Dealing with Death

[JSM]

I seem to handle death much differently than most people I know, and I''m not sure it''s a good thing.

My husband''s great aunt passed away. While I feel sympathy for those left behind, I''m not sad, or broken up about it. In my view, she lived a long happy life (in her 90s), and it was time for her to move on. He (and the rest of the family) is very broken up about it and DH is upset that I am not as well.

I would attribute it to the fact that I didn''t know her well, but the truth is I feel the same way even if my own relatives pass. I am affected when the person is younger, and the death is sudden, but when a person passes after living a full life, then I don''t feel sad at all. IMO, death is a part of life that is inevitable for all of us.

I have been to many funerals and am not unfamiliar with loosing people in my life, so it''s not the lack of exposure that makes me so... cold hearted, I guess. It could be the fact that I''m exposed to disease and death frequently and I''ve become desensitized. Maybe it should affect me more? Maybe I need to be more sensitive? I have no idea what to say beyond, "I''m sorry for your loss."


Long story short, how do you deal with death?

 

[ksinger]

Date: 6/9/2010 8:43:25 PM
Author:jsm
I seem to handle death much differently than most people I know, and I''m not sure it''s a good thing.

My husband''s great aunt passed away. While I feel sympathy for those left behind, I''m not sad, or broken up about it. In my view, she lived a long happy life (in her 90s), and it was time for her to move on. He (and the rest of the family) is very broken up about it and DH is upset that I am not as well.

I would attribute it to the fact that I didn''t know her well, but the truth is I feel the same way even if my own relatives pass. I am affected when the person is younger, and the death is sudden, but when a person passes after living a full life, then I don''t feel sad at all. IMO, death is a part of life that is inevitable for all of us.

I have been to many funerals and am not unfamiliar with loosing people in my life, so it''s not the lack of exposure that makes me so... cold hearted, I guess. It could be the fact that I''m exposed to disease and death frequently and I''ve become desensitized. Maybe it should affect me more? Maybe I need to be more sensitive? I have no idea what to say beyond, ''I''m sorry for your loss.''


Long story short, how do you deal with death?

You don''t sound cold-hearted to me. You sound like you have emotional boundaries, that''s all. And no one has a right to tell you how deeply you should feel about anyone, or interpret your reserve to mean lack of feeling. Most of the time, (thank goodness) attending funerals is not because the deceased is critical to OUR lives, but as support of a friend or extended family member. I didn''t get any disapproval, but I think many people were a bit taken aback by my lack of copious wailing or being prostrate with grief for weeks after my mom passed away. I just found that I have great reserves of strength I didn''t think I had. That and life must go on and I don''t think it is right to endlessly bludgeon friends and co-workers with my grief, which believe me was real then, and ongoing now. But what can you do?

I don''t know what to tell you about the fact that your DH is upset. I would hope he doesn''t actually think that you would have the same emotional connection to his great aunt as he does? That''s unrealistic. Maybe when HIS grief moderates, he will see that he was being unreasonable?

 

[kenny]

How amazing.
I feel the same way but have never seen it expressed before.
I thought I was the only one.

Life is temporary.
This sucks.
It sucks so much we pretend it is not true.
We forget we and others will die.
We invent and embrace myths about afterlives.

I think I just accept reality.
I do not experience the sadness and trauma I see others experience.
It is as though they have bought into the trick that we all just continue forever or something.

When my dad died I went out to see where the planets and stars were.
I can't explain why; I just needed to know.

They died.
That's it.
It is natural.
We all die.
It is the only thing we all have in common.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Date: 6/9/2010 8:43:25 PM
Author:jsm
I seem to handle death much differently than most people I know, and I''m not sure it''s a good thing.

My husband''s great aunt passed away. While I feel sympathy for those left behind, I''m not sad, or broken up about it. In my view, she lived a long happy life (in her 90s), and it was time for her to move on. He (and the rest of the family) is very broken up about it and DH is upset that I am not as well.

