Curious: Growing trend of paying for the wedding yourselves?

[Nurseynurse]

It's so nice you started this thread. I am 22 and my FI is 31, we are paying for the wedding ourselves. My dad has already passed and my mom was a housewife her whole life and just started to work after my dad died so we can't ask her to pay but she said she will be putting in at least $5000 or so. My FI's mom is well over in her 70s and his dad abandoned 'em when he was still a child so we couldn't ask his mom either. HOWEVER, this may sound bile but his mom was in an accident where she was a pedestrian (she is completely fine! just minor scratches and bruising). She is expecting a hefty pay from the insurance.
My FI is her favorite son so she will be giving us some without even asking. Also, my mom's side of the family is aware of the tradition so my uncle and aunt are also contributing about 5,000 each. The problem is how to hide the money from my side of the family since FI believes he should pay for the wedding. He already have some saved up. Maybe I can just pretend I saved the money myself?
As for culture I am Filipino with a Catholic background and FI is asian and a Buddhist.

 

[gingerBcookie]

Date: 1/16/2007 12:47:46 PM
Author: allycat0303
I''m Viet (so in my tradition the man''s family pays for the wedding) and his french-canadian (the woman''s family pays) sooooo...obviously it ends up that we''ll be paying so none of the families are offended and we get to make all the decisions. We''ve known it would be an issue for a long time though. Both families can easily afford it, but neither has offered (and we aren''t expecting them too)

I''m 26, and he''s 28. We''re lucky because we can afford to pay for it. I think it would be really difficult if we were just starting out or if we were both still in school.

ditto...cept my man''s hispanic.

 

[Pandora II]

I''m getting married in 2008 when I will be 36 and FI will be 34.

My parents have 4 kids, 3 of us girls - I''m the oldest.

My father opened a savings account for my wedding the week I was born and had been paying in ever since. He used some for my sister''s wedding and says I get 50% of what is in the account.

Weddings in the UK are sooooo expensive. I think the average is about £18k sterling - so just short of $38k US.

I''m planning on about half of that budget max.

I would elope to Vegas if I could, but my parents really want the traditional wedding. FI and I already own our own house, so if it makes them happy....

Sweet of my dad to have saved all these years though. The older I get the more I start to realise they won''t be here forever and I''m very happy that I will have such lovely memories of all my family on my wedding day. If FI and I had to pay ourselves we''d never do it this way and I''m very grateful to my daddy for giving me the chance to do something that is actually a bit frivolous!

 

[codex57]

I dunno. We paid for it ourselves. After a while, my mom eventually promised a certain amount to help out. In the end, all the help we got from them was my dad paying for the deposit on the reception site (they went with us to pick and negotiated with the planner lady, so it didn''t really count). For us tho, I''ve known to never trust my mom since I was 5 years old. My dad''s the complete opposite, but my mom controls the purse strings for the most part. So, we knew we''d have to pay for it ourselves no matter what my mom said.

I''m pretty sure that''s a unique situation tho.

 

[KimberlyH]

John and I planned our wedding with the intent of paying for it but my parents wouldn''t hear of it. They never set a budget so we told them when they were done forking out the dough to say the word and we''d take over. They never did. John''s mom paid for our photographer and we paid for some of the incidentals, smaller priced items it just didn''t seem worth turning receipts/requests over to my parents for.

We were 29 and 38 when we said I do and in good financial standing.

 

[jesterjigger]

My mom told me that she''d give me $2,000 just to elope back when I was a sophomore in college. However, as a real engagement began to loom last year she said that she and my dad would give us $4,000 towards the wedding or to elope (as long as they were invited). Fiance''s parents said that they would give him $5,000 to elope, lol. Then when the engagement happened my parents decided on $5,000 which we''ve been using for buying the dress and all the downpayments on everything. They threw in an extra $1,000 to change venue, so we have $11,000 from our families. So far all of the big stuff should be under that (dress/accessories, flowers, band, reception, cake, hair/makeup, maybe a little more, or maybe we''ll have a bigger open bar). We''ve spent some money ourselves, like shoes, invitiation stuff, favors, etc.


Of course, now my mom is offering payoffs for grandchildren...she told me $2,000 for a kid within a year of getting married (she said she''s ok with me having a kid BEFORE the wedding even!) and that the amount would just go down for every year after that without a kid. I told her that I bet the amount would really go UP, the longer she had to wait, lol...she didn''t want to, but she agreed, lol. Not that I''m going to have a kid just because my mom is offering to give me money...I know that the overall expense and committment would be much greater than just two grand! I definitely want to enjoy being married for a couple of years before adding to the family.

