Wedding Crying at the altar. Who did it? Who thinks they will?

[Gypsy]

I started writing my vows today.

I think I''m gonna be a sodden mess. LOL.

Any tips for avoiding it?

Do you say your vows at the rehearsal? Or do you save them for the wedding?

Does practicing help?

Any tips on public speaking? I''ve never been very good at it.

 

[FrekeChild]

I''m going to either cry really really hard or giggle through the whole thing.

 

[Amandine]

Ugh, no advice here, but I am convinced I will cry. Its pretty much the reason why we are doing most of the photos before the wedding (besides me hating how long they always seem to take after the ceremony

). For my sister''s wedding, we lined the bottom of the flower girls basket with tissues, just in case. Well, I did tear up, and one of my favorite memories is this sweet little girl standing in front of me turning around to whisper "Do you need a kleenex?"!!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I read in a book (or magazine?) that it is best just to let your emotions out and then try to move on instead of holding it in, that's the only advice I have! But I haven't tried it myself yet, so we'll see.

ETA: I think practicing in front of a mirror would help with the public speaking thing! It helps me anyway.

 

[allycat0303]

I''m really worried about that. I would say that I am a totally not emotional person, HOWEVER, at SIL wedding, I cried like a baby. And not a pretty cry. So did my fiancé. He thinks he is going to lose it too. Which will probably embarass him.

My attitude is to go with it. Because emotion is nice at a wedding. But then....talk to me when I have mascara streaks and I MIGHT have changed my attitude.

 

[Courtneylub]

I lost it at my 1st wedding, but I think it was because I had my dad on one arm and my step dad on the other. They have hated each other my whole life. I didn''t cry at the alter...but it''s a big blur really.

Fast forward to the present and I think my emotions will depend on FI''s face when I''m walking down the aisle (alone). Sarah had good advice. Holding it in seems to make it worse and not very attractive. Like this:

 

[AmberGretchen]

Honestly, I couldn''t stop grinning. The only time I cried the whole day was when our last song played at the reception - and those were more happy/release tears than anything else. And only for about a minute...

 

[neatfreak]

Well, in interest of full disclosure I cried at the Little Mermaid last week. So I thought I''d be a complete mess at my wedding, but really, my eyes welled up a bit and that was IT! I was so shocked because usually I cry at everything, so you might surprise yourself.

 

[Clio]

I''m the world''s biggest sap and cry at slightly heartwarming commercials, so I thought I would cry at my wedding, but I didn''t. I just felt very calm and happy.

I have a friend who sobbed throughout the entire ceremony, as did her husband. It was quite sweet and moving, so I wouldn''t worry about it if you do get weepy.

 

[Octavia]

Date: 5/12/2008 9:43:33 PM
Author: neatfreak
Well, in interest of full disclosure I cried at the Little Mermaid last week.

I haven''t watched it in awhile, but I used to cry at The Lion King every time I saw it. And I still do cry whenever I watch Love Actually, during the scene where the little kid is racing through the airport and Colin Firth is going to propose with the whole town following along behind him. Drip, drip, drip

I''m fully prepared to be a disaster at my wedding, but I''m kind of hoping I''ll get it all out during the dress-trying, the fittings, the flower-choosing, the invitation-stuffing...

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 5/12/2008 9:43:33 PM
Author: neatfreak
Well, in interest of full disclosure I cried at the Little Mermaid last week. So I thought I''d be a complete mess at my wedding, but really, my eyes welled up a bit and that was IT! I was so shocked because usually I cry at everything, so you might surprise yourself.

I notice I''ve been more emotional lately and crying at everything!!

So yeah I am guessing I will probably be crying at the wedding.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Oh, I cry easily at movies, but not at my wedding! I was nervous and it made me giggle. Then all I could think of was how I could hold that in without bursting out laughing! I''ll never forget that!

Gypsy, my opinion is that you do not practice the vows at the rehearsal.

 

[Gypsy]

LOL @ the Little Mermaid.

Okay so if I well up... I shouldn''t stress and make it worse... just try to go with it.

Amandine-- that is SO cute. I think I''m going to ask John and my MOH to carry one each of his grandfather''s hankerchief''s, we still have quite a few and can''t seem to part with them.

AG--- you grinned through your wedding? I can see that.

What a lovely memory.

I was a little overly emotional today. Haven''t been in general about the wedding though. It''s like a fun project combined with a chore. I guess I should step back and enjoy the process more.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Yeah...we both did actually. The pictures are pretty cute, even though we both look like we might be a little "special" and not in a good way

Honestly I was pretty much on cloud 9 from the day before all the way through at least a month afterwards, and DH was too.

