Destination Wedding - etiquette question for BP

[niku414]

This is a question from one of my best friend who is going to be a bridesmaid :

I know most tradition etiquette calls for the bridal party being responsible for playing their travels, accommodations to a wedding -- however my question is what if the bride and groom wants the bridal party to stay at their hotel ??? The price/ nite at their hotel is about $450 !!! The bride is saying that they will be paying for the air-fare but will not pay for any accommodations

My friend is thinking it would be cheaper if they just BOOK the whole thing as a package and stay at a hotel close to the wedding reception site .... they had a discussion with the bride and groom and seems like they are insisting that they "PREFER" the bridal party in their hotel ??! Given that there is only 2 bridesmaid -- this means that they will have to shell out about $1125 each for a 5 day stay (just hotel) -- versus a package(including air) from expedia of $700 each for the same 5 days

I feel sad for her, but I do not know how to reply to her cuz it''s true that BM are supposed to pay for everything including travel, accommodation, dress + accessories -- but on the other hand it''s kind of unreasonable (in my opinion) to ask ur bridal group to stay in ur hotel when u are not paying for it?

 

[robbie3982]

I think that it''s unreasonable for the bride to tell them where they have to stay, but I''m not sure what ettiquette says is right. I could understand if she was paying or if she wanted them to stay in her room the night before the wedding (though, she should still pay for the room then). Did they say what their reasoning was for having them stay at the specific hotel?

 

[niku414]

robbie3982 ---

Apparently the groom was concerned that if the bridal party was scattered in different hotels that it would be hard to coordinate things-- so they PREFER that the bridal group stayed in their hotel. Also the bride and groom has the notion that they want to hang out and do stuff with the bridal party their entire stay (3-4 days) -- so they don''t want to have to call and coordinates times or meet up area.
Anyhow, now my friend doesn''t know what to do -- both her and the other bridesmaid kinda of just want to back out of being the bridesmaid -- but doesn''t want to ruin the friendship with the bride. Obviously this issue didn''t come up till last week -- and the wedding is set in late Oct.
Personally I think part of the reason is that the bride/groom didn''t realized that Destination weddings are not as cheap as they thought it to be --since their guest list is close to 100 people (down from 150).

 

[diamondfan]

To me, if they are asking htat, they should pay for it. Otherwise, I am not sure it is fair to expect people to shell out more and more money like that.

 

[FireGoddess]

Honestly, it is completely unreasonable for the bride and groom to request the bridal party stay in the same hotel if it is one of the pricier options. Yes, the bridal party is responsible for their own transportation and lodging, but that allows them to find the pricepoint that they can afford and WANT to spend. $450 a night is REALLY EXPENSIVE and a bride should not ask the bridal party to stay there unless she forks out the difference between what that hotel costs, and what other reasonable hotels in the area cost.

 

[cara]

Ditto everyone else. Not cool to expect them to stay at $450 hotel. If they care that much, they should pay for it. In some circles, it is actually expected for the wedding hosts to pay for bridal party lodging for exactly the reasons cited by the groom - it makes all the coordination easier. If the hosts are not paying though, they can "prefer" all they want but the bridal party members should still make their own choice about where to best balance their budget/convenience to wedding location. Seems that the bride and groom should not even want to put pressure on their bridal party to spend way more than they are comfortable with, as this would only leave them feeling resentful and put-out at what should be a happy occasion.