Did you take his name?

[galeteia]

Just wondering how many of you out there took/are planning on taking your fiance''s name? Or if your lady took your name, if you''re one of the gents out there.

I''d be really interested in hearing about any discussions/disagreements/resolutions you had about it, or general stories regarding the taking of names tradition.

 

[Tybee]

I really really like my name!
I associate it with who I am. I don''t intend to change myself after I am married,
so why should I change my name? Fiance is fine with it.
The thing is, I can always change it later if I change my mind... but you can''t really change it back
without ruffling a few feathers!

 

[galeteia]

Date: 7/4/2006 6:42:21 PM
Author: Tybee
I really really like my name!
I associate it with who I am. I don''t intend to change myself after I am married,
so why should I change my name? Fiance is fine with it.
The thing is, I can always change it later if I change my mind... but you can''t really change it back
without ruffling a few feathers!

I feel the same way. My name is unsual and distinct, and the trouble with ''making a name for yourself'' is that if you change it later, people won''t recognize your name anymore.

Interestingly, my FF has always held the opinion that women don''t have to change their names when they marry, but he still had a brief kicked-puppy look in his eyes when I said I was keeping mine.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

There wasn''t an option for what I did- I just slapped on his last name. It''s not hyphenated, and now I have two last names. So it''s First Name Middle Name Maiden Name Married Name. I did it like that partly because of my career and partly because I just didn''t want to give up my name. But it is a mouthful to always answer the phone or introduce myself as First Name Maiden Name Married Name.

 

[galeteia]

Date: 7/4/2006 6:51:09 PM
Author: Logan Sapphire
There wasn''t an option for what I did- I just slapped on his last name. It''s not hyphenated, and now I have two last names. So it''s First Name Middle Name Maiden Name Married Name. I did it like that partly because of my career and partly because I just didn''t want to give up my name. But it is a mouthful to always answer the phone or introduce myself as First Name Maiden Name Married Name.

Whoops! I should have made an option for ''Other: Please Post''

Interesting solution.

 

[diamondfan]

It never occured to me not to, I was young and not known in a career or anything, so it really just seemed logical.

 

[Kismet]

I did something similar to Logan Sapphire. I added my maiden name as another middle name so I''m technicaly: FirstName MiddleName MaidenName MarriedName, but I just generally use FirstName MarriedName. I couldn''t wait to get rid of my married name because no one could ever pronounce it correctly and I was tired of spelling it all the time. Even people who knew how it was pronounced would still say it incorrectly if reading it.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

There has been other threads on this. I also love my maiden name. It is unique and kind of cool but I can''t wait to be a wife and I want to share his last name. I also want the same last name as our future children. I an dropping my middle name and replacing it with my maiden name.

 

[KimberlyH]

I am taking his name, but I will also be keeping my last name... so I will be

Kimberly H_____ A____ M______

But I will only use my first name and his last name in every day life. I''m keeping it for me, because it''s my family name, etc. but I also want to be an M____ to show that we are a family unit.

The first time around, when I called off my wedding (different guy) I had decided I would under no circumstances take his name. That said a lot to me about our relationship.

But I think it''s a totally personal decision and everyone has a right to feel the way they do about it.

 

[Kaylyn]

I''m actually really excited about taking my fiance''s name! That''s because my last name is about as common around these parts as Smith or Brown.

His last name is much, much different. Plus, the spelling is so odd that you can pretty much guarantee that if you meet another person with that last name, they are somehow related.

It''s funny, because I googled his last name before, and he sat there pointing at the screen going, "Yeah, those are my cousins, that''s my aunt," etc. etc. etc.

So my first/middle/last goes from KME to KMK. And K is my favorite letter. Woo!

 

[Blenheim]

I also plan on tacking his last name onto my name, and then socially going by Mrs. Blenheim HisLastName. While I want to establish that we are a family unit and make it a little less confusing when we have kids, I want to preserve both my middle name and maiden name -- both are family names. Complicating things, I went by my middle name for a lot of my childhood and I''m pretty attached to my last name. The only real problem that I''m forseeing is that it''s going to be sooo long (>10 syllables).

 

[Rebemdee]

I kept my name; I would have to change all sorts of licenses associated with work, and it''s a hassle and expensive. But I use his last name socially, and most of our family and friends write to us with my name and then his last name.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I changed my last name to his, but dropped my middle and kept my maiden name. I only kept it because of how much is already in my maiden name.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

I actually made my maiden name my middle name and took DH''s last name as my own last name. I was never given a middle name, so changing my maiden name to my middle name only seemed fitting for me.

