Dealing with SO''s friends--- UPDATE

[24k]

Thought that everyone would enjoy my update... it is oh just great. If you all recall, I posted here a few weeks ago about 2 of my BF''s 25 (now 26!) year old friends making my life miserable.

He finally contacted one of them (his best friend''s new wife) about all of the drama which has been going on, saying he wanted her to hear my side of the story and defending me (FINALLY).

After A WEEK, she finally emailed him back.... calling me unstable(!), calling me a liar, and saying what I "did" *to her* was "inexcusable". (The incident she is referring to is me almost getting arrested for a crime I didn''t commit, the night before her wedding... and her eavesdropping and overhearing my conversation with the BF directly afterwards, and taking the statements out of context).

So ultimately, my BF has lost a handful of friends over all this. I feel awful, this is tragic for him, but I''m glad he finally saw the awful side of his ''friends'' that I''ve been trying to get him to see for so long. It just hurts me that he is losing his support system, however terrible it may have been.

 

[stepcutgirl]

Do not feel terrible. He isn''t losing a support system, he is losing the exact opposite. Good for him and for you. It''s time he stood up to you and showed them who really matters to him!

 

[oddoneout]

The friends are toxic. You and your SO are better off without them.

 

[stepcutgirl]

PS-I meant stood up for you...not to you.

 

[LilyKat]

Good for him for standing up for you!

Although, her response was kind of interesting. Do you feel able to share what went on the night before her wedding (when you were almost arrested)? Was it from then that their attitude changed? I'm just wondering if it all stemmed from a terrible misunderstanding... Of course, just ignore this if it isn't something you want to talk about.

 

[purrfectpear]

Date: 2/9/2010 3:12:56 PM
Author:24k
Thought that everyone would enjoy my update... it is oh just great. If you all recall, I posted here a few weeks ago about 2 of my BF''s 25 (now 26!) year old friends making my life miserable.

He finally contacted one of them (his best friend''s new wife) about all of the drama which has been going on, saying he wanted her to hear my side of the story and defending me (FINALLY).

After A WEEK, she finally emailed him back.... calling me unstable(!), calling me a liar, and saying what I ''did'' *to her* was ''inexcusable''. (The incident she is referring to is me almost getting arrested for a crime I didn''t commit, the night before her wedding... and her eavesdropping and overhearing my conversation with the BF directly afterwards, and taking the statements out of context).

So ultimately, my BF has lost a handful of friends over all this. I feel awful, this is tragic for him, but I''m glad he finally saw the awful side of his ''friends'' that I''ve been trying to get him to see for so long. It just hurts me that he is losing his support system, however terrible it may have been.

You sort of "left this part out" of your original post where you said you left her wedding the day of, over HER drama.
Misunderstood or not, you need to admit that this is not your normal occurrence on a wedding day weekend. You don''t think that might justify her thinking you were just a touch sketchy? It doesn''t exactly scream stablility.

 

[24k]

You sort of ''left this part out'' of your original post where you said you left her wedding the day of, over HER drama.

Misunderstood or not, you need to admit that this is not your normal occurrence on a wedding day weekend. You don''t think that might justify her thinking you were just a touch sketchy? It doesn''t exactly scream stablility.

I can elaborate, to clarify; The wedding was 90 minutes from home, and I was supposed to stay at BF''s friend''s house with him and his brother. The night we got into town, he decided to ditch me and stay in a hotel room with the groomsmen, without asking how I felt about it, leaving me to sleep at this person''s house, who I didn''t know that well, by myself. I was very upset over that, and I was trying to go home and just leave quietly and not stir up drama [ha]. Sitting in my parked car trying to find toll booth money, having had 2 drinks a couple of hours earlier, I almost got a DUI. I wasn''t drunk, I wasn''t driving, and needless to say that got me pretty hysterical.

Bridezilla overheard me screaming to BF, "I don''t care about [bride and groom], I don''t care about this wedding, I don''t care about your friends!" Obviously I can see where she would be upset, but she never gave me a chance to explain the context of the statement: At that moment, having just almost been taken away in handcuffs, I only cared about my own well-being. I think that is perfectly justified. I''d apologize for WHAT was said, if anyone would bother giving me the chance. But what I did was "inexcusable" so I''m not allowed.

