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D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

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Hi InLuv, I''m so sorry to hear what he did you to you! Definitely the biggest jerk ever. Thank goodness you didn''t get pregnant in hindsight! He''s NOT the type of man that should be a father. I''m so, so sorry for the situation you''re in, but still grateful that you have a chance to start life over and meet a real man! I''ve always thought you were a great girl, you''re so strong. But vent away when needed! We''re here to listen. Take care and enjoy starting over. It''s a huge blessing in disguise!

Thinking of you...
 
Awful...Just awful. You are handling it so well. I''m glad you have family near by. (((hugs)))
 
I have to say what everyone else is saying - I''m so sorry.

I''m happy to hear you''ve already found a place to live. That kinda
makes it all real I guess. Go forward, hold your head up high and be grateful
he gave you the gift of him leaving. You deserve so much more.
Big Hugs.
 
OMG. How terrible. What a complete loser. I''m so sorry you''re in that situation, but thank goodness you didn''t get pregnant yet and you''re so young! Don''t waste another minute on this a-hole.
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InLuv, I''m so sorry.
 
Ditto what movie zombie said.
I''m so glad you have been able to be so strong, and that you''ve got a beautiful new apartment to go and heal in. I hope a far better partner will come into your life shortly after you''re ready to look. You deserve someone way nicer than your ass of an ex!
Kate
 
InLuv I am so sorry.
 
InLuv, hold your head high and know that we are there for you! Some people are just not meant to be married and your soon to be ex is one of them! Take care of YOU!

Big hugs and many prayers for comfort and healing headed your way!

Lori
 
Date: 6/25/2009 7:59:40 PM
Author: movie zombie

not dwelling on the negative and moving on to the positive! right on! enjoy your space, reflect on what you want in your life, and when he realizes he made a mistake and wants to come back, slam the door in his face.

mx
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ditto mz!
InLuv, I just want to tell you that I''m so sorry for the way this dolt made you feel, but NOT sorry at all that you''re getting rid of him! Good luck to you and enjoy your new jerk-free life!
 
Ditto to what everyone else has said so far -- it''s a terrible experience to have, but you''ll only come out stronger and more sure of yourself and your ideals.

I moved to another country to marry and live with my ex-husband, who decided 16 months into the marriage that he "didn''t feel like" being married. I was absolutely floored; I had given up EVERYTHING for this person, whom I obviously didn''t know at all!! I made him move out, leaned very heavily on the few girlfriends I had made, and spent a lot of time thinking about myself (for once!). After handling things on my own, I eventually healed and met a wonderful man whom I''ve been dating for 2 years now. While the separation was happening, I never could have imagined I would be so much happier now -- don''t feel like this is something you will never heal from. You''ll be bigger and badder than ever before, once you get rid of dead weight!
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I would recommend getting everything separated and sorted as soon as possible. There''s no point in wasting even another minute on someone who is so obviously self-absorbed and immature.
 
Date: 6/25/2009 10:03:29 AM
Author: decodelighted
Oh this is so awful to go through! My heart goes out to you! In the big scheme of things I think you''ll really consider this a bullet dodged (or maybe one that just grazed you a bit). Any man who could show NO SIGNS of dissatisfaction, TTC, and then file for divorce out of the blue w/o giving you the slightest hint, and then take his toothbrush to an undisclosed location the moment you''re out of sight????????? Something''s not right w/him -- mentally. (My unprofessional diagnosis). Maybe sociopathy? Because that is both C-O-L-D and CALCULATING. Agree with Whitby. Cut your ties so quickly his head spins & move on with your Nia Long-lookin-like, adorable pup-having fabulous life. You''re so young & have so much going for you. Stay strong!!! And KNOW it has NOTHING to do with YOU.
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Inluv - I am just so utterly appalled by his behavior. Cowardly doesn''t even begin to describe it. I feel like I got to *know* you over on the TTC board and all I can say is that your soon-to-be-ex is a fool. a downright fool. I can''t echo what deco said more strongly. you are an amazing lady with so much going for you and so much ahead of you (not the least of which is your fabulous sounding new place).
 
Oh Inluv...I am so sorry!!!!!
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Life works in funny ways sometimes...and like you said on TTC...maybe you were saving yourself.

I wish you the best...you''re young and deserve so much better!!. He''s a coward and a loser!!!
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((hugs))
 
I am sorry for what you are going through. Everything works out for a reason and perhaps you can take this and help others deal with the pain as you are. I hope you are getting your ducks in a row and you are going to move on.

Good Luck!
 
I am so sorry hun! Count your blessings and HUGS to you! You''re going to find a way better guy when your ready! HUGS!
 
Thanks to Irishgirrl, Bia, Kaleigh, assercherisme, Tgal, KimberlyH, LL, mscushion, szh07, appletini, dreamgirl, SDL, mysterylover, whitetulips, natalina, diamondseeker, Barcelona, chiapet, icekid, pinkysmom, chrono, phoenixgirl, galateia, nycbkgirl, sunkist, choro72, bebe, kelli, Tiffanytwisted, drk, melanie, loriken214, adiS, justginger, Mandarine, Alexis, and Redrose for all your kind words and support. It really means alot to me!

Festy -- I''m soooo glad I have Miley! She has been such a comfort to me. Thanks for your kind words.

Monarch -- 11 months?! I couldn''t survive that long at home! I''m so looking forward to the solo thing too!

Chinacat -- Thank you so much. I know I am allowed to grieve but part of me doesn''t want to...like I just don''t want to let myself shed any tears over someone who so doesn''t deserve it, kwim? It''s a process...1 day at a time.

Movie Zombie -- I do plan on slamming that door in his face! I realize that I can''t dwell on the negative. If I do, I won''t enjoy my otherwise great life and I''m sure he is enjoying his, so I''m gonna do the same!

