tlh
Ideal_Rock
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D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
- Thread starter InLuv101
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Hudson_Hawk
Super_Ideal_Rock
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purrfectpear
Ideal_Rock
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While I understand the collective desire to slap him silly, the facts are that this is a marriage of less than 12 months.
There are no assets to divide, fight over, or get a pit bull lawyer involved.
Go to the bank, take out your half, and rent yourself a nice place that will make you happy. Six months from now you''ll be divorced and never have to speak to him again. Lawyers are great when there are houses, bills, assets and kids. They are a waste of money in a marriage of one year with no assets. Why hand over $4K or more to end up with what you''ll end up with anyway? In an apartment, supporting yourself, and divorced.
There are no assets to divide, fight over, or get a pit bull lawyer involved.
Go to the bank, take out your half, and rent yourself a nice place that will make you happy. Six months from now you''ll be divorced and never have to speak to him again. Lawyers are great when there are houses, bills, assets and kids. They are a waste of money in a marriage of one year with no assets. Why hand over $4K or more to end up with what you''ll end up with anyway? In an apartment, supporting yourself, and divorced.
mausketeer
Shiny_Rock
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Awww InLuv - I''m SO sorry. Add me to the list of people who have known someone who has had this same bombshell happen to them (one of my best friends. They were together for about 15 years, married for about 7. They had been highschool sweethearts. He just came home one day and told her "I''m not in love with you and I''m moving out." That was it. He wouldn''t even go for counselling or anything. Not even for HER sake to help HER cope with it. She was absolutely devastated. It was even hard on all of their FRIENDS as THEY were "the golden couple" of the group, you know?) But in time, she got over it and now is happily remarried to a really sweet guy.
I wouldn''t be surprised if she dumps his sorry ass within a few months and he comes grovelling back to you begging you to take him back (that happens ALL the time with these kinds of situations). By then you will have regained your footing and you can look him square in the eye and tell him to "hit the road jack!"
I wouldn''t be surprised if she dumps his sorry ass within a few months and he comes grovelling back to you begging you to take him back (that happens ALL the time with these kinds of situations). By then you will have regained your footing and you can look him square in the eye and tell him to "hit the road jack!"
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Clairitek
Ideal_Rock
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Oh InLUV!!
I'm shocked and sooo sorry to hear this! I remember you guys TTCing just a few months ago....and now this???!! What a shock! I remember you said he wanted you to hold off on TTC for a while, because of the economy....I'm wondering now if it had anything to do with his plans? Whatever the reason - this is just really low. To just spring this on you without even letting you know that he was having these feelings - and to file for divorce without even telling you!! AND to move out of the house so quickly and lie to you about being there???
That's just not right. It sounds to me like there might be someone waiting in the wings....
, for him to move on everything so quickly.
I'm really sorry you have to be going through this....only 11 months into your marriage. I was also divorced at 26 - I got married at 24 and my ex also requested a divorce when I was 25. He was extremely unstable, emotionally and otherwise - and didn't think he wanted to be married anymore either. I was shocked and hurt at the time (never saw myself being divorced), but in hindsight it was a blessing. He had a lot of anger inside him (childhood abuse) and had already started to be verbally abusive towards me. Like you, we didn't have any children at the time (he had wanted us to try but I was studying and said no), and no assets at all. Thank God - so I was able to make a clean break. I'm glad that you're in the same position too....but sad that you have to be in this situation still.
How are you coping? Are your parents being supportive? Do your friends know?
(((HUGS)))
I'm really sorry you have to be going through this....only 11 months into your marriage. I was also divorced at 26 - I got married at 24 and my ex also requested a divorce when I was 25. He was extremely unstable, emotionally and otherwise - and didn't think he wanted to be married anymore either. I was shocked and hurt at the time (never saw myself being divorced), but in hindsight it was a blessing. He had a lot of anger inside him (childhood abuse) and had already started to be verbally abusive towards me. Like you, we didn't have any children at the time (he had wanted us to try but I was studying and said no), and no assets at all. Thank God - so I was able to make a clean break. I'm glad that you're in the same position too....but sad that you have to be in this situation still.
How are you coping? Are your parents being supportive? Do your friends know?