 

[Officers girl]

Were a mishmash I never expected anything from my parents because they are irresponisble people so we are paying for the whole thing except for a few things that our families and friends have chipped in on. I wouldnt want to give up to much financial control because the person who pays tends to have the most say and I couldnt be happy unless that person was me

 

[Scooba]

I am 23, FI is 25 and very financially independent, there was never a question with my parents, they asked how much we wanted, I refused to throw out a #, my mom threw out one that was fine, his parents offered us a number and we accepted, my dad then said don''t worry about money, so it seems as though he is picking up the rest. I would never have asked for money though.

 

[mia15]

Date: 1/16/2007 3:46:23 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Many years ago, my mom took my brother and myself into a room and gave us two big envelopes...$5000 in cash each. I was floored, since we had long since lost our grocery store and my dad left us for many years to see if he could find work in Korea (he never sent money back). My mother was working at a friend''s store for $5 an hour. So how she saved up so much cash, I don''t know.


She said it was for our wedding day, but we could do with it what we pleased. I am not sure what my brother did with his, but I put mine away in a savings account I opened specifically for the money she gave me. There was plenty that I could have spent it on, but I was so touched she did this that I decided to just pretend it wasn''t there.


A couple of years ago, my mom surprised me again with another envelope of $5000. It was even more of a surprise than the first one, because she had been retired for awhile and had no savings. I started supporting her a few years back when I started to make decent money, and I guess she saved the cash I gave her here and there for spending money. My brother had already married and she wanted to give me more money for my wedding. That money also went into the savings account I had opened all those years ago.


When came time to get married, I had $10000 (plus interest) that I had not touched since I knew that someday my mother would want to feel like she paid for my wedding. Our wedding cost a bit more than that, so I definitely put more money in, but I am proud my mother essentially paid for our wedding through her very hard earned money. I also am glad I was able to honor her wishes and save the money for the wedding even during the years where I could have really used the money to pay for living expenses...not to mention there wasn''t a prospective husband in sight!!!!!!!!!!

This is an amazingly moving story. You''re very lucky to have a mother like this and she''s also lucky to have a daughter like you.

My fiance and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. Culturally, both parents expected to contribute but neither of us are big wedding people and we can easily afford to pay for a small wedding. Some of our friends have done the same. For us it''s an independence thing, since there''s been an overwhelming amount of input before we decided we would pay. It keeps things so simple.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Niether of my parents have offered to pay for it. My mother offered to pay for the flowers...we'll see. Dad said he would help us find a band (not pay for, find). I sort of get the feeling he might have offered to help if we had the wedding in LA where NONE of our other family or friends are besides him...it's kind of a 6 hr flight away for everyone else.

His parents? Hah. Besides, they DID just put him through Penn at full price and might help him out a little in med school.

My grandparents have been great. They said we can have it at their house and when I told them we wanted to do it for under 5k they laughed at me and said they would help us.

Which is darling of them, but "we'll help you" doesn't mean squat when I'm making a budget. I can't decide if I should ask them "so, what should I budget in as you helping," or if I should just plan it all like we are paying for it ourselves...and then deal with the "but we said we would help you" fallout.

We're 22, both just graduated university. His parents paid full tuition, mine paid nothing. My grandparents (once again) paid the 4k or so a year in parental expenses they were supposed to get.

As for the trend, I don't know. My friend M.'s parents are paying for her wedding. My friend K. is paying for most of it and her parents are helping a little. They are both my age.

I kind of like that we will pay for it ourselves in the sense that it makes it our accomplishment. Sort of the way I feel about school. OTOH, when people ask me about the wedding I've had a lot of uncomfortable scilences where you can tell they are wondering why I am paying for it.

RE: the touchy "whose name gets on the invite," I think we will put my grandparents. So and so invite you to the wedding of RT, that sort. They aren't actually my real grandparents, which makes the name situation sort of odd, though.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Date: 1/17/2007 1:34:17 AM
Author: emeraldlover

Date: 1/16/2007 3:46:23 PM

Author: TravelingGal

Many years ago, my mom took my brother and myself into a room and gave us two big envelopes...$5000 in cash each. I was floored, since we had long since lost our grocery store and my dad left us for many years to see if he could find work in Korea (he never sent money back). My mother was working at a friend''s store for $5 an hour. So how she saved up so much cash, I don''t know.



