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"Congrats! So have you set a date?"

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jackieomy

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 25, 2006
Messages
36
Me: We got engaged (insert day here) !
Them: Ooh! That''s great! Letmeseetheringdidyousetadate?!?!

Is it just me, or is it ok to want to take a few weeks to breathe and just enjoy the newness of the engagement. I''m loving the fact that I get to research ring settings to get our diamond set and oogle over bridal porn, but we''re not ready to set a date for a bit.

How long did you wait? What did you say to people?
 

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eleguin

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2006
Messages
246
My fiance and I got engaged in May and we set our date in September, so there was a 4 month lag. We delayed setting a date because I was studying for the bar all summer and didn''t have any time to search for a wedding venue. It is nice to just spend some time enjoying engaged life. But people will always ask questions like that ("when''s the wedding?"). It''s pretty normal for them to ask, I ask that myself when others get engaged, so don''t let it bother you or rush you. I know couples who got engaged over a year ago and still haven''t set the date.
 

Jaders731

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 12, 2006
Messages
527
Oh goodness.. that is too funny...

That exact same thing happened to us when we got engaged.. I wanted to pull my hair out... I finally stopped exclaiming "We''re getting marreid!!" and just started saying "We''re engaged"... it helped a little bit.. but not completely. My fiance told me everyone asked when, because I specifically said "we''re getting married".. eh.. I dunno... I thought that saying "we''re engaged" and "we''re gettin married" were synonomous..

We set the date about 2 weeks later... we knew we didnt want a long engagement. My suggestion (which worked for us!) is tell everyone you plan to have a date set by a certain date... for example... We got engaged July 26th... we told everyone that we would have a date and location set by Sept. 1. We asked family to just wait for info.. and most of them followed that... (except my mom.. she had wedding on the brain constantly...) Fortunately.. most everyone listened.. and we were able to dream up what we wanted comfortably without pressure... and did it in two weeks instead of four.

Hope that helps!!

Congrats on the engagement...
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2006
Messages
3,867
Take ALL the time you need! They''re just asking because 1) it''s expected and 2) they''re interested. Focus on picking out your dream ring and enjoying the glow! You can say "we''re still basking in the glow of engagement right now... we haven''t had a chance to set a date yet."

I think it took me about two weeks to get my ring and about two weeks after that to set a date, but the challenge for me was picking a location, as in which state??? Once I did that, FI and I were able to decide on the season, then narrow it down to a few dates and then pick the best one. In actuality, that part was pretty quick, but it felt long and drawn out to us. Everyone else was surprised we did it so quickly, even though they''d been asking since day 1.

And I''m guilty of this myself... One of my college friends got engaged on Sunday. I got the email Sunday night. I shot back a "CONGRATS!!!!" and then a "When''s the wedding?" but followed by a "not that you have to decide right now..." I am honestly hoping it isn''t too close to my wedding so that I can actually go, but she doesn''t need to hurry up her plans just for me! It was just a gut instinct to ask. And then I kicked myself for it!
 

jackieomy

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 25, 2006
Messages
36
Ooh, I like the basking in the glow thing. This next semester is brutal for me: I''m teaching a new course at the college, with new syllabus/lesson plans/everything, plus taking a class and working full time. I''m wanting to wait until I get my head around it before jumping into full-blown wedding planning.


Basking in the glow is much more blissful than "I''m super stressed and don''t want more stress just yet."
 

njc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 10, 2004
Messages
1,997
We were enaged the begining of December and didnt pick a date until towards the end of January. When people would ask, I said we were waiting until after the holidays to figure everything out, which was true. Its hard enough getting through the holidays much less planning a wedding at the same time! And I agree with the others... take as much time as you need!

Funny aside - one of my fav comments I got through the holidays as we told people was, "So what did he get you for Christmas?" Gee, I dont know... maybe an engagement ring?!
 

jcrow

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
7,395
i just would reply "oh, some time next year." and i''d follow with, "i hear it takes a year to plan a wedding." i left it real vague.
 

Jas12

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 16, 2006
Messages
2,330
I took around 6 months to set the date officially!! (and I also changed the date on everyone-haha) I found all the asking pretty annoying, so I make sure not to do it to other ''newly-engaged''. Don''t feel pressured, enjoy your time, and plan at your own pace, it will be more enjoyable. I found it helped to just come up with a scripted answer like " we''re looking at venue options right now, and when we choose a location, we''ll choose at date (smile)"


On the other (left) hand....I do love the "letmeseeyourring" question. I think us PS''s have pretty nice diamonds and by and large enjoy the attention associated with glittery things :)
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
We took months to settle on a date too! My response was: It''s in negotiations!
 

labbielove

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2006
Messages
862
I feel your pain.
Same thing happened to us.
We got engaged June 25 and set in September (for the following Sept.)

