Coping with loss of support animal

[clarity1264]

Hi,

I recently had to put down my beloved support pet. As someone who struggles a lot with interpersonal relationships, he was everything to me. When I adopted him, he was free from the pet store due to being aggressive, I had this preconceived notion that I was saving him. I was SO wrong. As someone who survived a debilitating brain injury, and was in the icu, he really helped me cope with the change in self. He saved me more than I saved him. As I’m already in therapy, I know the basics of self care and dealing with loss. However, nothing could have prepared me for the loss of him. I guess I’m just wondering if someone has experienced anything similar, and if they did how do they cope with the first weeks after death. I’m a deeply misunderstood individual, and it’s almost a loss of self due to being loved and understood by him.

 

[dk168]

Sorry to hear about your loss.

I lost my beloved first dog in May 2021, after spending 13 years or so with him, after his dad, my late partner, died of an accident and I decided to keep him as my own.

I still think of him everyday. There are times when I would well up thinking about him to this day.

My new dog is filling in some of the huge void that he left behind. The new dog is not his replacement, and I do not expect him to be.

My advice would be to give yourself as much time as you need to grieve the loss of your dog. However, please give another dog the chance to share your life with you when the time is right for you.

Hugs!

DK

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

I am so sorry for your loss.

When mine passed away, for a long time I felt like I could never be happy again. I felt like someone who was standing on the outside and watching my life as it played out but not really living it.

It was so strange because I have a family that I love and many good friends but it was as if none of that mattered and a part of me had died with him.

Prior to this I was a tough cookie. I had narcissistic parents and lived with a violent and unpredictable mother for 20 plus years but I was absolutely fine. I took it in my stride and it never had any particular impact on me. Nothing triggered me either.

After I lost Bubby I had several panic attacks. For a few years I could not walk on same paths that I walked him. I just felt like there was nothing left. I loved him so much and I was never going to see him again. I still remember our last walk vividly. There was a rainbow just as we reached our driveway.

He's visited me in my dreams a three times. The first time he just said hello. I asked him why he didn't visit me more often and he said he didn't want me to be sad. The second time he took the form of a lion and asked if he could nip me. I told him to stop being cheeky and he shouldn't be nipping me while he was a lion. He told me that it was all in jest and that his jaws were very gentle. The third time he told me I needed to stop being dramatic and to let him go. I haven't seen him since.

Be kind to yourself. I don't know what else to say. I'm so sorry you are hurting.

 

[dk168]

I like to refer to this scene in Lethal Weapon 4, about grieving and moving on etc., as I find it comforting:

DK

 

[Ally T]

I am so sorry for the loss of your fury friend. I cannot offer any direct advice about support pets, but there is some great advice here. One day at a time. And breathe.

 

[Avondale]

My deepest condolences.

Many years ago my vet was consoling a woman who had just lost her dog. He told her that when an animal dies, it takes a part of you with it. It stuck with me, this thing, because it's so true. When you love an animal, there's a part of you that belongs to them, and when they're gone, that part also goes with them, and you feel like you're no longer whole. So even though our experiences are never identical, they are, indeed, similar. All of us who've lost a beloved pet.

Everyone grieves differently. Some people need time. I prefer to adopt another animal as soon as possible. After all, I have the space, and they need the home. It's a mutually beneficial relationship. I give them a family and they help me cope with the loss. What you choose to do should be based on your own needs. And again, I'm so very sorry you're experiencing this loss.

 

[Arcadian]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

oh this thread is so sad
im so sorry and sad for you @clarity1264

we have cats in our house so cats kind for work out for themselves
i was so lonely after dear Tinky passed away at 15 and then one day Borris just showed up, i was literly out in the garden sitting in Tinky's chair thinking how lonely i was without him and dear Borris was in the garden just watching me, and then she came and jumped on my knee, like Tinky had whispered in her ear

I am still destrout over Tibby (my avitar pix) because he was so young, but along came the Fluffa Duffa who was still mostly wild, but got brave enough to move into the house (without us noticing for a few days) -although Borris noticed

they are not replacements but they continue on the love we shared with Tinky and Tibby and although i am still sad to have lost both boys i can now almost think of Tibby with happiness and not sorrow

someone else is out there just waiting to give you the love and support that you shared with your boy
it will be different, so keep your heart open when the opertunity arrises
you will be ok again

 

[Calliecake]

I’m so very sorry for your loss @clarity1264. You can feel your pain in your post. i’m so sorry.