(((HUGS)))
trillionaire
Ideal_Rock
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radiantquest
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oh, i am so sorry. i cant believe that this just came from nowhere. did you ask him if was something you could change? that would be my first initial thought. i would try to fix it. some people are like that i suppose, to easily call it quits. i agree he should have known that before now. you seem to be handling it well... whenever you need to vent we are here. i am just shocked!
anchor31
Ideal_Rock
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sparklyheart
Brilliant_Rock
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Ditto that! I am so so sorry you are going through this.
He may as well be holding a sign saying "RUN!!!!!" After what he did, it doesn''t sound like he is even worth the time anymore that it would take to find out if he has something else going on. That will just make this all drag on and on and make you more angry if you find something out. If he is going to take his toothbrush, run out, then lie about where he is, then he doesn''t sound like he''s willing or mature enough to sit and talk about what happened. You are at a great age to be out there meeting new people and having the time of your life. Go get an apartment on the other side of town, let your girlfriends know what happened and that you NEED them right now, and go talk with them, cry, scream, have a pity party... Do what you have to do to get over him. Take care of yourself as you move on to bigger and better things. Hopefully things will be much easier since you aren''t going to have to deal with splitting finances or property. Here is some ****dust**** for moving onto bigger and better things!!
geckodani
Ideal_Rock
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blushingbride
Brilliant_Rock
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LilyKat
Brilliant_Rock
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InLuv101
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Samantha Red - Sorry you''ve been in my shoes before. It really sucks. Thanks for your kind words.
Gaby - Thanks. I am so glad that this happened now and I know I have plenty of years left to find someone who deserves me.
NEL - Thank you so much for the support.
Canuk- gal - I totally agree. Something is wrong with him to be able to act this way.
OUpeargirl - Thanks so much!
Purselover- I''m so glad I can be done with him and not have any ties. Thanks for the well wishes!
LovesVintage -- Thanks, I do deserve better.
DF - Thanks!
Dragonfly - I agree, he isn''t ready to be married to anyone. His behavior is just so selfish.
Lilac -- I definitely don''t understand it either. Thanks for the hugs.
Tigian, Blackpolkadot, Kimberly -- Thanks so much.
Thing2 - I have my moments...sometimes I feel so strong and other times I so don''t. I know that is normal though.
Monarch -- Thanks for the hugs!
NovemberBride -- How sad for your friend. This is hard enough, I am so thankful I''m not having to worry about a child as well.
Lala - Thanks so much for your kindness.
NF -- That is definitely the silver lining here. Thanks for your advice.
princessplease -- You are right, I do have a lot of good things in my life and I have to remind myself of that everyday.
ams0124-- At this hour it''s strength and grace but at night alone with my thoughts it''s another story...it''s been rough to say the least. Thanks for your well wishes.
Beacon -- I''m glad he did show his true colors too. If there is someone else, I know she will find out what he is really like eventually.
Ambergretchen - Thanks for the hugs.
Risingsun, Luckystar, MC -- Thank you.
Blair -- Oh my goodness, I''m so sorry about your friend! I couldn''t even imagine how much harder it would be to deal with this with a newborn.
Princess- Thanks. I''m trying to be strong...some days, hours, minutes are better than others. I know it''ll be a process.
April20 -- I know I''ll be better off in the long run and I agree, he is a confused man who has no idea what he wants. I''m sure he''ll keep looking for it and never find it.
Sabine -- Thanks. My family has been amazing and I''m so greatful for them.
Ellen -- Thanks.
Rainwood -- I am trying to focus on myself and am so glad I dodged this bullet.
somethingshiny -- I am trying to look on the bright side...I have to. It is hard not to look back and wish I had put 2 and 2 together a few months ago, but really it doesn''t matter now.
Po20472 -- Thanks so much. I am so lucky to have all my family and friends living close.
Circe -- Thanks and I''m in agreement with all of you too. He is disturbed.
Tlh-- Thanks for the hugs and for calling him a turd!
HudsonHawk -- Thanks for your sweet words and thank you for sending him c*ck punches
Purrfectpear -- I do agree with you. He has willingly given me 90% of what was in our bank account and I don''t know that I need a lawyer and all that jazz. I have to attribute his ''kindness'' to guilt. Thanks for your advice!