 

[MINE!!]

LOL.. This was in another thread.

Here is what I do.
First name H
Middle Name L
Maiden name S
First married name and the last name of my children R
DH last name J

government knows me as HLSJ
some accounts as HLS
others HLSR
Name I sign on documents that pertain to me and my Husband HSJ
Name I sign that pertain to my children HJR
What my childrens teachers call me Mrs. R

It''s crazy.. but my SS card says HLSRJ
And my DL says HSRJ

So I would say yeh, I''ll take it!!LOL

 

[codex57]

She hasn''t changed it yet. Apparently, it dishonors her own father or something if she takes my name in her culture. Something like that. Related to her culture. Her mom and older sister were all panicked when they realized they hadn''t remembered to talk to us about it. So, if I want her to take my name, I gotta talk to her mom about it. I am undecided whether it''s important enough to me to make this an issue.

My reasons for her taking my name are more for convenience. People assume she has my last name now since we''re married (whenever we apply for something, introduce us to new people, etc). That, and I don''t want our kids confused as to why mommy and daddy have two different last names. None of that is really critical or anything so I''m still debating whether I want her to take my name or not.

 

[galeteia]

Date: 7/4/2006 11:25:41 PM
Author: codex57
She hasn''t changed it yet. Apparently, it dishonors her own father or something if she takes my name in her culture. Something like that. Related to her culture. Her mom and older sister were all panicked when they realized they hadn''t remembered to talk to us about it. So, if I want her to take my name, I gotta talk to her mom about it. I am undecided whether it''s important enough to me to make this an issue.


My reasons for her taking my name are more for convenience. People assume she has my last name now since we''re married (whenever we apply for something, introduce us to new people, etc). That, and I don''t want our kids confused as to why mommy and daddy have two different last names. None of that is really critical or anything so I''m still debating whether I want her to take my name or not.

Interesting! I was wondering if people have faced that sort of dilemma, so thank you for replying!

There are definitely pros and cons in either direction. My FF and I won''t be having children, so that''s not so much an issue for us. A highschool boyfriend had his mother''s maiden name as middle name, so people knew that they were a family. She did always make an issue of it when people called for Mrs. John Doe, or assumed she went by her husband''s name. I''m not interested in making a big deal out of it to people who are trying to introduce themselves, but I''m keeping my name for professional reasons.

 

[basil]

My mom kept her maiden name, even though my dad''s name is easy to pronounce and spell, and hers isn''t. Honestly, it wasn''t confusing at all for us as children, so I never understood why people bring that up as an issue. The older I get, the more confusing it gets as it has been assumed a few times when I go places with my dad (mr. M), my mom (ms. D), and my uncle (mr. D) that I am the young trophy wife of my father! Eew! But I can''t say that''s a reason or not to change your name.

Anyway, because of my mom not changing her name, I always assumed that I wouldn''t either. I can''t imagine that I''ll change it professionally, because it''s complicated and confuses patients, plus the issue of previous publications. Another issue is that my boyfriend''s name is obviously Asian, and I''m not. I''m not sure why that bothers me, but it does. So I probably won''t change it, though I won''t be offended if I''m referred to socially as Mrs. W, or if my future kids'' teachers or friends call me that.

 

[DonaBella]

I answered this in the other thread but to respond here, I feel that irregardless if you intend on having kids or not, part of the compromise--for me--that comes with getting married, is surrendering and sharing his surname as his wife. At least for me, I felt so thrilled and so excited to become my DH''s wife that taking his name was an honor and I welcomed that honor.

The world assumes for the most part that you are Mrs. Soandso anyways, so why not revel in it by taking his name? It is so different for many and presents an unneeded complexity, at least from my viewpoint. Hypenate it or whatever, but enjoy the new status in everyway...if possible. Obviously, some cultural issues might be touchy or a sensitive topic of another sort and that is totally seperate I feel.

 

[blodthecat]

I took my husbands name, cos i liked it.

However....one of my friends is called Mrs Slidebottom

Not sure that''s a name I''d want to keep

 

[blodthecat]

Has anyone in PS world changed their christain name because they didn''t like it?

Just wondered????

