MagsyMay
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2009
- Messages
- 861
I figured I would get some good advice here, so I am going to try to keep this as brief as I can so people will actually make it through my post!
Bride/Groom Situation: FI''s best friend (for the past oh, nearly 15 years) is getting married in March in Mexico to the most awful, selfish, greedy, and manipulative girl (I say girl, because she has the emotional and financial maturity of a 13 year old) I have ever met or heard of in my life. It is really one of the most awful situations you can imagine and the groom is well aware of this himself. They''ve "called off" the wedding countless times (mostly manipulation by the bride to get her way in life with EVERYTHING), and FI and I have had some very long talks with the groom about everything we see wrong with this relationship and how unhappy he is (initiated by him, we did not bring this up on our own). He knows where we stand and where everyone else stands on it.
The groom is not even allowed to go running after work with FI and other military buddies because this girl demands he not spend a spare second away from her. FI and I recently moved to a new state, where the best friend also recently moved for this girl. We have only seen him twice in the past 7 months, and only did so then because the girl was out of town because otherwise he is not allowed to see any of his friends and they cannot socialize as couples because she refuses. He has made zero effort to maintain ANY friendship with FI and I (I''ve known him now for 6+ years and we get along great as well) which has been very hurtful to us, especially being all alone in a new city and knowing no one.
Their wedding: They decide to have a destination wedding in Mexico, after canceling several other attempted wedding planning efforts. This is not a DW for the budget conscious either, taking advantage of specials or anything. It would cost us $3000 to go for 3 days, and they, i.e. SHE, is requesting everyone attend for 5 nights. FI is not technically the Best Man, or at least has not been told so. In one of the previous failed wedding plans, FI was to be co-Best Man with a step-brother and cousin of the groom who he is not even particularly close with. So clearly it was not terribly important to the groom to honor his best friend practically since he was 17 by asking FI to be BM.
Our Financial situation: I have been unemployed for 6 months now, since we relocated to said new state for FI''s job. I have had to put my hefty law school loans on economic hardship deferment to even make ends meet. FI pays our rent, bills, as well as his own hefty law school loans, and all other expenses we incur. It is difficult, but we are able to make ends meet for the time being, but probably not for much longer.
What do we do? We really cannot afford to attend this wedding, even for FI to go alone to cut the costs in half. We absolutely think he is making the biggest mistake in his life, but still try to be as supportive friends as we possibly can. He however, has made a clear choice and has chosen this girl over everything in his life, including FI''s friendship, his own family, and even his own happiness. The guy is admittedly miserable in this relationship but is too weak to call it off because he thinks it is better than being alone at age 32.
It is painful to watch this all happen, but then to request us to spend in excess of $3,000 for 3 nights to bear witness and share in the "joy" of their wedding day is just sickening. He doesn''t care about FI''s friendship, so why should we go out of our way for them when we honestly cannot afford it. FI is so torn because he is the most loyal friend ever and does not want to let the guy down by not going to his wedding despite what we feel about the bride, relationship, and cost.
So what would you do? Would you go and make a sacrifice for a friend who wouldn''t do the same for you when you have no business spending $3K to watch the friend make the biggest mistake of his life? Any advice or input is appreciated!
Sorry this is so long and thank you for reading if you made it this far!!
Bride/Groom Situation: FI''s best friend (for the past oh, nearly 15 years) is getting married in March in Mexico to the most awful, selfish, greedy, and manipulative girl (I say girl, because she has the emotional and financial maturity of a 13 year old) I have ever met or heard of in my life. It is really one of the most awful situations you can imagine and the groom is well aware of this himself. They''ve "called off" the wedding countless times (mostly manipulation by the bride to get her way in life with EVERYTHING), and FI and I have had some very long talks with the groom about everything we see wrong with this relationship and how unhappy he is (initiated by him, we did not bring this up on our own). He knows where we stand and where everyone else stands on it.
The groom is not even allowed to go running after work with FI and other military buddies because this girl demands he not spend a spare second away from her. FI and I recently moved to a new state, where the best friend also recently moved for this girl. We have only seen him twice in the past 7 months, and only did so then because the girl was out of town because otherwise he is not allowed to see any of his friends and they cannot socialize as couples because she refuses. He has made zero effort to maintain ANY friendship with FI and I (I''ve known him now for 6+ years and we get along great as well) which has been very hurtful to us, especially being all alone in a new city and knowing no one.
Their wedding: They decide to have a destination wedding in Mexico, after canceling several other attempted wedding planning efforts. This is not a DW for the budget conscious either, taking advantage of specials or anything. It would cost us $3000 to go for 3 days, and they, i.e. SHE, is requesting everyone attend for 5 nights. FI is not technically the Best Man, or at least has not been told so. In one of the previous failed wedding plans, FI was to be co-Best Man with a step-brother and cousin of the groom who he is not even particularly close with. So clearly it was not terribly important to the groom to honor his best friend practically since he was 17 by asking FI to be BM.
Our Financial situation: I have been unemployed for 6 months now, since we relocated to said new state for FI''s job. I have had to put my hefty law school loans on economic hardship deferment to even make ends meet. FI pays our rent, bills, as well as his own hefty law school loans, and all other expenses we incur. It is difficult, but we are able to make ends meet for the time being, but probably not for much longer.
What do we do? We really cannot afford to attend this wedding, even for FI to go alone to cut the costs in half. We absolutely think he is making the biggest mistake in his life, but still try to be as supportive friends as we possibly can. He however, has made a clear choice and has chosen this girl over everything in his life, including FI''s friendship, his own family, and even his own happiness. The guy is admittedly miserable in this relationship but is too weak to call it off because he thinks it is better than being alone at age 32.
It is painful to watch this all happen, but then to request us to spend in excess of $3,000 for 3 nights to bear witness and share in the "joy" of their wedding day is just sickening. He doesn''t care about FI''s friendship, so why should we go out of our way for them when we honestly cannot afford it. FI is so torn because he is the most loyal friend ever and does not want to let the guy down by not going to his wedding despite what we feel about the bride, relationship, and cost.
So what would you do? Would you go and make a sacrifice for a friend who wouldn''t do the same for you when you have no business spending $3K to watch the friend make the biggest mistake of his life? Any advice or input is appreciated!
Sorry this is so long and thank you for reading if you made it this far!!
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