Diamond must be larger than

[FinleysMom]

a male co-worker shared the expectations his girlfriend of two years had for an engagement ring. The diamond HAD to be larger than her daughters’ diamond! ( she expected at least 2 carats!). Wow! The nerve! Months later he had a heart bypass and she dumped him. Bullet..dodged.

 

[Bron357]

Because I had been “screwed over” by the previous husband and was NOT ever going down another garden path, when my now husband asked me out on the first date I told him a second date would constitute an “engagement” and I was going to be trying for a baby as soon as we got intimate. The idea was was to send him “running for the hills”. On the second date I told him I wanted a pink diamond! Another attempt to send him running!
Fast forward a few weeks, yes mere weeks, and walking past a huge end Antique jewellery shop in a window, all by itself, was a magnificent Art Deco diamond ring with a huge EC! No price tag (but of course) so in we went. I browsed a few rings then asked to see the one in the window.
I swear my eyes must have been falling out my head and drool dripping from my mouth. I tried it on, barely able to speak, unconsciously sighed, muttered under my breath “in my dreams” and handed it back.
We then spent a few more weeks looking at minsicule pink diamonds that cost as much as a fancy car (I didn’t realize how expensive they were) and thought we were considering an oval 1.5 carat white diamond.
Fast forward a few more weeks and he proposed.
I swear I squealed and shrieked like a stuck pig (and everyone in the restaurant turned around) when the ring box was opened and inside was the Art Deco Diamond ring.
All 4.35 carats of her with 1 carat of extras.
That was nearly 20 years ago now.
So yeah, I got the man, the ring and the baby!

 

[tkyasx78]

LOL! @Bron357

When I married, I also picked out my ring, told him what size I expected for the diamond and also told him I would want children sooner than later.
We had 8 kids and I have had lots of rings! It is amazing how the years flew by. You blink and they are grown!

 

[Matthews1127]

I didn’t have a size requirement, but the CUT was vital: Emerald Cut.
I told him a “reasonable” size for his budget, set in whatever setting he felt appropriate. I didn’t care, as long as it was an EC...and HE proposed to me with it.

 

[Niel]

devils advocate - but who cares if that was her requirement?

If I told a soon-to- be fiancé “I don’t want a diamond ring unless it’s ideal cut, and I can wait until that’s something we can afford “ no one here would make a gosh darn stink about it. Hell, people have suggested that very thing.

But if she doesn’t want one unless it’s 2cts then she’s an ungreatful woman? (her being what sounds like a terrible personal generally notwithstanding)

If you said you didn’t want to buy a house that needed a new kitchen and I said “how dare she be happy for what you get!” Would that be fair?

Idk- let the woman want what she wants. All jewelry is frivolity anyways.

 

[missy]

People have different priorities. One wants an expensive car. One wants an expensive diamond. One is not more right than the other. IMO. The heart wants what the heart wants and I do not judge. As long as you can afford the necessities (food, lodging, etc) then it's OK. IMO.

 

[tkyasx78]

I agree missy! Who knows If the co worker is a cheap tight ass whose idea of a christmas present is a new box of scented trash bags for the lady and a bottle of brand name dawn dish soap instead of the dollar store brand... maybe she felt the need to say on this matter - don't be a cheapskate!
Who knows?
We dont know much about the co-worker so it is hard to say why she would have felt the need to specify details at all.

While I think it is odd to decided what she wanted to wear based on the size of someone elses ring, we really dont know much about the situtation. If he makes minimum wage and would have to go into great and burdensome debt to buy such a ring, then she is probably insensitive at the very least. I suspect that this was not the case. Most women are aware of finances and do not expect a disproportionate ring to the household income.

When people live together, they know what each other makes and how much “discretionary income” there is.

Hopefully with the next girlfriend he can sit down and look at the budget and decide what is appropriate and financially viable for the two of them.

 

[dk168]

I worked hard to be where I am to be self-sufficient financially, and buy my own jewellery.
Don't need a meal ticket, and the biological clock has passed me by, not that I had any maternal instincts to start with.
If I were to find a partner, he would need to be similarly solvent at the very least, so that he would not sponge off me!
Prenup is a must if I were to walk down the aisle again. Nothing to do with the lack of trust - I just want to make sure I keep what holds dear to me.
I am fiercely independent, and that could be one of the reasons why I am still single nearly 10 years after my late partner's death!
There is definitely more to a gent than his ability to buy me a nice ring for certain!