 

[purselover]

Call me a bridezilla but if I heard one of my friend''s SO scream that on my wedding day I wouldn''t be too fond of them either. You have to admit the siutation sounds pretty bad you almost drank and drove, almost got arrested for it, and then flipped out screaming about the bride where she could hear you. While I do think the bride should give you a chance to explain her side, what you said was pretty messed up. You could''ve and should''ve called her profusely apologizing and if she hung up you should''ve left a voicemail and sent an email. It really does sound like you were in the wrong over the wedding situation and honestly a bit unstable. I do see how you could be extremely upset over almost getting arrested but that doesn''t make it okay to lash out about others.

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/10/2010 8:47:55 AM
Author: purselover
Call me a bridezilla but if I heard one of my friend''s SO scream that on my wedding day I wouldn''t be too fond of them either. You have to admit the siutation sounds pretty bad you almost drank and drove, almost got arrested for it, and then flipped out screaming about the bride where she could hear you. While I do think the bride should give you a chance to explain her side, what you said was pretty messed up. You could''ve and should''ve called her profusely apologizing and if she hung up you should''ve left a voicemail and sent an email. It really does sound like you were in the wrong over the wedding situation and honestly a bit unstable. I do see how you could be extremely upset over almost getting arrested but that doesn''t make it okay to lash out about others.

I have to agree. It kind of changes how I feel about the whole situation and I can see why his friends feel the way they do, especially as they haven''t received an apology.

 

[LadyBlue]

Date: 2/10/2010 1:05:32 AM
Author: 24k

You sort of ''left this part out'' of your original post where you said you left her wedding the day of, over HER drama.

Misunderstood or not, you need to admit that this is not your normal occurrence on a wedding day weekend. You don''t think that might justify her thinking you were just a touch sketchy? It doesn''t exactly scream stablility.

I can elaborate, to clarify; The wedding was 90 minutes from home, and I was supposed to stay at BF''s friend''s house with him and his brother. The night we got into town, he decided to ditch me and stay in a hotel room with the groomsmen, without asking how I felt about it, leaving me to sleep at this person''s house, who I didn''t know that well, by myself. I was very upset over that, and I was trying to go home and just leave quietly and not stir up drama [ha]. Sitting in my parked car trying to find toll booth money, having had 2 drinks a couple of hours earlier, I almost got a DUI. I wasn''t drunk, I wasn''t driving, and needless to say that got me pretty hysterical.

Bridezilla overheard me screaming to BF, ''I don''t care about [bride and groom], I don''t care about this wedding, I don''t care about your friends!'' Obviously I can see where she would be upset, but she never gave me a chance to explain the context of the statement: At that moment, having just almost been taken away in handcuffs, I only cared about my own well-being. I think that is perfectly justified. I''d apologize for WHAT was said, if anyone would bother giving me the chance. But what I did was ''inexcusable'' so I''m not allowed.

If I was her, you would not be welcome to my house

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

These stories just get better and better and as such who would read novels?

cheers--Sharon

 

[MonkeyPie]

Personally, I would be more angry at my supposed BF for ditching me to hang out with his friends, leaving me in a strange place.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 2/10/2010 11:19:21 AM
Author: MonkeyPie
Personally, I would be more angry at my supposed BF for ditching me to hang out with his friends, leaving me in a strange place.

agreed & with other''s postings.

While the rest of the story explaining his friends may still be true, even with what happened, i too would also be pissed if i heard that on my wedding day. Of course you have every right to be upset, but you have to understand that letting loose at someone else''s wedding like that was not the right time or place for that conversation.
I too agree with calling up the ex - friend and explain what happened. Even if you two never become friends, you''ll have at least gone off with a better foot by knowing that you explained your side to the fullest.