I would attribute it to the fact that I didn''t know her well, but the truth is I feel the same way even if my own relatives pass. I am affected when the person is younger, and the death is sudden, but when a person passes after living a full life, then I don''t feel sad at all. IMO, death is a part of life that is inevitable for all of us.

I have been to many funerals and am not unfamiliar with loosing people in my life, so it''s not the lack of exposure that makes me so... cold hearted, I guess. It could be the fact that I''m exposed to disease and death frequently and I''ve become desensitized. Maybe it should affect me more? Maybe I need to be more sensitive? I have no idea what to say beyond, ''I''m sorry for your loss.''


Long story short, how do you deal with death?

This sounds like a very emotionally grounded way to deal with death. There is a time to live and a time to die and it is so much easier if you can see it that way. I cope with death OK but when someone very near to me passes, I feel the big hole that it leaves in my life very deeply. Time does help make the hurt not so severe but the loss is always there.

It serves no purpose to pass judgment on people and they way they cope with things. We are all different - doesn''t make one better or worse than the other - just different. Hopefully, your strength will help your husband deal with his loss.

 

[Kaleigh]

You don''t sound cold hearted to me at all.

I have felt the same about DH''s relatives that have passed on and lived a long time..

BUT when I lost my Nanny, at 94 it was a big loss. She was a Mom to me, so it was very sad...

People handle death very differently.

What I can offer...

Let him talk if he wants to. Let him know you are there for him if he wants to talk.

Be as supportive as you can, non verbally etc..

Ask what You can do for him and his family.

I am sorry for the loss.

Prayers outgoing..

 

[redfaerythinker]

I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I feel happiness that the person has gone to their reward after a long and fulfilling life. Yet I grieve, selfishly, for my own loss of their company. My aunt has been told that she has six months to live, and I grieve for the future with her that we have lost. She is in her seventies and has lived a full life, but she should have lived many more years. Her partner also has cancer and only a few years left, so I am glad that she will not be left alone without him, but I am devastated that I will be without her. She represents one fifth of my entire family, and it brings home that at 23 years old, I am dangerously close to being alone in this world without my family. I grieve for many things, but mostly just for me.

Those that have died don''t need my tears. It''s a bittersweet moment, that joy and sadness. In a way, I almost crave that moment, for your family as never as close as when they have lost one of their own. It''s just a shame that it takes death to have that moment.

ETA: I almost didn''t hit submit because now I think I have confirmed that I am a crazy person.

 

[JSM]

Date: 6/9/2010 9:02:21 PM
Author: ksinger
You don''t sound cold-hearted to me. You sound like you have emotional boundaries, that''s all. And no one has a right to tell you how deeply you should feel about anyone, or interpret your reserve to mean lack of feeling. Most of the time, (thank goodness) attending funerals is not because the deceased is critical to OUR lives, but as support of a friend or extended family member. I didn''t get any disapproval, but I think many people were a bit taken aback by my lack of copious wailing or being prostrate with grief for weeks after my mom passed away. I just found that I have great reserves of strength I didn''t think I had. That and life must go on and I don''t think it is right to endlessly bludgeon friends and co-workers with my grief, which believe me was real then, and ongoing now. But what can you do?


I don''t know what to tell you about the fact that your DH is upset. I would hope he doesn''t actually think that you would have the same emotional connection to his great aunt as he does? That''s unrealistic. Maybe when HIS grief moderates, he will see that he was being unreasonable?

ksinger, thank you very much for your response. It means a lot that you don''t think I''m an uncaring person!

I agree ENTIRELY with the bolded part above. Funerals aren''t for the deceased, they are for the living. I''m sorry for the loss of your mother, I''m glad you found the strength to keep going. I agree with you that life, even in death, must go on.

 

[JSM]

Date: 6/9/2010 9:06:46 PM
Author: kenny
How amazing.

I feel the same way but have never seen it expressed before.
I thought I was the only one.


Life is temporary.
This sucks.
It sucks so much we pretend it is not true.
We forget we and others will die.
We invent and embrace myths about afterlives.


