Considering selling my eng ring--

[ame]

So, I have probably worn my engagement ring about 5 times in the last year (VERY GENEROUS ESTIMATE) and feel like having it, despite LOVING it and my stone (Especially that) and not wearing it is a waste (don't tell me to just wear it, I do not wear it to work and the few times I have I have taken it off and put it away within a few minutes.) Like I could put the money to good use if I could sell it. I am sure I'd regret losing that one in a million stone, but if we do split, it's not like I'll keep wearing it. I am also still trying to sell my never worn Tiffany band (as in they replaced it after my accident instead of just repairing it). That too would help buffer the savings.

Things at home aren't great really either, so this would help buffer the account/make the separation a little smoother. Yea I know, marital property, but it would definitely ease some tension ahead of that.

Am I being irrational (I mean that's always a given)--I have considered this for at least a year.

 

[Polished]

Sorry to hear things aren't going well for you ame. One in a million diamond - you really know your diamonds. I'm just wondering if you enjoy your diamond and piece of jewelry even if you don't wear it. It might not be the symbol you want around right now and the funds would be useful but might you have a change of heart in a few years time. Sometimes we just love what we love. Your post to me suggests, both that the ring is a burden and it would be liberating to have it gone but also that your knowledge of how special the stone is prevents you from seeing it as purely a commodity. Wishing you all the best with your decision and with your life.

 

[MissStepcut]

This isn’t legal advice and I’m not a divorce lawyer but if you think you may divorce I would consult with a lawyer about if converting the ring from a diamond to cash money could change how it’s treated as an asset in the divorce. My gut tells me it could cut against you.

 

[baby monster]

Diamonds are sparkly and expensive things designed to make us happy. If your stone doesn't give you that "spark of joy," sell it and use the money to make you happy. Maybe for divorce lawyer. They are expensive too.

 

[sarahb]

I'd have to think that the decision to sell right now, being rife with emotion regarding current events...might be a different decision 5-10 years down the line, tempered with time.

You'll experience a hit financially selling the stone, no doubt. If it were me, I'd just wait on that decision. Especially if its a one in a million stone.

Just wait, put away & forget about it. 5-10 years down the road, you'll have a completely different set of emotions, see how you feel then...and if selling still makes sense, then do it.

Sorry you are going through this in the first place....

 

[Begonia]

Sorry to hear about things not going well at home. I hope you have some support for you?

 

[Laila619]

Do what you think is best for you. If that means selling it, go for it. I sold my e-ring diamond long ago and have never regretted it. Hugs!

 

[luv2sparkle]

I am sorry Ame. Hugs to you. I hope whatever you decide comes with a sense of calm. I'm not sure either way can bring happiness but I hope you are ok with whatever comes next.

 

[OreoRosies86]

First off, I’m really sorry to hear it’s not a happy time. I have bought and sold SO MANY PIECES for one reason or another, and have realized their sentiment and reasons I once adored them changes over time. I don’t feel anything much once they are gone, because most of the thrill for me is in the hunt. Hunt for a new stone, different setting, sketching designs, searching antique auctions. I love knowing the next adventure is out there (like it is in life).

 

[Tekate]

I'm sorry you have troubles in the marriage. I have been divorced and put my stone away for years and years then made a pendant out of it, then finally gave it back to my ex's mom 20 years after we broke up.

I think holding on to it till if and when you do decide to go your separate ways will help you make a more logical outcome, you may want a pendant, you can easily sell it then, BUT if you are having money problems that could lessen due to the sale then you should do that. As I said, my ring was in a safe deposit box for at least 10 years, looking at it always made me feel a failure and sad, when I finally got over THAT! I made it into a pendant and loved it as it was an OEC stone, but it was my ex's mom's and grandmoms and while his mom told me to keep it, she did come back years later and asked if her grandson could use it, I said yes of course, family over my love of it for sure.

Hoping you can work it out. Sending you a huge hug from a been there woman.

