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Comment left on my cousin’s online obituary - your thoughts???

SallyB

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
313
My cousin passed away recently. Immediate family posted an online obit and several people left comments below it. What do you make of this comment? (I’m leaving out name and place of employment):

”I worked for ____ at ____ many years ago. As a boss she was just swell. I’m sure her family will miss her.”
 

Demon

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 16, 2009
Messages
907
Hard to tell. They could just be bad at expressing themselves, or it could be a snarky comment...
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
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Feb 2, 2016
Messages
6,193
Some people have a strange way of wording things but don't mean any harm, maybe this person is one of those people, impossible to tell.

We had someone (MIL's best friend) leave a scathing disrespectful comment on my MIL online obituary. It was so bad we had the funeral home delete it.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jun 8, 2008
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34,861
My cousin passed away recently. Immediate family posted an online obit and several people left comments below it. What do you make of this comment? (I’m leaving out name and place of employment):

”I worked for ____ at ____ many years ago. As a boss she was just swell. I’m sure her family will miss her.”
The fact that she went to your cousin's funeral makes me think she meant just that. Your cousin was a good boss to her and she was well liked and that her family will miss her. I do not read any sarcasm into that comment at all.

I am very sorry for your and your family's loss @SallyB
 

Karl_K

Ideal_Rock
Trade
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Aug 4, 2008
Messages
9,746
Sorry for your loss.
I dont see anything wrong with the comment.
That someone who worked for her years ago would comment at all is amazing.
 

Elizabeth35

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 24, 2011
Messages
411
Just like texts, sometimes written comments are devoid of emotion and potentially misleading as far as intent.
As my Mom said---don't take offense where none is intended. In other words, don't over think. Assume good intentions and let it go.
 

OdetteOdile

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2019
Messages
801
I am sorry to hear about your cousin Sally. Many people are awkward when expressing themselves when someone has passed away. I think this comment was made with kindness only.
 

SallyB

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
313
The fact that she went to your cousin's funeral makes me think she meant just that. Your cousin was a good boss to her and she was well liked and that her family will miss her. I do not read any sarcasm into that comment at all.

I am very sorry for your and your family's loss @SallyB
Unfortunately there wasn’t a funeral due to COVID. So this person must’ve been scanning the obits and saw it and decided to post.

Thanks for your condolences!
 

TheGarnetGirl

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 13, 2018
Messages
1,177
I honestly didnt even realize it could be taken sarcastically at first and for the first few minutes was wondering how you could have gotten a different message out of it.

Because of anonymity, if that person wanted to say something nasty about her I guarantee she/he would have under a fake profile/name.

I truly think they meant it kindly and didnt have many other things to say.

I guess I would only question thsi comment if I knew my cousin wasnt the nicest person but I'm sure thats not the case.

Sorry for your loss and I'm sending prayers to your family!
 

AGBF

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jan 26, 2003
Messages
21,351
Like most other people, I have assumed no offense was intended. If you want to ask someone for an opinion, ask someone where she worked. People where she worked would know if this person had a grudge against her (in which case you could have the comment deleted) or was someone friendly with her as we have been assuming.

I, also, am sorry for your loss.
 

doberman

Brilliant_Rock
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Mar 2, 2012
Messages
1,733
Assume the best intentions here. I doubt that she was being mean with her comment, she just phrased it awkwardly.
 

tyty333

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Dec 17, 2008
Messages
21,845
I think the poster meant well. Some people are very awkward when it comes to saying something fitting when someone has passed. I wouldnt
read too much into it.

My condolences to you and your family SallyB.
 

lyra

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 13, 2007
Messages
4,981
As I said on another thread today, I never try to read between the lines. I would first assume only kind thoughts.

I'm sorry for your loss.
 

1ofakind

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 22, 2012
Messages
781
I would not read any offense into that comment. As others have said, some people are not as good as expressing themselves. If uncertain, it is my practice to extend grace and assume the best. It makes for a much more peaceful life.

I am sorry for your loss.
 

Queenie60

Ideal_Rock
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Sep 15, 2014
Messages
4,415
I’m sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. Sometimes people don’t know how to say what they mean in a clear and precise way. Doesn’t appear to be anything but good intensions.
 

OreoRosies86

Ideal_Rock
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Dec 25, 2012
Messages
3,143
I think it’s probably a little awkward but not malicious. I am sorry for your loss!
 

Bayek

Ideal_Rock
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May 11, 2013
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6,941
Everything seems fine.. She wrote as she speaks and I do that to my own detriment. She thought your cousin was a good boss and she's sure your family will miss your cousin.
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
20,688
I’m very sorry for your loss @SallyB :(sad

I’m also very sorry for how this pandemic has intruded on your humanity. That people aren’t able to grieve for loved ones together with peace of mind is such a terrible thing.

::Wishing you peace and healing::
 

Daisys and Diamonds

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
4,411
oh Sally my condolences to your family
and im sorry because of covid you couldn't have a funneral service

i too did not read the comment in a negative lite
often its hard to think of something appropriate to say at sad times like this

personally if it was someone i didn't like or get along with especially in the workplace, i would say nothing

i would hope this person was genuine and honestly ment to cause you no worry or harm
 

anne_h

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 13, 2005
Messages
1,011
I feel it's worded a little awkwardly for the context, but I agree with many of the others that I don't read any negative intentions in there.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. :(

Anne
 

SallyB

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
313
Thanks for your nice thoughts and condolences for my cousin everyone. We were close. I think most of you are right, I probably read too much into this one comment. She was a good person who got along with everyone and she went out of her way to help people.
 

qubitasaurus

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 18, 2014
Messages
1,144
I can see how it reads a little like there was a hidden imputed message. But I think it was an accident. I agree with others above, if she wanted to say something malicious she would have said it much more directly (since it is all anonymous anyway). This is so subtle it took a few minutes to pick up on the double meaning. Most likely she was just so shocked when she saw the news (if she was scanning obits then it could have come as a shock) that she tried to write something heartfelt but didnt have the words.

I just heard someone I know has died very unexpectedly. He was a good man. It is a very hollow feeling and I still dont know how to put words to it. Most likely she just stared at the obit and felt awful, and wrote something less than stellar in response.
 
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