I think I just accept reality.
I do not experience the sadness and trauma I see others experience.
It is as though they have bought into the trick that we all just continue forever or something.


When my dad died I went out to see where the planets and stars were.
I can't explain why; I just needed to know.


They died.
That's it.
It is natural.
We all die.

It is the only thing we all have in common.

Good way to put it! Thanks for making me realize I am not alone.

Living in reality may be my way of coping, but I agree that we must accept what we are given, and life the live we have while we have it, because it is temporary.


ETA: Kenny this was so poignant to me that I had to respond again. Your words just struck a chord, thank you again for writing them. I don't know what else I can say, but thank you for putting what I believe in so succinctly.

 

[JSM]

Date: 6/9/2010 9:09:48 PM
Author: MissGotRocks
This sounds like a very emotionally grounded way to deal with death. There is a time to live and a time to die and it is so much easier if you can see it that way. I cope with death OK but when someone very near to me passes, I feel the big hole that it leaves in my life very deeply. Time does help make the hurt not so severe but the loss is always there.


It serves no purpose to pass judgment on people and they way they cope with things. We are all different - doesn't make one better or worse than the other - just different. Hopefully, your strength will help your husband deal with his loss.

Thanks for your response, it helps to realize what others go through. As I go through life I realize more that everyone is different, you can not force someone to feel a certain way, or begrudge them of their feelings.

My DH is one who doesn't really process situations until they happen, so while I personally come to terms with the passing of someone who is elderly or sick over time, he is dealing with his grief all at once. I hope to help him cope the best I can, because he is hurting, even though I can't understand all of his emotions.



Kaleigh, thank you very much for the suggestions, I will do my best to help him through. It doesn't help that we can't make the funeral as they are taking place the same day as my brother's wedding, which we are both in (1200 miles away from the services). We will send our condolences, and I hope DH can talk about it whenever he is ready.

 

[JSM]

Date: 6/9/2010 9:17:59 PM
Author: redfaerythinker
I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I feel happiness that the person has gone to their reward after a long and fulfilling life. Yet I grieve, selfishly, for my own loss of their company. My aunt has been told that she has six months to live, and I grieve for the future with her that we have lost. She is in her seventies and has lived a full life, but she should have lived many more years. Her partner also has cancer and only a few years left, so I am glad that she will not be left alone without him, but I am devastated that I will be without her. She represents one fifth of my entire family, and it brings home that at 23 years old, I am dangerously close to being alone in this world without my family. I grieve for many things, but mostly just for me.

Those that have died don''t need my tears. It''s a bittersweet moment, that joy and sadness. In a way, I almost crave that moment, for your family as never as close as when they have lost one of their own. It''s just a shame that it takes death to have that moment.


ETA: I almost didn''t hit submit because now I think I have confirmed that I am a crazy person.

You are certainly not crazy! It must be very difficult to loose your family. Thank you for responding, I''m glad you shared your experiences.

 

[RaiKai]

I think that both DH and I have a healthy awareness that death is part of life, that we *will* die and do not think our "relationship" to a person dies just as the person did, but, I do also think we all grieve in our own way.

Personally, I feel it is important to experience a death in my own way...and recognize others are doing the same.

Different deaths affect me differently. I felt very different when my long term boyfriend died when I was 21, than I did when my grandfather died the same year. DH feels very differently about the fact his dear friend was killed in Afghanistan on Sunday, than he did about his teenage cousin who died last year. The reality of my mothers near death 3-4 years ago as she battled cancer hit closer than my grandmother actually dying of the same years ago.

Often people are mourning more than the loss, but also their own understanding of the world and life, the circumstances, what was said or not said, their own certain death and so on.

Grief is variable in nature.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I am the same way. People die. It''s a part of life. I may have moments of sadness and cry, but I don''t get all bummed out and become a basketcase for months on end. I''ve lost friends and family from different causes, some natural and some tragic and, to me, it never made a difference how I responded. A very close friend''s mother died a little more than a year ago and I was there to support my friend, but she told me I was not compassionate because I didn''t get all wrapped up in everything. It really hurt my feelings at the time, but I talked to my mom about it and it turns out that my mom is also the same way.

