Custom stress - not having fun

[oohsparkly]

ok I just got off the phone with my jeweller. This is the saga...

On January 17 this year I had my first appointment about getting my ring made. That is a long time ago isn't it?

Every stage has had looooooong delays. There have also been 2 extra 'stages' because the jeweller knows I'm picky (just normal PS picky - nothing requiring medication - kwim?). Catering to my pickiness has meant making two replica rings in silver. That is pretty great of him I think. It must be said I didn't ask him to do either, AND both times the ring wasn't close enough to what I wanted - so lucky he did make them!

The ring I want is very similar to the famous 'Frankie' ring called Emilya I think by Victor Canera. Except I wanted bigger halo stones and a wider shank. I did contact Victor but he wouldn't hear of having 2.5 pointers in the halo so I left that option. I know custom can be horrible - the whole reason I'm getting this ring done is my first custom ring was a 20 year long disappointment and my husband now wants to get me my dream ring.

So even the second ring needed tweaks and it was time to get on with the real thing and choose the metal. So I agonised over that and even had 2 threads on here - one about white gold [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/calling-yssie-white-gold-experts-my-head-is-done-in.175144/..................']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/calling-yssie-white-gold-experts-my-head-is-done-in.175144/....................[/URL]. Because I couldn't get info from anywhere that I could get a creamy white gold without nickel, I then decided the next best thing was palladium - so here is my other thread trying to find out about that [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/palladium-ring-wearers-share-your-experience.175350/..................']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/palladium-ring-wearers-share-your-experience.175350/....................[/URL].

My jeweller also confirmed over the phone (so no email record) that it wasn't possible to get a creamy (yellow undertone) white gold. But I don't think he was really listening to me either -I think he was just thinking - get it as white as possible.

So my ring was made in palladium. And I went, nervous, to see it. There were still a few things not quite right about it - 2 could easily be fixed but one probably couldn't - one of the 4 struts was a bit wonky. And none of them looked like a really perfect job. The rest of the ring (halo base and shank) was fine.

but then the assistant pulled out a wedding ring for me to try with it and out with it came an unplated white gold ring - and voila - it was the creamy white color (yellow undertone) that I had been asking for all along and had been told I couldn't have.

So after an uncomfortable time thinking about that my husband told me to tell him I want it in white gold. I was (as usual) super polite about it. But the jeweller wasn't happy. His focus was more “You are changing your mind and costing me time and money”, instead of “Yes I did fail to give you the information you needed and tried hard to get”. He said he thought we were trying to aim for as white as possible. I said yes that was my second option after I had been told I couldn't have my first option. (Which he should have known).

I reminded him that I had told him about my yellow gold bangles and bracelet and how I would like a metal that would still blend ok with them but still be fairly white against my diamonds. I think he remembered that but he still acted like I have been difficult and changing my mind.

I said that I had tried my hardest to get the information I needed to make an informed decision as the last thing I wanted to do was waste anyone's time or money, but even my best efforts to get the info I needed failed - until the assistant showed me the unplated ring. I had seen one other unplated wg example he showed me but it was completely different - a very dark grey color - gun metal and just ugly (to me).

As the ordinary person doesn't get to see much unplated wg it is hard to be informed about that - and I did do my best to ask him about that. So I don't feel that I've ever changed my mind..... is that right or am I missing something??

I definitely stand guilty of caring about the details. But he told me at the start that most of his customers are like that and he likes customers like that. So even that I checked with him first...

If you have made it to the end of this - top effort. Wotcha think?

 

[GemFever]

Uff, that sounds super frustrating. I would want the ring re-done, but may I ask -- would you pay for some kind of fee for having the ring re-done? I would imagine that there should be no problem re-making the ring for some kind of reasonable fee. I had a custom job perfected for a labor fee (I had overlooked a window in a colored stone and asked the jeweler to modify the bezel setting to help close it up).

I hope you get the exact ring you want!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I don't have much helpful to say except I would have bailed on the whole thing after about a month. Why did VC say he would not work with the size diamonds you want?

I don't know what recourse you have at this point. Hopefully some of the more seasoned custom folks will chime in.

