Cliques

[Autumnovember]

Curious as to what everyone thinks regarding cliques.

Are there obvious cliques on PS?

Do you think you're part of one?

Do you think that "newer" PSer's aren't taken as seriously as some of the older PSer's?

 

[monarch64]

I'll bite.

I think the word "clique" has a negative connotation, but I understand the actual meaning behind it so I am not at all offended by it.

I think that it is obvious that within PS, there are certain folks of like minds and life circumstances who gravitate towards each other, yes. So in that regard I do think there are "cliques." I don't think there are necessarily Sharks and Jets types of cliques where you have a few individuals who try to run the show. Sometimes I do see threads in which the same people have the same arguments for or against ideas and I guess that could be construed as "clique" behavior, but I don't really think it's intended as such. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Do I think I'm in a clique? Nah. There are definitely a few people with whom I agree on a lot of points or who share the same mindset on certain issues, and we maybe tend to notice and post in the same threads, but doesn't that just make us likeminded?

New PSr's not being taken as seriously: sure. When I joined back in 2005 and started posting, there were a couple of responses to posts I made in which people made it kind of clear to me that I had made a faux pas. And yes, I can remember their names. No, I did not hold a grudge or take offense. It was a learning experience and I respect those posters to this day.

It's sort of a tight knit community here. I think there is some level of having to prove yourself somewhat when you start posting. I think that regulars want to figure out quickly who is here to gain knowledge but isn't interested in staying long term, who is here to stir the pot, who is here to dump their troubles on everyone, suck up advice, not take it, and leave, and who is here to actually contribute to the community in positive ways for the most part. Kind of human nature, if you ask me.

 

[Autumnovember]

I'll bite.

I think the word "clique" has a negative connotation, but I understand the actual meaning behind it so I am not at all offended by it.

I think that it is obvious that within PS, there are certain folks of like minds and life circumstances who gravitate towards each other, yes. So in that regard I do think there are "cliques." I don't think there are necessarily Sharks and Jets types of cliques where you have a few individuals who try to run the show. Sometimes I do see threads in which the same people have the same arguments for or against ideas and I guess that could be construed as "clique" behavior, but I don't really think it's intended as such. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Do I think I'm in a clique? Nah. There are definitely a few people with whom I agree on a lot of points or who share the same mindset on certain issues, and we maybe tend to notice and post in the same threads, but doesn't that just make us likeminded?

New PSr's not being taken as seriously: sure. When I joined back in 2005 and started posting, there were a couple of responses to posts I made in which people made it kind of clear to me that I had made a faux pas. And yes, I can remember their names. No, I did not hold a grudge or take offense. It was a learning experience and I respect those posters to this day.

It's sort of a tight knit community here. I think there is some level of having to prove yourself somewhat when you start posting. I think that regulars want to figure out quickly who is here to gain knowledge but isn't interested in staying long term, who is here to stir the pot, who is here to dump their troubles on everyone, suck up advice, not take it, and leave, and who is here to actually contribute to the community in positive ways for the most part. Kind of human nature, if you ask me.

Great response Monarch, thank you!!

 

[Tuckins1]

Yes, I do think there are "cliques" here- but I don't think that they are exclusive, or that they purposely exclude others. (Like the snotty girls from high school) I don't think i'm in a clique. I just don't really get too personal, and try not to get wrapped up in other people's business. I'm a pretty private person, with a small group of close friends. I'm not really into the "clique" mentality.

 

[zoebartlett]

Like in everything, I think PS is a place where some people's views are very similar and they tend to gravitate to each other. Just like in real life -- you click with some people but maybe not everyone. I don't see it as a negative -- just how things are.

I'm not part of a clique here. I may not agree with some people's points of view in one thread, but then in another thread, I could see eye to eye with him or her.

As far as whether new posters are taken as seriously as those who've been here a while -- I'm not sure actually.