 

[charbie]

JSM-
I am often very much like you when dealing with death.
As I''ve mentioned here many times before, I work in a nursing home. Death is a daily thing I deal with. I often don''t have the time to even mourn one death before moving on to the next. I feel terrible sometimes, because I''m dealing with numbers, not people! I said to a nurse once, "In your professional opinion, will (x) make it through the night? I have to count him/her on my census and have a person who wants that bed." People can say I''m cold, (they usually dont...i''m very bubbly) but I deal with death much differently. I daily have to report who is "critical" and might die.

I think of the last few years of life as a sunset...which is still very beautiful. I take pleasure knowing I am able to make the last few years of someone''s life as great as I possibly can. I am honored that I have the opportunity to get to know someone in their most vulnerable state. Death is a fact of life. This is why i could NEVER work on a children''s floor in a hospital. Are you kidding me? Kids aren''t supposed to die. 90 yr old women? Yeah, they die all the time.

It hit me hard when my grandfather died, but I think it was the circumstances surrounding it (he was my first grandparent to die, and I''m 26) so it was a bit rougher than most.

I think you deal with death in a very healthy way. It''s OK to be OK with death! You aren''t cold, you''re a realist! I relate often back to when I was a child. I had no imagination. I hated "playing pretend." Give me a Barbie. It looks like a person. My bear cannot talk. I''m not going to "pretend" that death means something that it isn''t. It hurts for the people left behind, no matter WHAT you believe they are going through after death. And I''m not trying to turn this into something else, I''m just stating that once you get over the fact that the person is gone, and you accept they had a life here on Earth that they lived...what else is there to it? It''s a fact as far as we know, that they lived, and they died. And we can mourn them being gone, but we can''t bring them back, so let''s embrace the good we had with them.

 

[luv2sparkle]

We all handle death in different ways. I think it is different when it is someone really close to you, but not always. When an uncle, who I had previously been extremely close to I was glad. He had been
so hurtful to me for the last few years of his life that I was so thankful that I didn''t have to deal with it anymore.

I don''t agree with Kenny that we invent myths about the afterlife. It is more a matter of faith. If you chose to reject faith, that is your choice, but that doesn''t make it a myth. The way I look at it is, if your
right I have lost nothing, if I am right Kenny, you have lost everything.

 

[kenny]

Date: 6/9/2010 9:20:31 PM
Author: jsm

Good way to put it! Thanks for making me realize I am not alone.
Living in reality may be my way of coping, but I agree that we must accept what we are given, and life the live we have while we have it, because it is temporary.
ETA: Kenny this was so poignant to me that I had to respond again. Your words just struck a chord, thank you again for writing them. I don't know what else I can say, but thank you for putting what I believe in so succinctly.[/quote]
Thanks Jsm.

It's nice to know that at least a few of us are okay with unanswered questions.
What we know for sure is enough.
After all, just because you can make up a question doesn't mean there's an answer.

Feather is a nice word for a crack, and faith is a nice word for pretending.
Nothing wrong with that though, zillions of people go for it.

I embrace tolerance and diversity which is why have no tolerance for intolerance from people who feel their faith applies to people outside their faith.
At the extreme that results in brutal crusades and people flying commercial jets into buildings.

 

[somethingshiny]

I feel very much how the OP describes too. I don''t think there''s anything wrong with it.

My DH''s family don''t deal with death period. My DH''s grandma passed 15 yrs ago and if anyone utters her name, there are still tears. I don''t understand why they don''t just grieve and move on. It must be hell to live like that.

 

[waxing lyrical]

Date: 6/9/2010 9:39:27 PM
Author: RaiKai
I think that both DH and I have a healthy awareness that death is part of life, that we *will* die and do not think our 'relationship' to a person dies just as the person did, but, I do also think we all grieve in our own way.


Personally, I feel it is important to experience a death in my own way...and recognize others are doing the same.