Mausketeer - Wow, after 15 yrs together? I''m so sorry for your friend. I fully plan to tell his sorry a** to shove it if he ever tries to come back!
Shimmer -- Thanks so much...I do plan to eventually find someone waaaay better than him.
Clairitek -- Thanks for your well wishes.
Sha -- I know, I''m shocked too! I''ve thought about the same thing as far as him wanting to stop TTC. It was because my job seemed unsure but even after things settled down at work, he didn''t want to try again. I can''t believe he filed without discussing it with me either...just shows what a punk he is. I''m glad to know you went on to find a great man after your divorce and I just have to believe it will happen for me too. Thanks sweetie!
Trillionaire -- Ha! I wish I could look at his bill. We hadn''t even combined cell plans yet - we were waiting for his contract to end (next month) to avoid the cancellation fee. So unfortunately, I can''t access his records but I can only imagine the story they would tell.
radiantquest -- I did ask him if I could change something. I asked if we could get counseling, and I asked him to reconsider, I asked him to give it another 6 mos. I begged. He refused so now I''m done begging. I''m moving on. Thanks for your advice. I so appreciate it!
Anchor -- Thanks for the vibes...I need ''em.
Sparklyheart -- Thank you! My new apt is on the other side of town! I''m leaning on my friends and family right now and they have been so great. Thanks for the dust!!
Geckodani -- Thanks for the hugs!
Blushing -- Thanks so much! I can''t believe he let us TTC for so long either. I don''t get it either but I''m sooo glad that we weren''t successful.
Gaby - Thanks. I am so glad that this happened now and I know I have plenty of years left to find someone who deserves me.
NEL - Thank you so much for the support.
Canuk- gal - I totally agree. Something is wrong with him to be able to act this way.
OUpeargirl - Thanks so much!
Purselover- I''m so glad I can be done with him and not have any ties. Thanks for the well wishes!
LovesVintage -- Thanks, I do deserve better.
DF - Thanks!
Dragonfly - I agree, he isn''t ready to be married to anyone. His behavior is just so selfish.
Lilac -- I definitely don''t understand it either. Thanks for the hugs.
Tigian, Blackpolkadot, Kimberly -- Thanks so much.
Thing2 - I have my moments...sometimes I feel so strong and other times I so don''t. I know that is normal though.
Monarch -- Thanks for the hugs!
NovemberBride -- How sad for your friend. This is hard enough, I am so thankful I''m not having to worry about a child as well.
Lala - Thanks so much for your kindness.
NF -- That is definitely the silver lining here. Thanks for your advice.
princessplease -- You are right, I do have a lot of good things in my life and I have to remind myself of that everyday.
ams0124-- At this hour it''s strength and grace but at night alone with my thoughts it''s another story...it''s been rough to say the least. Thanks for your well wishes.
Beacon -- I''m glad he did show his true colors too. If there is someone else, I know she will find out what he is really like eventually.
Ambergretchen - Thanks for the hugs.
Risingsun, Luckystar, MC -- Thank you.
Blair -- Oh my goodness, I''m so sorry about your friend! I couldn''t even imagine how much harder it would be to deal with this with a newborn.
Princess- Thanks. I''m trying to be strong...some days, hours, minutes are better than others. I know it''ll be a process.
April20 -- I know I''ll be better off in the long run and I agree, he is a confused man who has no idea what he wants. I''m sure he''ll keep looking for it and never find it.
Sabine -- Thanks. My family has been amazing and I''m so greatful for them.
Ellen -- Thanks.
Rainwood -- I am trying to focus on myself and am so glad I dodged this bullet.
somethingshiny -- I am trying to look on the bright side...I have to. It is hard not to look back and wish I had put 2 and 2 together a few months ago, but really it doesn''t matter now.
Po20472 -- Thanks so much. I am so lucky to have all my family and friends living close.
Circe -- Thanks and I''m in agreement with all of you too. He is disturbed.
Tlh-- Thanks for the hugs and for calling him a turd!
