth helper on hand to intervene with hospital staff, procedures, really understand the stage you are in it would be a good thing. Second birth can go from 2-3 cmm to fully dilated to transition in the blink of an eye, body is primed and ready and knows what to do. Someone of semi professional status advocating on your behalf is very helpful.

You want this to be smooth and happy- hospital procedures are safe, but not always the way you want it, staff shifts, etc. outlined in previous posts. A Duala can advocate for you which will have greater impact with hospital staff than even an informed DH good intentions. These things take on a life of their own, second birth is very fast, someone needs to navigate your needs and hospital procedure. I got caught in Miraculerule''s type situation, too late for any EPI or pain medication cause labor charged way ahead, by the time I asked it was nearly over, so I had nothing. Someone who knows should be by your side.

 

[mayachel]

That''s great that your husband wants to really step it up a notch this time around. If I may suggest a great "doula-it yourself" book, get him a copy of "The Birth Partner". It is a gold mine of information for the main person doing labor support.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 1/29/2010 8:23:38 PM
Author: mayachel
That''s great that your husband wants to really step it up a notch this time around. If I may suggest a great ''doula-it yourself'' book, get him a copy of ''The Birth Partner''. It is a gold mine of information for the main person doing labor support.

Mayachel, thanks for the book recommendation. I will definitely pick it up for DH this weekend.

 

[gardengloves]

I realize my post didn''t really explain why a birth helper would have been helpful . My water broke at 7:00 am. We went to the hospital right away and spent the day with steady labor that wasn''t too uncomfortable. I stayed at 3cmm most of the day, no one expected me to deliver any time soon. The last visit of hospital staff was around 3:00 and I was still at 3cmm and relatively comfortable.

As soon as the nurse left on the last visit, labor intensified incredibly and I worked through the breathing with my first husband. Within 40 minutes, I was fully dilated and became very agitated during transition. So much so that a nurse stuck her head in the door to tell me to quiet down because I was disturbing the woman in the next room . She took one look at me, I think I was trying to get out of the bed at that point, and I was rushed to the delivery room. They had an IV line in and immediately gave me something that put me to sleep. At that point I was asking for pain medication, but it was too late for the epi, and they interpreted my request as wanted to be put out totally. I was within minutes of my daughter''s birth . The last thing I remember is the head long rush to the delivery room. My first husband was stunned and overwhelmed by the sudden urgent flurry of hospital staff who came rushing in- they raced him one way and me another. When I woke up I had a baby girl. I think having a birth helper during those last 40 minutes would have helped, interpret where I was with the labor to staff, calm me and I might have been awake for the actual birth.

So that''s my reason for thinking its important to have a birth helper.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 1/31/2010 4:19:00 PM
Author: gardengloves
I realize my post didn''t really explain why a birth helper would have been helpful . My water broke at 7:00 am. We went to the hospital right away and spent the day with steady labor that wasn''t too uncomfortable. I stayed at 3cmm most of the day, no one expected me to deliver any time soon. The last visit of hospital staff was around 3:00 and I was still at 3cmm and relatively comfortable.

As soon as the nurse left on the last visit, labor intensified incredibly and I worked through the breathing with my first husband. Within 40 minutes, I was fully dilated and became very agitated during transition. So much so that a nurse stuck her head in the door to tell me to quiet down because I was disturbing the woman in the next room . She took one look at me, I think I was trying to get out of the bed at that point, and I was rushed to the delivery room. They had an IV line in and immediately gave me something that put me to sleep. At that point I was asking for pain medication, but it was too late for the epi, and they interpreted my request as wanted to be put out totally. I was within minutes of my daughter''s birth . The last thing I remember is the head long rush to the delivery room. My first husband was stunned and overwhelmed by the sudden urgent flurry of hospital staff who came rushing in- they raced him one way and me another. When I woke up I had a baby girl. I think having a birth helper during those last 40 minutes would have helped, interpret where I was with the labor to staff, calm me and I might have been awake for the actual birth.

So that''s my reason for thinking its important to have a birth helper.

Gardengloves, thanks so much for sharing your story - that sounds so scary! You have definitely given me another scenario to consider.

 

[gardengloves]

Date: 1/31/2010 4:32:45 PM
Author: vespergirl

Date: 1/31/2010 4:19:00 PM

Author: gardengloves

I realize my post didn't really explain why a birth helper would have been helpful . My water broke at 7:00 am. We went to the hospital right away and spent the day with steady labor that wasn't too uncomfortable. I stayed at 3cmm most of the day, no one expected me to deliver any time soon. The last visit of hospital staff was around 3:00 and I was still at 3cmm and relatively comfortable.


As soon as the nurse left on the last visit, labor intensified incredibly and I worked through the breathing with my first husband. Within 40 minutes, I was fully dilated and became very agitated during transition. So much so that a nurse stuck her head in the door to tell me to quiet down because I was disturbing the woman in the next room . She took one look at me, I think I was trying to get out of the bed at that point, and I was rushed to the delivery room. They had an IV line in and immediately gave me something that put me to sleep. At that point I was asking for pain medication, but it was too late for the epi, and they interpreted my request as wanted to be put out totally. I was within minutes of my daughter's birth . The last thing I remember is the head long rush to the delivery room. My first husband was stunned and overwhelmed by the sudden urgent flurry of hospital staff who came rushing in- they raced him one way and me another. When I woke up I had a baby girl. I think having a birth helper during those last 40 minutes would have helped, interpret where I was with the labor to staff, calm me and I might have been awake for the actual birth.