Different deaths affect me differently. I felt very different when my long term boyfriend died when I was 21, than I did when my grandfather died the same year. DH feels very differently about the fact his dear friend was killed in Afghanistan on Sunday, than he did about his teenage cousin who died last year. The reality of my mothers near death 3-4 years ago as she battled cancer hit closer than my grandmother actually dying of the same years ago.


Often people are mourning more than the loss, but also their own understanding of the world and life, the circumstances, what was said or not said, their own certain death and so on.


Grief is variable in nature.

This.

I never had a really close relative die. My aunt was the closest person to me that died when I was 12. It greatly affected everyone. My father's stepmom passed a couple years later. I wasn't super close to her. A cousin died tragically at a young age. And both my mother's grandmothers. Until we lost our first son I had not been in a situation where death directly affected me. My whole world seemed to shatter in an instant. I was utterly devastated and heartbroken. I felt numb and raw. The pain and heartache unbearable. Death is cold and unforgiving. Something I never had to face until then. But even with all the pain and grief I never felt like I couldn't heal just a little down the road. I never felt like dieing and never slipped into a deep depression. I didn't lose myself or get angry at the world or ask "why?" (I know this is a common response). There isn't an answer and I've never looked for one and don't need one. I came to peace with his passing fairly early on and learned to adapt to my new reality. A new normal. Life went on and I was able to smile again and experience joy.

The Buddhist parable "The Mustard Seed" helped me in the beginning when I was in the thick of grief. I still go back to it.

There were/are times I think something is wrong with me because I didn't grieve the way some expect or the way it is written (e.g., stages of grief). I didn't "get over it" by any means. Losing a child isn't something to "get over." But life continued on and I was able to as well.

 

[yssie]

It's hard for me to post this, but.. One of my closest friends passed away a few years ago. I didn't shed a tear for a week, yet nothing in the world has ever been so painful - my stomach still clenches up when I think about him. A drunk driver killed him.

When my grandfather died from an unexpected heartattack I was a sobbing wreck, but I can't say that we were all that close.



Everyone deals with things differently, everyone feels grief differently and everyone responds to those feelings differently. What shows on the outside is never a good way to measure what's going on inside, and there's never a "right" thing to say, I think.

 

[kenny]

Date: 6/9/2010 10:58:09 PM
Author: luv2sparkle

I don't agree with Kenny that we invent myths about the afterlife.
It is more a matter of faith.
If you chose to reject faith, that is your choice, but that doesn't make it a myth.
The way I look at it is, if your right I have lost nothing, if I am right Kenny, you have lost everything.

I have no problem with not being agreed with.
I'm not working to spread my perspective, just defending myself from those have been commanded to.

I do hope that you do your research and follow all of the many faiths on the planet today and all of the discontinued ones from days past too.

Following your logic, if you chose to reject all of these faiths, that is your choice, but that doesn't make them myths.
If I am right you have lost nothing, if one of the obscure faiths is right you have lost everything by following the wrong one.

If there were only one faith its argument for being true would be stronger.

 

[waxing lyrical]

Date: 6/10/2010 12:51:46 AM
Author: kenny

Date: 6/9/2010 10:58:09 PM

Author: luv2sparkle


I don''t agree with Kenny that we invent myths about the afterlife.

It is more a matter of faith.

If you chose to reject faith, that is your choice, but that doesn''t make it a myth.

The way I look at it is, if your right I have lost nothing, if I am right Kenny, you have lost everything.

I have no problem with not being agreed with.

I''m not working to spread my perspective, just defending myself from those have been commanded to.


I do hope that you do your research and follow all of the many faiths on the planet today and all of the discontinued ones from days past too.


Following your logic, if you chose to reject all of these faiths, that is your choice, but that doesn''t make them myths.

If I am right you have lost nothing, if one of the obscure faiths is right you have lost everything by following the wrong one.