HudsonHawk -- Thanks for your sweet words and thank you for sending him c*ck punches
Purrfectpear -- I do agree with you. He has willingly given me 90% of what was in our bank account and I don''t know that I need a lawyer and all that jazz. I have to attribute his ''kindness'' to guilt. Thanks for your advice!
Mausketeer - Wow, after 15 yrs together? I''m so sorry for your friend. I fully plan to tell his sorry a** to shove it if he ever tries to come back!
Shimmer -- Thanks so much...I do plan to eventually find someone waaaay better than him.
Clairitek -- Thanks for your well wishes.
Sha -- I know, I''m shocked too! I''ve thought about the same thing as far as him wanting to stop TTC. It was because my job seemed unsure but even after things settled down at work, he didn''t want to try again. I can''t believe he filed without discussing it with me either...just shows what a punk he is. I''m glad to know you went on to find a great man after your divorce and I just have to believe it will happen for me too. Thanks sweetie!
Trillionaire -- Ha! I wish I could look at his bill. We hadn''t even combined cell plans yet - we were waiting for his contract to end (next month) to avoid the cancellation fee. So unfortunately, I can''t access his records but I can only imagine the story they would tell.
radiantquest -- I did ask him if I could change something. I asked if we could get counseling, and I asked him to reconsider, I asked him to give it another 6 mos. I begged. He refused so now I''m done begging. I''m moving on. Thanks for your advice. I so appreciate it!
Anchor -- Thanks for the vibes...I need ''em.
Sparklyheart -- Thank you! My new apt is on the other side of town! I''m leaning on my friends and family right now and they have been so great. Thanks for the dust!!
Geckodani -- Thanks for the hugs!
Blushing -- Thanks so much! I can''t believe he let us TTC for so long either. I don''t get it either but I''m sooo glad that we weren''t successful.
trillionaire
Ideal_Rock
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InLuv101
Brilliant_Rock
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Lol, it's ok, I'm not offended!Date: 6/25/2009 2:30:35 PM
Author: trillionaire
lol, there is a recent thread (started by DF no less) about divorce parties...
Maybe you could get some ideas?
If it's too new, I'm sorry for saying it
... but I would come!
This didn't happen today so I've had a few days to somewhat wrap my head around it.
Something to think about...
Porridge
Ideal_Rock
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NuggetBrain
Shiny_Rock
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InLuv101
Brilliant_Rock
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Tacori E-ring
Super_Ideal_Rock
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vespergirl
Ideal_Rock
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Wow, that is awful, and I''m so sorry to hear that.
I hope my story can give you a little hope going forward - I was married at 23 to a 27 year old - 9 months into our marriage, he was diagnosed with cancer. I nursed him back to health through 6 months of chemo, and then a few months after he went into remission, he told me that after having a near-death experience, he didn''t want the responsibility of taking care of a family (we didn''t have kids yet, but he knew that I wanted to be a SAHM if we did) so he was filing for divorce.
Honestly, he had been distant for a few months before he told me, but it was still devastating. We were in FL, so it was only 2 months between the time he filed & the divorce was finalized.
I have had SUCH a better life after that man left when I was 25. I am now married to a total prince charming who I met when I was 27 - handsome, sweet, kind, funny, and a great provider, and we have a gorgeous child. I know now that I would have never met (or maybe been receptive to) a man like my second (and forever) husband if I hadn''t dealt with that loser first.
I know that it is overwhelming and so difficult for you right now, but it''s good that this is happening before you have children, and while you are still young. You are an incredible woman, and now that this guy is getting out of your way, you will be able to meet someone much more mature who will really appreciate you. Try to see it as the beginning of a wonderful new life, where you can find someone who will really value you.
I am so sorry again for what you''re going through right now, but I believe that your life will be much happier in the long run - better that this happened now than later.
Good luck to you, you''re in my thoughts ...
I hope my story can give you a little hope going forward - I was married at 23 to a 27 year old - 9 months into our marriage, he was diagnosed with cancer. I nursed him back to health through 6 months of chemo, and then a few months after he went into remission, he told me that after having a near-death experience, he didn''t want the responsibility of taking care of a family (we didn''t have kids yet, but he knew that I wanted to be a SAHM if we did) so he was filing for divorce.