 

[Dee*Jay]

Kept my own last name. I was 28 by the time I got married and was pretty established in my career, plus I really like my name. That being said, if I had a last name that I didn''t like or was hard to pronouce I would have probably just taken his.

Funny thing: we get mail all the time for Mr. and Mrs. MyMaidenName or to D_____ and B_____ MyMaidenName. I must be the more out-there social one since everything comes to us in my name. Even people who have known us for years are surprised when they find out that our last names are different and that he''s not B_____ MyMaidenName!

 

[TBeck2000]

She''ll be taking my name. It wasn''t really a question for us because we are pretty traditional. I have a friend whose wife didn''t take his last name and it always confuses people when they try to refer to them as a unit. I think she''s the only person I know who has done that when they got married.

 

[Tigerbear]

Like some others, I dropped my middle name, changed my maiden name to my middle name, and took his last name. I am also established in my career (PhD is in my maiden name) but for me it was entirely about wanting to have the same last name as my children.

The only interesting thing about the name issue for us is that that my D-mil asked me the second time she met me if I would take their last name. My DH (just boyfriend at the time - not fiance) got so embarrassed. He is Indian btw.

Many of my friends could not really understand why I wanted to take his last name. I have good friends who have not decided yet on which last name to give their children. They joke that a girl would get her last name and a boy would get his. He he.

 

[aljdewey]

Proudly took my hubby''s last name.

 

[ellaila]

While I understand the reasons NOT to take your husband''s name, I personally am -- and am looking forward to it! 74 more days!!

I think it''s kinda cool too when both people take on new names -- usually in the form of hyphenating the names as THE new last name for the family. So Jane Smith married Bob Jones, and they are now Jane and Bob Smith-Jones. I think that''s a really nice act of solidarity and respect for both families!

 

[Mara]

yep changed my name, didn't even consider not taking his last name.

i figure well my maiden name served me well for almost 30 years...i could spend the next 30+ as someone a little different. it was kind of fun to 'change'.

i also love his last name and my married name so it helped that he didn't have some super wacky name that i had to get used to...heehe. one of my friends is going to get engaged soon and her bf has a really confusing to pronounce and spell last name and we were cracking up talking about what her new name would be. so she may just keep her maiden.

 

[drk]

We never had too much of a discussion about this. My medical degree is in my name, I was 30 when we got married, all my professional registration stuff is in my name... So I kept my name. It''s marginally easier to spell/pronounce than his. The kids (when we have them) can take his name.

In Ontario you''re allowed to assume your spouse''s name without legally changing it:
"You may assume your spouse´s surname or a combination (hyphenated surname), simply by using it. In fact, most communities and organizations accept this practice with proof of marriage. This is not the same as a formal change of name and does not change the name on your birth certificate. If you wish to revert to your legal name, you simply revert back."

I guess if you "elect" to change your name, it gets changed on your birth certificate, and I''m not willing to do that. I''m me with the name I was born with.

My husband doesn''t really seem to care that I didn''t take his name.

 

[Kismet]

Date: 7/5/2006 6:42:26 PM
Author: drk

''You may assume your spouse´s surname or a combination (hyphenated surname), simply by using it. In fact, most communities and organizations accept this practice with proof of marriage. This is not the same as a formal change of name and does not change the name on your birth certificate. If you wish to revert to your legal name, you simply revert back.''


I guess if you ''elect'' to change your name, it gets changed on your birth certificate, and I''m not willing to do that. I''m me with the name I was born with.

I have to say that I find that to be a very strange concept, the changing of the birth certificate I mean and not the keeping of your maiden name. I''ve always viewed a birth certificate as a historical document; the name you''re born with is the name you were born with regardless of what you do later on in life.

A name change in the States (at least via marriage) is on a going forward basis and doesn''t change the past (i.e. your birth certificate doesn''t change.)

 

[selflove]

OMG, I couldn''t even fathom the idea of changing my birth certificate!!

I am taking his name, but really only because he feels SO strongly about it. In his country, women just don''t keep their maiden names so he thinks it''s weird when women in the States don''t have the same name as their husband and kids. Someone made a good point in a post a while back (I think it was MINE) that it''s a lot more convenient to have the same last name as your kids, and it reduces that "raised eyebrow" look some people will give you. So that kind of hit home with me and eventually here I will get my name changed--ha ha, I''m not in a rush since we''re submitting his greencard paperwork with my maiden name and that should take a year or two to get approved!