I really think you should try to step back and enjoy the process. I let my family get to me way too much in the time I was planning the wedding, and I really regret that I couldn''t enjoy the planning more.

You and John are going to be so blissfully happy and it will be so magical to have that day that will celebrate how happy you two will be and how much your friends and family love you and want the best for the two of you.

 

[karasue91]

I''m fully planning on being a total wreck. Hoping to avoid just a TEENY bit of it by seeing each other before the ceremony for pictures, a la Amandine.

Question about your vows: Are you two reading them to each other before the wedding? My officiant recommends it, and it would definitely help with the emotion factor having practiced it with each other. But I don''t know...I want it to be a bit of a surprise, and I actually want to cry a LITTLE bit.

I need to start writing mine too, do you have any good online resources??

 

[asscher_girl]

I really thought I was going to, but somehow I didn''t. I got a little tearing 2 times earlier in the day but that''s about it. I did cry when we got home and watched the unedited video our friend burned for us. And I got teary eyed today when one of my co-workers came over to congratulate me - go figure! hehe

I don''t really have any advise but just my 2 cents

 

[isaku5]

Date: 5/12/2008 10:18:56 PM
Author: AmberGretchen
Yeah...we both did actually. The pictures are pretty cute, even though we both look like we might be a little ''special'' and not in a good way

Honestly I was pretty much on cloud 9 from the day before all the way through at least a month afterwards, and DH was too.

I really think you should try to step back and enjoy the process. I let my family get to me way too much in the time I was planning the wedding, and I really regret that I couldn''t enjoy the planning more.

You and John are going to be so blissfully happy and it will be so magical to have that day that will celebrate how happy you two will be and how much your friends and family love you and want the best for the two of you.

The whole thing was a blur to me. I kept staring at the minister''s dirty fingernails wondering what he''d been doing before the ceremony

.

The one thing I do remember was walking down the aisle with my dad whose tears were hitting his shoes

. He was a very emotional guy, and didn''t hide it even way back then when it wasn''t considered acceptable for a man to cry especially in public.

Neither my DH nor I remember what we ate at the reception

. It was held in the banquet room of a really posh hotel. The one detail we both remember was cutting the cake while people were taking pics.

My late uncle told me long afterward that I looked as if I should be returning to "the home" after the wedding. I can relate to looking "a little special" too, and also not in a good way.

Regarding saying your vows: Usually there''s not a lot of time at the rehearsal and often the "mood" is a little chaotic and not conducive to sentimentality. I think your personal vows would be much more effective at the actual ceremony.

Are you going to share your written vows with each other before the ceremony?

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/12/2008 10:20:56 PM
Author: karasue91
I'm fully planning on being a total wreck. Hoping to avoid just a TEENY bit of it by seeing each other before the ceremony for pictures, a la Amandine.

Question about your vows: Are you two reading them to each other before the wedding? My officiant recommends it, and it would definitely help with the emotion factor having practiced it with each other. But I don't know...I want it to be a bit of a surprise, and I actually want to cry a LITTLE bit.

I need to start writing mine too, do you have any good online resources??

I was wondering if we should rehearse them just to each other-- or at least read them... I get so nervous speaking in public I thought it would help me remember that the only audience that matters is him. I'm open to advice!

I don't know of any resources... I research everything and have the rest of the ceremony pretty much written out, but I guess I don't want to research the words and emotions that I'm pledging to hiim. I just want it to come from me. Probably strange, but... I just want to write them myself.

 

[miraclesrule]

I love it when the groom cries. But the minute I see a man cry...BAM, I''m toast.

Gypsy, you could do what my co-worker did last year. She had a kleenex in her bosom and as soon as she felt the tears, she whipped it out, and everyone started laughing, including her. She said she is glad it happened like that or she wouldn''t have been able to go on without ruining all her makeup.

I think it''s endearing that you are getting emotional writing your vows.

 

[KimberlyH]

I did. I am a "cryer" in general and I cried during our vows. Not all "boo hoo hoo" just welled up with tears and I was way okay with it. I was so thrilled to be marrying my amazing husband and however that showed, it showed (I think those in attendance who know me best would have thought it odd if I didn''t cry).