I think people mean well, and don''t realize you have 1000 folks asking the same thing.
But get prepared-
now that we''ve answered the "when are you getting engaged"
and now "when''s the date"
i am sure the "when''s the kids" will follow shortly after the wedding.

i think it''s the mentality that you need to be married and have kids to have a full life,
so it does come from a place of caring, or just morbid curiosity!

hang in there, and take your time.
engagement is meant to be enjoyed, :)
 

jackieomy

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 25, 2006
Messages
36
My FBIL(!), his pregnant wife and their son just left this morning, and FBIL said something along the lines of, "You better hurry, otherwise you won't be able to catch up, unless you have triplets."

My reply: I'm not THAT competetive!

So, the kids thing has already begun. I'm going to be 30 in April, and while I'm not going to wait a decade to start our family, I figure I can at least wait until after the wedding!

And for the letmeseethering comments, I don't have my engagement ring, yet. I was holding our heirloom diamond hostage in my safe deposit box, and S. figured the bank wouldn't let him in even if he stole my i.d., managed to find the key and dressed in drag.

Now that we have the stone in our possession, I'm picking out settings, and hopefully will have a beautiful ring to show off soon!
 

appletini

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 29, 2004
Messages
2,696
Yeah I dont know why people ask if you have a date as soon as the ring is on your finger. I got engaged 12/14/05 in the middle of the week so the next morning at work everyone was asking if we had set a date. I told them that it was impossible to plan an entire wedding in the 12 hour span of 7pm to 7am. But actually and this was good to put off the work people so there wouldn''t be hurt feelings, we told everyone we were going to wait until after the holidays to set a date so that we could enjoy being engaged and spending time with our families, but actually I had some tentative dates set about a week later and after two weeks an official date.
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
I think people ask that because they just assume that if you are engaged then you have already started planning everything about the wedding. Sort of a silly assumption, but that''s what I''ve noticed. DH and I set our date before we got engaged, so it wasn''t that big of a deal and I could just rattle off the date when I was asked. When my friends got engaged I asked after a couple of weeks but that was more for planning on my part because I wanted some idea of when the wedding would be so that I could be sure I was around for it.

*M*
 

Scooba

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 10, 2006
Messages
431
I think people are curious and they are just trying to be interested in what you are excited about...there is nothing wrong with this question, wouldn''t you ask someone who was announcing their engagement and showing off their ring? And the next question would probably be where is the wedding, and then have you picked your dress...

We got engaged in May of this year, immediately decided the wedding would be summer 07 and most likely in July, and I was hoping for 7/7/07 and that''s what we told everyone. We are having a DW so I did a month of research and we took a scouting trip and when we got back I did more research, we didn''t actually have a confirmed date until September.

I do think right after you get engaged you should atleast decide the year and the season of the wedding and that''s what you tell people who ask.
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
20,010
You mean not everyone sets their date before they even have the proposal?
I obviously did NOT have that problem since we had been dating so long and I knew it was coming so we decided on Aug 2006 before I even had the ring. People might think that is strange but DH knew about it. It wasn''t like I was keeping anything from him. Plus I am a planner. I cannot help it! Just tell them you haven''t set it yet.
 

larussel03

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 22, 2005
Messages
1,747
I think for alot of people, setting the date happens when the pick the reception hall or church. That's how it happened for me, and for my best friend as well. We didn't come up with a date first, we worked backwards determining when would be good times (we had to plan around his school b/c he's in a PhD program), what was available and when.

I think people ask naturally because they're curious and excited for you. I know I'm guilty of asking, but I usually ask "have you set the date?"
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Like Tacori, we set the date first. We did this because of logistics. Then got formally engaged 2 months later. But we told everyone as soon as we set the date., so the question I got was "Are you getting a ring?"


If someone gets engaged, I know they hate that question, so maybe I''ll ask "Do you know what season you''d like to get married?" They always have an answer for that one and it gives me an idea of when they might get married.
 

Rosebud8506

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 10, 2006
Messages
665
Date: 11/28/2006 8:45:47 AM
Author:jackieomy
Me: We got engaged (insert day here) !
Them: Ooh! That''s great! Letmeseetheringdidyousetadate?!?!

Is it just me, or is it ok to want to take a few weeks to breathe and just enjoy the newness of the engagement. I''m loving the fact that I get to research ring settings to get our diamond set and oogle over bridal porn, but we''re not ready to set a date for a bit.

