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Crazy neighbor, need professional advice.

packrat

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Good lord I'd go insane if I had a crazy whackadoo like that for a neighbor. You'd think there would be *something* that could be done. She can scream and freak out but yet the police have to go check out a loud barking dog?? I'd probably egg her on purposely. Get a lawn chair and sit at the property line or curb or wherever w/a bowl of popcorn and my coffee drink and watch the show. She's so hot I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes off her, and I'd tell her that. I'd have to stand and stare at her every movement. Maybe imitate her.
 

Ara Ann

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MC|1306259621|2929221 said:
Not sure how long a PPO lasts. Maybe call the courthouse or go down there and find out?

You need to hide your camera better! We have one set up on our building and our kids started DANCING in front of it. lol Ugh! It has to be very concealed. They say that people act entirely different when on camera, so unless you can hide it, then there is no point in having one.

Oooh, and the mediation. We've tried that with multiple situations and it's a waste of time, IMO. The one for my county is run by volunteers and they don't know anything about law except for basics and then they refered me to the attorney general who said I have to contact a lawyer. Can you do that? I guess that's your next step?

Not sure about CPS, but do know a friend who works in social services and their goal, she says is to keep families together. If they DO make an unannounced visit and the house looks clean, etc., and children are fed, it seems like it takes MORE for them to do anything. It's like when you watch "Hoarders" on TV...some of those houses should be condemed and it takes THAT much before kids are removed!


Well, she acted even MORE crazy knowing the camera was on her, LOL...can't be much more 'bent' than that. She screamed and ranted and went on and on, her normal routine. Ugh.

And that was the impression I had of CPS as well, like I'd have to witness a beating or see bruising or have the child tell someone they were being abused. I guess screaming obscene language at the top of your lungs in front of your kids and going after people on your block isn't considered child abuse...although the emotional scars they are inflicting are going to run deep.
 

Loves Vintage

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Have the police never said anything about breach of peace? Gosh, I really feel for you. I think she'd have been picked up by the police many times over in my town.

Please discourage your husband from speaking to her about her behavior. He sounds like a very kind soul that has a great ability to relate to people who are suffering, but I can tell you from experience, niceness is no match for crazy. If she is mentally ill, she needs treatment. If she is on drugs, she needs treatment. I am so incredibly sad for their children. The emotional scars will indeed run deep.
 

MichelleCarmen

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packrat|1306260257|2929230 said:
Good lord I'd go insane if I had a crazy whackadoo like that for a neighbor. You'd think there would be *something* that could be done. She can scream and freak out but yet the police have to go check out a loud barking dog?? I'd probably egg her on purposely. Get a lawn chair and sit at the property line or curb or wherever w/a bowl of popcorn and my coffee drink and watch the show. She's so hot I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes off her, and I'd tell her that. I'd have to stand and stare at her every movement. Maybe imitate her.

Good luck with THAT! lol

Maybe call animal control on your neighbor. My kids decided to ask me about rabies this morning and asked if humans froth at the mouth. You can say your neighbor is doing that. hahaha
 

Ara Ann

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MC|1306264459|2929281 said:
packrat|1306260257|2929230 said:
Good lord I'd go insane if I had a crazy whackadoo like that for a neighbor. You'd think there would be *something* that could be done. She can scream and freak out but yet the police have to go check out a loud barking dog?? I'd probably egg her on purposely. Get a lawn chair and sit at the property line or curb or wherever w/a bowl of popcorn and my coffee drink and watch the show. She's so hot I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes off her, and I'd tell her that. I'd have to stand and stare at her every movement. Maybe imitate her.

Good luck with THAT! lol

Maybe call animal control on your neighbor. My kids decided to ask me about rabies this morning and asked if humans froth at the mouth. You can say your neighbor is doing that. hahaha


Another thing I think does make a difference here, we live in a township area, we have to use the local sheriff and dial 911 even for non-emergency calls (like running dogs, etc.), we don't have a city police department. A small town police department may handle these things more readily and be more willing to pursue this, but the sheriff deputies seemingly have more important jobs to do I suppose. :|
 

Ara Ann

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Loves Vintage|1306261060|2929245 said:
Have the police never said anything about breach of peace? Gosh, I really feel for you. I think she'd have been picked up by the police many times over in my town.

Please discourage your husband from speaking to her about her behavior. He sounds like a very kind soul that has a great ability to relate to people who are suffering, but I can tell you from experience, niceness is no match for crazy. If she is mentally ill, she needs treatment. If she is on drugs, she needs treatment. I am so incredibly sad for their children. The emotional scars will indeed run deep.