 

[doodle]

I think there's a definite group of people who have been on here since the dawn of PS and have their own inside jokes and shared history and whatnot, which I admit has made me feel left out before, but I certainly don't think that anyone on here specifically acts in a way intended to exclude some people. As for myself being in any PS clique, I'm guilty of not posting nearly as often as I lurk, so I don't actively participate often enough to fall into any particular group. I post so infrequently that there are few people on here who would notice if I stopped posting altogether, which is something I'm definitely trying to work on as I really love the PS community!

 

[risingsun]

Curious as to what everyone thinks regarding cliques.

Are there obvious cliques on PS?

Do you think you're part of one?

Do you think that "newer" PSer's aren't taken as seriously as some of the older PSer's?

I think that monnie gave you a very good answer. Now I would like to turn the question back to you. What caused you to open this topic? Do you think that there are cliques on PS? Are they obvious? How do they affect you? If newer PSers aren't taken as seriously as long-term members, why would this be? I am asking because you started the topic. I imagine that you have some thoughts of your own on the subject. Thank you.

 

[monarch64]

I think there's a definite group of people who have been on here since the dawn of PS and have their own inside jokes and shared history and whatnot, which I admit has made me feel left out before, but I certainly don't think that anyone on here specifically acts in a way intended to exclude some people. As for myself being in any PS clique, I'm guilty of not posting nearly as often as I lurk, so I don't actively participate often enough to fall into any particular group. I post so infrequently that there are few people on here who would notice if I stopped posting altogether, which is something I'm definitely trying to work on as I really love the PS community!

Umm...I always read your posts, Doodle. Don't ever stop posting--your words are always sound and very often hilarious! I get what you mean about shared history and inside jokes from the original members, and I will also admit that at times that has led to a little bit of yearning within myself to have been part of that. I should probably make a point of responding more myself sometimes, but in many instances I feel like people have already made the best points or the ones I would've made, anyway, and I don't want to be redundant or just add a "ditto."

 

[Kaleigh]

Monarch said it well as always.

I don't consider myself to be part of a clique. I have been here for a long time, 6 years come November. People know me, they know when I say something it comes from the heart, from a good place. If people back me up when I say something, it's because they know where I am coming from. Not a clique mentality at all...

I know what it's like to be a newbie. I try to welcome new members and make them feel welcome and at ease.

When I joined, it seemd like I was invisible. And some members irked me more than anything..

Funny thing?? Those people that irked me , are the ones that I learned the most from. Funny how that works...

I was very naive when I joined, never had been on a forum before. I will say, you make of it what you will...

 

[princesss]

Monnie hit the nail on the head for me.


There are several posters that I feel like I follow around "ditto"ing, and a few PSers I am quite close to, but it's hardly an exclusive group, which is what I tend to think of when I think about cliques. Like the Mommies have a lot in common and are closer to each other than they are to most of the non-Mommies. It's hardly exclusive (have a baby? You can join too!), but I think they have a bond that goes beyond what most PSers have. I'd hesisitate to ever label that in a way the could be construed negatively, because I think it's part of the magic of PS - we develop those relationships and do get close to one another. It's wonderful.

I also do think that newer posters have to prove themselves a little bit more. But the ones that stick around generally find it doesn't take long to break through the newbie wall, and people are very friendly. There are times when the unspoken rules of PS are broken, and as Monnie said, people point out the faux pas that's been made. I've been on the receiving end of those posts, and while it's not fun, I respect the posters that stepped up and told me that my foot was firmly inserted in my mouth, and perhaps I should pull it out.

 

[Autumnovember]

Curious as to what everyone thinks regarding cliques.

Are there obvious cliques on PS?

Do you think you're part of one?

Do you think that "newer" PSer's aren't taken as seriously as some of the older PSer's?

I think that monnie gave you a very good answer. Now I would like to turn the question back to you. What caused you to open this topic? Do you think that there are cliques on PS? Are they obvious? How do they affect you? If newer PSers aren't taken as seriously as long-term members, why would this be? I am asking because you started the topic. I imagine that you have some thoughts of your own on the subject. Thank you.

Agreed, she answered perfectly.