 

[VRBeauty]

Ame - as I recall, you’ve had more than one e-ring, and you haven’t liked to wear any of them. I don’t know whether it’s the ring and what it represents, or just what you’re comfortable wearing on your finger, and I’m not sure it matters. Why keep trying to make yourself or your rings or whatever conform to somebody else’s conventions and expectations? And since I’m guessing you wouldn’t want to wear the diamond as a pendant either, it might be time to just let it go.

I’m sorry your marriage has hit a rough patch. Do consider the legal aspects if it looks like you might be heading toward a divorce, Including keeping all the relevant paperwork. But please don’t hold on to your ring just because of some sense of obligation.

 

[partgypsy]

I'm sorry you are going through a rough time, and I know it is probably hard to separate out how you are feeling, from the ring. To give you perspective, I had an anniversary ring made. It got lost, and I got a ring to replace it. And then I found my ring. Even though I was able to sell the replacement stone, we were still paying back the insurance company, when we decided to put our youngest in private school. It seemed like the logical and financial choice to return the ring to the insurance for money reasons, even though my ex felt I should keep the ring because I loved it. Well, guess what? I regret giving the ring back. I even called the insurance company a year after I gave it back, asking for help tracking it down and buying it back, but no luck. I also regret, to a lesser degree, selling the new anniversary ring I had made with ex's urging. I wasn't as emotionally attached but it was a beautiful ring I think I could have worn if I put it away for a little longer and came back to.
But, it depends on how you feel. If you do sell it, realize the money goes into "joint property". If you keep the ring and then get divorced, you probably can sell with no recourse.

 

[VRBeauty]

One further thought: do you think you might feel differently if your diamond were set in a right hand ring, or a setting that is less a classical engagement setting?

 

[GliderPoss]

I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's a tough time for anyone (I can relate ) and I too have considered selling a few pieces for much-needed cash. I agree with the others - consult your lawyer first, then think carefully about would the diamond mean something else if it were reset somehow...

Sending mental *hugs*

 

[qubitasaurus]

I am sorry, I also hope whatever you choose to do brings you a sense of calm. I feel you have time to decide, I would not rush into putting more on your plate to juggle at this stage.

 

[ame]

Thanks everyone!

This isn’t legal advice and I’m not a divorce lawyer but if you think you may divorce I would consult with a lawyer about if converting the ring from a diamond to cash money could change how it’s treated as an asset in the divorce. My gut tells me it could cut against you.

Yea, while I think most people would, I am not really that worried about that. It would solve one major argument if we freed that up as money. We are far from broke.

I'd have to think that the decision to sell right now, being rife with emotion regarding current events...might be a different decision 5-10 years down the line, tempered with time.

You'll experience a hit financially selling the stone, no doubt. If it were me, I'd just wait on that decision. Especially if its a one in a million stone.

Just wait, put away & forget about it. 5-10 years down the road, you'll have a completely different set of emotions, see how you feel then...and if selling still makes sense, then do it.

Sorry you are going through this in the first place....

Thanks, Actually my concern about waiting 5-10 years is that it would be worth even less with all the new sims and lab growns being cranked out.

I'm sorry you have troubles in the marriage. I have been divorced and put my stone away for years and years then made a pendant out of it, then finally gave it back to my ex's mom 20 years after we broke up.

I think holding on to it till if and when you do decide to go your separate ways will help you make a more logical outcome, you may want a pendant, you can easily sell it then, BUT if you are having money problems that could lessen due to the sale then you should do that. As I said, my ring was in a safe deposit box for at least 10 years, looking at it always made me feel a failure and sad, when I finally got over THAT! I made it into a pendant and loved it as it was an OEC stone, but it was my ex's mom's and grandmoms and while his mom told me to keep it, she did come back years later and asked if her grandson could use it, I said yes of course, family over my love of it for sure.

Hoping you can work it out. Sending you a huge hug from a been there woman.

Thanks, I don't think I'd ever wear the pendant either. I just don't wear any of my stuff besides my watch bec studs are uncomfortable against the phone all day, and my necklace isn't practical and my rings prevent me from actually using my hands unless I want to destroy the rings.