Thank you Loves Vintage! I like how you said niceness is no match for crazy...you are so right. I am trying to dissuade him...if I can't change his mind, hoping our friend can!
 

Tacori E-ring

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Doesn't really matter if there is mental illness, drug addiction, or more likely a combination. There is NOTHING your DH can do. Doesn't matter how good he is with people or even if he is a trained professional. People who don't want help, don't get help. Period. I agree you need to try to protect those children. Calls to CPS are confidential but if you are concerned, call from a pay phone.
 

Kaleigh

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Tacori E-ring|1306270381|2929332 said:
Doesn't really matter if there is mental illness, drug addiction, or more likely a combination. There is NOTHING your DH can do. Doesn't matter how good he is with people or even if he is a trained professional. People who don't want help, don't get help. Period. I agree you need to try to protect those children. Calls to CPS are confidential but if you are concerned, call from a pay phone.

I am so sorry about all of this and 100% agree with Tacori.. I don't see many pay phones here... But you can block your number right??

I hope this gets resovled. My heart goes to her kids...

Your husband could and probably is a great guy... But he's not able to make a difference... Only SHE can do that for herself...
 

mary poppins

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MC|1306259621|2929221 said:
Oooh, and the mediation. We've tried that with multiple situations and it's a waste of time, IMO. The one for my county is run by volunteers and they don't know anything about law except for basics and then they refered me to the attorney general who said I have to contact a lawyer. Can you do that? I guess that's your next step?


Regarding the bolded part above, a mediator does not necessarily have to know the law because he or she is not there to provide legal advice. A mediator's job is to facilitate conversation so the parties can come up with a mutually agreeable resolution to their problem(s). I've attended many mediation sessions where the parties have settled (although they were business disputes with attorneys present). The attorney general represents the state, not private citizens. That's why he told you to contact a lawyer. A lawyer advises his or her client regarding the law and frequently attends mediation with the client.

Mediation works if the parties in dispute are amenable to exploring options and complying with the terms of an agreement. Next time there's a confrontation, DH could consider asking neighbor husband if he and his wife are amenable to attending mediation. Not sure if crazy neighbor wife is capable of acting in accordance with any possible agreement, though.

Ara Ann, other than that I don't have any advice except not to engage the crazy. Regardless of how nice your DH is, nobody can reason with crazy or drug addicted to the extent your neighbor lady seems to be. Sorry to hear you are having these problems. It's awful feeling uncomfortable around your own house and neighborhood.
 

y2kitty

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You need this guy:

jvv.jpg
 

Ara Ann

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herekittykitty|1306273783|2929376 said:
You need this guy:


Gee, that is my husband! :mrgreen:

Just kidding. But you probably guessed that already!
 

Ara Ann

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[quote="mary poppins|

Mediation works if the parties in dispute are amenable to exploring options and complying with the terms of an agreement. Next time there's a confrontation, DH could consider asking neighbor husband if he and his wife are amenable to attending mediation. Not sure if crazy neighbor wife is capable of acting in accordance with any possible agreement, though.

Ara Ann, other than that I don't have any advice except not to engage the crazy. Regardless of how nice your DH is, nobody can reason with crazy or drug addicted to the extent your neighbor lady seems to be. Sorry to hear you are having these problems. It's awful feeling uncomfortable around your own house and neighborhood.[/quote]


To the targeted neighbors, the previous suggestion of mediation was a slap in the face. These people endured insults like you could not believe, for two years. Their kids did as well. It was brutal and I wonder if that played a part in their marital problems as well. My neighbor refused to come face to face with X and her husband and try to mediate anything...this would never have worked in this situation.


Thanks again for all of the replies of support. It feels good to have a safe place to vent. :wavey:
 

monarch64

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Ara Ann|1306265529|2929286 said:
MC|1306264459|2929281 said:
packrat|1306260257|2929230 said:
Good lord I'd go insane if I had a crazy whackadoo like that for a neighbor. You'd think there would be *something* that could be done. She can scream and freak out but yet the police have to go check out a loud barking dog?? I'd probably egg her on purposely. Get a lawn chair and sit at the property line or curb or wherever w/a bowl of popcorn and my coffee drink and watch the show. She's so hot I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes off her, and I'd tell her that. I'd have to stand and stare at her every movement. Maybe imitate her.