 

[24k]

To everyone who replied- I have TRIED apologizing. She refuses to hear it. I can see why you all would be upset, I would be upset hearing that, too. But it was still taken out of context. It DOES have a whole back story. I was feeling alone and defensive; my BF had just tried ditching me with a stranger, I was in a strange town, and for weeks prior I had felt constantly like my BF was choosing his friends over me, not defending me to them when I wasn''t invited to the wedding (they didn''t like me BEFORE this incident, and no incident had previously occurred. This truly just gave them an easy place to blame their dislike for me.)

As far as I was concerned, this was not ''at'' their wedding. Their wedding was not until the next day, everyone was retiring for the evening, so to me it was one-on-one time with my SO... my ONLY mistake, and I''ve held firm with this, is that I was too loud. I had EVERY right to say what I say privately to my SO, but being so upset I became louder than I should have.

Whether she has the right to be upset or not was never in question. Whether or not she has the right to act like she is princess of the universe and like people don''t make mistakes, like she was 100% innocent and DIDN''T misinterpret a situation, is where my problems lie.

But I think I''m done posting this story, I opened myself up for a little controversy, but I really don''t want to stir up anything more.

 

[purrfectpear]

Just so you''ll know, because it''s clear you''re missing this point, it doesn''t matter a bit what drove you to lose your temper. There is no "back story" that makes it OK. The bride didn''t "misunderstand" or "take things out of context". You need to stop trying to blame others for your inability to control your temper, and learn to live with the consequences of your actions. The bride doesn''t have to accept your apology. It would be nice if she did (and I probably would have), but sometimes you just don''t get a second chance. You blew it with these folks and that''s that. Stop whining about it. It''s not their failing, it''s yours.

I''d spend less time worrying about why a bunch of people don''t want to befriend me, and more time examining why I''m in a relationship with a guy who treats me like a casual pick-up?

 

[dragonfly411]

Date: 2/10/2010 3:42:33 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Just so you''ll know, because it''s clear you''re missing this point, it doesn''t matter a bit what drove you to lose your temper. There is no ''back story'' that makes it OK. The bride didn''t ''misunderstand'' or ''take things out of context''. You need to stop trying to blame others for your inability to control your temper, and learn to live with the consequences of your actions. The bride doesn''t have to accept your apology. It would be nice if she did (and I probably would have), but sometimes you just don''t get a second chance. You blew it with these folks and that''s that. Stop whining about it. It''s not their failing, it''s yours.


I''d spend less time worrying about why a bunch of people don''t want to befriend me, and more time examining why I''m in a relationship with a guy who treats me like a casual pick-up?

What she said..


I''m sorry but if my bf left me with a stranger to go party it up without asking me or notifying me, I''d be more upset about that than anything else, and I''m not sure why you''d want to be with that person. To take it a bit further, his "immature" friends should be an awakening as to how he might be as well...

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/10/2010 4:35:17 PM
Author: dragonfly411

Date: 2/10/2010 3:42:33 PM

Author: purrfectpear

Just so you''ll know, because it''s clear you''re missing this point, it doesn''t matter a bit what drove you to lose your temper. There is no ''back story'' that makes it OK. The bride didn''t ''misunderstand'' or ''take things out of context''. You need to stop trying to blame others for your inability to control your temper, and learn to live with the consequences of your actions. The bride doesn''t have to accept your apology. It would be nice if she did (and I probably would have), but sometimes you just don''t get a second chance. You blew it with these folks and that''s that. Stop whining about it. It''s not their failing, it''s yours.



I''d spend less time worrying about why a bunch of people don''t want to befriend me, and more time examining why I''m in a relationship with a guy who treats me like a casual pick-up?

What she said..



I''m sorry but if my bf left me with a stranger to go party it up without asking me or notifying me, I''d be more upset about that than anything else, and I''m not sure why you''d want to be with that person. To take it a bit further, his ''immature'' friends should be an awakening as to how he might be as well...

ditto to both ladies. I had forgotten that I read that your bf was going to leave you alone in someones house who you didn''t know. I''d be more pissed at him than I would be about his friends.

 

[Pushin40]

I have to agree with the last 2 posters.
This entre story is so drama filed and ridiculous.

You can''t flip out at your BF whenever the mood strikes you. It was inapproriate and I would possibly not accept your apology either.