Honestly, he had been distant for a few months before he told me, but it was still devastating. We were in FL, so it was only 2 months between the time he filed & the divorce was finalized.
I have had SUCH a better life after that man left when I was 25. I am now married to a total prince charming who I met when I was 27 - handsome, sweet, kind, funny, and a great provider, and we have a gorgeous child. I know now that I would have never met (or maybe been receptive to) a man like my second (and forever) husband if I hadn''t dealt with that loser first.
I know that it is overwhelming and so difficult for you right now, but it''s good that this is happening before you have children, and while you are still young. You are an incredible woman, and now that this guy is getting out of your way, you will be able to meet someone much more mature who will really appreciate you. Try to see it as the beginning of a wonderful new life, where you can find someone who will really value you.
I am so sorry again for what you''re going through right now, but I believe that your life will be much happier in the long run - better that this happened now than later.
Good luck to you, you''re in my thoughts ...
packrat
Super_Ideal_Rock
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AmberWaves
Ideal_Rock
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KimberlyH
Ideal_Rock
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InLuv, I just had to come back and say you seem to be the epitomy of grace under pressure. As others have said, while red flags may be a bit more obvious now, this is not your fault and you couldn''t have changed this. I hope you are surrounded by loving friends and family right now. Take care of yourself. Life has a funny way of working out much differently than we plan, and quite often that''s a good thing.
LaurenThePartier
Super_Ideal_Rock
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InLuv, I'm so incredibly sorry to hear about this, and I am so angry and sad for you. As has been mentioned many times, what a jerk and a coward. You deserve so much better and I'm sure you'll come out even better after living through this.
My cousin was married for around the same amount of time when her husband told her he wanted a divorce. He had been cheating on her throughout their relationship, and finally got careless once they were married. She left him in '04, and met the nicest cutest guy about 18 months later. They're getting married, and when I saw her last week at my sister's wedding, she said, "You know, thank goodness for my ex. If it wasn't for him, I would never have found my fiance, and realized that I was blinded by lust, but my eyes have been opened to real companionship and love."
I wish you much happiness, and the strength to get through such a difficult time in your life.
My cousin was married for around the same amount of time when her husband told her he wanted a divorce. He had been cheating on her throughout their relationship, and finally got careless once they were married. She left him in '04, and met the nicest cutest guy about 18 months later. They're getting married, and when I saw her last week at my sister's wedding, she said, "You know, thank goodness for my ex. If it wasn't for him, I would never have found my fiance, and realized that I was blinded by lust, but my eyes have been opened to real companionship and love."
I wish you much happiness, and the strength to get through such a difficult time in your life.
InLuv101
Brilliant_Rock
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Porridge -- Thanks for the hugs dear.
Nuggetbrain -- My mom told me the same thing...she thinks I'm handling it well. I think I am publicly but privately I am a total mess. I know only time will help.
VRbeauty -- I'm so looking forward to a brighter future too! Thanks.
Tacori -- Thanks so much.
Vespergirl -- Wow, I can't believe your ex left you after all that. I'm sure you are much better off for it though. I'm so glad you found your prince and hoping one day I will too.
Packrat -- Thanks for the positive thoughts. I really appreciate it.
Amber -- Thank you for the well wishes!
Irishgrrrl -- Thanks!
Kimberly -- What a nice thing to say. Thank you so much.
Lauren -- Good for your sister! I'm glad she found someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated!
Nuggetbrain -- My mom told me the same thing...she thinks I'm handling it well. I think I am publicly but privately I am a total mess. I know only time will help.
VRbeauty -- I'm so looking forward to a brighter future too! Thanks.
Tacori -- Thanks so much.
Vespergirl -- Wow, I can't believe your ex left you after all that. I'm sure you are much better off for it though. I'm so glad you found your prince and hoping one day I will too.
Packrat -- Thanks for the positive thoughts. I really appreciate it.
Amber -- Thank you for the well wishes!
Irishgrrrl -- Thanks!
Kimberly -- What a nice thing to say. Thank you so much.
Lauren -- Good for your sister! I'm glad she found someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated!
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