 

[doodle]

is it bad form to have them with you on paper just in case you panic and forget? as far as mascara goes, best tip i''ve ever heard: take with you a few q-tips dipped in makeup remover. then you''re safe and they''re small enough that they won''t take off ALL your makeup, just any smudges.

btw, i love all the crying at disney movies stories! my killer is free willy--if i even HEAR the sound of whales now, i think of that movie and turn to a sobbing wreck. also, i never cry at stuff in real life, but at my cousin''s rehearsal dinner, they showed a slide show of baby pix, etc, ya know, the usual. i wasn''t expecting to be in so many of the pictures, but at least ten of them were me and my cousin when we were little. maybe it was all the cosmopolitans, but i teared up so bad i made my FI cry, too, just because i was, and he''s so unused to seeing me cry!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/12/2008 10:52:49 PM
Author: isaku5

Date: 5/12/2008 10:18:56 PM
Author: AmberGretchen
Yeah...we both did actually. The pictures are pretty cute, even though we both look like we might be a little ''special'' and not in a good way

Honestly I was pretty much on cloud 9 from the day before all the way through at least a month afterwards, and DH was too.

I really think you should try to step back and enjoy the process. I let my family get to me way too much in the time I was planning the wedding, and I really regret that I couldn''t enjoy the planning more.

You and John are going to be so blissfully happy and it will be so magical to have that day that will celebrate how happy you two will be and how much your friends and family love you and want the best for the two of you.

The whole thing was a blur to me. I kept staring at the minister''s dirty fingernails wondering what he''d been doing before the ceremony

. Um... ick?? I can relate though, I have the most random thoughts and observations at the WORST time. It''s something to tell the grandkids, right?

The one thing I do remember was walking down the aisle with my dad whose tears were hitting his shoes

. He was a very emotional guy, and didn''t hide it even way back then when it wasn''t considered acceptable for a man to cry especially in public. That is so sweet- did it give you the sniffles? I think grandpa is gonna cry too. Which I''m worried will set me off. LOL.

Neither my DH nor I remember what we ate at the reception

. It was held in the banquet room of a really posh hotel. The one detail we both remember was cutting the cake while people were taking pics. I''ve heard this from a few people... I would be sad too. Do you remember what the cake tasted like, honey?

My late uncle told me long afterward that I looked as if I should be returning to ''the home'' after the wedding. I can relate to looking ''a little special'' too, and also not in a good way.

Heh. I bet hubby thought you looked beautiful!

Regarding saying your vows: Usually there''s not a lot of time at the rehearsal and often the ''mood'' is a little chaotic and not conducive to sentimentality. I think your personal vows would be much more effective at the actual ceremony. Good point. I have a feeling ours will be chaotic.

Are you going to share your written vows with each other before the ceremony?We might. I haven''t talked to John about it, so I need to see if he has any strong feelings either way. I can see pluses and minuses.

Thank you Isabel

 

[Gypsy]

miracles... I don''t know what I''d do if John started crying! Either feel touched, nervous and giggle or start crying myself. As for writing the vows, I wasn''t planning on starting to write them so early. But I was driving home and my thoughts wandered and I started drafting (I''m sure you know what I mean!) and next thing I knew I was welled up and trying not to hit the SUV in front of me in traffic! Now THAT would have been something to share with John--- you know honey, I love you so much. That''s why I hit the SUV. Cause I love you!

Kimberly, I think it''s sweet that you cried (and didn''t ruin the makeup)! Do you have a video?

Doodle... roflmao. Well... I''m gonna go out of a limb and say... it would cause a few chuckles, and if your FI is anything like John I''d never live down having to read my vows of a cue card cause I panicked... but I think if it makes you less nervous and less inclined to forget them... go for it. But for maximum comic relief do what Miracles''s friend did and tuck it into the cleavage! LOL!

Um. Monster''s Inc. makes me cry. And Finding Nemo. And... well, let''s just salvage what dignity we have shall we.

 

[Haven]

I cry when I just THINK about the wedding day, so I''m pretty sure I''m going to be a mess on the actual day. My FI has teared up a couple times in the last few years when he''s read my letters, so I''m wondering if he''ll tear up a bit on the wedding day, too. I think that would have me on the floor, it would be too much.

I should have good advice because I''m the head coach of a high school speech team, but weddings just seem to defy the rules that apply to normal public speaking situations.

 

[ImpatientOne]

I was a blubbering fool! My darling husband had his hand on the small of my back the entire time, trying to comfort me!!!

 

[Skippy123]

Gosh, I cried not a lot because I knew I had to keep it together but when my sweet adorable kind father gave me away, it really felt like he gave me away. It made me realize my life was changing. Hubby on the other hand looked so handsome and adorable that I couldn't help but smile big at my wonderful new hubby!