 

[Enerchi]

I can empathize with what you are going thru! My custom ring hasn't gone well so I would advise you to be VERY clear in writing what it is you want. I too believe politeness is key, and good for you being able to hold it together, but rudeness from the owner shouldn't be tolerated - I've experienced that as well!

When you say WG going gray and it seems ugly- I'm all over that opinion! Thats were mines at now. I don't get why your guy couldn't give you the unplaced WG you wanted....

Hang in there oohsparkly and I really hope it works out for you.

 

[distracts]

iirc you were originally only interested in nickel-free wg with the creamy color? And that was the impossible thing? idk, I can't see your thread because so many ellipses after it messes up the link and I'm about to go to sleep so too tired to fix it.

And yes, I think at this point paying an extra fee to get it fixed (maybe the exact metal cost, minus labor, or something) is reasonable - with the amount of effort put in already I wouldn't expect them to fix it for free.

 

[oohsparkly]

Wow! I'm thankful there are people that could make it through my long post! Thanks so much for your replies and also perspectives which does help me think I'm not crazy!

GemFever - It doesn't look like I'll have to pay an extra fee. That is probably why he was a little... cross I suppose you'd say. It is a hit for him financially, which I get and regret. But it was based on his failure to give me the info I asked and asked for. He's not great at giving details that's something I've noticed all along. I think he will charge at the top end of the range he quoted though - bumma for us.

Dreamer D - Ha! If you would have bailed a long time ago that shows I HAVE been patient and easy to work with. makes me feel better cos I don't want to be seen as difficult. (It's the stress of him thinking I am difficult that is so hard for me - that and after 6 months plus 20 years I would like to have my dream ring!)

Victor didn't say flat out he wouldn't do it but I just left it after 2 different emails that showed he just didn't think my diamond size was right. I agonised over that too (who wants to be the dumb girl that says they don't have the same taste as Victor? - but in the end that is the embarrassing truth!!)

Enerchi - I am sorry to hear your custom job has not worked out well either. What has happened? I see your name a lot on PS so I think if it can happen to you it can happen to anyone!

I must say my jeweller was not rude to me - just failed to see my side and that he didn't give me the info I needed to make a sure decision. Where I live a long-term business does not get by if they are rude... but he didn't see my side readily at all and did 'argue' his point a bit. I now feel so uncomfortable about it and what was fun has become a big exercise in having patience!

I just want my ring and I want it close to perfect. Is that so much to ask? He has a stack of national awards on his wall so I thought it would be easier than this!

Enerchi I would love you to share what you are going through - then I could get my mind off myself!!

 

[oohsparkly]

Hi distracts,

thanks for your reply. Sorry my links are no good - oops.

You are right I definitely can not have nickel white gold. I have not had a chance to confirm that with the jeweller that the ring I saw was nickel-free. It just didn't seem like the right time and he asked me to 'leave it for a few days' (that usually means another few weeks) so I didn't want to push it. I will definitely check that before anything goes ahead though. I don't think he would use nickel from some other conversations with him though.

About the extra fee - if I was just changing my mind I would expect to pay for BOTH metal and labor - as it would be my fault. But that is my whole frustration - I couldn't have tried harder to get the information I needed to make an informed decision. It was my jeweller that flat out told me creamy/yellow undertone was impossible. I think he sees that at some level which is why he said he would keep to the same price (which was a range anyway). So I'm not really concerned about that - more about the
1.lack of necessary information
2. sense that I am being blamed for changing my mind when I have been clear about what I wanted
3. general uncomfortable situation
4. endless delays
Hope that makes sense. Anyway have a good sleep!

 

[Enerchi]

I just posted a new thread which summarizes my experience, and where do I go from here. Here's the link. [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/wwpsd-live-w-it-return-to-original-b-m-new-w-ps-vendor.176215/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/wwpsd-live-w-it-return-to-original-b-m-new-w-ps-vendor.176215/[/URL]

My original vendor also has awards etc all over. Big splashy ads around town. It makes you want to believe....but sometimes things just don't go well.

We are in similar boats

 

[Chloegal]

I personally have never had luck getting anything cusom made. And even if it turned out (in the end) the process itself was a killer and way too stressful.