Sparkly Libra -- Thanks for the book recommendations. I love to read so I wll check those out for sure.

Dreamer -- Thanks for sharing your story. I helps to hear that other strong women move on and go on to greater things. I agree that I will be much better off without him.

Lulu -- Thank you so much. I really appreciate it!

********************************************
 
I''ve been re-reading through this thread and getting all teary and snotty at my desk, lol.

I''m so thankful for all the support, words of wisdom, thoughts and well wishes from all of you. It''s so good to read and re-read all of the stories of similar situations being shared to remind myself that I will be ok. There are moments when that seems hard to believe, but I''m just going to have to.

Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart.
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(((((HUGS)))))

Sorry you are going through this. It is weird that it was out of the blue... At least you know now and not years (and kids) later!!
 
InLuv, I''m just seeing this thread and I''m so sorry you''re going through this. You''ve gotten such great advice already, I can''t add anything that hasn''t already been said so well by the others. Just know that you have indeed dodged a bullet and you are young enough to go on to have an amazing life either on your own or with someone who will appreciate you for who you are. I''m so glad you have found a new place too, lots of new beginnings for you to be excited about. Please take care of yourself and stay strong. You have tons of support here.
 
InLuv, I''m so shocked and sorry. I have to commend you on your grace and dignity. You are clearly a very special person, and I am glad that you are able to find some comfort in the fact that this happened sooner than later. Continue to take good care of yourself.
 
He''s 26 and your his second wife? Whoa, that should have rang a bell from the start. BE THANKFUL that it will be a clean divorce with no children. I know your sad but it''s probably for YOUR better being. You may not see that now but you will when the hurt heals. I am so sorry!
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Date: 6/26/2009 12:34:17 PM
Author: Patchee
He's 26 and your his second wife? Whoa, that should have rang a bell from the start. BE THANKFUL that it will be a clean divorce with no children. I know your sad but it's probably for YOUR better being. You may not see that now but you will when the hurt heals. I am so sorry!
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I'm 26. He is 31...sorry if that was confusing.
I know I will be better off
 
I know how you feel. When my lil gal was 5, my then wife found another man and filed for divorce months after discussing plans about having a second child. I was totally blindsided.

But you are right; it''s better that it happened sooner rather than later. Be strong, gal.
 
Date: 6/25/2009 4:00:16 PM
Author: InLuv101
Forgot to mention that I move into my new apartment on July 1 (I love my parents but I can't live at home too long after being on my own for 7 years). I'm so excited about it! It's a brand spanking new property and it's fabulous with a huge bathroom and beautiful granite countertops and awesome appliances. I've never lived alone (always with roommates and with soon to be ex husband) so I'm really looking forward to some time by myself!
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A.W.E.S.O.M.E.
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ETA: And think of it this way ... any tears you do shed aren't tears *for him*. You're right. He doesn't not deserve them. They're for *yourself*. Its natural to grieve the loss of the life you expected to have (the one with him). But I hope that soon you'll be even more moved by the life you are *destined* to have. The one that's still waiting, around the next bend. (Just beyond the sparkly new appliances & granite countertops! -- jealous!
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)
 
I can''t say anything that hasn''t already been said, IL...you are a beautiful woman and very smart and strong for understanding all the positive things that will come out of this bump along the way...

my best wishes are with you!
 
IL _ Just wanted to say, you are so strong and handling this amazingly. You will be just fine!
 
IL, just wanted to add my support to the mix! I''m so sorry you''re going through this!
 
I haven''t got any big wisdom to share that others haven''t already said so I''ll just say I am sorry for your situation and hope for the very best for you as you begin life anew. I am sure there are many people here wishing all good things come to you.
 
I just want to say I am really sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard, but everything in life happens for a reason and hopefully this is just a turn towards a new and better path.
 
Date: 6/26/2009 10:45:51 AM
Author: InLuv101
Thanks to Irishgirrl, Bia, Kaleigh, assercherisme, Tgal, KimberlyH, LL, mscushion, szh07, appletini, dreamgirl, SDL, mysterylover, whitetulips, natalina, diamondseeker, Barcelona, chiapet, icekid, pinkysmom, chrono, phoenixgirl, galateia, nycbkgirl, sunkist, choro72, bebe, kelli, Tiffanytwisted, drk, melanie, loriken214, adiS, justginger, Mandarine, Alexis, and Redrose for all your kind words and support. It really means alot to me!

Festy -- I''m soooo glad I have Miley! She has been such a comfort to me. Thanks for your kind words.

Monarch -- 11 months?! I couldn''t survive that long at home! I''m so looking forward to the solo thing too!

Chinacat -- Thank you so much. I know I am allowed to grieve but part of me doesn''t want to...like I just don''t want to let myself shed any tears over someone who so doesn''t deserve it, kwim? It''s a process...1 day at a time.

Movie Zombie -- I do plan on slamming that door in his face! I realize that I can''t dwell on the negative. If I do, I won''t enjoy my otherwise great life and I''m sure he is enjoying his, so I''m gonna do the same!

Sparkly Libra -- Thanks for the book recommendations. I love to read so I wll check those out for sure.

Dreamer -- Thanks for sharing your story. I helps to hear that other strong women move on and go on to greater things. I agree that I will be much better off without him.

Lulu -- Thank you so much. I really appreciate it!

********************************************
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IL, it seemed worse at the time. Fortunately, I have GREAT parents, who were willing (after they paid for the wedding) to let me come home and decompress, and get my finances together. It really wasn''t that bad, it probably was the best thing for me to go through post leaving my ex.
 
I am so sorry to hear this, you are in my thoughts.
 
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