Ame - as I recall, you’ve had more than one e-ring, and you haven’t liked to wear any of them. I don’t know whether it’s the ring and what it represents, or just what you’re comfortable wearing on your finger, and I’m not sure it matters. Why keep trying to make yourself or your rings or whatever conform to somebody else’s conventions and expectations? And since I’m guessing you wouldn’t want to wear the diamond as a pendant either, it might be time to just let it go.

I’m sorry your marriage has hit a rough patch. Do consider the legal aspects if it looks like you might be heading toward a divorce, Including keeping all the relevant paperwork. But please don’t hold on to your ring just because of some sense of obligation.

Thanks, I don't wear my stuff for mostly comfort--I just cannot use my hands if I have rings on. I don't wear any of my stuff besides my watch.

I'm sorry you are going through a rough time, and I know it is probably hard to separate out how you are feeling, from the ring. To give you perspective, I had an anniversary ring made. It got lost, and I got a ring to replace it. And then I found my ring. Even though I was able to sell the replacement stone, we were still paying back the insurance company, when we decided to put our youngest in private school. It seemed like the logical and financial choice to return the ring to the insurance for money reasons, even though my ex felt I should keep the ring because I loved it. Well, guess what? I regret giving the ring back. I even called the insurance company a year after I gave it back, asking for help tracking it down and buying it back, but no luck. I also regret, to a lesser degree, selling the new anniversary ring I had made with ex's urging. I wasn't as emotionally attached but it was a beautiful ring I think I could have worn if I put it away for a little longer and came back to.
But, it depends on how you feel. If you do sell it, realize the money goes into "joint property". If you keep the ring and then get divorced, you probably can sell with no recourse.

Yea Im not really worried about that aspect, just because it would solve or buffer one of our biggest fights. He knows I have been thinking about it for a while, regardless of the circumstances and thinks I will regret it.

One further thought: do you think you might feel differently if your diamond were set in a right hand ring, or a setting that is less a classical engagement setting?

Nope. I still wouldn't wear it. I don't wear rings on my right hand ever, and I can't wear them on my left if I want to be able to use my hands.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's a tough time for anyone (I can relate ) and I too have considered selling a few pieces for much-needed cash. I agree with the others - consult your lawyer first, then think carefully about would the diamond mean something else if it were reset somehow...

Sending mental *hugs*

Thanks! It's not about sentiment. This isn't my original ring or stone. But I won't wear a pendant or a right hand ring either.

 

[bludiva]

If you're not attached to it and you don't wear it and it won't negatively impact navigating a potential separation, it doesn't sound like there is much reason to hold on to it. If it will make things more complicated on the other hand, I don't think sims/lab stones will devalue natural ones anytime soon, I think there are a couple of threads on that with pros weighing in on that question.

Whatever you decide, hope it brings you some calm, happiness, peace.

 

[Rubymal]

It sounds like you've already made your decision.

 

[missy]

@ame I'm sorry for the heartache and tough times you are going through. As I get older material things mean less and less. Reading your posts and hearing your thoughts my gut says sell it. I think that is what would bring you the most freedom right now.

I hear you re comfort and not wearing bling. When I am home I never wear any bling. No earrings, no rings, no necklaces.nothing. And it wouldn't feel like so much a leap to stop wearing it out either. Like I said as I get older bling and other material goods really mean very little.

Wishing you good luck and peace.

 

[Tekate]

Sell it. You will have the money and you can then go forward with your life - with or w/o him.

 

[nala]

If I were you, I would sell it. You dont enjoy it. It’s not symbolic. You have no attachment. Sell.

 

[seaurchin]

I don't think you should sell it because you don't sound sure about it. You said you love it and are sure you'd regret losing what you consider a one in a million stone. As you probably know, jewelry doesn't usually sell for anywhere near what you paid for it anyway so if it's not totally necessary to get the money from it, why not just hold on to it until you are sure?

I don't know your specifics but if the reason you don't wear it is you think it's too fancy for everyday wear or it doesn't work with your job for some reason, those circumstances can change. You did say you're sure you won't wear it if your marriage ends but you could always have it modified into something you would wear.

