Deal Breakers

[diamondfan]

Hey, I love eggnog!!!

I think it is true that we try to do even better than our parents, so we can give OUR kids (if we have them) more than we did. And most parents want their kids to surpass them...makes them feel they have done well raising their kids.

Also, some of those issues could emerge before marriage and maybe prevent a couple from going that extra step, they might, hey we are just too different to make this happen.

My dh came from a pretty average, middle class background, but in Beverly Hills with a father who had some success in the entertainment industry. But he was NOT indulged in any way. You want a new bike? Earn the money, no one is handing them out. He has a strong work ethic from this, which is awesome. He also thinks I WAY overindulge our kids. Probably true...

I had a bit of a different situation. I also grew up there, but my father had a lot of financial success. I was the youngest and I was spoiled, but it did not seem like it to me. I would just think, oh, I would like that, and usually, I would get it. My mom was tougher on me about it sometimes, but overall she was very generous. I could sort of manipulate my dad easier though. Then he died when I was 15. My mom was lucky that she was set financially, never had to go out and work, never had to move from our home or give up anything in her lifestyle. But, she was so unhappy being around the memories that she pretty much got me a car at 16, left money with our family lawyer and took off traveling to run from her feelings. She was not trying to abandon me, but to run from her feelings. She was never great about dealing with things. She felt that she if she took care of me financially and I had some family near, I would be okay for weeks at a time with a housekeeper. I was fine on one level, but not emotionally. She always felt guilt about it and her answer was to give gifts or money to compensate.

Now I am married and my dh does very well. I love gifts, purses, shoes, jewels, clothes...I love it all. He likes to give it but does not like it if I EXPECT it
because he likes to make it special and surprise me, not just get what I am wanting anyway. I grew up sort of just getting things when I wanted them, I am not saying I was nasty about it or did not appreciate what I got, but I guess I took it for granted. Hubby gets annoyed if I want and just assume, to him it is not about the money but about expectations and his ability to go above and beyond...knowing I want X and giving me X plus makes him so happy...so that, back to the original issue, is why even though I did not love my ring (which was fine, a decent size for my age then etc) I never really wanted to open that can of worms up...I just lived with it til we moved to the East coast and my ring (setting and metal color, not size) did not look right here...that started the whole ball rolling so to speak!

 

[lumpkin]

I can think of a few deal breakers that might not come up right away or at least not until you''re pretty interested in someone. For instance, I''m not sure if I could handle an incurable STD. Maybe that''s somewhat shallow, but it''s more baggage than I''d be willing to take on.

His family might be a deal breaker. When you marry the man, you get the family, too.

As someone else mentioned, location -- if he got a really great opportunity elsewhere and I didn''t want to leave, that might be a deal breaker.

Oh, and if he ever hit me. That would immediately end it. Drug abuse, alcoholism, etc., all deal breakers.

 

[diamondfan]

I know sometimes things crop up in the dating process, and it is easy to end things if the direction is not good...but sometimes, you are already married and something can occur...we were married a while and my hubby announced we were moving back East...we knew no one here...left all my family and friends, and had never even gone away to college so I was really afraid...and trust me moving was never something we had ever discussed. I was upset, but felt, he is the breadwinner and if this is important, I have to be willing to try...it has turned out to be the best thing in the world for us...but, I did not know that at the time and I was so nervous about leaving all I knew and starting over...so, sometimes there are curve balls well into the marriage...now, still, I would not tolerate abuse etc, but I would have likely said I would never move for someone, I loved So. Cal and had all my family and friends there...and turned out I had to eat my words a bit!