A forum I used to frequent often had VERY distinct 'cliques'. It was different than the ones here though, because they were very "mean girls" kind of cliques. I stopped posting there as a result. I opened this topic because someone mentioned something about PS getting very "cliquey" but I never took notice to that here. Ever since reading that particular thread, I've been trying to pay more attention to it to see if I can pick up on anything. While I think there are 'cliques' to an extent, Monarch put it perfectly...its more about peoples similar views on various topics. They don't really affect me much but there have been times where I didn't understand something because it was an inside joke. Sure, I felt a little left out but nothing serious and nothing to the extent that would make me stop coming here.

I don't think new PSer's are taken as seriously as much as long term members are. I have no idea why. I still don't feel like I'm taken seriously. As Monarch has pointed out, I *do* feel like I have to prove myself. I have noticed that when I add my two cents to a thread, a lot of times it goes unnoticed. I'm not really bothered by it, but it is definitely something that I've noticed.

Also...just to add, I really love PS. Truly. While I may not agree with what everyone says, and I *do* feel invisible at times, PS has really given me the ability to try to look at everything from various perspectives. Perspectives that I would have never thought of on my own.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I definitely think some of the older PSers are taken more seriously than some of the new ones... but I also think that some of the old PSers aren't taken that seriously and some of the new ones rise pretty quickly. Basically, I don't think tenure has much to do with it - though time is always a teacher and of course bonds are bonds and time strengthens those too.

I do think there are some cliques, but I know I am not in one. I'm too off the beaten path - too odd and unconventional I think. But if I were in a clique I want to be in a clique with kenny and danny because I think I'd be most comfortable there even if we technically have less in common.

I think the strongest clique is one you might not even see here... there was a huge rash of babies (haha punny) and a lot of women bonded off the boards and what you see here is the tip of the iceberg in their relationships... they're tight so of course in a way that's a clique. I think that anywhere you have a group of people who have MET there are stronger bonds and that can seem like a clique. I also think that sometimes people who genuinely have no off board relationship just think a lot alike or have such similar taste and values sometimes I have trouble telling them apart and it doesn't surprise me one bit when they team up or just get along fabulously.

There's no one group since the dawn of PS - it's more just experiences and stories that come from many different times but all happened before now. That thread before PS2 is already legend and someday it will be the stuff newbs taunt the current semi-newbs about "It's not fair, we weren't here then" but you'll just nod and smile and remember back in the day which wasn't really back in the inception, but just not recently. There are connections here that newer people won't know about, I know for one that I'm pretty glad that a lot of the people around today weren't around when I was having my ring made! lol

 

[FrekeChild]

I'm totally in a few cliques...

Super Ideal Rock clique.
LIW clique of 2008.
BIW clique of 2009.
ATW Liberal clique of election year 2008.
Colored Stones clique.

And probably more that I'm just not aware of, and able to give a name to.

And no, I don't think newbs get as much respect/aren't taken as seriously as old PSers. Once you're around for a longer time, people know more about you, and have an idea of your personality/thoughts/opinions/knowledge base. Monnie summed it all up very well.

 

[Kaleigh]

Newbies aren't taken as seriously but climb up the ranks quickly if they get it and have done their research... Making thoughtful posts helps. I love someone who takes the time to get how things work .

 

[kenny]

I'm in the butthead clique.

 

[Sabine]

I agree with what others have said and just wanted to add that it's even more apparent on the other sub-forums. They are specially created for important periods throughout your lifetime...waiting to get engaged, planning your wedding, ttc, being pregnant, having a newborn or older child, etc. It's only natural that going through these momentous occasions WITH people will bring you together. There are some ladies I've planned weddings with, ttc with, and had babies with, so I can say that some of them know more intimate details of those parts of my life than my irl friends! It certainly forms a bond!

 

[Cehrabehra]

I'm in the butthead clique.

oh great - the one clique I want to join and you go and name it that! lol

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I think PS as a whole might seem like a large clique to an outsider: there is a "core" group of posters in each board that is very well respected, the level of knowledge is quite high, our main subject and our level of interest in it isn't that mainstream. I can see how this can be intimidating to a newbie.