How long did you wait? What did you say to people?
This is funny... I got engaged on a Sunday and was back to work on that Monday - I had less than 24 hrs and i was being asked if we set a date yet... I was thinking to myself... can I enjoy this for a little bit before people are asking me what the date is?! lol... I just told them we were thinking of the summertime.

We did narrow it down within a few weeks afterwards, because as someone said above, it does take at least a year minimum to plan a wedding with the "works".
 

anchor31

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
7,074
I think everyone gets that! Within 24 hours of the engagement, I think we got asked half a dozen times. Take your time, it took us almost two months to set a date. Then again, we''re having a 26 months engagement (
) so we weren''t in a hurry.
 

jackieomy

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 25, 2006
Messages
36
I''m not offended when people ask "have you set a date," I just hate telling them "I don''t know." Thanks for all the suggestions on how to answer the question.

I was back at work less than an HOUR after I got engaged. And I got the "did you set a date?" question!

I totally understand people wanting to know so they can make plans -- two of my best girlfriends asked to know as soon as we decided so they could make sure they''ll be able to attend. I''m completely fine with that -- I even asked them what times of year were dealbreakers for them.

I wasn''t expecting a proposal until after the holidays, and I''ve really not been thinking about what we want for our wedding. To marry in Colorado during anytime but the summer means being willing to deal with snow -- and we haven''t really figured out what we''re wanting for our day.

It''s nice to dream about it, but I''m not really ready to share with all our friends, especially since our thoughts aren''t even clear yet.
 

galeteia

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 9, 2006
Messages
1,794
Luckily I''ll be able to say ''after we''re done school''. I imagine most people will accept this answer, since trying to plan a weddding if you are a student is madness. Not to mention the financial issues that would entail...

Of course, between us we have 7 years of school ahead, so that should give us plenty of time to pick a date of our choosing. We may get married between the end of his degree and the start of mine.
 

jackieomy

Rough_Rock
Joined
Nov 25, 2006
Messages
36
I''m an adjunct professor AND a student, so lots of madness. Most at work don''t really know about school life, so it''s like another surprise for them.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 12, 2005
Messages
17,744
Hehee, I was VERY laid back as a bride-to-be and my DH kept getting after me those first few weeks about setting a date....we had gotten engaged in mid-Dec. and after the holidays I was just ready to laze about, yanno? So after a few weeks, he was like "when are we going to get this ball rolling?" which is funny because of course I had been the one who was telling him I had a timeline of getting engaged, etc.


I think we set several dates. The first was a tentative, kind of "well if we can get this date we''d love to have it here" sort of thing. Then we looked at a few more locations and the first date we''d set was blown out of the water...I''d venture to say it took us a good 3 months to actually set a date because we (I) found the ceremony site of our dreams. (My family is from 5 hrs. south, his was all from here by Chicago...to the dismay of my parents we chose a location in the near west burbs!)

I have to say I really enjoyed all the "letmeseetheringwhereareyougettingmarried" questions. Even if I didn''t have an exact answer, I certainly reveled in the fact that people were interested and wondering what our celebration would be like after they saw "THE RING."


My advice is honestly, to let yourself enjoy the moment, don''t worry about setting a date because everyone expects it, and again, ENJOY! I HATE being rushed, in any situation, and find that when I am least rushed and have more time to develop things in my own mind, they turn out much better.
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
11,016
Tacori, I am like you! A total planner, and I knew that I wanted to get married at this one stunning hotel in L.A. that books up very fast. I wanted a late summer wedding, and even then, with 8 plus months notice I had to take a Sunday night, which was not my first choice. We booked the place because I knew we were getting engaged shortly (this was December of the year before) and though I did not have the ring on my finger we knew we were getting married. I did not want to have a really long engagement because I knew I would have everything done and then I would be waiting around and second guessing myself. I did not want to lose the Sunday, even though I prefered a Saturday, because then I was looking at at least another year on top of my time frame. So, I knew where and when we were getting married before he proposed formally and I had the ring on my finger. He also started planning the honeymoon because he too is a planner, so we were able to answer the when and where question really quickly once we announced we were engaged. People even got some honeymoon details too!

I think, like it has been mentioned, there are assumptions when engagement announcements are made. RIng? Where and when? People just figure that is part of the engagment, when really often, someone proposes and the couple sort of mulls over ideas...and then starts to make the phone calls and arrangements start to unfold...hopefully it won''t get too annoying and you will figure out an answer that satisfies everyone!
 

Larissa

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 20, 2006
Messages
276
It doesn''t end...seriously.

When you''re dating for a long time it''s "when are you going to get engaged/married?"

When you get engaged it''s "when is the date?"

When you get married it''s "when are you having children?"

When you have a child it''s "when are you having a second child?"

There is no such thing as breathing time.
 
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