She said it was for our wedding day, but we could do with it what we pleased. I am not sure what my brother did with his, but I put mine away in a savings account I opened specifically for the money she gave me. There was plenty that I could have spent it on, but I was so touched she did this that I decided to just pretend it wasn''t there.



A couple of years ago, my mom surprised me again with another envelope of $5000. It was even more of a surprise than the first one, because she had been retired for awhile and had no savings. I started supporting her a few years back when I started to make decent money, and I guess she saved the cash I gave her here and there for spending money. My brother had already married and she wanted to give me more money for my wedding. That money also went into the savings account I had opened all those years ago.



When came time to get married, I had $10000 (plus interest) that I had not touched since I knew that someday my mother would want to feel like she paid for my wedding. Our wedding cost a bit more than that, so I definitely put more money in, but I am proud my mother essentially paid for our wedding through her very hard earned money. I also am glad I was able to honor her wishes and save the money for the wedding even during the years where I could have really used the money to pay for living expenses...not to mention there wasn''t a prospective husband in sight!!!!!!!!!!

This is an amazingly moving story. You''re very lucky to have a mother like this and she''s also lucky to have a daughter like you.




Ditto!

 

[anchor31]

We are both French Canadians and the tradition is the bride''s family pays for everything. Recently though it''s more 50/50 for both set of parents. My parents are paying for half and I always assumed they would. As for J''s family... Well, if you''ve read my posts about them, you know I''m not expecting anything...

But I''ll still be mad if they don''t pay at least for their guests'' dinner, because 3000$ is a lot for us to dish out while I''m in college and him just starting out, and we''re trying to save up for a house. Not to mention the other half of the vendors'' fees!

 

[Clarygrace]

Travelinggal:
What a great story, and what a wonderful Mom you have! A great daughter to for honoring Mom''s wishes!

My first wedding was paid for by both parents, that was a very long time ago and we were young.

Second marriage, definitely paying for ourselves.

 

[ladykemma]

in 1994, when we were engaged, parents on both sides strongly encouraged us to elope or have a tiny wedding. they knew what a waste of money weddings are. edited to add: it was hubby who wanted a big wedding. well, he paid for most of it! I wanted to go to lake tahoe.

that said, my stepfather said here's $5k, i hope you elope! we put the 5k towards a formal wedding which i regret to this day. hubby and i paid for most of it. His side bought us all the new appliances for our new home, washer, dryer, fridge, etc.

next time, having a potluck. I'm serious.

edited to add: huge expensive weddings are not my thing. i would rather spend the money on a home, or ring, or future.

 

[labbielove]

We are 38 and 41, first time wedding for both, and we''re paying for it ourselves. Other than rehearsal dinner that fi''s parents are insisting on paying for, and they also mentioned paying for the flowers, but I''m not sure the etiquette around asking them now that we''ve been getting estimates (i.e. how much do they think the flowers are??) So we''ll probably pay for those.

My mother is 78, and I know she has the means, by far, to help or pay for the entire thing. However, she hasn''t come forward and said anything to us (we''ve been engaged since June 06). Even though she mentioned an amount to my sister in July that she was thinking of offering us, to see if it was fair.
I am not sure why she hasn''t said anything to us, but I am not asking.

We are planning to pay 100% and if she comes thru in the end we will put it in the honeymoon fund.

I have to admit, the selfish/immature side of me is a bit peeved- all my other sibs got $ for their weddings, and I have 7 nieces and nephews who over the years have gotten a ton of cash from my parents, that they were able to put towards college.
I wouldn''t deny any of them any of that- but I feel a bit as though I''m being ''penalized'' for not having kids.
Ok, that is so immature, and I''m embarrassed I feel that way- but I got it out, and if anyone can understand Bridezilla moments it''s fellow ps''ers.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 1/17/2007 8:31:35 AM
Author: labbielove
We are 38 and 41, first time wedding for both, and we''re paying for it ourselves. Other than rehearsal dinner that fi''s parents are insisting on paying for, and they also mentioned paying for the flowers, but I''m not sure the etiquette around asking them now that we''ve been getting estimates (i.e. how much do they think the flowers are??) So we''ll probably pay for those.