Like any internet forum or even in real life, a newcomer has to establish themselves and this does take a little time and a certain number of posts. Like meeting someone new, everyone has to understand who that person is, what they are interested in and their level of knowledge and interest. For example, when a new poster (a tradesperson to boot) mentions that blue topaz is generally treated to get that colour as though that was something few people in the CS forum would know, I feel that that poster has read few threads at all and hasn't quite comprehended the spirit of the forum. It came across as condencending and off putting.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I think there are informal cliques (but not in a negative way) formed through our subforums. For instance, I rarely interact with the people in the Mommies thread since we're at different places in our lives, but I do interact frequently with those in CS. There are some posters that have the same interests as I do, so I feel like I'm closer to some than others. However, I don't think there are really cliques in the negative, exclusionary sense.

For the most part, I think many of us, especially those who intend to stick around, realize what a great opportunity it is to have this kind of forum where we can talk about jewelry, gems, and various miscellaneous topics, and we all try to keep the forum as collegial and welcoming as possible.

I've been on here for two years now - not a newbie but far from an oldtimer - but I remember what it was like to be new and be a little ignored, and I think most of us have been there as well.

 

[doodle]

Aw, Monnie, that actually made me tear up a bit. I've had one of those weeks, and your kind words put a huge smile on my face, so thanks for that!

Freke, your list made me laugh. I immediately think of shoes when I think of you, and while there are a number of shoe-obsessed chicas on here, you are the president, the empress, and the queen of the shoebies!

 

[Nashville]

I don't think I've been around long enough to notice, but of course any forum for the most part, people who have been around longer are going to hold more weight. I embrace that as just part of the whole forum culture.

I have to say, I've done my fair share of lurking though, and I really don't see anything too clique-y here at PS. Friendships/kindred spirits sure, but nothing even remotely hinting at intimidation or bullying. Other forums I posted on in the past, the clique thing made it very unappealing. Certain people in a group would target other members, jump all over what they said, mock them with "insider" jokes, even private message them. Passive aggressive catty nonsense. If that behavior occurred here I wouldn't even bother visiting.

 

[Haven]

If there are cliques here on PS I don't realize it. I am often surprised to learn that some posters are very close, but otherwise I don't notice cliques. And if I'm in a clique, I don't know it.

I didn't feel as if I needed to prove myself when I was a new poster, but it might be that I am just blissfully unaware of these things! However, I have always felt respected as a poster here on PS, which is why I've stuck around for so long.

 

[risingsun]

Curious as to what everyone thinks regarding cliques.

Are there obvious cliques on PS?

Do you think you're part of one?

Do you think that "newer" PSer's aren't taken as seriously as some of the older PSer's?

I think that monnie gave you a very good answer. Now I would like to turn the question back to you. What caused you to open this topic? Do you think that there are cliques on PS? Are they obvious? How do they affect you? If newer PSers aren't taken as seriously as long-term members, why would this be? I am asking because you started the topic. I imagine that you have some thoughts of your own on the subject. Thank you.

Agreed, she answered perfectly.

A forum I used to frequent often had VERY distinct 'cliques'. It was different than the ones here though, because they were very "mean girls" kind of cliques. I stopped posting there as a result. I opened this topic because someone mentioned something about PS getting very "cliquey" but I never took notice to that here. Ever since reading that particular thread, I've been trying to pay more attention to it to see if I can pick up on anything. While I think there are 'cliques' to an extent, Monarch put it perfectly...its more about peoples similar views on various topics. They don't really affect me much but there have been times where I didn't understand something because it was an inside joke. Sure, I felt a little left out but nothing serious and nothing to the extent that would make me stop coming here.

I don't think new PSer's are taken as seriously as much as long term members are. I have no idea why. I still don't feel like I'm taken seriously. As Monarch has pointed out, I *do* feel like I have to prove myself. I have noticed that when I add my two cents to a thread, a lot of times it goes unnoticed. I'm not really bothered by it, but it is definitely something that I've noticed.