 

[Bron357]

Sending hugs.
He was your support, he was your family, he was much much more than a “dog”.
People who have a kinship with their fur family understand the extent of your grief and your loss.
it hurts and it will always hurt. But time will pass and the pain will somewhat ease. He gave you so much so it’s only fair that a part of your heart went with him.
The price of love is high and heavy.
Grief counselling may be of help to you.
Take it a day at a time.
more hugs.

 

[Sparkles88]

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Please be gentle on yourself, I’d love to send you a big hug and if I could lessen your grief to make it easier for you, I would. Sincere condolences xx

 

[dk168]

I had keep sake items made using my old dog's ashes, and I found them comforting knowing he is with me when I am out and about.

DK

 

[foxinsox]

I’m so sorry for your loss. You've lost someone you love, never “just a pet”. That’s hard to come to terms with. It’s normal and ok to grieve their loss.

 

[missy]

I am so sorry for your loss. He was a family member and you will always love and miss him.
They say the price of great love is deep grief and no truer words have been spoken.
I hope you take comfort from the fact you gave him a wonderful life filled with unconditional love and a good home.
You made his time here worthwhile and enriched his life as he did for you

I still miss all my beloved furry babies who are now gone. They were my family. They left a hole in my heart that will forever be there but in time the pain lessens but never goes away. I still cry over my sweet girl who died almost 4 years ago now. And yes I still feel pain in my heart missing her so. But one day at a time and one hour at a time when that is overwhelming.

Sending you gentle hugs and my deepest condolences on your great loss.

 

[clarity1264]

Thank you everyone for the sweet words. I think what I’m struggling with the most, is if I made the right decision to put him down. A lot of people have judged me for my grief due to him being a hamster, but that’s what made the bond so much more special. He was abused, and when I got him he wouldn’t allow to hold him let alone pet him. Yet, after the time we spent together, a prey animal nonetheless, let me hold him. Pet him. Came out when I would come home and whenever I would say his name. He knew pain, as he was always in pain. When I got him free the petstore, they told me had a hay allergy and that he had lost most of his fur due to this allergy. However, after taking him I noticed this wasn’t that case as he was getting worse. He was face all scratched up and bloody and I found out he had an auto immune disease and took him to a vet that prescribed him meds. He also lived with cancer for the majority of time we had him and had tumors. He understood my pain and gave me so much healing. When I went to the vet, to put him down, they told me many people would not have done what I did. I spent hundreds maybe thousands of dollars on him and it made it that much more upsetting knowing that many people would not have made the decision to take care of their pet and take them to the vet/ take care of him. He got really sick very fast, and he was suffering in the end. The vet (who is an exotic vet) said that it was the fair choice due to the other choices prolonging his already hard life. I did my best to do palliative care and provide comfort through his whole life. Yet, nothing could have prepared me for a decision like that. It was one of the hardest, if not hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life. There is just so much that comes to my mind when I think of him. I wonder if he is at peace. I wonder if he is disappointed in me or mad at me. I wonder if I made the wrong decision and took his choice away. I worry that he feels like I gave up on him or didn’t fight hard enough for him. I wonder if he could have gotten better or if is he happy that he experienced a moment of what I hope was peace before death as the sedation allowed him to not be in pain. On any given moment throughout the day these thoughts enter my mind. All that I know is I loved him very deeply and if I had to do it all again I would. To be loved by him was one of greatest gifts and blessing in my life. Anyways, I’m sorry for the long post and rambling lol. I appreciate everyone giving such good advice.

 

[Avondale]

So that's why you didn't mention the species in your first post - you feared you wouldn't be taken seriously here either. But size matters not when you love an animal.

You absolutely did the right thing. I don't know if you have any personal experience with cancer, but dying from it is shitty business. I wish humans could be afforded the same kindness we have (thankfully) seen fit to show our furry friends in allowing them to slip away peacefully and pain free.

If this is your first experience losing a pet, you might not know of the rainbow bridge poem. If I am correct in my assumption, I strongly advise you to google it and read it.

 

[telephone89]

Ok definitely wasn't expecting it to be a hamster, but I guess it doesn't really matter lol.
The average hamster lifespan is 2 years. I don't think you said how long you had him, but if he had cancer and other issues, it sounds like he lived much of his life in pain. Could he have gotten better from cancer? It's possible, but how much longer would he have lived? And would he have had to live in more pain just to push through? You gave him as much love as you could, and tried to make him comfortable. When that wasn't possible, you gave him the gift of ending his pain. Sometimes that is really the kindest thing we can do.