So that's my reason for thinking its important to have a birth helper.

Gardengloves, thanks so much for sharing your story - that sounds so scary! You have definitely given me another scenario to consider.

All wells that ends well. I have my beautiful daughter delivered in perfect health. It was different generation, different times. You ladies are so like my daughter now, able to gather information and face situations with confidence..

It's just funny that I did all the hard work but missed the moment. A real coach could have talked me down. My ex, with all our courses and training was no match for the real thing. The truly comical part that I didn't post is that I was trying to get out of bed to go to the bathroom because that's what it felt like when she was crowning and the nurse popped in to quiet me down. And my first husband, as any non- medical lay person would be was so stunned and overwhelmed by a hospital staff on full stat alert that he just stood back and let the professionals go. In any case, my daughter is here, she's with me, and I am grateful for her and everyone present that day to bring her to me.

 

[robbie3982]

I''m not around much these days, but had to respond to this post. Like Fiery said, I had a doula and I would HIGHLY recommend getting one even if you want the epi ASAP based on your experience with your last delivery. Our doula was great at dealing with the nursing staff.

The doula groups we looked into were perfectly fine with the use of medication and our particular doula made sure it was clear to us that she was not there to judge any decisions we made, just to support us and help us have the birth we wanted. Before selecting our doula, we went to a monthly meeting that one of the groups regularly holds. I asked what would happen if a woman ended up needing a c-section (thinking there would be no use for a doula in that case since my want for one stemmed from wanting to go med free) and they made it very clear (kind of scolded me actually) that ALL types of births could benefit from additional support. They said in the event of a c-section it would be especially helpful to have someone stay with you while you were being closed up and while you were in recovery after your husband left with the baby.

As far as personality clashes go, we met with our doula several times before the big day and were told repeatedly that if we had any issues at any point to let the doula group know and we could make a change.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Robbie-love the picture!

Ladies, thank you for sharing your stories, good and bad. Hearing these stories help all of us expectant mothers make informed decisions, so I appreciate it!

My step-sister is a doula and if it weren''t for the fact that she lived 2 hours away and has three small children, I''d work with her. Honestly, until I read this thread I didn''t really understand what a doula was, I thought it was another name for a CMW. I''m going to look into this more for the future.

 

[vespergirl]

Robbie, thank you so much for sharing your story. It''s great to hear a positive story with an open-minded doula. I am going to look into the doula groups in our area, and do a little more research into possibly finding one who would be happy to work with someone who wants an epidural.

 

[LitigatorChick]

I LOVED my doula!!! Best thing I ever did. I didn''t originally want one, figuring I would take some drugs as early as possible, and that was it. But as I realized it wasn''t so easy, I started my hunt. No doubt, a lot a doulas are very committed in their position on "no drugs". But my doula was a true advocate, ready to assist in MY PLAN, not her own agenda. For me, I wanted to avoid drugs as long as possible, but figured they would happen. In the end, I didn''t need anything, and I credit my wonderful birth process to her. She was a true educator, advocate, cheerleader, everything.

 

[Pandora II]

I didn''t have a doula, and didn''t feel the need to as I knew the midwives so well by the time I went into labour.

However, even though a midwife was there by my side the whole way through, the one who was there when things went wrong was not someone I had seen antenatally (she taught the childbirth classes but I hadn''t seen her as part of my care team). She was fantastic as far as calling in the OBs as soon as possible and in doing the ''medical'' stuff, but she was Spanish and we had a few problems with communication at times and she didn''t explain what was going on.

It took me a few days to piece together what had happened and I would have really liked someone who was more dedicated to what was going on at my end rather than at the baby end when it came to things going wrong.

If I could have had one of the two midwives I really liked when I saw them in the clinic I would have had all that at the time - I saw them afterwards and they really helped me sort my head out over things.

If I was giving birth in a situation where I wouldn''t know any staff beforehand I would definitely want a doula. They definitely have a role to play with an epi or a c-section especially as they should assist with breast-feeding after the birth.

 

[gardengloves]

Date: 2/1/2010 10:01:58 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Robbie-love the picture!


Ladies, thank you for sharing your stories, good and bad. Hearing these stories help all of us expectant mothers make informed decisions, so I appreciate it!


Glad to to contribute to you ladies and be of help. Oh did I mention, even after they put me to sleep, with restraints on my wrists I might add, most dear and lovely daughter blasted out like a rocket shot out of a cannon, stunning all in her glory, never underestimate the power of a honed and trained young body in a second birth.. even though I was asleep at that point, ex tells tells stories of how she shot into arms of hospital staff with force that stunned all. That's my girl!

 

[waxing lyrical]

My midwife''s intern with my recent birth was a doula, but I did not ''use'' her doula services. I did not hire a doula with my others. I didn''t consider one with DD2 and with DS1 my midwife had an intern that was also a doula. My midwife acted as my doula when I went to be induced. Barring any issues all future babies will be born at home. Most midwives have interns/assistants that act as doulas.

I guess it depends on the type of experience you want. I know they are mainly popular with the med-free crowd.