Re your situation, the length of time seems to be a red flag that things are not right. For one reason or another their relationship and handling of your job seems to have lost the professional edge. Most retailers are more hungry for the money to let a job just drag itself for so long.

I wonder if your request for white gold that has a creamy undertone is too difficult for an average jeweller to comprehend? I dont think many people would guess that you wanted white gold that hasnt been plated as that is considered undesirable by most. Maybe without a photo or that you didnt come up with a piece of jewellery that was like this to show them, I can sort of understand why they wouldnt quite get what you are meaning. I think most jewellers would find this request a puzzle. What you are saying is that you want the yellow gold to show through the white alloy (which is the opposite to what white gold is trying to achieve).

However, you mention that some parts of the ring are wonky and that is not acceptable. If it needed to be redone due to this, well thats another story. It does feel like they dont really know what they are doing and are holding you to hostage with this very long time frame and overservicing re the silver moulds that were not done right etc

 

[Dreamer_D]

Who cares if that jerk think you are difficult? Women need to stop thinking that if they demand good service they are being "difficult". We all fall prey to that gender thing. Put it aside.

In my opinion a custom design process should not take longer than a month, and that is IF you change CADs part way through. Six months is inexcusable and I would want a refund. ETA: Perhaps 8 weeks from the time a design is approved would be acceptable if the ring was being hand made and the jeweler was very busy.

 

[Haven]

I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time getting this ring right.

I agree with Dreamer that we need to stop worrying about being polite, this is a business transaction and you should get quality service.

From your story it sounds like you gave your jeweler the go-ahead to make the ring in palladium, and decided after it was done that you wanted it in unplated white gold. I understand your frustration because you feel like your jeweler told you he couldn't achieve the creamy white gold that you wanted, but this is the detail that makes me understand both your frustration, and your jeweler's. I would think a fee to remake would be reasonable, but since he isn't charging you one that's awesome!

I think anyone considering a custom piece in the future should take note. You described the metal color you wanted to your jeweler in words, and he told you that he couldn't achieve that. (This is what I understand based on your story, that you discussed this point over the phone, and that even after looking at some unplated WG, you had never shown him a visual of what you were after.) I think this is a big mistake. Color is subjective. He may not interpret the ring you saw in his store as a creamy white gold, yet you did. I'm not saying this is your fault, I actually think he would have been wise to ask for a visual from you representing what you wanted, as well as an invitation into the store to look at various golds metals in-person, but anyway . . . ) Besides all of the issues you have with other details, and those things may be the result of skill, this particular problem could have been avoided if you had shared a visual with him representing what you wanted.

I had my ring custom-made, and I looked at a lot of different rose gold rings before I decided that I wanted to go with 18K. And even the various 18K pieces had slightly different hues to them. I was not comfortable saying I wanted RG until I had a particular ring in hand to give to my jeweler to show him that THAT was the RG I wanted.

The timeline is another huge problem, and I agree with others--that is way too long to wait for a custom piece. Just to give you an idea, this was the timeline with my own ring:

2/18/11: My jeweler calls me to say he thinks he found "the stone." I go in, fall in love, post a thread on PS asking about settings. It didn't have a cert, so he sent it to GIA for grading.
2/18 - 3/3: I meet with my jeweler a couple times about the design. I give him hand drawings sowing exactly what I want (albeit crude ones) and we exchange a lot of emails ironing out little details over the next week or so. He asks some clarifying questions, I ask some clarifying questions.
3/3/11: The preliminary results from GIA (not the stone) come in to my jeweler. He sends the stats to me, I post them on PS for feedback.
3/11/11: The stone comes back from GIA. I go in to look at it again and make sure we want to move ahead with the purchase.
3/12/11: I give my jeweler the official go-ahead, he gives me a rough quote for the setting, and I wait impatiently.
4/1/11: My ring is finished and ready to pick up, it's on my hand about an hour after I got the email that it was done, and I'm over the moon.

SO . . . even with sending the stone to GIA, the entire process took under two months. This was a hand-forged ring, so no CADS to scrutinize or anything. I understand that may make the process a bit longer. But the time to actually MAKE the ring took under three weeks.

I really hope you can get the ring made exactly as you want it. It really can be a wonderful treat to own a custom-made ring. I'm so sorry this one is giving you so much grief.