Good luck with THAT! lol

Maybe call animal control on your neighbor. My kids decided to ask me about rabies this morning and asked if humans froth at the mouth. You can say your neighbor is doing that. hahaha


Another thing I think does make a difference here, we live in a township area, we have to use the local sheriff and dial 911 even for non-emergency calls (like running dogs, etc.), we don't have a city police department. A small town police department may handle these things more readily and be more willing to pursue this, but the sheriff deputies seemingly have more important jobs to do I suppose. :|

Hi Ara Ann, I am so sorry to hear your are dealing with these nutjobs!

Having read through this thread pretty much in entirety, I can only offer you a couple pieces of advice. One, I would do as much as I possibly could to ignore her and her husband. Two, I would find a way to befriend the sheriff or his deputies over the summer (find out where they hang out, who their wives are, etc.) and by fall be speaking candidly with them about this case. In small towns (well, really even big towns/cities) it isn't what you know, it's WHO you know. Show up at city meetings. Be involved. Don't expect the HOA to take care of this, and don't expect your neighbors or the city to take care of it, either. Get out there, be active, and remember that if there's a will, there's a way.

I grew up with a mother who was not a passive stander-by, at all. She wasn't a "crazy," she just knew how to accomplish things, and she wasn't from where I grew up. She made things happen, and she made our (very small) town safer by petitioning the city government, or going to city hall meetings, or talking to current representatives of the town. She got our roads widened and lined for safety. She got stoplights put in where there had been none before. She also provided basic aid training to 4th graders every year, and organized friends to make quilts for firefighters/policemen to use for shock victims when there was a wreck or natural disaster. I'm saying, she asked, and she gave back. She got a lot out of the town because she was willing to get involved. Not everything has to go through litigation.

I wish you the best in dealing with this situation! My heart goes out to you, I can't imagine coming home to this everyday or being around it, period. We just bought our first home and if I had a crazy neighbor I would be freaking out right now but exploring the options my mother taught me above. Good luck!
 

partgypsy

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Yeah I was going to suggest going to the husband and asking about it from a medical health issue, worried about your wife about her behavior changes, if any health, medication changes. Butif he is out there there doing it too, not much use.
CPS sets a very high bar for seperating kids from parents. Unless you are lucky and they stumble upon illegal drugs, nothing will happen.

Too bad you guys can't all chip in and buy their house.

Regarding "talking some sense into them" My husband is also a people-person and we have a nutty neighbor (not on our street) who lived on a predominately black block but would constantly spout really racist comments which didn't really endear her with her neighbors. She also didn't maintain her yard (she had compost piles and 3-4 foot high grass in the front) and her neighbors called the city. She was ordered to cut her yard which set her out screaming at the neighbors, and then walked up to our block to her (white) neighbors thinking we would be sympathetic to her unjust plight. At that point my husband said "I think you need to make peace with your neighbors". She acted like we spit in her face, and alternates giving us daggers of hateful stares when she walks by or walking by with this exaggerated "you are complete dirt and and I will not look at you" attitude. So let me just say you will not be rewarded by offering an olive branch.

What I would do is simply every time she makes a scene put in a call for disturbing the peace. Or maybe have lots of block parties, which will drive her insane/to a big scene and have the police come at that point.

I also like the idea of making friends with the sherriff.
 

HollyS

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For the sake of the children, call CPS.

If she harrasses you, get a restraining order, if it would even help. After all, her property is right next door . . . I dunno.

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REASON WITH HER. It will do you absolutely no good.

Hire a hit man. :bigsmile:

(Sorry, I just thought it might make you laugh.)
 

asymons412

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herekittykitty|1306242595|2929027 said:
That sounds like cocaine or meth abuse to be honest.

I agree, it sounds like an amphetamine-induced psychosis. If she is not on any drugs, however, she could very well be manic-depressive. It is entirely possible that her episodes could be as long as you describe.

I would not interfere, though; you don't deserve that kind of stress! Security cameras are an excellent idea for documenting and reporting her behavior, if you find someone to listen. :( Best of luck!
 

iota15

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monarch64|1306297573|2929682 said:
Ara Ann|1306265529|2929286 said:
MC|1306264459|2929281 said:
packrat|1306260257|2929230 said:
Good lord I'd go insane if I had a crazy whackadoo like that for a neighbor. You'd think there would be *something* that could be done. She can scream and freak out but yet the police have to go check out a loud barking dog?? I'd probably egg her on purposely. Get a lawn chair and sit at the property line or curb or wherever w/a bowl of popcorn and my coffee drink and watch the show. She's so hot I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes off her, and I'd tell her that. I'd have to stand and stare at her every movement. Maybe imitate her.