My mother is 78, and I know she has the means, by far, to help or pay for the entire thing. However, she hasn''t come forward and said anything to us (we''ve been engaged since June 06). Even though she mentioned an amount to my sister in July that she was thinking of offering us, to see if it was fair.
I am not sure why she hasn''t said anything to us, but I am not asking.

We are planning to pay 100% and if she comes thru in the end we will put it in the honeymoon fund.

I have to admit, the selfish/immature side of me is a bit peeved- all my other sibs got $ for their weddings, and I have 7 nieces and nephews who over the years have gotten a ton of cash from my parents, that they were able to put towards college.
I wouldn''t deny any of them any of that- but I feel a bit as though I''m being ''penalized'' for not having kids.
Ok, that is so immature, and I''m embarrassed I feel that way- but I got it out, and if anyone can understand Bridezilla moments it''s fellow ps''ers.

actually be peeved. it''s peevable.

my stepfather gave each kid 5k for each of our weddings. i agreed with him then and i agree with him now that''s all a wedding should cost. he kept it fair and equal.

 

[aljdewey]

Hubby and I paid for our own wedding. I was married later (just shy of 39), so of course I was able to support myself and my own expenses by then.

Even if I''d been married younger, I doubt my parents would have paid for the wedding then, either....nor would I have expected them to.

Parents paying for the wedding harkens back to the day when women didn''t go to college and didn''t secure jobs of their own; now that those factors have changed, I think we''re seeing the change in assuming that parents just pay.

Even if tradition still ran more toward previous days of parents paying, I''d have preferred to pay for it ourselves. It makes it infinitely easier to retain control of things (guests lists, entrees, venues, etc.) and have the kind of wedding WE wanted, not what someone else thought we should have.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 1/17/2007 8:27:05 AM
Author: ladykemma
in 1994, when we were engaged, parents on both sides strongly encouraged us to elope or have a tiny wedding. they knew what a waste of money weddings are. edited to add: it was hubby who wanted a big wedding. well, he paid for most of it! I wanted to go to lake tahoe.

that said, my stepfather said here''s $5k, i hope you elope! we put the 5k towards a formal wedding which i regret to this day. hubby and i paid for most of it. His side bought us all the new appliances for our new home, washer, dryer, fridge, etc.

next time, having a potluck. I''m serious.

edited to add: huge expensive weddings are not my thing. i would rather spend the money on a home, or ring, or future.

I so agree with you. If I could spend my wedding budget on my ring

If it was me paying it would be me and him and immediate family only. However, the money does not come with options like spending on a house (or ring

).

It is my father''s "wedding account" and I have taken the view that he obviously felt fro the day I was born that this is what was important to him. FI and I are organising everything (I organise events as the main part of my day job) so it won''t be too stressful.

 

[Liquiddazi]

This is a very interesting topic.

In my family, I am the third one of four and the only one not married. For my two older siblings (one boy & one girl), they paid $100 per every month they were engaged because that was what they could afford. My older sister''s wedding was 12 years ago and my older brother''s wedding was 6 years ago. Neither of these siblings had rehearsal dinners However, when my sister got married last summer, my parents paid most of it with her now husband paying for the programs, invitations and a few other things. My sister paid for her wedding dress and shoes and I think that''s it. My parent''s paid the rest, except for the rehearsal dinner, which her husband''s parents paid for.

My wedding I have no clue what will happen. I''m 22 and just graduated from school and this decision is really still up in the air. All of my siblings were all still in undergraduate when they got married. Also, my boyfriend''s parents may or may not give us money. He is the oldest of two boys and I think it would be completely up to what they can afford. My boyfriend is also 22 and will graduate in May.

Regardless of if they pay or don''t pay, I am hoping to have a wedding for under 10,000, 5,000 if I''m lucky.

Also!!! My best friend is getting married next weekend and her and her soon to be husband are paying for most of their wedding. Her parents are giving her a little bit of money to help, but it isn''t very much & his parents are cooking the rehearsal dinner themselves to save on money.

However, when I was discussing this with my boyfriend''s friend, who is a girl, she was in a little bit of disbelief that my best friend and I would have to pay for our own weddings. Her parents were paying for it all. Her parents make less than my parents and my best friends parents. But I think this has to do with her family because my best friend and I both come from relatively large families and we both had to pay for college and wedding.