 

[TravelingGal]

My 3 stone ring was custom, handmade. Dropped off the stones April 20th, cads 2 weeks later, and ring about a week and a half after that. The cads were so I'd have an idea on how it would look and I could approve.

3.5 weeks for the ring's completion, and quite an easy process. Granted, I didn't really have a lot to say about how it should be made.

 

[oohsparkly]

I wonder if your request for white gold that has a creamy undertone is too difficult for an average jeweller to comprehend? I dont think many people would guess that you wanted white gold that hasnt been plated as that is considered undesirable by most. Maybe without a photo or that you didnt come up with a piece of jewellery that was like this to show them, I can sort of understand why they wouldnt quite get what you are meaning. I think most jewellers would find this request a puzzle. What you are saying is that you want the yellow gold to show through the white alloy (which is the opposite to what white gold is trying to achieve).

Hi Chloegal,

I think you are right about this. Even though it's not rocket science. I want unplated white gold, and I want to have a clear idea of the color it will end up. Simple, but still just too weird. I must admit, I would never have thought of it without pricescope. One of the girls in the shop confirmed they have never had anyone ask for unplated white gold before.

You are exactly right about wanting the yellow gold to show through the white alloy. YOU understand me! But I often find that men go to sleep on details...

 

[oohsparkly]

Who cares if that jerk think you are difficult? Women need to stop thinking that if they demand good service they are being "difficult". We all fall prey to that gender thing. Put it aside.

Yeah. This point has really got me thinking. They told me they could do it and the quote is not cheap. The two replica rings seem to be half really nice and half too incompetent to get it right first time - even though I supplied a stack of photos (of Susimoo's ring) so they could see what I was after.

My husband has also told me I've been too nice and he has taken advantage of that with the 6 month stretch. I am able to stand up for myself but this ring is truly a dream come true for me and I was being so careful not to make a wrong move and wreck the experience or end product. So I have erred on the side of patience/politeness. Even when they are late for appointments, and everything takes longer than they say it will. And they don't tell me what's going on.

Now my husband is thinking about 'having a little chat' to the jeweller.

But on the other hand they are decent people - not shonky or liars - that's pretty good in the jewellery world.

 

[oohsparkly]

And thanks Haven and Tgal for your perspectives on how long custom should take, that is helpful - it is really dragging out...

(BTW nothing to do with this but - I LOVE your rings and old cut diamonds!!)

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I hate to say it, but when having a ring custom made, I wouldn't be experimenting with a jeweler that has not shown evidence of having made a similar ring before and knowing the timeline. There is no local jeweler I would trust to make a style that someone like Victor makes because I can almost guarantee that it won't be of the same quality. If this was my situation, I would pay the jeweler for his time and start over with Victor. And I would have a discussion with him as to why he thinks 2.5 pointers are out of proportion to your diamond. I would trust his judgement to an extent.

 

[vinjewels]

Oh I wish I had some constructive advice. I wrote off custom design for a while... It sounds like you were very clear about the exact design, metal, etc. but there was some miscommuncation about what could and couldn't be done? I was extremely fortunate that my vendor had been on both sides (as a consumer AND a vendor) and understood how important it was to get it right. I really hope the situation can be fixed with little drama and you will have the perfect ring on your finger soon!

 

[ame]

I can empathize with what you are going thru! My custom ring hasn't gone well so I would advise you to be VERY clear in writing what it is you want. I too believe politeness is key, and good for you being able to hold it together, but rudeness from the owner shouldn't be tolerated - I've experienced that as well!

When you say WG going gray and it seems ugly- I'm all over that opinion! Thats were mines at now. I don't get why your guy couldn't give you the unplaced WG you wanted....

Hang in there oohsparkly and I really hope it works out for you.

I am yet one more saying to get what you asked for. But it sounds like this guy isn't able to provide it. Can you walk away with a small "restocking fee" and go with another vendor? I really have a problem with him being rude and still not providing what you asked for. Don't settle on it, especially after waiting this long.

 

[yssie]

IIRC there were two concerns originally -
1. Sending the stone overseas to VC
2. Unplated wg of the right yellowy colour *without* nickel


All in all this sounds like a giant mess... it really does sound like he was not prepared for someone as picky as you (and it's okay to be picky!)