Also...just to add, I really love PS. Truly. While I may not agree with what everyone says, and I *do* feel invisible at times, PS has really given me the ability to try to look at everything from various perspectives. Perspectives that I would have never thought of on my own.

I appreciate your answer to my questions, Autumnovember. I am not a member of any cliques, but there are people that I am drawn to after reading their responses for a number of years. We have experienced some newcomers joining the forum and stirring the pot. I think we, or at least I, need to take some time to feel comfortable about why a newcomer has joined PS. For the most part, I think we are a welcoming group and freely offer both advice and support to our members. I think it is different from the group, which you belonged to in the past. Just take your time and you will get to know us here

 

[Haven]

I don't think new PSer's are taken as seriously as much as long term members are. I have no idea why. I still don't feel like I'm taken seriously. As Monarch has pointed out, I *do* feel like I have to prove myself. I have noticed that when I add my two cents to a thread, a lot of times it goes unnoticed. I'm not really bothered by it, but it is definitely something that I've noticed.

That happens to me all the time, Autumnovember. I think it has less to do with being new and more to do with the fact that once a thread really gets rolling people tend to grab onto one strand of the conversation, so a lot of comments get lost in the shuffle.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

 

[kenny]

I think there are anti-cliques too.
I'm certainly in one.
I'm pretty sure I rub quite a few people the wrong way.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I'm totally in a few cliques...

Super Ideal Rock clique.
LIW clique of 2008.
BIW clique of 2009.
ATW Liberal clique of election year 2008.
Colored Stones clique.

And probably more that I'm just not aware of, and able to give a name to.

And no, I don't think newbs get as much respect/aren't taken as seriously as old PSers. Once you're around for a longer time, people know more about you, and have an idea of your personality/thoughts/opinions/knowledge base. Monnie summed it all up very well.

the Liberals ganged up on me. .. Freke,karen,Thing2 ,Moonwater and list goes on......

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I don't see any cliques here. It's only natural that people who have met at get-togethers would feel closer to each other than they feel to people they haven't met in person.

 

[elrohwen]

I think newer PSers aren't taken as "seriously" because the other members haven't had a chance to get to know them yet. It takes a while to figure out a new member and decide what you think about their posting style. I know I'm forgetful, so a new member has to be around for a while and post a bit before I really start to remember them from thread to thread and start to associate a personality with them. It's nothing against new posters - just an adjustment period that everybody goes through I think.

 

[Lauren8211]

I'm totally in a few cliques...

Super Ideal Rock clique.
LIW clique of 2008.
BIW clique of 2009.
ATW Liberal clique of election year 2008.
Colored Stones clique.

And probably more that I'm just not aware of, and able to give a name to.

And no, I don't think newbs get as much respect/aren't taken as seriously as old PSers. Once you're around for a longer time, people know more about you, and have an idea of your personality/thoughts/opinions/knowledge base. Monnie summed it all up very well.

I'm in 4/5 of those cliques! I feel so speshul!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Curious as to what everyone thinks regarding cliques.

Are there obvious cliques on PS?

Do you think you're part of one?

Do you think that "newer" PSer's aren't taken as seriously as some of the older PSer's?

I think cliques are natural. There are always going to be people you get along with or respect more than others. There are always going to be people at different stages of life. I do think I am part of one since I have been heavily involved in the F&H board since I was pregnant. There is a strong mommy bond (evident in real life as well). I sincerely enjoy watching other members who got married around the same time I did, start their families around the same time I did, and watch their children continue to grow and blossom. I feel like I "KNOW" these ladies and their beautiful children. I feel like they care about my child. Fellowship is a beautiful thing.

Many of us also have met in person. Sometimes people's words can be misunderstood but once you meet them, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Many of us have other connections off PS which also, IMHO, strengthens the friendships we form on here.

I don't know if newer PSers aren't taken seriously. I guess I never really thought about it. I for one do not look at someone's post count before I reply to a thread. I just share my gut and some people will respond positively and others negatively. I do know many of us feel invisible at one time or another. I think that is normal and it still shocks me that people read what I have to say.