Good luck with THAT! lol

Maybe call animal control on your neighbor. My kids decided to ask me about rabies this morning and asked if humans froth at the mouth. You can say your neighbor is doing that. hahaha


Another thing I think does make a difference here, we live in a township area, we have to use the local sheriff and dial 911 even for non-emergency calls (like running dogs, etc.), we don't have a city police department. A small town police department may handle these things more readily and be more willing to pursue this, but the sheriff deputies seemingly have more important jobs to do I suppose. :|

Hi Ara Ann, I am so sorry to hear your are dealing with these nutjobs!

Having read through this thread pretty much in entirety, I can only offer you a couple pieces of advice. One, I would do as much as I possibly could to ignore her and her husband. Two, I would find a way to befriend the sheriff or his deputies over the summer (find out where they hang out, who their wives are, etc.) and by fall be speaking candidly with them about this case. In small towns (well, really even big towns/cities) it isn't what you know, it's WHO you know. Show up at city meetings. Be involved. Don't expect the HOA to take care of this, and don't expect your neighbors or the city to take care of it, either. Get out there, be active, and remember that if there's a will, there's a way.

I grew up with a mother who was not a passive stander-by, at all. She wasn't a "crazy," she just knew how to accomplish things, and she wasn't from where I grew up. She made things happen, and she made our (very small) town safer by petitioning the city government, or going to city hall meetings, or talking to current representatives of the town. She got our roads widened and lined for safety. She got stoplights put in where there had been none before. She also provided basic aid training to 4th graders every year, and organized friends to make quilts for firefighters/policemen to use for shock victims when there was a wreck or natural disaster. I'm saying, she asked, and she gave back. She got a lot out of the town because she was willing to get involved. Not everything has to go through litigation.

I wish you the best in dealing with this situation! My heart goes out to you, I can't imagine coming home to this everyday or being around it, period. We just bought our first home and if I had a crazy neighbor I would be freaking out right now but exploring the options my mother taught me above. Good luck!


I LOVE the idea of befriending the sheriff and a few deputies. When they have time, I would even just invite them or their wives to your home for a nice dinner or afternoon on the porch.
 

Ara Ann

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Thank you to all, for each of your replies, for sharing your support and advice...it means a lot to me. :wavey:

Sorry I was MIA yesterday, I had a tooth pulled in the morning (a root canal/crown went bad :oops: ) and wasn't doing very well in the afternoon... :|

Just a quick update, since it's been raining the last few mornings (more today) X has been quiet. :) I know this is a temporary reprieve...but good while it lasts.

Thank you for the suggestion of making friends with the Sheriff... 8-) ...I am not sure if it's possible however, we have a very large county and many, many deputies handle calls, etc., not like Andy Griffith. ;)) I think we had a different deputy come out each time before, maybe one or two came out more than once, which also contributed to the mishandling of this situation... I WILL start calling them though, if X continues this and if her outbursts escalate.

And once my mouth is a bit less painful, I do plan to call CPS just to ask what their guidelines are for making a home visit....just in case things do get bad again, we'll be prepared and know what to expect from them, if anything.

Thanks again everyone...

I will update this thread as anything comes up! Hopefully it will be to say X is behaving herself and all is quiet on the Western Front! I can hope, right!? :roll: ;-)
 

DivaDiamond007

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Italiahaircolor|1306251955|2929127 said:
I would just ignore her and carry on with your life. Really. As tempting as it may be to 'get to the bottom of this thing once and for all'...it's not going to work. YOU CANNOT REASON WITH CRAZY.

First of all, it does sound like she in on some drug--and I'm guessing it's probably not legal.

Secondly, Whether she's unhappy or not, who really knows--who really cares? It's not your problem. You can choose to ignore her or just wave when you see her, and so what if she starts yelling and carrying on. I think by trying to talk it out, you'd only end up on her hit list, which I assume would lead to more yelling.

Just worry about you, stay clear of her as much as you can, and keep your kids away from the madness...outside of that, let her be crazy because it won't effect you directly.


I agree. I would call CPS but leave it at that. It's not your business why she's crazy and I think you feed into her craziness by getting all worked up about it. Even if she and her husband are on drugs drug users still have the right to raise their children as they see fit so long as the children are not being abused or neglected. PPOs and CPOs (Civil Protection Orders) are great, but remember that the order is a piece of paper and that piece of paper isn't going to save you in the event of a confrontation.
 

janinegirly

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Wow, and I thought our neighbors were bad with their blinking Xmas lights.

Everyone beat me to the punch - you DH should not go talk with her - she's obviously coo-coo and who wants to have her turn her attention on you. At best maybe talk to the husband if he is normal, but my guess is that won't work either.