DK

 

[Matthews1127]

I agree missy! Who knows If the co worker is a cheap tight ass whose idea of a christmas present is a new box of scented trash bags for the lady and a bottle of brand name dawn dish soap instead of the dollar store brand... maybe she felt the need to say on this matter - don't be a cheapskate!
Who knows?
We dont know much about the co-worker so it is hard to say why she would have felt the need to specify details at all.

While I think it is odd to decided what she wanted to wear based on the size of someone elses ring, we really dont know much about the situtation. If he makes minimum wage and would have to go into great and burdensome debt to buy such a ring, then she is probably insensitive at the very least. I suspect that this was not the case. Most women are aware of finances and do not expect a disproportionate ring to the household income.

When people live together, they know what each other makes and how much “discretionary income” there is.

Hopefully with the next girlfriend he can sit down and look at the budget and decide what is appropriate and financially viable for the two of them.

I dunno. This takes me back to the debate of ct wt v mm spread. If this woman has any knowledge at all about diamonds, she knows it’s not all about wt, but, rather, cut & spread. She can get a heavy 2ct stone, and it can look about the same size as her daughter’s diamond, if the cut is shoddy & the proportions of the stone are not maxed for performance. She really should be more concerned with spread v weight.
However, I have to say, as a mother, the last thing I want to do is compete with my DD. If my DD was fortunate enough to find a man who was able to adorn her finger with a diamond, and he’s a GOOD MAN, and I APPROVE of him, then I’m going to celebrate! If I have a GOOD MAN, and my family APPROVES of him, the size of the diamond shouldn’t have to outweigh or outshine my DD’s.
My DH & I started out with responsibilities that most younger, newly engaged couples do not have; children. My DH makes awesome $$$. With his income & mine, we could have afforded 2-3+ct. WITHOUT kids. We have 6 kids. I was thankful, and extremely appreciative for my 1+ct diamond...lol!!
Quite frankly, I hope my DD meets a man who can afford more for her; I want MORE for my children. I’ll be tickled, regardless, as long as he’s a decent man who, appreciates her, supports her, encourages her, lives & breathes for only my DD, loves her beyond measure, and I know she’ll be well taken care of. Someone who gives her a purpose, makes her heart sing, who she will love, eternally, with every ounce of her being. A 2+ct diamond will only put the icing on the cake, and I will be elated for her!
This woman seems to have some sort of insecurity, if she’s in competition with her own DD over the size of her diamond....j/s.

 

[dk168]

Don't compare and be grateful for one's lot I say.
Envy and jealousy are negative traits that I can do without.
DK

 

[missy]

Don't compare and be grateful for one's lot I say.
Envy and jealousy are negative traits that I can do without.
DK

Yes to this!

 

[tkyasx78]

Sadly , I know more than one woman who would be jealous ( even if they didnt admit it and would never demand a larger ring) if their child had a larger diamond. I know one who bought a larger kitchen aid when a family member bought a larger than hers. It is how she is.

I think I would be thrilled if my kids could afford one larger than mine, maybe they will one day! I think they figure why bother since they have already picked what they want from my safe though.
None have upgraded their rings though and they all have other things they spend their disposable income on.

 

[Babyblue033]

Sadly , I know more than one woman who would be jealous ( even if they didnt admit it and would never demand a larger ring) if their child had a larger diamond.

Funny, I was just reading this thread without even thinking about it, then I came to this and realized, shoot that's my own mother!

I recently got a 2.88ct Transitional as a 10 year anniversary and I do not wear it in front of my mom because I know it's going to bring out some negative feelings out of her. She would be jealous, ask how much it cost, and make snide remarks about specs (it's a J SI1). do feel bad because she doesn't have nice jewelry and I feel all women deserve to have beautiful things especially as you get older, but I do not need to deal with her directing her bitterness towards me.

So yes, there ARE women who are jealous of or compete with their own children...

 

[bludiva]

devils advocate - but who cares if that was her requirement?