Pascal''s Wager is an epic fail. It only works when you''re dealing with two options (one option being merely an interpretation--one of many). Considering there are thousands of religious traditions it would stand to reason these other faiths/traditions have something to offer that might be missed out on if you rejected them. Other afterlife theories aren''t myths or make-believe just because Westerners reject them. "Faith" (Western concept) is alien to many other concepts/ideas relating to the afterlife. Belief or faith isn''t a requirement for rebirth or reincarnation. In some traditions they happen regardless of what you believe or don''t believe.

You (general) may ride a horse, but there''s no knowing if yours is the right one. PW only assumes there are two horses, but this is plainly false.

 

[Cehrabehra]

WL - what you said made profound sense to me and I hope (god forbid) that if I am ever faced with that sort of pain that I can deal with it with hope and strength and peace as you have described.

I have never really let myself completely grieve my mother''s passing. It''s been 10 years and every time I lose myself to crying I think - I don''t have to grieve it all today - it''s too big - I''ll do some of it later... manana, manana, manana... sometimes I feel guilty about that but for the most part I just need to function and continue to live myself. I tend to think of her as very busy. Once in a while I catch myself thinking, dang I need to call her, its been a while... it doesn''t happen as much as it used to... When she first died I had a great deal of peace about it. She went from lucid and talking to me to gone in about 20 minutes so it was a pretty dramatic transition and I observed the whole thing. I say observed because I was strangely detached like the little girl in me was somewhere deep inside not wanting to feel the pain and an objective observer sat in my skin and contemplated - pondered - what I was witnessing and how similar it was to having a child just 4 months earlier. There was no person in existence that was my son and then he was there and my mom who was so with me every moment of my existence suddenly was gone. The opposite yet way too similar voyage to life and back kept me feeling pretty warm and safe about the whole experience for quite a while... but the more she''s gone and the more time that passes and she doesn''t return, the more it aches and the more it threatens to bubble to the surface. I let a tear fall and I try really hard to keep the rest at bay. It doesn''t make me feel better to cry.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Kenny, who are you defending yourself from?

I am not spreading my perspective any more than you are by sharing your views. You look at it as a myth and I view it as faith.

pardon me, but your intolerance is showing.

 

[ksinger]

Date: 6/10/2010 1:07:58 AM
Author: waxing lyrical

Date: 6/10/2010 12:51:46 AM
Author: kenny

Date: 6/9/2010 10:58:09 PM

Author: luv2sparkle


I don''t agree with Kenny that we invent myths about the afterlife.

It is more a matter of faith.

If you chose to reject faith, that is your choice, but that doesn''t make it a myth.

The way I look at it is, if your right I have lost nothing, if I am right Kenny, you have lost everything.

I have no problem with not being agreed with.

I''m not working to spread my perspective, just defending myself from those have been commanded to.


I do hope that you do your research and follow all of the many faiths on the planet today and all of the discontinued ones from days past too.


Following your logic, if you chose to reject all of these faiths, that is your choice, but that doesn''t make them myths.

If I am right you have lost nothing, if one of the obscure faiths is right you have lost everything by following the wrong one.

Pascal''s Wager is an epic fail. It only works when you''re dealing with two options (one option being merely an interpretation--one of many). Considering there are thousands of religious traditions it would stand to reason these other faiths/traditions have something to offer that might be missed out on if you rejected them. Other afterlife theories aren''t myths or make-believe just because Westerners reject them. ''Faith'' (Western concept) is alien to many other concepts/ideas relating to the afterlife. Belief or faith isn''t a requirement for rebirth or reincarnation. In some traditions they happen regardless of what you believe or don''t believe.

You (general) may ride a horse, but there''s no knowing if yours is the right one. PW only assumes there are two horses, but this is plainly false.

LOL! I thought about posting that last night but didn''t. But, yes. And I can''t think the deity assumed by Pascal, would be all that thrilled with belief for that reason. My understanding of what he/she/it wants is genuine unconditional love and worship based on faith, not a choice based on what amounts to an economic calculation.

 

[Girlrocks]

For me, I can react in different ways depending on my relationship with the person, the circumstances around their death, where I''m at in my life, etc.

I''ve been to funerals of people that I am not close to and not felt anything.