 

[dk168]

An emotional support pet is still an emotional support pet, regardless of its size or species.

My old dog died on his own accord due to old age, and saved me having to make that dreadful decision for him.

OP, he is now across the Rainbow Bridge, running free without pain and suffering. Try to visualise this when you are feeling low.

I often imagine my old dog being re-united with his dad, my late partner, across the Rainbow Bridge, and the two of them would be walking and playing together like they used to. This brings me comfort.

DK

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

be him a hamster or an elephant he was still a sentiant being whom you shared love with
we understand

 

[ItsMainelyYou]

Take heart, the fact that you worry about the decisions you made means you made the best ones you could. They were loved.
I've had many pets that I've loved and lost throughout my life. Fish, turtles, hamsters, rats, birds, cats and dogs. You never forget any of them. All their little lives had big meaning. I think of them often and we still talk about them, even from some many years later.
Grief is something that never quite leaves but changes shape and lives with you. With time comes acceptance. It'll hurt a little less and then lesser still. It will become memories that you cherish. Something you can hold.
They mattered.

I remember.
You'll remember, too.

 

[dk168]

Pets might be in just a small part of our lives, however, to them, we are their whole life - by unknown.

DK

 

[foxinsox]

Hamster or elephant, he was your family. It sounds like you’re did the right thing but it’s never easy. You do always wonder if it was too soon.. but that’s better than too late imo. Enjoy your sweet memories of him and take some comfort in knowing you took on this pain of grieving and missing him rather than holding onto him when it was past his time.

 

[rainydaze]

I am sorry for your deeply painful loss. You connected with another soul in a profound way, and as such, the loss is profound. On top of that, you had to make decisions regarding your mate's well-being, which is gut-wrenching. I believe you did the right things by him. Trying to ease another's suffering, and end it when there is only more/greater suffering to come - or an unimaginable death, is kindness and comes from love.

 

[missy]

Thank you everyone for the sweet words. I think what I’m struggling with the most, is if I made the right decision to put him down. A lot of people have judged me for my grief due to him being a hamster, but that’s what made the bond so much more special. He was abused, and when I got him he wouldn’t allow to hold him let alone pet him. Yet, after the time we spent together, a prey animal nonetheless, let me hold him. Pet him. Came out when I would come home and whenever I would say his name. He knew pain, as he was always in pain. When I got him free the petstore, they told me had a hay allergy and that he had lost most of his fur due to this allergy. However, after taking him I noticed this wasn’t that case as he was getting worse. He was face all scratched up and bloody and I found out he had an auto immune disease and took him to a vet that prescribed him meds. He also lived with cancer for the majority of time we had him and had tumors. He understood my pain and gave me so much healing. When I went to the vet, to put him down, they told me many people would not have done what I did. I spent hundreds maybe thousands of dollars on him and it made it that much more upsetting knowing that many people would not have made the decision to take care of their pet and take them to the vet/ take care of him. He got really sick very fast, and he was suffering in the end. The vet (who is an exotic vet) said that it was the fair choice due to the other choices prolonging his already hard life. I did my best to do palliative care and provide comfort through his whole life. Yet, nothing could have prepared me for a decision like that. It was one of the hardest, if not hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life. There is just so much that comes to my mind when I think of him. I wonder if he is at peace. I wonder if he is disappointed in me or mad at me. I wonder if I made the wrong decision and took his choice away. I worry that he feels like I gave up on him or didn’t fight hard enough for him. I wonder if he could have gotten better or if is he happy that he experienced a moment of what I hope was peace before death as the sedation allowed him to not be in pain. On any given moment throughout the day these thoughts enter my mind. All that I know is I loved him very deeply and if I had to do it all again I would. To be loved by him was one of greatest gifts and blessing in my life. Anyways, I’m sorry for the long post and rambling lol. I appreciate everyone giving such good advice.

You gave him peace from suffering. That is, imo, the greatest gift amy of us can give to those we love

 

[KaeKae]

I'm so very sorry @clarity1264
She wasn't technically my support dog, but three weeks ago I lost my BFF Heidi
That final drive to the vet was the hardest
Dr M was wonderful. She and Eddie, the vet tech who assisted were so kind and gentle
The vet said something that will stay with me always: "I know it's hard but you are making the loving decision. This isn't the Heidi you know. It's not the Heidi WE know."

That Heidi will always be in my heart.
As your little one will always be in YOUR heart.

Sending you gentle hugs of support