So I think it really is up to the family.

 

[sumbride]

Date: 1/17/2007 1:50:03 PM
Author: Pandora II

If it was me paying it would be me and him and immediate family only. However, the money does not come with options like spending on a house (or ring

).

It is my father''s ''wedding account'' and I have taken the view that he obviously felt fro the day I was born that this is what was important to him. FI and I are organising everything (I organise events as the main part of my day job) so it won''t be too stressful.

My situation is much the same... I was offered the money for "The wedding". I wasn''t offered it for the wedding OR the house OR debt or anything else... it''s for the wedding. We need new living room furniture so it would be great to have money for that, but it''s not an option. And in the end, I think I''ll enjoy the memory of the wedding day much longer than a new sofa would last around here with our cats. It''s important to my parents that they throw a big party for us, and since I''m the youngest, this is their last chance. It''s already making them so happy, even with the money they''re spending, so I wouldn''t want to take that away from them. My parents are social butterflies. We''re "party people". It''s what we do. So the wedding is the ultimate party for them. If it were our money, I''d definitely spend it differently.

When FI bought our house last year, nobody offered a cent to help with the downpayment. His mom gave him a 10 day loan to help with cash flow when his 401k loan check hadn''t come in time for closing, but she wanted every cent back as soon as the check arrived. He was fine with it, never expected her to help. My parents gave me some cash to help with moving expenses since I had to pay rent on my apt. until my lease was up on top of moving and helping with the mortgage. But at least for us, we aren''t looking at the wedding money thinking "downpayment on a house" since we already have one.

 

[wolftress]

I''m Singaporean-Chinese and my FI is Australian-Caucasian. In my culture, traditionally the groom''s family pays, and in his culture, the bride''s family does. However, we are both paying for the wedding to avoid conflict. The sad part is, my parents aren''t paying a cent, but insist on their names being on the invitations, and want to dictate all the wedding details.

My FI''s mother has very kindly offered to pay for some extra guests that she would like added to the guest list. I was just wondering if this is common? We are so grateful to her for doing that.

 

[ellewoods]

My fiance and I are paying for everything for our wedding ourselves. It isn''t so much a "trend," or that we are insiting we pay because we''re adults, but more of the fact that my family has no financial resources to contribute. Sadly, I never expected any assistance from them because financially its always been this way with my family. My dad used to joke in high school that I had to elope because he was paying for my college education and so he couldn''t pay for a wedding, but that wasn''t true -- I paid for all of it and grad school (now I have student loans over $200,000).

Anyway, I don''t mean to be bitter, because I can''t change the situation. My family doesn''t have the financial resources, and they also haven''t volunteered any assistance or even approached the subject with me. My fiance is 30 and I am 28, but we both finished school quite recently and just started working, so we''ve got a lot of expenses and financial gymnastics to go through for the wedding and just in general life.

The thing that is really annoying about my family, is that my dad is acting like he''s just another wedding guest. Or like a distant uncle or something. He keeps telling me how excited he and my step-mom are to come, they want travel information, etc. But there''s absolutely no mention of "How are you paying for the wedding?" Or "is there anything we can do to help? Anything we should know or do, as your family?" It''s going to be that they show up, have a good time, and then go home (patting himself on the back the whole way home, I''m sure...grr

).

Side Note -- I have decided that I don''t want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I want to walk myself, alone. This isn''t because he isn''t financially contributing, its a combination of factors. But to be honest, the fact that he''s not involved makes me feel 100% happy with my decision. A while back I was resigned to walking with him, just because it''d be easier to go with tradition and it''d make him really happy, and it''s only a few minutes anyway. But in my situation with my family, I really disagree with what the tradition stands for. I''ve been on my own since I was about 16, and it''s silly and not genuine for me to pretend that there''s a meaning behind the dad-giving-me-away thing. It wouldn''t be true to my feelings and what I want for my wedding. I spend too much time in life making sure other people feel happy and are comfortable and are accomodated. And I am trying my best to make sure I don''t do that for my wedding, and that includes my family.

My fiance''s family does have a significant amount of financial resources, and they have mentioned a few times that they want to help us out with the wedding. We greatly appreciate anything they wish to provide, but we''re not expecting any certain amount or even that it will be a direct financial contribution. We know that if we need to borrow $$ for a deposit or something, we can borrow from them and pay it back. And I think that as the wedding draws closer, they might choose a element of the wedding and offer to pay for it (flowers, music?). But we are not expecting anything from them.