If I told a soon-to- be fiancé “I don’t want a diamond ring unless it’s ideal cut, and I can wait until that’s something we can afford “ no one here would make a gosh darn stink about it. Hell, people have suggested that very thing.

But if she doesn’t want one unless it’s 2cts then she’s an ungreatful woman? (her being what sounds like a terrible personal generally notwithstanding)

If you said you didn’t want to buy a house that needed a new kitchen and I said “how dare she be happy for what you get!” Would that be fair?

Idk- let the woman want what she wants. All jewelry is frivolity anyways.

i agree with you to an extent, esp that all jewelry is frivolity . there may be more context and it's not for me to judge but i know of people who have done this...the ring has to be "bigger than X's". it paints a picture of the person making the demand as shallow/entitled which i guess is why people have a stronger reaction than someone being demanding about the cut of the stone.

 

[Niel]

i agree with you to an extent, esp that all jewelry is frivolity . there may be more context and it's not for me to judge but i know of people who have done this...the ring has to be "bigger than X's". it paints a picture of the person making the demand as shallow/entitled which i guess is why people have a stronger reaction than someone being demanding about the cut of the stone.

But what’s the difference? Why is one want acceptable when another is not. Regardless of the basis for the desire - she has a desire for how her ring wants to be- who are we to judge.

 

[bludiva]

we shouldn't judge period but people will feel more apt to in the first case posed and also an important difference from the scenario you gave “I don’t want a diamond ring unless it’s ideal cut, and I can wait until that’s something we can afford “ is that the first case comes off like "I want a diamond bigger than X's and I don't care how you get it." may not be the case but that's how it reads.

Working together to get what you really want = awesome
Making a demand and acting entitled = some people are gonna judge

 

[FinleysMom]

A mother competing with her offspring is what I found sad and pathetic. Since the gal dumped my co-worker after he went through bypass surgery tells me about her character...which is sad. No true commitment on her part.

 

[PreRaphaelite]

For my first engagement I bought my own ring. I was only 20 years old and living in a small Georgian flat in Dublin. Life was ridiculously beautiful. I took the money I had saved for months, and rather than have the bus downtown, I walked an hour each way, to save the fare. (omg so ridiculous) I went down Grafton Street and stopped in a cheap-but-overpriced jeweler's window and locked eyes with the tiniest channel-set 9k band for 100pounds Irish (pre-Euro). I spent every penny i had and walked all the way back to my flat with a spring in my step and proudly showed my fiancé. He told me I was ridiculous and extravagant and that he'd never spend that kind of money on a ring. (Can you imagine!!) One particularly bleak winter day I packed my little suitcase and stopped at a pawn shop on my way to the airport. I got 10pounds for it.

Fast-forward to 10 years ago my current 'special friend' trawled eBay for something that would match my everyday earrings "so I'd like it". He found one he wanted to buy but couldn't afford. I contacted the seller and set up layaway for him. He saved and saved and made several payments. I was thrilled, naturally, because he didn't care what it cost or how hard he'd have to work to pay for it. He only cared that it was right for me. So romantic! We had planned to marry back then, but it didn't pan out. If I'd known about Pricescope at the time, I wouldn't have allowed him to spend so much on it, but in the end the diamond's actual value doesn't matter so much. I gave him the money back that he'd paid, and I still love the ring. We're still close friends. He is an extraordinary person.

I'd love to think I'd find someone and fall in love and be married. The ring would have to compete with the stuff I've bought myself over the years! Not an easy feat! But at least I could share a link to Pricescope and let'em read up. That should make anyone's eyes open!

How is your coworker now, @FinleysMom ?
Best wishes for a swift recovery, for him!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

There was this woman I worked with years ago. She was engaged and had a really beautiful ring, it was a round center with baguettes in platinum. She apparently told her fiancé not to bother proposing with anything lower than a carat.

Well she got her one carat and they are now divorced.

 

[AprilBaby]

I hope my daughter gets a larger diamond than me. I want her to do better in every area than I did.

 

[AV_]

I might have thought that if the woman needs to ask is not good, same as for the other asking for marriage. But, I hear you @Bron357 !

So yes, there ARE women who are jealous of or compete with their own children...

This should be taught in school & early ,(

 

[FinleysMom]

So no one cared that he got dumped when his health took a scary turn....hmmmmm. He is fine now.....and back on the market. I wish him the best.