I''ve been to a funeral of an aquaintenances who''s 5 year old that was struck and killed by a car while playing ball at a BBQ and sobbed uncontrollably. The devastation on the parents faces is something I will never forget.

I''ve been to the funeral of the father of one of my 9 year old daughters friends and sobbed uncontrollably. The kids and wife were crushed, literally crushed, world had fallen apart for them.

Even though I am aware that death in inevitable, I still grieve for what was lost.

 

[MissMina]

Kenny has expressed my feelings on the
inevitability of death perfectly.
I always thought it was because I have been in
nursing since I was 16, but maybe it's just "me"

My Dad who passed away several years ago told me
he didn't know if there was an afterlife but he lived
like there was.

I guess we will all know soon enough.

 

[kenny]

Luv, sorry if my intolerance is showing.
That is not my intention, but I appreciate the feedback.

It is a fine line I try to toe.

To answer your question of, "Who am I defending myself from" it is those organizations which cannot be mentioned here that teach their followers to covert others.
I'm not responding to you or any individual in this thread.

I respect the faith (or lack of) of every individual on the planet equally, I but wish the faiths themselves did not have a policy to convert others; isn't that a lackof respect for other's perspectives?
They want it both ways... respect our faith, but let us not respect your position by trying to convert you to our faith.
It is this intolerance that I cannot tolerate.

Nothing else brings up one's views on these subjects like death.

 

[les12]

My grandfather passed away this morning.

I was not very close to him, and the tears I have shed about it lately were really for my dad. He had to make the decision to essentially stop trying to fix his ailments and let him die comfortably. If that makes sense. It''s not an easy decision to make when the patient is unable to speak for himself. My dad knew his dad wouldn''t want to live like that. So that''s why I am grieving, because it''s just a sad situation. Really we''re all just crying for ourselves and each other, at the same time that he is no longer suffering.

Another reason I am upset is that I deeply miss my other grandfather (whom I was very close to) who died 2 years ago. I wish he was still here.

 

[lknvrb4]

I think I deal with death differently depending on the age and the situation. I was lucky enough to know my great grandparents on both sides of the family but never really had it affect me terribly when they died. My one great grandma was out of her mind and did not know me so I felt that she went to a better place. My other great grandparents lived full lives and I was sad but knew they would be together again.
This past January I lost my grandmother and it was totally unexpected and caught us all by surprise. It hit me very hard and I went through my crying spells and still sometimes I think about her and start to cry. But, she was diagnosed with alzheimers about 2 years prior and watching someone I love forget who I was, was more painful than her death.
I have never lost anyone else close to me so I am not sure how I will deal with death. I guess I take it as it comes and I have faith that God only gives me what I can handle.

 

[dragonfly411]

to the OP - I don''t think you sound cold at all. Different people accept death differently.

For me, with elder people, it is easier to accept because I know that eventually we all must face this reality. We are mortal, and we can''t change that.

People who pass young hit me harder. SO''s father... my friend... those have really struck home and reminded me that life is a very precious gift.

 

[ksinger]

Date: 6/10/2010 10:24:20 AM
Author: lknvrb4
I think I deal with death differently depending on the age and the situation. I was lucky enough to know my great grandparents on both sides of the family but never really had it affect me terribly when they died. My one great grandma was out of her mind and did not know me so I felt that she went to a better place. My other great grandparents lived full lives and I was sad but knew they would be together again.
This past January I lost my grandmother and it was totally unexpected and caught us all by surprise. It hit me very hard and I went through my crying spells and still sometimes I think about her and start to cry. But, she was diagnosed with alzheimers about 2 years prior and watching someone I love forget who I was, was more painful than her death.
I have never lost anyone else close to me so I am not sure how I will deal with death. I guess I take it as it comes and I have faith that God only gives me what I can handle.

Oh absolutely!! I had to watch my mother slowly waste away and starve over 2 years from ALS. And she didn''t get to check out mentally, she got to experience it all very consciously. Her death was tragic, but a relief in a way.

Death really just sucks.