Considering selling my eng ring--

[Tekate]

YES that is what happened to me too, I put the diamond away for 14 years and when I finally brought it back out it was a knockout in the rainbows that shot out from it. I made it into a pendant, wish I still had it, but duty called and it went back to my former MIL. MISS IT. It held no sentimental value after 14 years, but it made me happy to see it in the sun and lights etc. I had more compliments on the pendant than my engagement ring from husban #2 whom I love dearly and I'm still married to after 32 years.

I put mine away for 12+ years after the divorce. Thought hard about getting rid of it. I’m glad I kept it. Love the diamond again. Now I’m resetting it into a 3 stone ring which I’ll wear on my left or right hand. Eventually will give to DD.
But with yours, if you never wear it now, do you think you’ll ever wear it?

 

[chrono]

I rarely wear mine but when I do, I can't stop looking at it and smiling. That for me, is worth keeping the diamond ring. I self-insure so I'm not paying out a company but myself.

 

[partgypsy]

And having gone through a divorce, honestly rather than having thoughts and feelings about it, even though it is scary, you need to have a heart to heart with your spouse. Does he love you? Do you love him? Do you WANT to work on the marriage? You need to be explicit in talking about these things, and if things are to the point you are actively contemplating divorce or separation, explain how you feel and also if this is the way you feel, your preference to stay together but it can't keep going on this way. If you both love each other, want to work it out, get a professional involved. Doing nothing, is doomed to failure. Hugs. And this is a good time for self-introspection. Even if you do joint counseling it does not hurt to get some individual counseling, because things change over time and it's good to get a "time out" and think if there are other things you may want to change about yourself.

 

[Queenie60]

Wishing you well @ame - sorry to hear of your troubles and sending good thoughts your way. Whatever you decide should be right for you.

 

[ame]

And having gone through a divorce, honestly rather than having thoughts and feelings about it, even though it is scary, you need to have a heart to heart with your spouse. Does he love you? Do you love him? Do you WANT to work on the marriage? You need to be explicit in talking about these things, and if things are to the point you are actively contemplating divorce or separation, explain how you feel and also if this is the way you feel, your preference to stay together but it can't keep going on this way. If you both love each other, want to work it out, get a professional involved. Doing nothing, is doomed to failure. Hugs. And this is a good time for self-introspection. Even if you do joint counseling it does not hurt to get some individual counseling, because things change over time and it's good to get a "time out" and think if there are other things you may want to change about yourself.

I feel like I've been the only one trying and it's NEVER "right" or "good enough". The target for everything is constantly moving, like some kind of ****ing game that is designed to make sure I never win.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I’m really sorry Ame. I hope it works out the way you want it to. That sounds very stressful. I’m a survivor of a terrible marriage and I promise you there is light on the other side. Sounds like things need to change one way or another. Until then you have any support I can give.

 

[Matata]

I feel like I've been the only one trying and it's NEVER "right" or "good enough". The target for everything is constantly moving, like some kind of ****ing game that is designed to make sure I never win.

I don't believe that love conquers all or that love is forever or that balanced compromise is key to a stable lifelong relationship. People sometimes change in ways that are incompatible with their partner and no amount of work will fix the relationship.

Ame, I was in a similar position with my 1st marriage and my advice is to put yourself first and think long and deep about what you want your life to be, what makes you happy and what you need to achieve a healthy, balanced life and once you get that all figured out, contemplate whether or not you want to travel that road with your husband, travel it alone, or find another to travel it with you. Work on you, get rid of all toxic relationships in your life be they friends, co-workers, relatives, spouse and live your best life.

 

[PintoBean]

I feel like I've been the only one trying and it's NEVER "right" or "good enough". The target for everything is constantly moving, like some kind of ****ing game that is designed to make sure I never win.

I think that life is too short to settle. You need not a better person, but a different person who is moving with you, not ahead of you like a target. Someone to be in sync with. Breathe calmly with, not leave you panting and winded (unless it's from exercising together).

 

[LinSF]

Ame, I'm so sorry you are having difficulties with your marriage. I've been through a soap opera style 3+ year divorce, and I can say that getting rid of joint assets has been cathartic and healing. I think most states consider the engagement ring a gift which is solely owned by the receiver upon contracting the marriage agreement. I would say that the same probably goes for the wedding ring. If you are tight on money, absolutely sell now. Otherwise I would sit tight and sell it after the divorce to pay off attny fees.