 

[tkyasx78]

So no one cared that he got dumped when his health took a scary turn....hmmmmm. He is fine now.....and back on the market. I wish him the best.

It isn't that no one cares, but if I may be frank I have known men to flat out lie about break ups. I don't want to go into too much detail but a relative who is now passed on dumped his girlfriend ( started out being angry at her and taking his anger of his diagnosis on her , then when she called the police after he hit her - he kicked her out of the place they shared) of over 10 years when he learned he had intestinal cancer. He then told everyone who would listen that SHE was the one who was a good times only slut and wouldn't support him in his time of need.

It took me seeing the police report before I finally understood and believed that he had lied to us and she wasn't a horrible human. After seeing the report for myself and remembering the timing when it all happened, I felt terrible for not understanding back then that there are often 2 sides to these stories. I didn't know about her calling the police incident or the background until years later. He got her to not press charges and never bothered to mention it to anyone in the famly. But I should not have taken his word for it. She had been with him for a long time. Despite what he tried to turn it around to look like because he was family I stupidly took his word as if it was the full truth.
Lesson learned.

 

[Miss B]

I would also be happy if my daughter did better than me in every aspect. And I believe she will. People are very strange...

That being said, I would just be happy to have my .55 carat engagement ring on my finger that’s currently in layaway at a pawn shop. I don’t ask for much —- and am not the jealous type.

 

[AV_]

.

56 C atoms - less, they do not arrange themselves as a crystal (SLAC study of so-called diamondoids)

That is enough for diamonds, not for yours truly...


-
There is magic involved that does not fully depend on quantity. DIAMOND!

 

[RichardS_VA]

My (now) fiancee wanted a diamond slightly larger than the one from her first marriage, which is slightly understandable.

She picked out the ring design and I had one made very similar to it so she would be happy. The diamond was nearly 2x the size of her original and the one I had her checking out at a local jewelry store (for clarity, color decisions). Of course the cut was far superior! We call it her "disco ball."

 

[Bron357]

For my daughter I only hope she gets the man (or woman) of her dreams and has a long, healthy, expansive life with her partner.
I do recall her saying to a friend, when much younger, that if she wants a ring she can go to my jewellery box and pick one because I have a million rings!

 

[MarionC]

When I meet mr.right I won’t care a fig about a ring. Wasn’t always that way, but now a plain gold band from him would be my most treasured piece of jewelry.

 

[missy]

When I meet mr.right I won’t care a fig about a ring. Wasn’t always that way, but now a plain gold band from him would be my most treasured piece of jewelry.

100% with you @Jimmianne. When you meet the right person the bling truly doesn't matter as the guy/gal of your dreams is the true and one irreplaceable gem. That's why I am OK with upgrading/downgrading/changing my diamonds/settings etc. Because it is all replaceable and superficial and while we adore and enjoy our bling the one true gem we cannot replace is our true love and soulmate. So while I say Bling it on I also say unconditional love brings true happiness and joy. And is the most important thing in our lives. Whether it be true love from one's soulmate or family member or friend.

 

[partgypsy]

If a guy bought me a ring or piece of jewelry, my criteria, is that a) it has to be nice quality, and b) thoughtful (not thoughtless)

I'm currently with a guy, not sure if we will ever a) live together or b) get married. We have both been married, have kids from previous marriages so there is no burning time table for either of us. He has already told me he "doesn't buy jewelry". And he means it. He did do the minimum and get an ering and gold band for his ex wife, but that was it for the entire relationship. He also had a 2nd serious relationship that he characterized as a common law marriage, no jewelry though they even have a child together. He DOES do many acts of service for me, which in reality are much more useful and needed than a ring.

So, I have two sides, the side that is trying to mature and grow out of my gem and jewelry obesssion. Put in perspective that he is an extremely pragmatic person. And material objects are not the most important part of a relationship. But there is still part of me who is a romantic, loves shiny objects and other tokens of affection. It also makes me wonder, if he is the type of person who will not do things that the other partner wants or cares about if he doesn't feel the same way/not important to them. I've been in a relationship like that before; I don't need that again. We haven't been in too many disagreements, but then again we don't live together and had to deal with the day to day things that can cause friction.