I would not say your vows at the rehersal; that would be a bit strange. Maybe go over them w/your FI so you don't feel as freaked that day so it feels more natural.

 

[Octavia]

Hey Gypsy, I''ve been meaning to ask, how is your grandpa doing these days?

 

[ladyciel]

Gypsy, the advice I''ve read for rehearsing your vows that has stuck with me is to practice reading/saying them while making eye contact with yourself in a mirror. Not only will it give you practice in actually saying the words (and not stumbling over them), but it will also prepare you (as well as anything can) to say them with the distraction of looking into your FI''s eyes. Talking to yourself in the mirror, probably picking apart all of your facial expressions, is about as good a distraction as any! Or, at least, that''s what I expect is gonna happen for me. The other advice from the same source was to write or print your vows out on a card, and practice your vows using the same card you''ll take with you for the wedding. That way even if you do your absolute best to memorize your vows, your eyes will know just where to look for the next line should you need some help. Your officiant can hold onto the cards for you and pass them to you at the right time, or you could have FI keep them in a pocket.

As for crying, I really don''t know what to expect for myself. Thankfully when I cry happy tears they''re usually controlled/quiet. I wouldn''t be surprised at all if FI chokes up, but of course if he cries then the chances of me crying skyrocket...

 

[Gypsy]

Hi Haven, that's so sweet that your fiance tears up at your letters. Are you guys going to exchange private readings of your vows? (Are you writing them yourselves?)

Aww... Impatient. That's a great story!

Thanks for the advice Skippy! We won't say them at the rehearsal. I think you all are absolutely right. Did you and hubby live together before you got married, that you felt that way... or were you just moving in together? It's wonderful to hear everyone's stories about their wedding days and their vows!

Octavia, thank you so much for asking! I just saw him yesterday and he just got his new adjustable bed. He was excited to show it off and demonstrated how it makes his legs more comfortable. I gave both my grandparent's a fright because my grandmother had handed me roses from her garden... and I'm a HUGE bug phobe and all of the sudden while grandpa ws showing me how quiet the motor on his new bed was (he kept putting the head up and down) I looked down and there are three huge pincher bugs crawling out of the roses toward my hands... so I tore out of grandpa's room shrieking, opened the front door and threw the roses outside. Then I felt something crawling on me so I started yelling for John and doing my best Flashdance impression to get the bugs off of me in the hallway. After they figured out what was wrong, they got a really good laugh out of it. Especially grandpa, cause he used to kill bugs for me when I was younger. John said he thought I was on fire I was making such a ruckus. Grandpa laughed even harder at that.

LadyC-- wow you've really thought this through!! I'm going to try that! Thank you. I don't think anyone knows what to expect the day of. I can't wait to hear all about yours!

 

[monarch64]

I didn''t cry, but I thought I would. Even our officiant remarked during our rehearsal (we didn''t even go through our vows, they were the standard vows DH''s church does) that he knew I was an emotional person and that it was ok to cry.

I had a terrible week leading up to the wedding...I was sick with a horrible cold/flu/something, had to work all week and finish prepping for the wedding as well so not much rest, mom was in the hospital overnight the night of our wedding and we didn''t know if she would even make it to the ceremony or reception (she did, thank goodness), and I arrived at the site the morning of the wedding and had to delegate everything that needed to be done still to everyone and then get dressed and get myself composed for the ceremony on about 4 hours'' sleep. I was so frazzled and exhausted that I didn''t even have time to be nervous or emotional. Instead:

I walked down the aisle and DH was fervently trying to sniffle back tears! It was so sweet. I was the one who was patting HIM on the arm, saying "don''t cry!" Then, an errant bee decided to investigate my updo (I am freaking terrified of bees), and my dad had to get up and swat the bee away with his program. Next, I had a choking fit (due to being sick the whole week, there was still some yuckiness going on in my throat/sinuses), and finally we were able to carry on with saying our vows. It actually was sort of a comical ceremony, which didn''t bother me one bit. I would rather have had it that way, it was very "me", very "real," very much how my life typically goes anyway. Even if I had broken down sobbing I don''t think I would have been embarassed, I was surrounded with people who loved us both and would''ve just sobbed right back.

I get nervous speaking in public as well, but what always helps me is just thinking about how it''s only a few minutes out of my life and that it will be over soon. That may not be how you want to think of things when saying your vows, but to me it''s better than say, picturing people naked. LOL!