My fiance has a younger sister, and I know that his parents fully expect to pay for a big formal wedding for her. Its just something they''ve always assumed, as they are in a upper-class locale and socialize with others who are professionals and financially well-off. And his sister fully expects to have everything paid for. I think it is great for either the bride''s or groom''s parents to pay for a wedding, if they can actually afford it and want to pay, but with everyone''s unique and different financial situations and family situations in society today, I don''t think society should just "expect" the bride''s parents to pay for the majority of a wedding. But my fiance''s family leans more towards that view, because they actually do have the money to pay for their daughter''s wedding, and that''s the way it is with their friends'' children''s weddings.

My fiance''s family knows of my family''s financial situation, so they know we''re paying for everything ourselves. But nevertheless, a couple of months ago my fiance''s mother asked me if my father was contributing anything, and whether he had offered to contribute. Even having known my fiance''s family for years, that was an extremely uncomfortable situation for me, because I know that his parents are aware of my family''s situation. My dad couldn''t loan me $300 if I had an emergency of some sort, let alone contribute to our wedding.

In my case, my fiance''s parents have taken a little more than half of the guest list (their friends and family). I have only a couple of family members, and then the rest are my and my fiance''s friends. In our case, even if my family was able to contribute financially, I don''t think it''d be necessarily fair to expect my parents to pay for everything, considering on my side there will only be 5 people invited.

Of course, if my family had the resources, and offered to assist us, I would be deeply greatful and accept their help. Weddings are a family affair, for the most part, and I think its great when both families contribute financially, with ideas, etc. Its just not the case with us.

All of that being said, I greatly appreciate the freedom I feel in making decisions about the wedding. We just received our save the dates, and it was me and my fiance who dictated everything. When I found my dream wedding dress, I flinched when I saw the price (about $3,500), but I decided that I really wanted it and I ordered it and put the deposit down -- after all, it''s my hard earned money. In terms of flowers, decorations, the menu -- my fiance and I will have full control. Of course get input from my sister and his family, but I don''t feel pressured into choosing something I don''t like (well most of the time!).

And as far as the invitations, we will list ourselves as the hosts. I would be livid if my father expected me to list him on the invite, when he isn''t contributing. I really feel badly for those of you out there whose parents are doing that! It is totally not fair. So our invites will say something like -- "Elle Woods and John Doe request the pleasure of your company at their wedding..." or "Elle Woods and John Doe invite you to join in the celebration of their marriage..."

Sorry for the extremely long answer...as the responses indicate, this is a very interesting topic, with very varied responses, and it brings up a lot of different emotions as well.

 

[flopkins]

well, DH and I paid for 1/3, my parents 1/3, and his parents 1/3. It kinda went like this: A month or so after we were engaged, DH''s parents came to us and said, we give you $X, you can blow it on the wedding or save it or do whatever you want w/it. THen my parents asked how much the IL''s were giving, and matched that, also saying we can do whatever we want w/it... my mom told me I should save it and elope. DH and I originally wanted to keep our budget strictly to what our parents had given us, but w/an SF wedding that was pretty much impossible, so we made up the rest ourselves, no problem.

We thought about just having a small wedding and saving the money from our parents towards a down payment on a house, but then we realized that in SF/Bay Area it prob wasn''tgoing to be enough to make a dent on a down anyway, so what the hell. Plus it meant a lot to DH that we had a wedding w/all the family etc... and I wouldn''t trade it for the world. Yeah we spent a heck of a lot, but I''m happy w/our decision, and I think my parents were happy w/the wedding too, even though my mom originally wanted us to save the money! heh.

oh, and FYI we are both ABC, so in our traditional CHinese it would be the grooms family paying, but it ended up being split, and we had an American style wedding besides! and DH was 27, me 25 when we got married last year.

 

[VRBeauty]

Elle: I fully understand your desire to pay for all of your wedding, but given your financial situation vs. that of your FILs, I wonder if you aren't doing yourselves and your FILs a disservice by not talking with them about their offer to help? It sounds like they want to help "for all the right reasons" and you've given no indication that their help would come with strings attached. You've indicated that you'd accept help from your family if they offered it; I don't think it's all that different to accept financial assistance from your FILs. As you said, weddings are a family affair... Just my 2 cents worth (if that

).