I agree on calling CPS but doubt that will do much to change your situation - but at least you can feel like you took the right step. Good that you got the PPO (I'd never heard of that either) but also doubt it wil do much. Unfortunately the authorities tend to not get involved unless it's too late or things are blatant (or there is media attention).

Honestly if it was me I'd move - it sounds like an awful enviornment and the home is supposed to be your haven. Sounds like she is not changing any time soon either. I understand this is probably not realistic, but just letting you know what I'd do...

Good luck!!!
 

Ara Ann

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HUMONGOUS UPDATE!!!

Well...they are MOVING out today!!!!

They had their house up for sale before, it was a short sale, but I don't think anyone bought it...so it must have gone to foreclosure? Not sure...but either way, they are loading up a trailer and getting out of Dodge!


I was suspicious because they hadn't kept their grass watered and didn't plant any flowers, which is out of the ordinary for them...and she has been well behaved too...no more scenes after that one last time...whew.

I am just praying if we do get new neighbors (if it doesn't sit empty for a while) that they are nice and normal!!! Hoping it's not a case of the :twisted: you know being better than the :twisted: you don't.


Just had to share the latest!!! And while I am relieved they are moving, I do not find happiness from their bad fortunes...no love lost, but I wouldn't wish financial hardship on anyone...not even them. :|
 

VRBeauty

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That's terrific news - thanks for coming back with the update!

I hope that somehow, somewhere (else!), your former crazy neighbor will get the help she needs.

and of course... lots of new neighbor dust to you!
 

jewelerman

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Oh great!at least we knew where the crazy lady was at when she was next door to you...but now that shes leaving your neighborhood she might just move next door to ANY one of us! :shock:
 

mary poppins

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That's great news! Must be nice for you and your neighbors now that you get to stay home in peace, and go out and enjoy the neighborhood. Makes such a big difference in quality of life.
 

Ara Ann

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Thanks guys!

I have a feeling they will be kept at bay and sequestered for a while, I think they are probably going to move in with her parents. I know from before they have a few acres and a big place, so I assume that is where they will be for the time being.

I hope they don't unleash their wrath on anyone else...and I do hope they can find peace someday...because they are miserable people and will continue to be miserable and make everyone around them miserable too, until they work on their inside junk and get cleaned up.

Going to be a nice weekend. =) Still on edge though, wondering if there will be any last hoorah before they are gone for good. I can see that happening unfortunately...I am going to stay inside until Elvis has left the building for the last time. 8-)
 

TristanC

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Amazing story. Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens on a local level as well and the police has surprisingly little power.

Nothing that you can wish for more than the fact that they are moving. Can't tell you how happy I am for you and everyone else who has been long suffering.

As to not wishing bad things on people? Crap happens everyday to tons of people, both good and bad. I'm usually more grateful when some karma is dished out correctly rather than having it land on the lap of innocents.
 

JewelFreak

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Good point in your last line, Tristan! I'm glad for you, Ara Ann, and your family & neighbors. Whoever moves in, life can't be less peaceful than it was -- and they'll probably seem like angels in comparison. Normal people, whew!
 

Ara Ann

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Thanks again for the support! Feels like a new chapter for us, that's for sure! :appl:

But, I hope I am not being too selfish to hope that the new people have CATS! :| Our little Chihuahua HATES other dogs, I mean HATES them (we got him from a rescue and he came to us hating dogs)...he barks like a madman when he sees a dog going by. With all the crappola we had to put up with from the neighbors over the years, I was at least thankful they didn't have a dog!! So while I am happy to believe we will have 'human' peace with our new neighbors, I am praying we will still have 'doggie peace' too. Pray for cats! :saint:

If they do have a dog, I will have to block our poochie's view of the outdoors with window film (we have full length sidelights at the front door and a sliding glass door in the back yard)...I work from home and can't have him barking at a dog all day...but he LOVES to lie in his bed, looking out the back widow... I hope he won't have to give up his favorite pass time. :)

Again, hoping since we've had to put up with them for so long, that the 'neighbor powers that be' will have mercy on us and bring us a "Leave It To Beaver" family! :mrgreen:
 

MichelleCarmen

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That sucks that they lost their house, but glad you're not having to deal with them anymore.
 

taovandel

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We have a neighbor just like this...minus the weight situation...she goes nuts when her boyfriend leaves her instead.

She has been arrested about 30 times over the past 2-3 years.

We find it best to just ignore her as best as we can and not try to talk to her. I would suggest you also just ignore her.
 
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