My philosophy on this is that if the jeweller doesn't want the job, it's not going to end well for you. I think at this point the jeweller no longer wants your job, whether or not that was the case to begin with, and whether or not that's fair to you in terms of payment. What exactly you do about that, well, I'll leave that to others!

Was the wedding band the assistant pulled out confirmed nickel-free?

 

[Dreamer_D]

Fine, then let your husband be the bad guy and end this thing, perhaps as someone suggested, paying for the jewelers *reasonabel* time. Move on. And don't get too hung up on the whole "20 years of disappintment, finally dream ring" thing. Those are some high hopes to pin on this thing! It may very well be those things, but you have to also look at it as a project in-and-of-itself, with ups and downs and changes in direction.

I know few people who go custom and get it right the first time. The exception being cases where a) they work with master jewelers and let the jeweler have free reign; b) they work with a jeweler who makes the type of ring they want as a common practice, and they want just a tweak or two.

 

[distracts]

I hate to say it, but when having a ring custom made, I wouldn't be experimenting with a jeweler that has not shown evidence of having made a similar ring before and knowing the timeline. There is no local jeweler I would trust to make a style that someone like Victor makes because I can almost guarantee that it won't be of the same quality. If this was my situation, I would pay the jeweler for his time and start over with Victor. And I would have a discussion with him as to why he thinks 2.5 pointers are out of proportion to your diamond. I would trust his judgement to an extent.

I agree with this.

I also think the FIRST thing you should do is confirm that the unplated WG ring you saw was nickel-free. Do that today if possible. Because if it's not, then that's not actually a problem and the only problem is that your ring is a little wonky. If it IS, then you decide where to go from there. But if I were you, I wouldn't want to get all worked up about it only to find out the ring wasn't nickel-free.

I am very sorry your custom experience is going this way, but I am sure you'll eventually get the ring of your dreams!

 

[Haven]

I feel like we need to start a PSA thread about custom jobs. Do we have one of those already? It seems vaguely familiar, but I can't find anything in the search.

The most common things that pop up with custom jobs are questions about cost, timeline, and quality issues. I think it would be really interesting to get everyone with custom pieces to share their experiences and things they wish they had known then, and whatever other details they'd care to share. I imagine that would be a useful thing for people.

Oohsparkly--I really believe you'll end up with the ring of your dreams in the end, and I hope it happens sooner rather than later!

 

[orbaya]

I feel like we need to start a PSA thread about custom jobs. Do we have one of those already? It seems vaguely familiar, but I can't find anything in the search.

The most common things that pop up with custom jobs are questions about cost, timeline, and quality issues. I think it would be really interesting to get everyone with custom pieces to share their experiences and things they wish they had known then, and whatever other details they'd care to share. I imagine that would be a useful thing for people.

Oohsparkly--I really believe you'll end up with the ring of your dreams in the end, and I hope it happens sooner rather than later!

I agree as well. Another thing to add to this is whether the custom job was done through an online vendor, or a local vendor.

 

[oohsparkly]

I hate to say it, but when having a ring custom made, I wouldn't be experimenting with a jeweler that has not shown evidence of having made a similar ring before and knowing the timeline. There is no local jeweler I would trust to make a style that someone like Victor makes because I can almost guarantee that it won't be of the same quality. If this was my situation, I would pay the jeweler for his time and start over with Victor. And I would have a discussion with him as to why he thinks 2.5 pointers are out of proportion to your diamond. I would trust his judgement to an extent.

Diamondseeker - I get what you are saying about expecting VC quality from a local jeweller, it is the truth. This has been very frustrating but I am thinking that it may not make sense to throw the towel in just yet. On his third try (yes that illustrates what you are saying!!) he was actually getting close to what I want apart from the wonky struts and donut not flowing with the shank. It was his assistant that did those - I'm wondering if I point that out I will get them sorted on Try no. 4. He has won a stack of awards - so where I live he must have some sort of status as a master jeweller himself. So at least going in I did feel there was some reason to think I wasn't just blindly experimenting...