 

[monarch64]

I find pros and cons lists really helpful when it comes to decisions like these (including relationships). I think you're at an impasse here because you don't HAVE to sell it. It's a tough choice to make when it isn't absolutely necessary to do something. I didn't sell my engagement ring from my first marriage until I was in a pinch financially--I loved that ring and even wore it on my right hand for a few months after the marriage ended. But I loved it not because it was a dream stone. I loved it because it was flashy and it garnered a lot of attention and compliments. I had to get very REAL with myself about why I felt sad about selling it. And when I did that and was able to honestly admit why I loved it (because let's face it, it was just a pretty rock like they all are) I had an easier time with letting it go.

Diamonds and other customizable items like cars or decorating are things that can make us feel really good and in control when other things in our lives are making us unhappy. Most people have some vices that distract them from the bad feelings they don't want to deal with. I guess what I'm saying is that it's not really about the rings. It's about having to deal with real issues and letting go of the distraction that allowed us to keep from dealing with them in the first place. What would you do if you sold the ring(s)? Would you find something else to distract you or is this the point when you face the marital issues and whatever else you are avoiding? I don't think you're ready to sell yet. If you were you would've already done so. Thanks for coming to my TED talk!

 

[caf]

I put mine away for 12+ years after the divorce. Thought hard about getting rid of it. I’m glad I kept it. Love the diamond again. Now I’m resetting it into a 3 stone ring which I’ll wear on my left or right hand. Eventually will give to DD.
But with yours, if you never wear it now, do you think you’ll ever wear it?

 

[PintoBean]

I know you. (Lo pan those eyeballs!). When you're in, you're IN. When you waffle, it is a Big fat N-O!

So NO to keeping it.

 

[Calliecake]

Ame, I hope whatever you decide about the ring and the marriage brings you peace and happiness. If you want to make the marriage work and the ring is a source of conflict, why would you want to keep it? Does the ring give you joy? From what you have said, it doesn’t sound like the ring means that much to you. Do you think you will enjoy wearing the ring a few years from now? If not, why keep it?

There will always be another diamond.

 

[chrono]

If you aren't strapped for cash, you don't have to make the decision now.

 

[lyra]

You haven't been happy with your rings for a long time, if I'm remembering correctly. (If not, sorry!) I say sell it/them. You have bad associations with them from losing your original. Yes, your diamond is special, but so are a lot of other ones, in different ways. I think this is a symbolic thing for you, and that you need to let it all go. You might regret it, but I strongly doubt that. If you ever want to start over, you could do so with a fresh slate. Mind clean matters. Take care.

 

[ame]

I know you. (Lo pan those eyeballs!). When you're in, you're IN. When you waffle, it is a Big fat N-O!

So NO to keeping it.

This one has fire, too!

You haven't been happy with your rings for a long time, if I'm remembering correctly. (If not, sorry!) I say sell it/them. You have bad associations with them from losing your original. Yes, your diamond is special, but so are a lot of other ones, in different ways. I think this is a symbolic thing for you, and that you need to let it all go. You might regret it, but I strongly doubt that. If you ever want to start over, you could do so with a fresh slate. Mind clean matters. Take care.

I am still pissed about the original stone. THAT stone meant something to me. But actually I love my current set, esp the stone. I just never wear any of it and I feel like why keep this thing that I never wear, pay a shitload of insurance on it every year, and just...HAVE it when that's many thousands I could have accruing interest? I just wear none of my jewelry. I just can't "function" with it on, I don't feel like I can hold things or carry things or DO anything because I want to be able to just get into whatever is going on and they get in the way--damage or loss or whatever.

 

[partgypsy]

Would you wear a "less precious" ring? A ring you are not afraid of damaging or having to pay insurance? Or do you just not wear rings anymore? Regardless, doesn't sound like you wear This Ring anymore. so, might as well sell. Just realize you will not recoup your money.
Is there resentment in the marriage for spending a lot of money on the ring? I realize every couple has to get to a point of "fairness" about spending. If you are doing this to be more "fair" about spending, hopefully all spending is taken into account, not just jewelry, but joint purchases as well as traditional boys and their toys type purchases...