And my 2.5 pointers in the halo are non-negotiable! I've seen the look in real life and love it. If that makes me tasteless I'm just going to have to live with it!

 

[oohsparkly]

vinjewels - thanks for the good wishes!

ame - I appreciate the encouragement to not settle. I do have a tendency to pressure myself to settle, but I agree I should not and it would bother me forever to have a ring I'm not happy with. Since I first posted this thread I am more determined than ever not to settle!

I must say though that he wasn't rude to me as such - I didn't mean to imply that. He just failed to look at it fairly and made me feel very uncomfortable even though it was his mistake and NOT me changing my mind...

Yssie - you are right it does seemed he is not well prepared for my level of pickiness. But I'm not that picky, I just want it to flow nicely and be elegant and no wonky bits. I find it hard to believe that other people don't want that. And he did say at the very start that MOST OF HIS CLIENTS ARE PICKY AND HE LIKES THAT!! So it's not like I didn't get that cleared up at the start.

The white gold ring I saw has not been confirmed any thing at all let alone nickel free yet because he said 'Leave it for a few days'. I don't necessarily think he should have yet more time but it has been good for me to have thinking time too...

 

[oohsparkly]

I know few people who go custom and get it right the first time. The exception being cases where a) they work with master jewelers and let the jeweler have free reign; b) they work with a jeweler who makes the type of ring they want as a common practice, and they want just a tweak or two.

Ain't that the truth...

 

[oohsparkly]

Oohsparkly--I really believe you'll end up with the ring of your dreams in the end, and I hope it happens sooner rather than later!

Thank you Haven! This is music to my ears - because in spite of all this - I believe it too!

And thanks to everyone who has replied, your suggestions, advice and perspectives are a great help. Most of all I got a chance to vent with people who get how frustrating custom work can be.

 

[Enerchi]

As frustrating as this is for you, I'm glad to hear your story and your attitude is staying upbeat. You are really giving me the encouragement to keep pursuing my issue, too! I'm glad you posted about your situation - thank you! I think we will both end up happy in the end but it's going to be a zig zag route, not direct. Maybe we just learn more this way...

 

[oohsparkly]

That is exactly how I feel Enerchi - zigzag but we'll still get there - and you definitely learn a few things along the way.

I've been thinking about you Enerchi - I want you to get some kind of refund for that botcho job they did with your ring! (Still can't believe the glue!!) It's not right to be expected to just walk away from not getting what you paid for. I guess I don't take well to not getting what I paid for. I hope you can follow through on some of those suggestions to get some accountability from your jeweller.

Specially when you had such good taste in your ring design- it deserves to be finished properly!

 

[yssie]

vinjewels - thanks for the good wishes!

ame - I appreciate the encouragement to not settle. I do have a tendency to pressure myself to settle, but I agree I should not and it would bother me forever to have a ring I'm not happy with. Since I first posted this thread I am more determined than ever not to settle!

I must say though that he wasn't rude to me as such - I didn't mean to imply that. He just failed to look at it fairly and made me feel very uncomfortable even though it was his mistake and NOT me changing my mind...

Yssie - you are right it does seemed he is not well prepared for my level of pickiness. But I'm not that picky, I just want it to flow nicely and be elegant and no wonky bits. I find it hard to believe that other people don't want that. And he did say at the very start that MOST OF HIS CLIENTS ARE PICKY AND HE LIKES THAT!! So it's not like I didn't get that cleared up at the start.

The white gold ring I saw has not been confirmed any thing at all let alone nickel free yet because he said 'Leave it for a few days'. I don't necessarily think he should have yet more time but it has been good for me to have thinking time too...

Unfortunately, working with an acknowledged "master" doesn't guarantee fabulous results on *your* piece, unless perhaps it's of a very similar style to something that jeweller has already done. Been there done that, and I wound up doing a full reset with a different vendor (and I'm very happy with the results).

I truly don't think this jeweller can give you what you want, I just hate to say that after all this time and effort I don't, however, think that the level of perfection you're looking for is impossible to achieve or anything like that. I'd urge you to reach out to VC again, since he has done exactly what you want, and try to get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to use the larger halo stones if that's still an issue, it may be something other than aesthetic concerns. Or Mike R - he's much closer, though still intl of course!